Parts and cues are killing me.  They've taken the entire weekend.  I'm close to finished now and I feel confident that they are largely error-free, though nothing is certain.

The fluorescent light in my bathroom is on the way out, so it flickers for a while before turning on.  Tonight it flickered for about 20-30 seconds and I pondered as I tinkled:

"...what if the light goes out and I can't see and I end up tinkling all over the floor..."

"...uh oh, smells like burnt toast!  siezure seizure!"

Anyway, I hand in the parts tomorrow.  That will be the second of the big three deadlines, the next being on April 1'st.  The only thing after that is the defense.

Also, I just realized that the rehearsals of my piece start next week....!

Also, I hadn't had diet coke in the house for a while cause I ran out of money, but I bought some tonight and it is delicious and caffeiney!  I had missed the wonderful caffeination!

I've been pretty much married to my computer lately.  The thesis has been coming along quite well.  I'm constantly shifting between moments of feeling that things are moving along on target, then a few minutes later I feel like I'm so far behind and there's just so much work left to do.  I try and ignore both of these feelings, and just take the positive influence they have on me - either reinforcing or scaring me into productivity!

My sugars have been really wonky the last few days.  At first I thought I might need some basal adjustments, but it is a possibility that I've been too lax in my carb counting and calculations.  I'm going to be really organized today and write things down if they continue to go astray so that I can look for patterns.

I'm not really enjoying life today.

My sugars have been really high the last few days, only coming down for brief periods.  I have no keytones, so it's not like my pump isn't working.  They're coming down as we speak - I just plan on not eating for the next few days so that they won't go up again.... Really, if I could do it, I would.

High sugars really make me angry - unbelievably angry!  I want to punch and kick and cry and scream and Argh!  all at the same time!

Other things that add to this feeling are:

Stress - thank you thesis completion month!

Tension - my jaw hates me right now.  Also, on the bus home tonight, I was seriously contemplating the idea of getting an emergency deep-tissue massage tomorrow, but I don't have the time or money for that.

Speaking of, FUCK! due to a smaller than normal paycheque from the dance studio and not getting paid for the extra TAing I did this last month, I have $2.69 to last me the next month.  Thank goodness (and capitalism) for my credit card.

A piece of mine is being performed at a studio recital this weekend.  I went this evening to hear the dress-rehearsal.  Not surprisingly, it was not terribly well-rehearsed, so they were working on staging it and finding notes.  Oh well!  I'm happy with the concept of what they're doing with it, and I'm sure they'll pull it together for Saturday, because I would really really like this recording to turn out well.  The pianist had another obligation halfway through, so I got to sit in at the piano for the second half.  It went well and it reminded me that I want to get back to playing more and accompanying.

In other news - I have the driest fucking nose imaginable!  I never thought that my nose could cause me so much pain, but WOW!  It's constantly bloody, but dried blood which irritates the inside of my painful little nostrils.  Anyway, I bought a humidifier which I've had running yesterday and today.  I haven't noticed a difference yet though.  I want a difference.  I tried moisturizing the inside of my nostrils with a q-tip and some lotion, but then it feels like I have a constant runny nose and then it's hard to not blow out all the lotion into a kleenex.

Anyway, I hate the world just a bit right now, but it's ok, I don't really.

Reading today!

Today was the reading of the first two movements of my Thesis.

All in all, the reading was pretty good and I got some valuable information.  There isn't really anything that I want to throw away or change completely, rather it gives me a good idea of areas that need some fixing, or changing notation so it will be clearer.

Generally, everyone did a really good job of sight reading, though I'll admit that the reading was asking a lot of the piano soloist.  There will be much more time for learning before the actual performance.

At this point, I'm going to make a few notational changes to the first movement, and then I'll be done with it - moving on to the remainder of the piece.  I have now developed a really clear concept of the last movement, so it's a matter of filling it in.

I took a little bit of this evening off completely from thesis work.  I read through some music at the piano: some delightful spanish music by Albeniz, pieces I played years ago (and shouldn't have tortured my roommate by trying to play through them again...), and just some random sight reading.  I also watched my new favourite Canadian television show - Being Erica while knitting.  Oh, I had gone on a quick power walk before that to get my metabolism in gear...  My sugars were sitting way up high in the stratosphere at 18.8 mmol and I had taken insulin to get them down, but I knew sitting around watching t.v. wasn't going to help them come down.  30 minutes later, I was home and tested my sugars at 11.3 mmol!  I've been watching them closely as they will still be coming down for a little while yet.

They call it a rage bolus -when you take way more insulin than you know you need so that the sugars will come down faster.  I used to do this rather recklessly years ago when my diabetes control was much less scientific.  The problem was that it would start dropping so quickly that I'd be super hungry and I'd need to eat to stave off a low - I'd invariably eat too much and then my sugars would rise back up again - not quite as much, but to a silly level nonetheless.  Nowadays, I basically take a pre-bolus.  That's when I know I'll be eating within an hour or two, so I take the correction and the meal bolus together and then give it a head start before eating. 

[I'm not advising any other diabetics to do this.  I am not a doctor - I'm just reporting on what I've done with my own care]

Ideally, I eat the food once my sugars have come down a fair bit, but with some leeway so that the remaining insulin is used up by the food.

Tonight, it was a rage bolus, but I'm going to justify it by figuring out how much insulin is still acting, and having a snack to counteract that remainder!

Mumbly mumbly, enough said.