I'm not really enjoying life today.

My sugars have been really high the last few days, only coming down for brief periods.  I have no keytones, so it's not like my pump isn't working.  They're coming down as we speak - I just plan on not eating for the next few days so that they won't go up again.... Really, if I could do it, I would.

High sugars really make me angry - unbelievably angry!  I want to punch and kick and cry and scream and Argh!  all at the same time!

Other things that add to this feeling are:

Stress - thank you thesis completion month!

Tension - my jaw hates me right now.  Also, on the bus home tonight, I was seriously contemplating the idea of getting an emergency deep-tissue massage tomorrow, but I don't have the time or money for that.

Speaking of, FUCK! due to a smaller than normal paycheque from the dance studio and not getting paid for the extra TAing I did this last month, I have $2.69 to last me the next month.  Thank goodness (and capitalism) for my credit card.

A piece of mine is being performed at a studio recital this weekend.  I went this evening to hear the dress-rehearsal.  Not surprisingly, it was not terribly well-rehearsed, so they were working on staging it and finding notes.  Oh well!  I'm happy with the concept of what they're doing with it, and I'm sure they'll pull it together for Saturday, because I would really really like this recording to turn out well.  The pianist had another obligation halfway through, so I got to sit in at the piano for the second half.  It went well and it reminded me that I want to get back to playing more and accompanying.

In other news - I have the driest fucking nose imaginable!  I never thought that my nose could cause me so much pain, but WOW!  It's constantly bloody, but dried blood which irritates the inside of my painful little nostrils.  Anyway, I bought a humidifier which I've had running yesterday and today.  I haven't noticed a difference yet though.  I want a difference.  I tried moisturizing the inside of my nostrils with a q-tip and some lotion, but then it feels like I have a constant runny nose and then it's hard to not blow out all the lotion into a kleenex.

Anyway, I hate the world just a bit right now, but it's ok, I don't really.

I'd still say I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, but nowhere near as much as I used to be.  Stress has definitely made a home for itself in my life.

This week is a week of deadlines.  Yesterday, I had to get the piano part to my pianist so she can learn it for the reading in a week today; this meant I had to finish the piano part.  I spent the entire morning and afternoon at the computer to finish it, and on the bus to take it to her, I noticed mistakes and things that I need to change.  I ended up rewriting an entire section last night and re-delivered it to her today.

It was so hard to focus on just the piano part when there is so much to do with the orchestra, but now I get to focus on the orchestra because the deadline to get the score to the conductor is Thursday.  Today and tomorrow will be two more days of intense writing so that I make the best use of the reading session.

With stress, comes even more erratic eating habits, which I didn't quite notice until I got an email from my pump nurse yesterday saying that she couldn't use any of the information I had sent her from the previous week because it was too speckled with snacking and drinking and general randomness.  On the bright side, she said we're getting quite close with the pumping so I should just buckle down - if I can eat just three solid meals a day and get the appropriate blood glucose readings to go along, we should be able to finalize things this week, maybe.  We are both getting quite apologetic; she fears that she's being an annoyance, while I fear that I'm taking up too much of her time.  We both need to do this for a little longer and then things will be all good, I just hope that I haven't overstayed my welcome as a new pump trainee.

Ooh, I almost forgot to mention.  Every time I get a haircut, I think about not shampooing my hair for a while so that I can methodically slow down the oil production of my scalp.  Without fail, I last a day or two and then I start shampooing daily again.  This time, I thought to put my shampoo under the bathroom sink, so I won't be able to shampoo, even if I want to.  I still rinse my hair daily, but I'm sure that takes away less of the natural oils than shampoo does.  Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how the hair is going every couple of days!