I got my recital comments today.
B+
A pretty ok mark, but this will bring down my GPA -boo!
When people asked me about it, I may have harped on the mark aspect, but that's not the big deal. I was genuinely bummed out by my comments. I got some really good strong compliments, and generally the comments were positive. So why was I upset?

I entered Music School as a young talented pianist who lacked the technical strength and preparedness to achieve his full potential. I did my ARCT before school and the examiner barely passed me and told me that she hoped I would address my technical weaknesses in the University environment.
Now here I am, year later at the end of my piano studies and the comments I get from my recital panel are quite similar.
I'll paraphrase a bit - 'when you are engaged your playing is exciting, individual, knowing.... when you lose your way, I lose the sense of you on stage, it feels like someone fumbling for notes...'

I remember entering into my undergrad, being like so many pianists - actually thinking that there was a chance I could be a real performer, with thoughts of grad studies in piano....
I came to the realization at some point that it was neither possible, nor what I wanted. However, I didn't give up... I decided that I would continue with the performance degree because I wanted to be the best pianist I could be at the end of my undergrad, so that I could use those tools I gained for my future, whatever it might have been.
I set for myself what I thought was a reasonable and reachable goal. All I needed to do was to prepare my last recital well enough so that I could completely engage the audience without those all too common moments of fumbling.

The moral of the story is that it is very unsatisfying to feel that you have not accomplished a goal that you have set for yourself.


Anyway, on a positive note, they all really liked and respected my dance improvisation piece. Some really good comments, very different from each other - the jury had different perspectives.