The End is Near, goodbye 2005

Well, it appears to have finally entered into the first few hours of the last day of 2005.
Most years, it takes me a good couple months, maybe even half a year before I comprehend what the year is, and write it properly on paper/cheques/whatnot. This year has been different; Since the end of summer, I've been running on 2006 already. The reason is that for school registration it always asks you to specify which term you are talking about... which is the regular term of 2006 "06r".
It really doesn't make a difference though, now that I have wasted your time and reading resource. Im not a temporally-minded person...at all. It's such a contrast when i talk to my friend Fiona... she has the most amazing memory. She places everything in relation to random events, and can recall the date(day of week, month, day, year) of pretty much any event, regardless of magnitude in the past 4-6 years with exactitude that I can not comprehend. My version of placing events is more based on similarity of actions and reactions in relation to my development. Sometimes I will be able to relate memories to pieces of music that I have played, and the most specific I can get would be to say, that it must have been in the first half of my second year of university...
I tend to remember my reactions to events, so if I have matured in my reactions quickly at some point, it will seem like a longer time between events than it actually was.
As a result, I find it hard to look back on this year and it's events, because I can't isolate in my mind which events happened when, and I really don't think it's worthwhile to try taking out a calendar and trying to figure it out...
I have often wondered what would happen if I was accused of some crime and I coulnd't have an alibi because I couldn't remember and didn't have anything on my calendar... I would probably be convicted... I guess I'll just have to learn that lesson the hard way some day... seems to be the way to go lately.
Oh YA! the wedding tonight. It went smoothly and SO SHORT!!!!!!!! I think it maybe lasted 20 minutes in total, 25 max. The sound guy that only had to play a CD before the service for 15 minutes didn't show... so at 10 minutes before the ceremony, I was sent to play some background music. I should have charged them more money, but oh well, it was only the difference of sitting in a room for 15 minutes, or randomly improvising stuff. People were actually very happy with my playing, as I could tell from their faces. I did a little bit of musical quotation as well. I love doing it so that its just barely noticeable, only the people actually listening will hear it. One lady recognised that I threw in a smooth version of the opening March from The Nutcracker. It was wonderful, she smiled and looked knowingly at me, then her son gestured to her 'why are you smiling' and she told him to listen, then he also heard it and was delighted. That alone made my evening. Other than the soundguy, i believe the wedding went quite well.
After I got home, Fi and I went to Perkins for tea and knitting... actually no tea was consumed at all but we had a good time. We made new friends. A middle aged couple started talking to us because it IS weird to see to young people knitting in public, especially when one is a guy. They were nice enough, and the guy was quite talkitive. It gave Fi and I a chance to remeniss about our road trip... as we got approached in the same manner nearly constantly on the trip. Fiona was back to her excessive eating tonight, which I actually haven't seen much of the last while, atleast not the last times at Perkins. Im so proud!
Oh, oh and ya, after I left the wedding, I was walking down a back lane to my car and from a window some guy yells "Hey, stay there, I'm gonna throw something at you". Don't think I mistook him... he didn't mean that he wanted to throw something TO me like a present... he meant what he said. I didn't stand there waiting however, I kept moving and sorta laughed. I wasn't nervous about being injured or anything, but maybe I should have been... when I drove by after, he did huck something that landed just behind my car... it didn't look particulary dangerous though. Interesting area, after the rehearsal, there was a couple carrying random boxes into one of the buildings, and the guy was wearing a housecoat as a jacket... I complimented him of course on his stylishness.
Anyway, enough out of me for tonight... perhaps more as the day unfolds...

Loving the Italians!

So the wedding rehearsal was this evening. It went well. They were happy with the music and Deanna and I got the chance to work out any spots that might give us trouble... and now we know that we will only need little tiny bits of certain songs, so good for us! The couple is wonderful, mostly relaxed about everything and funny and obviously having fun with everything. The venue is nice and they have a reasonably nice Kawai baby grand. All is well.
Afterwards, they invited us and everyone else to the groom's parents house for a rehearsal dinner/mingling and eating type thing. Deanna had mentioned that it would probably be Italian food, but I didn't realise that we were going to the house of Italy's representative in Canada... It was THAT much Italian.... He holds the Order of Italy (similar to Order of Canada... but from Italy). He and his wife we so cute. She made SO much food. There was everything that is delicious:
Bruscetta, Spanakopita, Oriental Party Pack, cheese, shrimp ring, mini quiche, potatoe wedges, chips and dip, pizza, sandwhich wrap slicey thingies, desserts, wow! pure deliciousness!!
The family was also delightful, which was helpful in making us not feel awkward for not being related, nevertheless we are university students... quite willing to put up with a little awkwardness if it means free food.
Anyway, I was truly impressed with the wonderful hospitality shown to us... really the father was the man who was nicely harrassing us for not taking advantage of the large table of liquor when we first walked through the door (I had diet coke, Deanna had coke). I would love to adopt myself into their family... but I don't think that will quite work out that way....

issues resolved

I just went back through all my previous blog posts to remove that which was inapproriate and/or offensive, well most of it anyway. As is seems, it was almost exclusively from this last month and a bit. I have been extra bitchy. I am making a pre-New Year's revolution to rectify this.
For those of you who have been following, issues between Richard and I are now resolved. It's amazing how carried away my mind can get from reality. I am glad to know that I still have him as a mentor and a friend.
I'm currently listening to PDQ Bach's "The Seasonings":Brilliance! I want to put together a group to perform it, and I'll accompany it on the keyboard... even though its not as funny as the orchestral version.. but whatever. Anyway... off to wedding rehearsal!

hello

I suppose I should post, but I really don't have much to say. Purposely, I did very little today. I slept in very late and when I awoke, all I did was play a little and worked on composing. Of course there were the usual distractions of chatting on MSN and lazing around, doing absolutely nothing as well as eating chocolate. Nevertheless, I'm happy to say that I am completely comfortable and happy with just doing musical things. Looking ahead, I believe I will enjoy my life.
Good news, I don't know how I haven't posted this yet.... My financial problems, while nowhere near solved, are far from urgent. The student loan went through quickly and without any problems. My tuition was paid directly to them, and the balance of the loan came to me as an automatic deposit. I am glad to have this large chunk of money which, according to the terms of my loan, I will not be using to pay off consumer debt. If I were to get technical about it, I had enough money to pay off MasterCard before hand, so it's all good. The remaining money will sit in my high interest savings account with ING (let me know if you too want high interest... if you sign up, we can both get 13$ free!!!) and I'll collect a few cents of interest off it.
As it stands... my credit card will be paid off AND school is all paid for. Provided I haven't grossly overestimated my tax return, I will pay off this loan in one chunk upon the arrival of my tax return and all will be well again. I am still dissapointed in the timing of this whole thing, but I suppose it will just be another financial lesson learned my ME.
Speaking of finances, I think I managed to spend less than normal this Christmas and still managed to make people relatively happy.
My family is not religious... therefore we are not ruining the idea behind the holiday by being materialistic bastards... thats just the way we celebrate. In all honesty that is our aim. Each year we try and find a material representation of our understanding of those we care for.
For example, with my mother; we all needed to realise her insecurities and find a way to show her that we do listen to what she blathers on about. I bought her a tea box that she really liked in passing. She never actually asked for it, and never even thought about it for christmas, so it was the perfect thing.. my dad bought her exactly what she's been asking for over and over again, thus showing her that he doesn't ignore her ALL the time... at least not around Christmas.
well, I guess I did have some things to say... who'da thunk?!

je ne suis pas français, mais j'essaie...

C'est le jour après Boxing Day, et il est comme les holidays sont deja finis. Mais encore, j'ai rien à faire demain, donc je peux dormir jusque'à l'apres midi. Je sais qu'il reste le jour de l'an... mais ca mette égal.
Deena est revenue aujourd'hui et j'ai passé le soiré avec elle et Brendan. On est allé a Perkins parce que j'en ai reçu des certificats cadeaux. Tout les deux avaient de bons temps avec la famille, et moi, j'ai eu un noël excellent.
Cet après-midi, une amie Deanna est venue chez moi pour practiquer pour un mariage, ou nous jouera (Deanna va chanter) la musique. Je n'ai exactement su ce qu'on faisais, alors le practice m'a aidé beaucoup. Maintenant, on est bien preparé.. j'espere.
J'ai aussi practiqué du piano, et je me sens beaucoup preparé pour recommencer mes leçons avec David la semaine prochaine. Enfin, je peux jouer tout de les pieces de Scriabin.... en quelque forme.... l'etude va à moins qu'un demi de le tempo de performance... mais c'est ok! Je suis confidant en le Brahms et Mozart... mais je viens de commençer apprendre le Bach... et j'ai changé mon preference pour le PDQ Bach... mais David m'a dit que c'est ok de changer....si j'apporte le nouveau bien preparé pour le leçon....
Cet nouveau piece a un prelude basé sur une theme du Rondo Tukoise du Sonate de Mozart aussi dans le recital... le fugue est merveilleuse... c'est un fugue sur le nom de bach (B A C H) avec les interjections de "For he's a jolly good fellow"!! c'est le mieux!
Je suis PRESQUE fini composer le chanson que j'ecris pour un bon ami. J'ai essayé le completer pour un cadeau Noël, mais peut-etre pour le jour de l'an. Je suis excité.
Alors, c'est ça. J'espere que les francais peuvent comprendre ce que j'ecris ici.... et les anglais....meh

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet snake 2) Eat less stale popcorn 3) Travel to Korea 4) Study human sexuality 5) Get in shape with capoeira

What Should Your New Year's Resoluton Be?

Number 3 is right on the money, I think it's time I should get back to my routes in Korea. Im starting to really miss my Korean friends from school over the holidays. Anyung!

do you ever get the feeling that you have too many distractions and you just want to make everything go away? I do... right now, thats why I'm writing about it, silly.
A while ago, Burleson pointed out that Im obviously at a poinbt in my development where I'm up in the air about what I want. I thought it made sense at the time, but now it really does. I thought that it was represented by trying to do all these things... but really im still only doing a few, but they're clouded with distractions. I know this doesn't make sense, but I think thats something that is clouding things: logic... I've been randomly more random lately, which is a sign that Im surpressing my randomnosity with logic. I'm also avoiding things that I have proven to myself to be simple.. like practicing productively. Little things like not forcing myself to play for longer than my short attention span wants. Back to the logic thing... I need to follow my emotions and gut reactions more. I've been sitting here trying to force logic upon issues of unrest in my life. why?
Im not sure what is coming in the short future for me, but I feel the winds of change, and I'm not entirely frightened. mumbly mumbly
ya that feeling of the distractions... im not sure if I can solve it with just avoiding them... I've been trying that for a long time.
There is something inside me that is preventing me from being the success as a musician (in any form) that I feel I should be and I'm getting frustrated at not being able to find what it is. I've been trying the method of slowly peeling back the layers of the onion to find out, but I'm wondering whether I should just chop the onion right in half, or maybe chunks. or maybe not.
I think the concensus that I have personally reached is that I am convinced that I have some bit of musical genius in me, perhaps that I am meant to make a difference somehow. I know this is probably selfish and oveconfidant, but with that mindset, I will be able to focus all my energies on music and if that spark is there, it will emerge. Then it will lead me to what my calling in music really is. Burleson was completely right. There is something electrifyingly exciting about being up in the air about which field of music or whatnot is the best for me.
Please comment, let me know if it's stupid to be this cocky. On the otherhand, if i'm not destined for greatness, what is the point in just doing something that could be done by any other musician? Is there a purpose in the life of a musician... is there a purpose in life?
too much thinky for night time... Im gonna go buy stuff for cheap at big stores, crawling with lots of people tomorrow... the winnipeg waym especially on BOXING DAY!!!!

I WANT A PENGUIN

so ya, ummm, geez penguins are the cutest things in the whole damned world. As a species in general, yes they are! Add to that the fact that these penguins can come in baby form....
We bought my granddad "March of the Penguins" for christmas and he brought it here to watch it with us. It was the bestest thing in the whole wide world. Penguins have the best way of walking.. and if they get tired of walking on their legs, they just flop on their belly; completely embodying how I want to live my life!
K, so I also would prefer if people gave birth to baby penguins... they's so cute and cudly... and they come from an egg... they're all dry and stuff and strong enough to peck their way through the shell. They're not covered with all that vaginal leakage and puss and blood and whatnot that human babies are riddled with... Human babies are so ugly and squirmy, but not penuins.
In conclusion, I want to have a pet penguin as well as to eventually become a penguin. I know some people want to be firefighters or concert pianists... but I think my life goal is to be a Penguin!

warm christmas fuzzy feelings

If you've been reading my blog, it's obvious that there are some personal issues going on and I'm generally not happy about that, and I feel bad that I have cause them to surface at a bad time of year, not that there's ever a good time of year for things like that.... I can only hope that the results of my poor actions are treated with as little care as I seemed to have taken in the first place. I sincerely send out warmest wishes and thoughts at this holiday season.

Tonight was Christmas eve, and as per tradition the Park family went over to Grandpa Mitchell's for the one time a year we see the rest of that side of the family. I've never really understood grudges, but i see prime examples of it every year on this night. The relation between my mother and her Brother is not healthy. Nevertheless, over the last few years her brother has become much more civil to our part of the family, certainly because of the arrival of his grandchildren... they seemed to have softened him. Regardless, I dont think my mother will ever forgive him. The children there tonight are delightful. Theres a girl, Madelaine; and a boy Mitchell. The girl is only 4 and already a Cancer survivor. She's kind of shy, but with a wonderful smile and cute and polite. She was I think the first kid to come along since my sister and I were kids... a new generation. I find it amazing, the ability that kids have to entertain a whole room of people with the simple little things they do.
Anyway, it was a rather nice night with some conversation, good food and laughter.
Christmas is an interesting time, a convenient way of taking a snapshot of your life at different points. This year, , well, I was about to say how different it will be fromlast year owing to the death of Grandma and Rex. In all honesty, last year at this time, there wasn't much left of Grandma in terms of personality and whatnot, and Rex was only on our minds as a hassle during the holiday season... keeping food and candy out of reach, trying to keep him quiet with visitors. At this point last year, both of their current conditions were blocking me from enjoying the good memories I have of them. I still miss them both very much, but they are at peace now. I know for certain Rex is in heaven, because they made a movie about it. Im still not sure about the whole god/heaven thing though... and I know grandma enjoyed her drink and her dirty jokes.. especially after a few glasses of wine at christmas.
alas, Santa shall soon be coming to my house, so merry christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Am I morally wrong?
I've been criticized with having made a "gradual descent into your alternate reality of moral superiority" and not fearing recourse for what I say.
Basically, I don't think I've put myself on a pedestal. I've said time and time again, that I'm a bastard or whatnot, not to be self-pitying or funny, rather pointing out that I do realise that I do make mistakes, and am certainly not a good person.
In all honesty, I have been hard pressed to find morality on the internet. It is but a quick glance into different worlds, different lives. The morality brought up by the internet is on issues surrounding internet habits, like pornography, and fraud (whether it be a pedophile posing as a child or stealing credit card information). Im not here to say that this is terrible, regardless of how I feel. And Im certainly not here to say that this blog is any different from the rest of the internet. Im not using my blog to make the world a better place. I have been using it as a sounding board.
HOW many times have I pleaded for people to give me valued feedback on things I say, opinions I hold?!? Still, those who are the ones really passing judgement are sitting back and passing that judgement silently on me, or perhaps they will post emotional defensive comments when I have made mistakes and offended people.
I will attempt to sum up why my relations with Richard are such a big deal to me:
I took lessons with Richard for a long time, as a result, I owe him worlds of gratitude for developing me into the musician I am today. I also owe him to the development of me as a person, he taught me not only how to play, but how to appreciate and love music. Richard was never a just clinical teacher who would just sit back and listen to you play and tell you how to play better. He certainly became a father figure to me, someone who loved me and could understand how much music meant to me, more than actual members of my family ever will. When it came time to go to university, I knew I would have to stop taking lessons with him and go to one of the university teachers. I didn't want to stop altogether, so I started with Organ lessons. All around this time, I heard warnings about what The school of music at U of M does to people. And specifically I heard the story about one of his former students who, while at school, started treating Richard badly and acted as if he was better than Richard. It wasn't til after he moved away to a new school that he realised his ignorance. Many times I was told this story with the 'don't let it happen to you' warning implied.
All along, this idea has been with me. I've tried to be conscious of my views and whatnot, to avoid becoming snobby like the story. Importantly, I asked those close to me to keep an eye on changes in my personality and musical ideals. I asked people from school, Richard, his son, and Andy-Pandy to keep me in check. If in fact I have been making a "gradual descent into your alternate reality of moral superiority" such as Richard warned, please tell me. I will be dissapointed with myself and also with those around me who saw this coming but spared me for whatever reason.
When I stopped taking lessons with Richard, it was a very difficult decision and even more difficult to tell him. He took it very badly and we didn't talk for months. Even though it was my decision to stop the lessons, when Richard took this as a personal thing, our relationship died. I lost my musical father. more than that, I was disowned by him.
Things have gotten better slowly, but it's empty. I have no idea what he thinks of me anymore, and I've been struggling with that since.
Especially to those close to this situation, please just simply answer me this:
Have I changed in a bad way? Has what I've been trying to do as musical development actually turned me into a snobby musician?

I appologize. I hope that the damage I have done is not irreversible. If I have turned into a snobby, bad person, i shall be disturbed by the fact that I am in fact a bad person, and I ask those who care to help me to change.

well last night, many people from the School of Music and random other friends of our friend from school defiled the mennonitinism of Steinbach.
It was lovely. so much fun. So much liquor... Michael got carried away with the jello shooters..we only had one tray, but I think I had 6 of them, then proceeded to clean out the cubicles that weren't quite finished... there was licking and fingering of the ice tray... it was delicious. With that said, it lead to a fairly unpleasant morning, but not too much. Oh, i miss my youth, the days of no hangovers. Alas I am becoming an old man. I think I will now just reserve the drinking for paper writing and practicing. The hostess was wonderful... never have I heard someone been so genuinely excited about EVERY single person walking in the door, resulting in quite the hoarse voice this morning. Jason and I were cleaning up random beer bottles, but then she caught us and yelled at us, because we weren't supposed to be helping.
My favorite part of the whole event was just as we were arriving... Deena felt that she didn't want to be too far on the road... but it was snow covered ground.... and one of the wheels felt it wanted to be off the road to the point that it ventured into the ditch. Tee hee hee. She sorta saw the humour in it, but also was not impressed at the situation... regardless we planned on leaving it til the morning.... but right before retiring for the night, the hostess's lil brother offered to tow her out before he went to bed, seeing how he had to do the same for someone else anyway. Considering it was 4 or 5 in the morning.. and he had to work for 8am.. he was an awful good sport and also a wonderful host.
anyway, enough about that.
Tonight my sister and her boyfriend are coming in town. Heather is here for xmas, and Gareth is just here for a couple days. He's super fun and sarcastic, much like Heather, and well me and Deena too... so this is gonna be a fun dinner. My parents with their kids and their signifigant others.... fun fun! Hopefully momma drinks her wine. She's ever so delightful when she does...
Anyway tomorrow I'm going galavanting with Heather and Gareth to shop and see my Granddad. I love this part of holidays, with the family and visiting and ya, taking time for those things! oh look at me getting all sentimental.
Oooh, next friday, the 30'th I get to play a wedding with a wonderful singer from school, Deanna. She's super fun, and I know she's reading this... even though she'll never comment...
Much like so many other people {TANGENT_WARNING}
I am constantly finding out about more and more people who secretly read my blog... some of them at the party last night informed me.... I think it's wonderful and gives me new inspiration to update all the time, like i always do! Nevertheless, it also changes the way I write.. and I don't particularly like that... please feel free to comment on my blog to let me know yer reading. I rant and say a lot of things here, so realise that this is like someone's head... you shouldnt have to be politically correct, and everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If I ever say anything that offends anyone, either address me personally... or comment, or something. Chances are I have spoken without consulting how I really feel, or perhaps I don't really know what to feel and am using this as a chance to sorta hear the sound of my own voice(although, in a less than satisfying...sorta midi form). The moral of the story is that I respect the act of blog voyeurism, but if you are to incorporate that knowledge into our personal relations without my knowledge, I feel that to be a dishonesty. In a way, I'm trying to do a personal cleansing of my relationships. and figure out where I stand with some people. On the other hand, I'm glad that people are getting some kind of enjoyment from my random blitherings{END TAN: sine cosine cosine sine, three point one four one five nine(bonus points if you can name this tv reference)}
anyway this wedding had the possibility to be super fun.. they had good options for songs and stuff. they're wanting "Goin to the chapel" for the processional. and stuff like that... so ya FUN! another aspect of it is that it happens in aobut a week, and we have no music... so it's going to test my basic skills ....oh wait, Joan... you failed me and so many others personally with your attempt at basic music skills training, failed miserably... I however will survive. It's a little difficult transcribing it and stuff.. but Im just going for the general sound and chords...
alas I have to run... im rambling too, but I dont care
bye

dream

I don't usually remember my dreams, or if I do, they leave my memory upon waking up and I'm left with a vague semblance of knowing something had happened, but ya.
Lately, I'm remembering random parts of my dreams. Im never really like some people who can vividly describe story lines out of their dreams, those people scare me. SO I remember dreaming that there was a chunk of kielbasa and another kind of meat, more grainy and looser texture on my kitchen table. Apparently there was some kind of a taste test and I was being taught the difference between these two meats.... thats all I really remember from the dream. The odd thing is that when i woke up, i had a taste recollection of kielbasa.. you know, kinda like you had kielbasa for lunch and then 4 hours later you burb and it causes you to think "oh ya, I had kielbasa for lunch, and now Im enjoying it again for a second time".
Now I must draw a point of comparison or differentiation. The taste sensation is a much different experience all together from the smell. In all honesty, I love eating kielbasa, must be from my fake ukrainian roots (my mom grew up in the north end, and as a result thinks she's part Ukrainian, Polish...Jewishesque). So yes, I quite enjoy the taste BUT the smell rather puts me off. If I know that it is in fact a food product that I am smelling, then I can get aruond that, but as a random smell... food is not the first thing that comes to mind. Really, who the heck brings a whole ring of kielbasa into a church, much less is eating it durinch a frikkin choir rehearsal!?! eep.

well, i had sorta been teeter-tottering about it, but today i actually went and applied for the Principal Pianist job at the Ballet School. The deadline came up so soon, because they only put it up a short while ago at the ballet, most likely cause they wanted to catch people off guard. Add to that the fact that I had been working on my paper... didn't give me much opportunity to put together a good application package.
The wanted a letter of application, a CV and a recording of a performance within the last year. They got: a letter of application, a resumé and a recording of the Reign of Sound concert from Oct, which features me playing two solo pieces.
I'm quite ignorant to the internal politics at the ballet, so I'm wondering if they already had someone in mind from elsewhere, maybe someone that Shannon reccomends, cause they did post the job announcement in national music things. In all honesty, I don't know if either of the other people who I heard were going to apply would meet the qualification expectations. I don't think either of them has done any performing in the last year...or more... One of them is crazy and frazzled enough that she probably wouldn't have gotten organized to even apply in such a short timeframe. The other one doesn't even want to play much any more, she wants it more as an organizational job. All things considered, I think they're both great people and awesome to work with, I wouldn't mind working for either of them really.
On the other hand... since I started putting the letter and stuff together, I realise that I would love this job. It would mean better pay = salary, more challenging and rewarding work, it would command respect. The only slight problem is that I'm a student and I don't really know what exactly the expected workload is. Nevertheless, they are hiring someone halfway through the school year, and I know they are willing to compromise. In terms of next year, It's all performance based, and I have enough credits to not have to worry about taking courses in the morning.... I could easily work the schedule around it.
Anyway, let's notget too far ahead of ourselves Michael... it would be great, but Im not getting my hopes up. At the very least, my application will bring me to the attention of some people and they'll realise that Im more serious about things than I think they view me as being. Nevertheless, it's always good to look at options where there might be an opportunity for stability, especially looking forward to my future as a random musician....
I also went shopping for presents today... did you know they make perfume(a men's cologne) that smells like suede? if only it weren't 50$, i would buy it for my sister... but alas thats too much for something she probably would use 50$ worth.. but ya, just going out and about today, I now have ideas for what I should be getting her

all done, back to reality

Well, it's been a few days since I actually made a sense-making post, or at least one that said anything other than ranting or random dribble. And re-reading some of my recent posts, I realise that I've either been completely random, or a raging Bitch. I'm certain that some things I've said would be offensive to any of the parties to which I referred.
I really don't despise the Christian do-gooders of the world all that much, nor the people at RadioShack/The Source. And then theres Richard, why am I so strongly affected and random about how I feel towards him? After this last concert yesterday, Im once again filled with wonder and awe at how working with him results in a good finished product, regardless of what went on before. We've never really had a flop of a concert. I know that dress rehearsals are supposed to go badly, but I certainly hope that it doesn't leave everyone in every performance with that feeling of utter fear and worry.
I'm thankful to Heather, who used to sing in the choir. I saw her at the concert yesterday and she commented on how good we were sounding. It's the kind of thing that I sort of noticed in passing during the concert... but if she hadn't said anything, I probably would have felt bad about how the concert went, and wouldn't have enjoyed the second half as much as I did. The stress from the dress rehearsal, worrying about getting this Piano Rep paper done, financial stress and worries about my health all have been weighing on me lately, so allow me to have that as a scape goat for my poor temperment lately, if you will. Anyway, the moral of the story is that I've been far too hard on myself, the group, the director, and things in my life in general. Perhaps that will be my new years resolution... to be a better, less heinous person? and swear less....
Speaking of the paper... it was due today at 4:30.... and I finished it, forcibly, at 3:30, otherwise I would have been cutting it too close with time and whatnot. I now feel worlds better to actually be able to start break!
Also, I have reason to believe that my student loan money will actually be paid on time... and the tuition part gets paid to the school first, so I don't even have to worry about transfering funds, or whatever. And as a 'just in case' my parents assured me that , if need be, I can borrow whatever I am short, from them. In terms of my health, the bronchitis or whatever is still not completely cleared up. Im generally ok with the drugs, but every once in a while it flares up and I start coughing. This weekend with the concert, it also showed how little voice I actually have going. Even my speaking voice was hoarse after the concert.
Anyway, enough of that. I wish everyone happy holidays and all the rest. I'll still be around here and posting, but all the best to everyone!

only a very quick note

im writing essay, finally feeling productive so I come here.... makes sense to me.
Recipe for productive essay writing:
-Days of previous procrastination
-several ounces liquor
-chocolate
-random other yummies and more liquor
Raise heat to: 1 day before the paper is due
Bake for as long as you can before you completely stop making sense, or you pass out for ingredient number 2

hope you enjoyed! I know I'm enjoying ingredients 2-4.... I probably shouldn't become an academic, I'd be too fat and drunk.... not necesarily a bad thing....

time for a rant

Holy shit, technology and all the cuntass radio shack whores are the devil!
I just got my midi keyboard... does this make me happy?... NO!
All keyboards these days are advertised as midi interfaced and easy to hook up to a computer..... LIES!!!!
Standard midi interface on the keyboards is 5-prong midi cable...
Standard midi interface on computers is NOT. Everything is USB based. They don't even put 5-prong midi into sound cards anymore! and even if they did, they don't even give you the cable in the box with the keyboard, motherfuckers.
mumbly mumbly, on top of that, theres no easy way to make these technologies compatible. In fact the only way is to buy some bitch ass converter cable.... but no! it's not like the old days where you could just go to radio shack and get a 2 way splitter for your phone... The Source doesn't even have the adapter?!? WTF, you little radio shack cunts are supposed to have everything I could ever need!
In fact this angry-making cord costs frickin 60$ and I can't even find it for cheaper on EBAY! what has gone wrong with this world. I'll tell you...
The world has become far too commercial and money driven. They run function based marketing ploys that result in unfulfilled purchases that require further investment before the original product can ever be used for the function that served as an original selling point!
It's the same thing as the bloody christian world mission things where they show you the starving children and you feel bad, so they have you call in and set up a sponsorship for the child, and they waste money sending you constant updates and developing pictures and end up only making an investment in their mission-controlled education. The original advertised function was to feed the starving child... why not just bloody well buy a loaf of bread and send it through the mail to ethiopia; instead, it gets sent through a syphoning scheme that dribbles out pennies at the end. Sure you might say that the updates are cheap, only the cost of postage and paper and love. Well I've had enough of postage and paper and love.
Don't tellm me that my keyboard is ready to go for computer shit when Im gonna have to track down this cable and then make it go myself.
Motherfuckers, every last one of them!
I hate the world and all the shit.
On the other hand, I bought cheap chocolate at Giant Tiger today, and read through my source books for the Mozart paper, so all in all it was a pretty good day.

Sense of Accomplishment

I just did it. I finished a book!
This might seem like a sad and pathetic meek accomplishment to be proud of, but I haven't been able to actually do this in the past year and a bit or so. The book was "Alice's adventures in wonderland", which is only 110 pages or so, but I am still proud.
It's not like I haven't been reading at all; I have started reading lots of books and articles, as well as research reading I've done for papers and whatnot. The bad thing was that I've been lacking that sense of accomplishment coming from actually reading a piece of literature in it's entirety.
About a year ago, I tried to force myself to do this by starting to read 2 things: 1) Churchills 6-volume set on the second world war 2) Some random short french book. The idea behind it was that having two reading projects going, I would discourage myself from the big one and focus on the smaller one and get that one done... It was an interesting theory, but I failed miserably. With Alice, I started reading the other night, and then this afternoon, I forced myself to just read. It really didn't take much forcing, for it was an entirely delightful book and I'm glad I did read it.
I hope that this will change the way I have approached reading this last while. I really want to read Hindemith's A Composer's World which I have started already, and there are quite a few books lying around the house that need to be finished off.
I think this is also a representative movement in my life. The other night when I went to Papa Georges and worked on composing/finishing that piece I had started in the summer, Im now determined to finish it. Also, in terms of practicing and recital preparation, I am making it my goal to actually have my repertoire learned long before the recital date, because I want the pieces to feel finished. It's like my concerto, the second time around, I actually felt like I had polished it and learned it, and the practicing was merely to keep the notes in my fingers.
Who knows, perhaps this is a move towards me becoming a more complete person.
Speaking of completion, that is what I need to do with my Mozart paper for Piano Rep... oh, but wait. I suppose I have to start it before it can be completed... n'est-ce pas? That is on the plate for tomorrow definately, perhaps tonight. It needs to be handed in on Monday, so it's going to be an all encompassing weekend project! Yippee!

Gosh Golly the Deliciousness!!!

Im eating hard candy... like the old fashioned kind.
They're all sorts of colours, some are solid, some are striped, and they have random flavours. I just had a blue one that is licorice flavour (yummy) but earlier I had one a similar colour that was cinnamon (argh)!
I just never know what to expect... sometimes the colours indicate the level of scrumptiosness, other times no.... Wonder and happiness abound!
Im knitting and having tea tonight!
Wow, Im wound up on energy and random hyper already, I need some muscle relaxants... maybe liquor... maybe wine at perkins.... ooh the possibilities are endless!
So I'm making a thong/stocking for xmas. It's going to be like a thong, except it'll have a massive extending sheath that will serve as the present holder!!! Im excited for Santa to stuff my stocking!! tee hee!
Im also going to make a thong for Tiffy, pink... and maybe over xmas break I'll line Brendan's so I can give it to him to wear... its actually a well made one... good shaping. I hope his manhood lives up to the thong, but it is Brendan...
It's been a long time since I've knit a thong... I hope these turn out... I forgot which size needles and stich numbers and all that.. oh well, soon enough

69'th Post! Long time yearning fulfilled!

For those of you with a dirty mind, the title of this post is 2 spearate ideas. My blogging dashboard informed me that there are 68 posts on my blog: this being the 69th. I think I will have a celebration for 100 or something.
Way back a while ago, Deena and I went to the Original Pancake House. I think it was when we first started dating, or maybe before that, I'm not sure either of how our relatoinship developped in the earlier stages nor of my current or past placement within the temporal spheres (ie. I have a terrible memory of when and if things occurred). Nevertheless, at the time, Deena was absolutely disgusted by something on the menu: French Benedict. It seemed interesting; basically eggs benedict served on french toast rather than an english muffin, but I didnt get it for 2 reasons:
1) out of respect for Deena's tastes
2) out of fear... she told me if I ordered it, she was likely to vomit all over it.
Today a group of us went there, and while Deena still seemed perturbed by it, she said I could order it if I wanted.... so I did.
I don't really like eggs benedict all that much anyway. not a big eggs fan unless theres also lots of cheese. I basically like the sauce, but the one today wasnn't all that good. And you didn't even get the crunch from the english muffin to contrast the HAM (read: back bacon, this is not fucking bacon, it's HAM HAM HAM, there is no difference!)(Note: there is no post entitled back bacon, so don't go searching for it, Im using cunty internet terminology that is cunty!) I wouldn't say that the french benedict was disgusting by any means, but it was nowhere near the deliciousness that I had built it up to in my mind over these months. I guess, in the end I ordered it out of spite. It's that whole 'everyone wants what they can't have' thing. That's why everyone wants lots of money, it's hard to get... whereas noone wants syphilis because it's so easy to get, heck I'll give it to you (Note: STD's are not funny and should be treated with the same respect that those who have and spread them should be treated... sluts and whores; they are also not STI's, modern sexual transmission nomenclature has gotten on the politically correct trolley, and needs to fall off).
However, The banana chocolate chip pancakes that I got with the benedict were fabulous! even though they charged me 1.79$ more to get them. But wonderful!!! mmm yummy! I should have just ordered the full order of them.... I'll keep that in mind for next time. The slarthy bastards... apparently they are charging 1.79$ to add ice cream to your pancakes, BUT if you look on the dessert menu, it is only 1.75$ for ice cream..... BASTARDS. Had the rest of the meal not been so excessive to start with, I would have made a deal about it and saved my 4 cents, and given then my 2 cents (figuratively though, otherwise I would only be up 4 cents, which would the same as if they had given me their 2 cents, in which case I would have been told!).
Alas it's been a good day... after I got home from breakfast at tiffany's, I was tired so I napped.
When I was at the school, I tried to get my jury mark, but it was not available. Apparently the piano panel still hasn't handed in the stuff, argh! I'm impatient and I wanna know NOW NOW NOW! but alas, I feel confidant about it, so I don't care so much
bye for now!

random mood

I practiced a bit tonight at the school with Deena and Brendan. At like 10:40 or whatever they started to leave, I left with them but neither wanted to do something. I was not ready to go home, and a little hungry.
I drove by Perkins to see if maybe Scotty would be there, I know Im a stalker. He wasn't, but I wasn't willing to go home. I decided I'd go alone to Papa Georges. I'm glad I did.
I hadn't had one of their caesar salads in a long long time; it made me very happy and full, especially the rest of the food that went with it.
I also pulled out a piece that I started composing in the summer. It's the one that I started inputting into the computer manually as practice for computer music notation. I didn't think I'd actually get anything done, especially since I wouldn't be close to a keyboard of any kind. In the end, I wrote the ending, with which I am quite satisfied. Now all that's left is one more little section which will link the middle of the piece to the end of the piece!
I think the problem was that I had gotten to a hump in that piece and I just needed to get over it, which after tonight, I have. Soon it will be finished, and it will actually be ready to present as a christmas present for whomever it is that I have been composing it for.... Ooh golly, Im excited.
Im also tired, breakfast at tiffany's tomorrow....

I can't feel my face!

they used a lot of freezing on me, those bastards!
i thought I was crying a little after the freezing cause my eye felt cold, but it turned out that even that was frozen, not the actual eye, but the socket!
I went to the pharmacy on the way home, and tried to convince Michelle to slap me on that side of my face, but she's far too kind a soul to do that. Now Im at home and I'm hungry, but I can't eat yet, because then I'll maul the inside of my mouth...but that won't stop me, im actually just waiting for supper to be ready. I've been eating M&M's again, but these are the peanut ones, so they're healthier right?
So after shopping for keyboards last night, I'm dissapointed that there are nowhere near as many options as I had thought. I've narrowed it down to one.
The Kaysound CK-65. It has 61 touch sensitive keys and midi... thats basiacally all I care about. It also has speakers and a stand..which are nice additions, but then again, I still don't care. It also looks simple, I didn't want anything with a bunch of bells and whistles... I'll leave that to my bell and whistle collection. Feel free just to type it into google and you can see the wonderful that is my xmas present. And if yer to lazy to do that, just click here and pick a site, or GOSH DARN IT, you lazy bastard, just go here and see the site that I used for reference. You people make me sick.
Anyway, I feel like I was relatively productive today. I got 2 whole pages of one of the songs I'm composing input into the computer, imagine how productive I'll be once I have that keyboard hooked up! Alas, Im done here!

So, im just about to head out to a dental appointment. Today I slept in and I've been plugging stuff into the computer for music notation... I can't wait to get my midi keyboard.
Last night was super. I hung out with Chris, who I haven't spent time with in recent memory, which is something I've missed. We watched no less than 5 episodes of Arrested Development, which is the best show ever, sadly they are planning to cancel the series.
I had made an effort to eat healthy yesterday, which meant not much. I had a piece of chicken and mushroom sauce leftover from the nightbefore for lunch, then a grilled tomatoe sandwhich melt thingy with mom for her supper. Ending up at London Drugs, I ended up buying a bag of all-dressed chips and a big bag of M&Ms, which we ate all of, and then chris deepfried some french fries later... yummy, but there goes my healthy eating attempts.
Anyway aside from the pure fun that was junk food and awesome tv, we ended up talking til about 2:30 in the morning about everything from politics to the meaning of music. Chris is wonderful, a great friend to have.
My friend Tiffy, who gave me the wonderful haircut, told me we might be going out for brunch tomorrow or breakky or whatever, I'm excited. She's heading home for xmas, so I really hope it works out and I get to see her before she leaves.
Oh ya back to the healthy eating thing, today for lunch, I made myself a shake/fruit smoothie thingy. It encorporated the leftover little bits of ice cream I could scrape out of the box, a ripe banana, some shortbread chocolate cookies, milk, hot chocolate mix and grapes. I think it woul dhave been amazing without the grapes, but oh well. It was fruity, and I haven't been getting enough fruit in my diet so there we go. Maybe supper will turn out better.
TOOTH TIME, BYE!!

I can touch my toes, and I'm damned proud of that!

The other night I went toboganning with Cara and Fi, and Cara was making fun of the image of me trying to fold my legs up on top of the curl part at the front when I was sitting in the front section of the sled. I'm sure this was pretty funny actually cause I am not a small person; I am also not a flexible person. Cara asked me "can you even still touch your toes?" to which I immediately replied "of course".
I had never thought of everything involved in that question all at once, but it suddenly hit me what a prominent thing that is.
The reason Cara said 'still' was because she obviously remembered a time which had slipped my mind. In high school, during one of the musicals, we were all seeing who could touch their toes. I remember that I could only barely do it, and it hurt a fair bit. Evan couldn't do it at all, like barely past his kness: very entertaining.
At this point I kinda figured that stretching was somethign that if you do, it will be easier so I made a point of touching my toes as often as I could, and sure enough it got easier. Then it turned into my warmup routine at Jack Andrews. This routine consisted of putting my cash float in the till, checking the candy drawer for new exciting candy, then touching my toes. And I was usually working a fair amount in highschool, for a part time job. Somehow it made its way into my daily life and now, I touch my toes every day at some point. Usually in the shower in the morning as my wake up routine.
Honestly, it's pretty much everyday. Only when I sleep in or something do I not.
Anyway, I realise this probably doesn't matter much, but Cara was right. Looking at me and comparing it to high school there is no reason to believe that I should be able to touch my toes. Im not flexibile in other parts of my body, and I have a large belly that is in the way now. So I am quite proud of my dedication and consistancy and continued ability to touch my toes!

Sigh of relief

There we go, I'm done the official exam type things for this semester. Really it wasn't that taxing at all.
I did my jury which was comfortable. I didn't get nervous for it, I had a little bit for the concerto competition. 2 reasons: I hadn't performed it before that point and I wasn't sure just how prepared I was; also the second time around I was much more prepared AND I had a performance of it under my belt. I feel very confidant about it, Im certain I got the mark I needed so that I won't be put on probation from the performance program. Im just excited to find out what mark I got, and also especially to hear Charles, Laura, and Judy's comments on my performance as well as the repertoire choice.
The 20'th century exam happened today. I feel quite good about it. Sure there were areas that I wish I had more to say about, but overall I feel very good about it. I certainly can't complain, I spent all of one evening actively studying, plus the driving time I spent listening to the third CD and just trying to enjoy the music... whether I could identify the piece or not. I spent a snippet of time last night calculating how well I'd have to do on the exam to get certain marks. I realized that with 100% on the exam, I could only get a maximum of 92%-ish, so that means an A+ is out of the question, and as good as I feel about this exam, Im pretty sure I will have a B+ when all is said and done. I find it frustrating to have such high marking standards in the faculty of music. I was a solid 4.0 Psych student, but it's been steadily dropping since then.
Ok so, I just checked. At the end of 1'st year... my GPA had plummeted down to 3.98, then after 2nd it was blottoming out at 3.97!! I rest my case.
So ya, but this term, I don't have my easy A+'s from basic skills, and they dont usually every give out A+'s for Major Practical Study or ensembles... so Im a little iffy. There actually will be a big lead downwards from my hovering around 4.0. Anyway, Im not too worried, all will be aok in the end. Maybe if I try harder, I'll do better: interesting theory.

in the middle of studying hardcore for tomorrow's 20th century exam. By that I mean I started tonight and will end sometime tonight. Im doing well, and feel I am retaining what I have covered thus far!
Jury was this morning, I was at the school really early and practiced/warmed up/napped! The concensus of Deena, Beckie, and myself is that it was the best I've played it thus far, which is nice, because I probably won't be playing it again, so I've already put it on my shelf in the library, and am in the process of forgetting it so I can get on to Recital repertoire! yaya! That's what xmas break is all about.
Anyway, exam tomorrow morning, after that, all I have is the pioano rep paper, and I have nearly 2 weeks to do that., so phew. Nevertheless tonight will be hectic trying to learn a whole course in an evening.
i need chocolate

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Michael J. Fox

Who's Your 80's Heartthrob?

This is super awesome. Back in the 80's, when Michael J Fox was really popular... I used to tell people my name was Michael J Pox.
I thought I was so damned witty... and I still do!

A new word?

"meme"
Is this a new word that has recently started to be used? It is a word I have never heard in conversation, but have recently seen it several times on the internet, blogs in particular.
I know that I don't have the richest vocabulary, but I find it odd that I've never heard of this word before. I looked it up, and it seems to be a sociology term.
I'm kinda confused and speculative of this concept relating socio-cultural elements to those of genetics. There is little one can do to alter aspects that are in their genetic makeup, but are we willing to be so weak minded as to claim that how we were raised in society will permanantly define our functions? I would hope not. It seems like they are trying to create a word for "social habits", giving it more authority in the process.
Anyway, I will state here that I do not like this word and concept. Please defend it, if you wish, and perhaps enlighten me.
Regardless, please comment and let me know if this is a word that you use in common conversation and I have just been oblivious to it, or if it actually is a fairly recent happening.

massage and pawn

I had my massage today. I didn't wake up early enough to accomplish anything before my 2 pm massage... so I'm happy. The massage was great, nice and painful. We were talking about christmas presents and how it can be a pain to shop for some people. As he started complaining about buying for his mother, and then progressing into how much he dislikes her and was happy he hasn't seen her in 3 years, I could actually feel that he was being more violent which was a good thing. Everyone needs a little masochism in their life!
On the way there, I did manage to drop off my student aid forms at the office. When I asked how long things would take and if there was anyway of speeding up the process, the lady gave me a lecture on how the form was sent out in July, and I should have done it sooner.
~Thanks lady, I didn't realise that. And it's certainly not a constant source of stress lately knowing that I don't have money for tuition for second term, and this money won't get here on time. ~
But she wasn't really bitchy about it. She was even almost quasi hald-appologetic.
On my way home, I stopped off at a few places looking for a midi-keyboard or keyboard controller. I used this as an excuse to actually go to some of the pawn shops to which I've always wanted to go. I also went to some ghetto discount stores like Xess Cargo, and Odd Lots. I felt so skeezy, but that's the way I am anyway.
In the end, I didn't find anything that was worthwhile. I looked on the internet and called some music places in search of the same thing. I talked to my parents, and it looks like I'll be getting a midi keyboard for christmas, but sooner. I need it now, so whatever; maybe they'll wrap up the box and put it under the tree for me to open. I also emailed the random duties.organizational guy at the music building and asked if there were any keyboards like that around the school that I could either borrow or buy from them. On one hand, I don't think they will, but on the other, they have lots of random stuff that probably isn't being used. Who knows... it's worth a try, seeing how the email only took 2 minutes.
Anyway, I need to go practice and my student comes over in less than an hour. Im scared of later this week. I have a feeling I won't be as prepared as I'd like for this jury and I still haven't started studying for the 20th Century exam....

Well, by went another relatively unproductive weekend.
The Jury will be thursday morning around 9:30. Now that there is a certain time, I can get organized and practice up to that point. I find it hard to keep a piece in good condition without a definate goal in mind. Anyway, soon enough, I will be done with the piece and all will be good! Provided I get to the national level of competitions, I'll have t brusgh it up again, but thats not for a while.
Saturday was a great day. Good times at the ballet, then there was the ballet xmas party in the evening. Deena and I went and brough spinach dip... all the food there was great and good times were had. The husband of the hostess(one of the teachers I play for) is a movie producer/entertainment manager, so we watched one of the movies that he name dropped. It was wonderful in that way of being so super bad. I did some practicing on Sunday night, but ya.
Today was also a good day. I had class.... it ended early, I was kinda bothered cause its the second last class, we should have done review... Im actually pissed off about that. Canata had an extra rehearsal today because last week was shitty. I was the only tenor there today, other than Jonny filling in with the second tenor part for parts of it. Mel and the sort were impressed/happy with my singing. He actually made a point of telling me I did a good job after the rehearsal. This is actually quite a compliment from what I know about Mel's habit of commenting only on the bad. It's so much easier to blend and have some ensemble, when I'm the only one there..... ontop of there, Its so much easier for the section to not sound like ass when a certain member of the section isn't there..... Oops, bitchy, I don't appologize.
After I finished writing my 20th century assignment, I tried to go home. I stepped outside and the 61 Downtown Super Express was pulling up, so I ran, but rather than stopping, it sped up and drove away. Then realising the next bus I could take would be 25 minutes, I decided "Screw it!" and went back to the school. I wandered for a bit, couldn't find a practice room, so decided to talk to a history prof.
Burly is one of those inspiring profs who loves what he does and gets really excited when students are actually interested. I went to try and get some starting points of advice for my plan to do a study of improvisation. We ended up talking for about an hour or whatever about this that and the other! He suggested that the issue I am probably more interested in researching, rather than improvisation historically, is performance practice and why improv doesn't have a recognized place within it. He was impressed with my desire to tackle what he sees as such a huge issue, and made sure that I know what Im getting myself into. If anything, Im more excited about this now than I was before.
It was wonderful and flattering. I haven't talked to him in quite a while, but just by listening to me say some things, he was comparing me to some of his former students who are off doing PhD work, stressing how important it is to follow up on those things we find interesting as they will take us the places we are really meant to go. I never even mentioned any interest or experience in composition, but he suggested that from my thoughts and approaches, I might end up being a composer. He recommended a book by Hindemith that he feels might inspire me.
All in all this was an amazing way to spend time today. I'm glad I missed the busses.
Tomorrow, I have a massage! It's going to hurt soo much... I can't wait. You should hear some of the noises and cracks my body has been making lately. A little frightening actually. Far too stressed, and I need to find a better way to deal with it than harbouring the tension in random parts of me.... well not so random... mostly neck and back and shoulders... which transfers to the arms and jaw. I actually I have a fairly really good understanding of mapping my tension routes, so I can manage it ok... but i still need to prevent it in the first place. more stretching I guess. I guess losign weight and exercising would help too.... why doin't I just get healthy - it would probably solve a lot of problems.
anyway, enough random dribblings for now.

unorganization prevails

wow, everything about the piano faculty right now is fucké shitey!
They are so disorganised. The jury I was supposed to play this morning was cancelled because they never bothered to check the time with one of only 3 members of the panel!!! add to that, my teacher hadn't called to tell me this, which I suppose if ok, cause it would have made me practice... but I found out and made sure to throw last night away with masses of sightreading, and improvising - both important, but ya. As it stands, the juries will be early next week sometime, so ya, I'll let you know about that. I felt bad because, having only found out about the cancellation at 10pm last night, and not having my accomapnists phone number, she came early this mornign to practice.... IM SORRY BECKIE!!!
Also there was an awesome masterclass today, which I felt bad about having to leave early for work, BUT all three of the performers had to leave early as well. FOR FUCKS SAKE, it was a guest concert pianist from Israel. If you know you are performing in a masterclass, then make arrangements to BE THERE! Notice also the bitterness that 2 of the people listed had already played for a faculty class, and still neither Deena, nor I have had a chance to play, and we're the performance majors (contrasting the 2nd year pianists). Not cool. Anyway, Im not happy, because I would love to have had more opportunity to play my concerto, especially since no one knows it, I want to expose people to it, but I guess that doesnt matter. And the guy from my studio who played today, got to play at the last masterclass, when I had told David I wanted to. GRR..... David is going to get an earful when I have my next lesson. I just feel like I'm not really being challanged this year. I realise that David wants me to be able to master shorter pieces and stuff, but I am more motivated by the stuff that I know will take a good deal of effort. Anyway, I shouldn't say too much , cause I really don't know what is best for me, if I did, I woule be a much better pianist right now. The guest artist today was amazing. We didn't hear her play, but her teaching was well articulated, and insightful. The sightreading or whatnot she did to demonstrate sounded like she was performing. It was wonderful to hear and see another teaching perspective from David's. It always gives you a new way of looking at things.
Last night I had some serious fun improvising. I asked for a suggestion, expecting to get a key and a style, but no! Kirsten suggested a scene in a desert where people are dying of dehydration:
This was super fun, I tried to encorporate a very Arabic pentatonic/whole tone type scale to depict the desert. I also found ways to do the imagery for sandstorms and mirages. Unfortunately in the end, they all died.
Later on, Brendan suggested G major, three children flying kites, but then their nany; usually outspoken, always mean yells at them to come home for dinner, but they don't want to:
This was also a lot of fun. I set up a simple I-IV-V-I type arpegiation with a tonic bass pedal in the LH and then devised a little wind melody that expressed the happiness of the day. I used that as a type of refrain as I tried to have an individual little theme for each child's kite, flying in different directions and styles ( I was imagining the different colours of kites, and how some kids let it go all over the place, some try and keep it in control). By the time I got to the third kite, I had forgotten the character of the other kites. My intention was to also play 2 of the themes together showing them with an interplay of almost getting tangled. Then, almost out of nowhere, right in the middle of the wind theme, E minor comes in and represented the nanny yelling to the children. I tried to go back and forth from that to the different kites, but Im not sure how clear that came across. I intentionally left out the wind theme because, if the nanny was yelling, it would be hard to notice how happy the day was. Eventually, I calmed down the kites, and the wind theme came back to end the piece.
I also did some other types of formal improvisations last night, but I had completely forgotten about this aspect of improvisation: pictoral representation. The last time I tried a direct appproach to this was years and years ago, before I started improvising formally. My technique wasn't enough at that point to express what I had wanted. Now, it comes much more easily, and I can say that it's probably a strong point, second to tangos maybe, in my improvising. Anyway, tonight I will practice and practice some more on my concerto, don't want it to slip away out of my fingers!