So, I realized that I've been accepted to Grad school meaning I have a ticket out of Winnipeg.
This is exciting!
I'm excited to not know anyone! Another chance for a fresh start on life, and meet new people with no expectations.
I'm not saying that expectations people have of people are bad. Rather, it's a good way to test how reliable your own personality traits are, to make sure you're not putting on a show for what you think other people want to see in you.
I remember doing this when I went away for a summer for french camp. I remember starting the summer forcibly subdued. The reason was that I had developed a reputation of being somewhat loud and crazy in high school, and it was sort of a self fulfilling prophecy, I was of course loud and crazy because there were no expectations of me to be quiet or sane. Anyway, as the summer went on, I loosened up and I naturally went back to some very similar personality traits.
Once again, when I started at the school of music, I was subdued, and allowed my personality to find itself again as I wove myself into a new social situation that was the school of music. I'm not saying that I am exactly the same person as I was before that summer or before beginning university, but there are some fundamental personality things that always come up. As I sit here analyzing what I'm saying, I realize that it's a sort of defense mechanism. I don't completely open myself up at first, slowly allowing my personality to come into light as I feel more comfortable with my new surroundings.
There's my psychology session for the day!
While I could easily diagnose myself as just being shy, and throw all caution to the wind when I move away, I still think it's good to be a little standoffish in new social situations... it's like strippers:
You should never come on stage fully naked... then there's nothing to work up to. You have to come out somewhat covered up, maybe with a little tease here and there, but slowly you show more and more.
In conclusion, new friends should always want to see you naked.
3 comments:
i enjoy this train of thought.
I was SO ready to have a new set of surroundings after highschool, and i coudldn't wait to 'reinvent' myself and get away from the labels that had been placed on me.
Unfortunatly for me, many of the labels were true, and i really didn't make any friends my first year. That sucked. But i guess it was a learning situation.
You're lucky that you get to 'reinvent' yourself one more time. I think school is a great way to do that. I'm realizing however that my entrance into the work force basically begins the point where i should already know myself. I'm realizing that i'm never going to meet as many people in such a small time as i did in school, and it's sad. I'll probably meet a few more new people, and perhaps one or two may become my friend, but really, there is no more hoards of people to meet and be impressed by or to impress. Or to have expectations from.
I know you'll do well in another surrounding. Going to a new city is exciting if you're willing to do the work of meeting people, and i know you're up to it. Yay!
Tiffy, don't confuse getting to know new people with knowing yourself. Life is a journey we all have to go through to know ourselves. Whether we do that isolated on a mountain top, or within a close social network of lots of people, it's still an individual thing.
Entering the work place will allow you to go out and find people with varied interest, not just be spoonfed new friends who share a common interest of music... however vaguely that may be.
Well, I can tell you this, I'm glad to stay in the circle forever and ever and never ever ever ever ever ever leave my home because that is where my heart is and my friends and my community and my neighbors and where the sun always shines in sunny sunny St James where the circle goes around and around
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