Happy Friday!

Lots of things today:

-My last day of teaching Sight Singing. It was nice while it lasted, but it's really been eating away at my work time.

-I got my first ADP(Assistive Devices Program) cheque in the mail today.  Being new to the pump, I made some mistakes which meant I needed to change infusion sets more than I will now regularly need to, I've also been testing over 10 times each day... at a dollar a strip, that $300 is not even covered by the ADP, let alone the extra costs of pump supplies.  Long story short, this money is very much needed at this time! 

-I talked to my nurse today and she informed me that I should be correcting my sugars.  This has been a major miscommunication... Apparently the 'don't correct unless you are over 14mmol' thing was only meant to be heeded for the first 2 weeks...  While this information would have made my life a lot more comfortable this last month, I am accepting the news with unbridled happiness!

-We're having a retro potluck this weekend; I am making fruit punch!  Only problem was that I didn't have a ladle, a punch bowl, or enough glasses.  I went to the Bargain Shop today and was happy to get a big plastic bowl for $2.98, a ladle for $1.68.  I was sad that I couldn't find plastic cups, but I was extra delighted to find an 18-piece set of glassware for only $3.74!  I was expecting to get it home and find that 5 of them were broken, but no - perfection!

Ok, Something I didn't make time to bitch about yesterday....

I am justified in bitching, but the bottom line is that my license had actually expired already, once again, that information would have been really helpful and would have saved me money, time and heartache.  Nevertheless, I hadn't checked the exact date it expired, assuming it was the very end of the month.  The only place in London that can do an inter-provincial license exchange is way out, where the sun doesn't shine and the busses don't quite go.  It would have been over a 30-minute walk after a 35-minute bus ride.  I figured it was more efficient to convince a friend of mine to drive me there, with the lure of buying him lunch.

Ok, so the money spent on lunch and the wasted time were my fault, BUT I'm still justified.  

  Even if my license hadn't already expired, I would still be sans-license because of the stupid Manitoba 2-part license crap!  They needed a 2 year clean driving record which could have been shown from a license that was older than 1 year and 11 months - the age of my "New and Unimproved" 2=part Manitoba shit license.  Also, if it were a one-piece license, I would have known exactly when it expired because it would say that instead of having to peel the paper from the plastic.  Anyway, stupid Manitoba licenses!

Out of spite, I don't want to ever have to go back to the London Ontario licensing place, but I'm wondering if I should wait until I am next in Manitoba to renew, or if I should just pay for an abstract and get an Ontario one anyway.

Yuck.  Oh ya, I didn't mention that the Ontario licensing place is completely privatized!  It's not even a government thing; the place was called DriveTest.  On the other hand, it is cheaper in Ontario.... 75$ for 5 years instead of 65 or whatever the price is per year in Manitoba...

I think I'll get an abstract from Manitoba and then when my parents come here for the concert, I'll get them to drive me out there so I can drive while they're here!  Other than that, I don't need to drive.

-Wow, I'm rambling.  Goodbye!

Reading today!

Today was the reading of the first two movements of my Thesis.

All in all, the reading was pretty good and I got some valuable information.  There isn't really anything that I want to throw away or change completely, rather it gives me a good idea of areas that need some fixing, or changing notation so it will be clearer.

Generally, everyone did a really good job of sight reading, though I'll admit that the reading was asking a lot of the piano soloist.  There will be much more time for learning before the actual performance.

At this point, I'm going to make a few notational changes to the first movement, and then I'll be done with it - moving on to the remainder of the piece.  I have now developed a really clear concept of the last movement, so it's a matter of filling it in.

I took a little bit of this evening off completely from thesis work.  I read through some music at the piano: some delightful spanish music by Albeniz, pieces I played years ago (and shouldn't have tortured my roommate by trying to play through them again...), and just some random sight reading.  I also watched my new favourite Canadian television show - Being Erica while knitting.  Oh, I had gone on a quick power walk before that to get my metabolism in gear...  My sugars were sitting way up high in the stratosphere at 18.8 mmol and I had taken insulin to get them down, but I knew sitting around watching t.v. wasn't going to help them come down.  30 minutes later, I was home and tested my sugars at 11.3 mmol!  I've been watching them closely as they will still be coming down for a little while yet.

They call it a rage bolus -when you take way more insulin than you know you need so that the sugars will come down faster.  I used to do this rather recklessly years ago when my diabetes control was much less scientific.  The problem was that it would start dropping so quickly that I'd be super hungry and I'd need to eat to stave off a low - I'd invariably eat too much and then my sugars would rise back up again - not quite as much, but to a silly level nonetheless.  Nowadays, I basically take a pre-bolus.  That's when I know I'll be eating within an hour or two, so I take the correction and the meal bolus together and then give it a head start before eating. 

[I'm not advising any other diabetics to do this.  I am not a doctor - I'm just reporting on what I've done with my own care]

Ideally, I eat the food once my sugars have come down a fair bit, but with some leeway so that the remaining insulin is used up by the food.

Tonight, it was a rage bolus, but I'm going to justify it by figuring out how much insulin is still acting, and having a snack to counteract that remainder!

Mumbly mumbly, enough said.

Motivation to get my thesis done on time!

  Today, my sister confirmed that she got the time off of work and she bought her ticket to fly to London for the performance of my thesis.  My parents will also be driving halfway across the country to attend the event.

It bothers me that they will be making such a huge trip, and they will be seeing the performance in what is just a glorified classroom.  Nevertheless, I am very excited that they will be coming.  My sister has never been able to attend any performances of my music, mostly because there's been very little outside of the university environment, so it means a lot that she is willing to come so far to attend.  At the very least, it means that 3 people are making a huge investment of time and money - and I owe it to them to have the very best prepared.

I finished cueing, editing and printing parts tonight for the reading.  A little behind my imposed schedule, yes, but I'm actually caught up to my post-it-note schedule - for a few days, ish.

If I can write another movement before Jan29'th, then I'd be perfectly on schedule, but I'm not seeing that as a realistic goal.

Ok, enough rambling tonight.

I haven't shampooed my hair since the day I got my haircut - a week.  As a result, my hair has become dull and flat.  I've always had straight hair, but never flat; it's lost all of it's volume.  While I don't want to have oily hair anymore, I don't want this!  I'm going to shower and shampoo my hair in about 10 minutes and I'm going to start a cycle of shampooing every 3 days.  I hope I haven't screwed things up - I always liked the way my hair looked, just not the oiliness.  

While I had finished my reading score and handed it in on Thursday morning, I have still not finished the parts.  This is the problem with working really well to deadlines - the deadlines of others are far more convincing than the ones that one sets for him or herself.  I had told myself to get them done on Friday so I would be finished, but in reality, they aren't due until Tuesday before the reading.

Anyway, I will finish that up today and get the scores bound; I've wasted enough time already.

I've been flip-flopping a lot on how I feel about the reading.  I feel like I did not prepare enough and could have put a lot more information into the score.  I also am on the verge of making large-scale unwarranted judgement calls on the piece, simply because I haven't heard it yet.  I also haven't met with my adviser in a long time, so I'm craving some outside opinion.  I am a little scared of the fact that he has never seen any of the second movement, and it will be played at the reading.  I am also a little anxious that he might not be able to make it to the reading, not that that would be the worst thing ever, but he knows more about working with a conductor and general practical concerns.  Anyway, in the end I'm really looking forward to hearing some things and learning about whether or not they work.

The pump is getting noticeably better all the time.  I am currently trying out a new infusion site in the side/back of my left thigh.  I suppose this could be referred to as one's "nass".  Luckily, I picked the right section of the nass, so I'm not sitting on it or bumping it much.  Today, the absorption seems to be good, whereas last night it took even longer than normal for the absorption to start.  That was likely because my sugars were high to begin with, so I won't hold it against this site in particular.

I've been drinking alcohol more often lately, so that has been interfering with sugars as well.

In other news, I'm now finally officially feeling like a grad student.  I make just barely enough money to live off of, this means that when I want to go out and party or spend money, in theory, I have to make adjustments to everything else.  Unfortunately, I have been bad at that this last year and I have opted to not make the necessary adjustments.  Macbook, holiday travel, drinking and eating out more than I should have left me where I am today - finally experiencing student debt.  On one hand, this is terrible for me - I had always been relatively in control of my money and debt was a very minor presence.  On the other hand, that was when I lived at home while attending undergrad; every friend I knew who lived away from home had a huge debt load after undergrad, and my worst-case-scenario debt this year still pales in that comparison.  For the rest of this year, I'm going to smarten up and fly right.

I'd still say I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, but nowhere near as much as I used to be.  Stress has definitely made a home for itself in my life.

This week is a week of deadlines.  Yesterday, I had to get the piano part to my pianist so she can learn it for the reading in a week today; this meant I had to finish the piano part.  I spent the entire morning and afternoon at the computer to finish it, and on the bus to take it to her, I noticed mistakes and things that I need to change.  I ended up rewriting an entire section last night and re-delivered it to her today.

It was so hard to focus on just the piano part when there is so much to do with the orchestra, but now I get to focus on the orchestra because the deadline to get the score to the conductor is Thursday.  Today and tomorrow will be two more days of intense writing so that I make the best use of the reading session.

With stress, comes even more erratic eating habits, which I didn't quite notice until I got an email from my pump nurse yesterday saying that she couldn't use any of the information I had sent her from the previous week because it was too speckled with snacking and drinking and general randomness.  On the bright side, she said we're getting quite close with the pumping so I should just buckle down - if I can eat just three solid meals a day and get the appropriate blood glucose readings to go along, we should be able to finalize things this week, maybe.  We are both getting quite apologetic; she fears that she's being an annoyance, while I fear that I'm taking up too much of her time.  We both need to do this for a little longer and then things will be all good, I just hope that I haven't overstayed my welcome as a new pump trainee.

Ooh, I almost forgot to mention.  Every time I get a haircut, I think about not shampooing my hair for a while so that I can methodically slow down the oil production of my scalp.  Without fail, I last a day or two and then I start shampooing daily again.  This time, I thought to put my shampoo under the bathroom sink, so I won't be able to shampoo, even if I want to.  I still rinse my hair daily, but I'm sure that takes away less of the natural oils than shampoo does.  Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how the hair is going every couple of days!

I've had floaters for a few years now.  Some days they distract me and other days I don't even notice them.  For the longest time, they were a constant reminder that my diabetes control was less than ideal.  Now I've accepted them as a gentle reminder, but I don't let them get me down.

When I pay attention to the fact that my field of vision is tainted with these little things, they really are quite distracting; otherwise, they really don't affect my daily life.  

The only reason I mention them is because it is winter.  With winter comes snow and that snow is white.  Floaters are much more prominent with a white or light background, so they are much more a part of my life lately.

It stands as a testament for human physiology and its ability to ignore that which it deems unnecessary.

In other news, I'm finding it difficult for myself to ignore that which is unnecessary!  Nevertheless, I am still getting a lot done.  I've pretty much finished the first movement (at least enough for the reading) and I'm in the process of pulling the second movement together.  I have to get a copy of both movements to my pianist by tomorrow, so I am focusing on the piano part, and then I will fill in the orchestral stuff.  My score deadline for the reading is Thursday, so I have until Wednesday night to finish and then I can spend the days thereafter preparing the parts to hand out to the orchestra.  Since the parts have to be the same as the score I hand in, at least I won't have to make creative decisions on that weekend... at least not relating to the reading material...

Ok, back to work!

Ooh, wait, first I have exciting news.... The piano is being tuned tomorrow morning!

So far, one comment and it's sopping in sarcasm.  Nevertheless, I appreciate it very much.  Thank you anonymous poster!

I got a haircut today.  After getting lunch at the food court in the mall near my apartment, I decided to try out the hair stylist in the mall - my hair was getting long and it was awful convenient.  I really didn't have high expectations at all, and accepted the fact that I might get mall-hairstylist massacred.  In the end, I think this is possibly my best haircut ever.  Normally, I shower right after getting a haircut because I'm so itchy, but there's no itch - she did a phenomenal job of keeping my neck hair free.  Also, she styled it and put gunk in.  As I knew I was going to the orchestra concert tonight, I decided to keep it in and styled.  I also wore nice clothes - something that was quite unnecessary for Orchestra London, but it made me feel oh so pretty!

Post #800

I recently realized that on the blog itself, there is no reference to how many posts I've done.  Blogger users will know that the program tells your how many posts there are in a blog, but nothing for you, my faithful readers.

I'm not going to do anything about this, because I don't think it's worth my while; rather, I just wanted to point out that I'm not just randomly pulling numbers out of you-know-where.

Eight-hundred posts - even I'm impressed at how much rambling, ranting, blabbering and word writing that is.  As self-referential as this post is labelled to be, I wondered the other day whether or not this blog will survive to one thousand.

Long story short, yes it will.

Long story - I think I'll probably blog until the internet ceases to exist for reason such as:

-It is a remarkable method of procrastination.  

-I like writing words.

-I like to rant.

-With the memory I have, I need this blog so I can account for the things I've done since 2005.

Thinking about whether the next 200 posts would happen, I thought ahead to the next year...

I realized that I have no idea of what will happen and things are always changing.  By post 850, I'll have finished my thesis and maybe even will have it performed.  By post 900, I will have graduated and will know the results of my multitudinous applications.  We all know that I will NEED this blog to properly voice my indecision.

The bottom line is that I keep changing and will likely continue to do so.  As a result, this blog continues to change.  I think back to the days when all I did was rant and complain about things; I think of how my blog has matured; and I think of how lame I have become with only blogging about my two topics these days.  I will keep blogging, and I hope that I still have readers.

[Reader Participation]

Readers, I'd like to thank you all for sticking with me, or dropping by on a rare occasion, or even those who might be reading for the first time.  I would like you all to leave me a comment and share your favourite memory of my blogging life!  

Maybe it was the time I spouted random diabetes-related numbers out and you have no idea what any of it meant; maybe it was the time I complained about my readers never commenting, or maybe it was when I posted those beautiful pictures of Hoppy the Hopster.  

Use the search function up at the top left of the page to help jog your memory.

Whatever it was, I would love to hear about it!

And readers, in true Michael fashion, you can expect a post in a few days complaining about how I've put my heart out on my sleeve, mumbly mumbly, and beg you all for the comments which you haven't yet left me!

Happy Anniversary!

little update

1)This is my last post in the seven hundreds.

2)I sent away my UBC application today and the Boston one went away yesterday.  I am officially done with applying for grad schools (in North America)!

3)After the negativity of my earlier post, my sugars have stayed flat since noon - within one mmol - that's amazing!  I'm very excited; despite being hungry, I'm avoiding eating supper for as long as I can so I can double check that my basal rate is accurate.

It seems my life has only 2 focuses these days - insulin pump and thesis.  Maybe that's because it's true.  Today I'll be writing about the pump.

  Over Christmas, I pretty much went on a break.  Looking back, at least 20% of the insulin I was taking daily was a correction - meaning I will cut back significantly the amount of insulin I require once I get the pump figured out, and that is a prospect about which I'm very excited.  Things are slowly getting better, but each time I talk to my nurse, a new problem seems to pop up.

  Perhaps I was naive in thinking that I would be able to get the pump figured out in a matter of a few weeks, but I really did think so.  I thought I would be on solid ground by this point of January.  With that said, I can see that things are slowly getting better - little by little - slowly.

  I have become much more involved in the diabetes online community, which has been very helpful, but I've found that I'm missing Manitoba's Maestro Project and the diabetics involved with it.  When I read diabetic blogs online, it often has a perspective of being diabetes focused with some real-life sprinkled in.  At maestro dinners, yes we were there to talk and learn about diabetes and whatnot, but it was always just a group of young people getting together and interacting like people first, and diabetes was just the understood commonality.

Ok, that's enough blabbing for now, I've spent too much time on diabetes today... time for thesis!

  Generally, it was a pretty productive weekend.  Both my UBC and Boston University applications are ready to go, except for:

1) Draft of the first movement of my thesis.  I'm waiting on my teacher's comments before I send it.

b)Binding - I'll do this right before I send them away.

The trip from my apartment to the FedEx Kinky's for binding, and then to the post office has become very familiar.  I did it multiple times for DAAD, and a few more times for other university applications.  I'll do it again on Tuesday and I'll enjoy it!

  Since I took a break from the first movement, I've gotten a lot of work done on my second movement.  Today I took a look back at the first movement, and I realized that there is SO much work that needs to be done before I can even send a draft away!  I was hoping that when I came back to it, it would be clear that I would only have to do a few small tasks to complete it, but that appears not to be the case.  

  Part of me wants to regret stepping back from the piece because I'll likely continue in the same manner as I would have anyway, but the other part is glad I got the second movement underway - and perhaps some of those decisions will inform the earlier movement.

Productive workspace

Since I got my extended desktop set up on my macbook, I'm back to my desk.  The amount of daylight seems to be a lot less than it was before the break, so it's been dark in my workspace.  I've made a few changes that have actually made all the difference I could have hoped for.

1)  I moved a lamp onto my desk - I can see!

2) To make room for the lamp, I shifted my monitor over to the right side of the upper level - the lamp is on the left side of the upper level.

3)  While my speakers had previously been on the upper level, they are now on the main level where the computer and piles of paper are.

4)  Random other things have shifted to make best use of the space.

I had never really enjoyed having this glass computer desk, but it was cheap when I bought it.  Now that things are in different places, I think it is actually a really good set-up.  

The second movement of my thesis is now actually coming together.  I feel like I will actually have some good stuff ready for the orchestra reading which is coming up in two or so weeks.  I'm actually feeling like some of the things I've written are really quite beautiful.  Wow, I feel nauseous to have just said that.  Oh well, I should be self-encouraging from time to time.

Oh darn, I just realized that it is the weekend and I haven't done anything more with my applications.  There is still a bunch to do - printing out scores, deciding exactly which scores to include, the cover letters or statements of interest.  Anyway, I'll get around to some of that tomorrow.  I'm waiting on feedback on my first movement so that I can edit it and include it as one of my portfolio submissions.

I'm spending too much time blogging.  Goodnight.

Today has been pretty revolutionary - I wasn't lazy and I actually got a lot of composing done.  After getting home from morning teaching and breakfast with friends, I caught a chill so I warmed up in bed.  Realizing that bed was a happy and comfortable place, but I didn't want to sleep the day away, I brought a manuscript pad and a pencil with me and worked in bed.  It was going well for a while, and then I realized that I had developed a huge kink in my neck [apparently I was kinky in bed...] so I had to work in a more conventional environment thereafter.

I've often complained of a 'block' that I seem to get, and which has been plaguing me for a long while.  I'm not sure if it is emotional or just laziness, but today I was able to get past it and got a lot done.

Well, 'a lot' is relative.

I find it positively refreshing that what I accomplished today doesn't really add up to all that much.  It wasn't like I just woke up today and was able to finish the movement, or write tons of music.  In reality, I barely broke the dirt on the musical section which I started developing today.

Nevertheless, I feel good about my accomplishments today and I look forward to many more days like today in the future!

I sent the current draft of my first movement to my adviser tonight.  I'd been obsessing over it for the last few days, but no major changes have happened.  No major changes need to happen, which is why it is time to ignore it for a few days while I get on to the other movements.  I'm sure I could spend another whole week working on the finer details of this opening movement, but I should save that finesse work for the end.

The first movement has taken me 4 months to get to this point.  Now I have to write the remaining 3 movements in 2 months - thrice the work in half the time - which means I have to increase my productivity by a factor of 6!

UBC and Boston applications are coming along and I hope to mail them on the weekend.  I will be including the first movement draft in both applications, so I hope to have some feedback from my adviser before then.  I can't wait to get these last applications out of the way.  They are really the only things standing between me and complete focus on my thesis (Yes, I'm slightly delusional in my positive thinking, but I'm alright with it).

I had felt up-rooted this last month, not because of travel, but because I didn't have my extended desktop / second monitor connected to my macbook.  I'm recalling that I had previously mentioned it, but it's an important topic.

My schedule from Mon-Friday has me waking up progressively earlier.  This is helpful so that it's not so shocking to my system, but it's only Wednesday, and I already feel like I won't make it to the end.  Nevertheless, I have already been slightly more productive during the daytime, so I'm confident that this will be nothing but goodness all around.

Alas, it is now time to get ready for bed.

Countdown to thesis, but I'm too lazy to actually count!

So, I'm in the intense portion of my thesis writing.

I have a reading session in just over 2 weeks.

The thesis performance is on April 8th.

The parts for the performers are due 3 weeks before that.

The score for the conductor is due 1 month before that, so March 8th.

To allow for changes, I'm aiming to have it done by the end of February.

The first week of January has already been going by so quickly.

I've doubled my teaching load at the university for the month of January.  This has me waking up early on 3 weekdays.  The plan is to use the daytime and work after doing my teaching.

January will be a month of learning efficiency.

February will be a month of using what I have learned, as well as freaking out.

I got the adapter for my screen so I can use dual screen with my new macbook.

It was killing me to have only had one screen for the last month.

Having extended desktop is the greatest thing ever, but the world seems so empty without it.

My aim was to make this a short post, because that is all I will have time for over the next few months, but I keep writing.  I actually wrote this one much faster than I normally do, but that's because I usually  get distracted and do other things .

Wow, procrastinating from blogging (my favourite procrastination) - such a refined art!

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2009 now.

My time in Winnipeg was good and now that I am back in London, I am prepared to be fully dedicated to my thesis for the next 2 months - If I am not, I will likely not graduate.  This last week or so, I have been overwhelmed with the revelation that I have so little time left.  Luckily, one of my composer friends told me that whenever I feel that way, I should think of her; she does have far more to do than I, so I don't feel as bad!

Why is it that one's social life is at its peak when one has the most to do?  Since getting back to London, it seems to everyone is super-social.  It's likely because the holidays are coming to a close and everyone realizes that socialization needs to be taken care of now, before we buckle down for the next semester.

Yes, Buckling... that's what I'm doing... exactly, Oh the buckles!

Continuing with the sweater-vest theme, I've been getting compliments from people when I wear knits, in general.  

On Christmas Eve I wore my new sweater vest and my greataunt was convinced I had lost weight.

The other day, I wore my cardigan and my friend Holly took a while to figure out that it was the cardigan, but the moral was that she thought I looked good.  It wasn't my hair, it wasn't being more clean-shaven, it wasn't my shoes - it was my knit cardigan!

People in London really liked my hand-knit toque!  This shouldn't be a surprise, everything I knit is beautiful!

Maybe I should revive my completely knit ensemble that I wore way back in 2001 to the University of Winnipeg.  For years after, people still recognized me as the red knit-pants guy!

Ok, I'm off to bed.

Good Night!