Hitchcock's Birds - in real life!

What words might you associate with this picture?

Pretty, stoic, birdly, feathery?

Perhaps...

I call it EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of these little bastards attacked me today as I was walking by a creek.  It swooped down and hit me with feet or wing right on the top of my head.

It didn't hurt, but it shocked me - and those who know me, know that my reaction was not silent.

I let out a loud "FU@&" and expressed my dissatisfaction on my cell phone to the person with whom I was talking.

I was hung-over and all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep on the grass in the sunshine, but I couldn't do that with this evil little monster flying around!

This evening, I was able to identify the species of bird online and discovered that I am not alone in my experience.  Apparently, it is well documented that these are malicious birds and they like to defend their territory by swooping down on people often!

In other news, today was my last day at the ballet school I have been playing at in London.  It was a great part-time job to have this year, but I'm glad the year has come to an end.  I've long known that ballet-piano is not something that musicians can do for a long time without a certain embitterment and general disdain for the world; I'm finding that I'm getting close to my saturation point.  It's good to have it as a back-up or part-time job, but I will be happy to not have to play for dance classes next year in Vancouver.

I think I will still play for some exams because it is contract work and I've already learned the music, so the investment has already been made!  

Not to say that I can't still improve in my playing for dance classes, but I think I've learned about as much as there is to learn from ballet classes about the relationship of dance and music.  I am looking forward to exploring that relationship more through a creative process - working more with choreographers and professionals.

Life seems to be going pretty well these days.  The summer is already slipping by and surprise, surprise, I've done nothing.

I'm working, that's it.  The people at work are great and we're having lots of fun both in and out of the office.  The downside to that is that I'm spending a lot - too much money.

Part of me wants to be doing lots of great, worthwhile things this summer - reading books, listening to loads and loads of music and writing piece after piece so that I am really prepared to start a doctoral program next year.  The other, more powerful part of me, senses that after spending the last 7 of 8 years in university, I am about to embark on another 4 years - I need a little break.  I liken it to those weeks of summers growing up where there were no activities planned, your parents were working and you just had to amuse yourself - it was like recess all day long!

That's not to say that I'm completely wasting my time.  I'm still playing some piano, though the practicing has lessened.  I'm still learning the Scriabin piece as well as a Shostakovich Prelude and Fugue in B-Minor.  There are actually a lot of pianists at my office job, so it's fun to talk about piano rep and that kind of piano-nerd stuff.  

 

Diabetes control is pretty damn good.

I've been extra good about writing all the details of my infusion sets in my calendar book so that I keep a good record and can track patterns.  I've actually found more spots on my arm than I would ever have thought - half of them have had some trouble with pooling the insulin before absorption, but I am fine with using my insulin pen to avoid the BG jump.  I will use one more arm site and then I'll move to my lower back.

The life of an infusion set

Funding for insulin pump supplies is based on the perfect world assumption that an infusion set will last for 3 days, which is also the longest that one is recommended to wear a single infusion set.

I wish mine were lasting for that length.  So far, I have gotten an average of 2 days out of the first two sets.  After the 48 hour mark on my first Silhouette set, I had elevated sugars which would not come down.  I switched the set and it was better.  I remember moving in my sleep last night - I shifted to sleep on my right side, but that cause some discomfort on my right arm, where Silhouette #2 was placed.  When I woke up, there was no discomfort, but also no absorption - it had dislodged sometime during the night and my sugars were yucky in the morning.  That was just a few hours ago and I still feel like shit getting rid of ketones and waiting for my sugars to come down to a comfy level.  I'm about to take a shower and then I'll put in a new Quick Set in the front of my arm.  It's one of my few more muscular areas, but there's still some extra fat there...

Let's see how it goes!

Things are looking up!

The weather is beautiful and downtown is bustling with people!

I picked up my personal copy of my thesis today.  It looks so professional and perfectly bound and all that.  I am very happy with it.  Oh yes, did I mention I got it bound in orange!?!? I LOVE IT!

I'm sure you noticed, but I was getting very upset with my pump and infusion sets.  I actually called the pump companies tech support line; I was at the end of my rope and if they didn't have a good solution for me, I was ready to go out and buy a bottle of Lantus right after the phone call.

I didn't get either, really, but I got a supportive dose of reality and a wonderfully friendly voice at the other end of the line. 

I had asked my nurses and doctors what the problem was with things, but they had no answers.  One nurse said she'd look into it, but I never heard back. [I'm not impressed with Ontario's Health Care, yet again.]  When I explained my symptoms to the tech support nurse, she definitively told me that I must be shooting into scar tissue.  She was patient with me and explained it over and over again until I understood and let down my stubbornness enough to accept it.

She explained: the reason the new sites don't work is because the insulin doesn't work in that area and it take a while for it to pool enough to spill over into a new area that accepts the insulin; steel needles vs canulas will not make a difference; site rotation needs to be my main concern.  She suggested a plan that will maximize the time that areas of my body will have to heal before being injected into again.  

Rather than going back and forth between left and right like I have, stick with one side of the body for a month and a half - if I can find about 15 different spots (at least 2 inches apart from each other) on each side of my body, then it will take a month and half to make it through each side, working logically like top to bottom.  By the time I go through the other side of my body, each site will have had 3 months since it was last punctured-more than enough time to heal.

Her logic was impeccable and that is the best way to appeal to me.  She pointed out that this is not an immediate solution; it will take a while to get into this and it won't cure previous scar tissue, but it will minimize the appearance of new scar tissue and work out for the best in the long run.

She said she would send me some samples, encouraging me to go back to the newer canula infusion sets.  I was overjoyed the next morning to realize that she had sent me 30 sets... that's 3 months worth!!  Now I'm in it for the long haul again.  I will stick it out for another 3 months from now and see if things are any better.

Of course, I will update as we go along!

I feel like I've been doing nothing with my summer so far.

I'm working so at least I'm making money, but I can't get motivated to do any writing - the story of my life!

The Scriabin piano piece I'm learning is coming along quite well.  I haven't spent too much time on it, but I only have 3 more pages (of 10) to learn before I've learned the whole thing.  It's intended to be a quick study, so I won't spend time memorizing it, but I think I'll record it so I can listen and see what needs improvement.  

I feel that I'm close to finishing with this piece, I don't intend to spend more than a month on any piece this summer, hopefully less so that I can learn a fair number of pieces.

I'm starting to wonder what my next piece will be.  Perhaps I will learn some Kurtag - I love him and there are lots of miniatures which would be fun to learn.  I played a selection of miniatures in undergrad, but I did a major research paper on him in my first year of grad school so it would be great to play some more with a broader knowledge of how he composes.

I'm on my second Sure-T infusion set.  So far, I've had two situations where my sugars were super-duper high - the infusion set is a suspect, but I'm not sure yet.  I will change the site today and find out if I am actually having the same problems as before.  

On the positive side, the Sure-T is incredibly comfortable!  I don't like the fact that there are two adhesive patches, because that's more bandaid-ish pain when I remove it, but other than that, it's fine.

It's actually just as comfortable as some of the canula ones I first wore.  

Anyway, I will keep you all updated on how they continue to work.

Yesterday I started on a new infusion set - the Sure-T.

I love it much more than the Polyfin already.  The Sure-T has it's own adhesive patches and the release mechanism is one-hand-manageable - it's actually the same type as the Silhouette which I used earlier.

I was running high through most of my shift at work last night, the timing says it could have been the new site, but it also could have been underestimating the amount of jujubes I was eating.... Oh so irresistible!

Eventually they came down.  The time it took to come down was eerily similar to the problem I was having before with the cannula ones.  I had no problems with the bent steel needle Polyfin ones, so I'm hoping that I will have a clean run with these ones too.

Physically, I love this new set much more than the other one:

-integrated adhesive patches means I don't need to use bandaids anymore

-the tubing is MUCH shorter and is the perfect length to just sit in my pocket, or be clipped onto the top of the pocket.  The previous set had a really really long tubing set- 43 inches compared to the current which is less than 24 inches.  

It's been a slow week for blog-worthy news.

Switching to the steel needles has been good and bad:

The sugars have been more stable.  Changing the sites has had NO effect on sugars or absorption.  There was one site change that didn't take, but one out of twenty is not bad odds!

My stomach, however is not looking so hot.  I've been bad at remembering exactly when I last changed the site.  If I get too close to the 2 day mark, or over that, the site gets really inflamed.  Because I need to change the site so often, and I can only use my stomach due to needing 2 hands to disconnect, my stomach looks a little like a battle zone.

I ordered a different type of steel needle infusion set - I am expecting them in the mail tomorrow.  Hopefully, they will be manageable with one hand so that I can use my arms and lower back again.

I am actually starting to evaluate the insulin pump's presence in my life.  I honestly don't know how I feel about it yet. 

I HATE HATE HATE having it connected to me.  I thought that I would get used to having it at my side, but it drives me insane.  I can't even fully describe how it makes me feel; words aren't enough.  

Ok, I do know how I feel.  I hate the insulin pump and I want to rip it off of me and out of my stomach and throw it out of the window.  Fuck all these diabetics who talk about the freedom that they get from the pump.  Freedom is being able to take ONE Needle a day and know that even though your sugars won't be perfectly stable, you can survive for 24 hours without eating or bolusing.  The insulin isn't just a piece of technology that is attached to you, it is a manifestation of how diabetes takes up every waking moment of your life.

Ignorance was bliss.

Before the pump, things were going fine.  There was room for improvement, but I was doing well.  Now, this type-A diabetic personality has been introduced into my life - the people who are finiky about every moment of their day and their sugars.  I do not do well with that lifestyle, so the pump makes me aware of how delinquent I am as a diabetic.  

I've grown accustomed to the ability to lower my basal rate for exercise and other forms of strenuous activity.

Long story short, I will not switch off the pump just yet...

Why?

Spite and Money!

It was too much effort to reach this point, that I'm going to make it worth my while.

I have no coverage anymore, so I really just can't afford to go back to my old insulin.

But also, mostly spite.

In conclusion, I hate being diabetic these days.

Back to Piano

I've wasted the last few days away completely.

Other than starting back at my job, I've not done anything productive.  I need to start thinking about what I want to do with my summer.

I printed out, and have started learning Scriabin's Vers la flamme, a piano piece.  It will be both musically and technically challenging, but not overly so.  It's been a while since I've actually LEARNED something properly.  I want this to be the starting point of my summer piano adventure - learning post-romantic repertoire to a near-performance level, but not memorized.  The idea is that I want to play more when I'm in Vancouver, collaborative and solo-ish stuff, so I need to get my chops back.  While I still enjoy baroque and classical stuff, I need to focus on modern/20th century music, techniques, and style.

In addition to piano, I will write lots of music this summer.  Some projects are:

-Soprano/Mezzo duet for two wonderful London singers

-Bassoon/Tenor duet: I need to verify with the bassoonist and singer, but I got a really exciting idea which I would love to pursue - the bassoonist had mentioned that she would love a piece written for her, and I think this piece would be great for her.

-Piano Solo anything.  This is a medium for which I have not written enough, barely any actually... There are some techniques I've touched on in my concerto and some songs, and I'd love the chance to develop those a little further in the solo medium.

-The Song Cycle that I put aside a while ago... I want to do it, but I have a feeling this is officially a long, long-term project.