It's been a slow week for blog-worthy news.

Switching to the steel needles has been good and bad:

The sugars have been more stable.  Changing the sites has had NO effect on sugars or absorption.  There was one site change that didn't take, but one out of twenty is not bad odds!

My stomach, however is not looking so hot.  I've been bad at remembering exactly when I last changed the site.  If I get too close to the 2 day mark, or over that, the site gets really inflamed.  Because I need to change the site so often, and I can only use my stomach due to needing 2 hands to disconnect, my stomach looks a little like a battle zone.

I ordered a different type of steel needle infusion set - I am expecting them in the mail tomorrow.  Hopefully, they will be manageable with one hand so that I can use my arms and lower back again.

I am actually starting to evaluate the insulin pump's presence in my life.  I honestly don't know how I feel about it yet. 

I HATE HATE HATE having it connected to me.  I thought that I would get used to having it at my side, but it drives me insane.  I can't even fully describe how it makes me feel; words aren't enough.  

Ok, I do know how I feel.  I hate the insulin pump and I want to rip it off of me and out of my stomach and throw it out of the window.  Fuck all these diabetics who talk about the freedom that they get from the pump.  Freedom is being able to take ONE Needle a day and know that even though your sugars won't be perfectly stable, you can survive for 24 hours without eating or bolusing.  The insulin isn't just a piece of technology that is attached to you, it is a manifestation of how diabetes takes up every waking moment of your life.

Ignorance was bliss.

Before the pump, things were going fine.  There was room for improvement, but I was doing well.  Now, this type-A diabetic personality has been introduced into my life - the people who are finiky about every moment of their day and their sugars.  I do not do well with that lifestyle, so the pump makes me aware of how delinquent I am as a diabetic.  

I've grown accustomed to the ability to lower my basal rate for exercise and other forms of strenuous activity.

Long story short, I will not switch off the pump just yet...

Why?

Spite and Money!

It was too much effort to reach this point, that I'm going to make it worth my while.

I have no coverage anymore, so I really just can't afford to go back to my old insulin.

But also, mostly spite.

In conclusion, I hate being diabetic these days.