Midterm, Recital and Lesson, all in one day!

Midterm went well.
Recital, I felt went well, and I got lots of compliments from lots of people... we'll cover that soon enough...
My lesson was one of those ones where David had me just drill the technical elements of four bars for about half an hour... then we moved to another section...
This, as well as the talking, both physically and mentally drove home the point that David has been stressing with me: The importance of learning a piece to perfection so that the technical elements are completely reliable. It is at that point where you are truly free to perform without worrying about stressing about possible mistakes, because if you've practiced it a thousand times perfectly, chances are when you perform it... it will be perfect. As much as bells of "Never accept anything on blind faith" from 20th Century music history are ringing, David keeps reminding me that I owe it to myself and others that I reach that point of perfectionism and teancity, that I can decide whether it is truly for me or not. The idea is that most pianists who are worth anything work in this method, or have reached a high enough level of technical skill that they make their decision based on it's realism...
After we had moved from the piano, and were just talking, he said something to the extent of "...and if you never reach that level of perfection, you'll be always nervous about the little things that you aren't sure of avoiding.... and you'll get lots of congratulations from 90-some% of the population, a good ol' pat on the back...BUT those who know what it takes to get it to perfection will know, and while they will still recognise the work put in, they'll know it could be better"
Somehow in one sentance... not only did he completely discredit any of the compliments I received today, but also called into question my own judgement of musical worth. I really don't know, because I haven't even come close to perfection, as David pointed out to me "you've probably never been able to sit down to a piece that you know you can play perfectly with no mistakes or hesitations"... or even just once. My musicanship is always flawed with even just the little mistakes and errors. Im not expecting that everytime something is played it should be flawless... mistakes happen, like a car analogy... who knows when yer gonna get a flat tire, or overheated engine, or anything like that.... But I have never made that musical road trip having had a safety inspection and powertrain check, and servicing and filled with gas with an emergency kit just in case. I have not just developped habits, but based my musical experience on not doing these things regularly... if at all.
We also talked about how its incredibly difficult to see beyond mistakes to the musical expression and intentions of a musician.
The issue is not with whether I want to be perfect or not... I do want to at least give it that try... and I think I have been trying... but theres something blocking me. I don't know what it is. Is it possible for me to ever reach that level, or have the years, and lifetime of technical neglect and imperfections left me out of the running?
David thinks it is possible and I must believe in myself also. My problem is just in trusting his faith.... He was a prodigy that went to the best teachers even before he went to Julliard. He's been playing the rep Im working on since he was 14 years old. What does he know about not being technically equipped to display the colours and emotions and musical images that are inside of you. He's used to working with young prodigies and the sort who can do whatever with their fingers, and then trying to shape that into something intelligible as music. When I see/learn music, I know exactly what i want to happen, and how I want to shape the phrases, but then I get wrong notes in the way, whcih as he says, takes away from the musicality, so all he hears in the lessons is a pianist who can't adequately express his musical intentions. Everyso often he mentions how its frustrating that he keeps talking about this issue, and its not making much headway.... well its just as frustrating for me. Im doing what I can to try and change, and I've been spending 2 and a quarter years doig the same thing, in different ways, and still Im not good enough... not just technically, but as a person, as a musician.. I still have not developped the musical maturity to work up to a level of perfection that will allow my musianship to be understood.
Please note the discernable amount of displacement of anger, I mostly hate myself for my inadequacies, David is right, and I admire him immensely. The only problem is that I really dont feel connected with him.. Im not even sure that that is necesary though... I was strongly connected with my last teacher, and where has that gotten me... to a point where he doesn't respect what I am doing, or how I am doing, and furthermore that he belittles me infront of a choir rehearsal, as little as it were. It seems that I am not getting really any positive feedback from any source to which I would like it.
If someone were to come up to me and say that I'd make a good circus musician... I'd most likely run away to the circus.