Pumpkin Party

This is what I did!

8 people were at my house this afternoon carving pumpkins. 6 of those 8 were using stencils to make beautiful, ornate pumpkins, but I stuck with the old-fashioned method of freehanded pumpkin stabbing!

I finished my pumpkin's face within a quick timeframe, but sensed I had another hour or so before everyone else finished...

I carved the star, moon, and bat into the back and realized that they actually shine onto the wall, which I think is pretty cool.

Then, I separated and baked the pumpkin seeds while others were still carving. 8 pumpkins make for a lot of seeds!

In other news, I worked harder on my bassoon piece this weekend than I have on anything in a long time. I'm now half finished, and seriously doubtful that I'll get the rest done on time, but I'll still try and keep working at full force until I finish.

While I had my doubts about the piece even just a week ago, I'm liking it more and more as I go. I'm looking forward to hearing from the bassoonist who will be playing the piece - to hear about how it actually works.

Anyway, back to work for me. So much to do!

Hooray!

I'm still alive

... not that anyone would notice if I stopped writing this blog altogether.

This week has been pretty busy so far. Lots of late nights and hard work. The deadline for my bassoon piece is coming up and I'm working fairly feverishly towards it. I'm almost half done... In terms of time, it's been about a month and a bit since starting it, and I now have about a week and a bit left. I'm pretty sure the remaining work will come relatively quickly because I have the basics figured out already. Eek, it's definitely going to be a time crunch...

I had my first midterm of my DMA earlier this week - I felt ok about it. I improved in that course between the first and second assignments, so things are moving in the right direction. Also in little over a weeks time, I will be performing in a concert.

Oopsie, I got distracted and now it's time for bed

Since starting here, there have been some busy times, but generally I've had lots of free time. While one might think I would, I haven't done much blogging or knitting. These seems to be time-occupiers that I end up doing when I shouldn't spend the time on them.

My bassoon piece is due in 2-3 weeks, I have lots of work to do in that time, which is why I started knitting last night! I made 1 slipper... not a pair of slippers, but a single one. I hope to get the other one done soon, maybe tonight. But, I am making good progress on the piece - with my time management, it's all or nothing, I seem to only function at full capacity, when I have many things on the go.

So far, I'm happily off the pump. I forgot my insulin pen when I went to thanksgiving dinner at Jon and Mai's, but we were able to secure a zipcar to pick it up before dinner was ready! I now have 2 pens going, one in my bag which I always have with me (face it Michael, it's a purse) and another on my nightstand/shelf for all at-home insulin needs.

We all have stupid moments: the other week, I went out for the evening with not-enough insulin left in the reservoir, but it turns out that the pump underestimates the amount left in the pump for safety anyway, yay!

These kinds of silliness follow me in all areas of life, so I'll try to be better, but never any promises.

Ok, back to focusing on my work instead of jumping back and forth from window to window.

Happy Turkey Day!

My sugars were high all night, but now they're coming down.

I've done a few double takes today - after checking my sugar this morning, I went to check my pump for when the last bolus I took. Unfortunately, the insulin pen doesn't remember that... I used to have the Innovo, which did, but it's been discontinued and my old one's internal, non-replaceable battery finally died - it lasted many many years!

I've planned for today to be rocky. Once I'm over the sensation of renewed freedom, I'll stick in a CGM so I can know how things are really working out.

In other news, this is Thanksgiving weekend and I really do have a lot to be thankful about:

-While I've been obsessed with the problems I've been having controlling my diabetes, I'm thankful for not having any complications, after having the condition for nearly 20 years.

-Even at it's worst and most complicated, diabetes care is worlds better than in many areas of the world. I'm thankful that I will be able to live a long and healthy life.

- I'm thankful for the drunk-dial I got from my sister yesterday evening. They have the annual Thompson Thanksgiving dinner with far too much wine. I usually get a phone call and it's damned entertaining!

- When I moved to London, I made some friends, but it took a while to feel settled and comfortable in my surroundings. Moving to Vancouver has been so much more wonderful. I'm thankful that the people in Vancouver have been so wonderful and friendly. Even yesterday, I went to a thanksgiving dinner hosted by someone I just met, yet by the end of the evening, it was like sitting around with good friends.

-I'm also thankful that I'm able to get paid to study and practice what I love!

Thanks for reading!

Thankfully yours,

Michael

back to Old Skool

I've been using the Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) over the last week. I was hoping it would enlighten me as to what exactly is going on, but not so much. It just presents some of the mysteries more clearly.

I was using an expired sensor, so I shouldn't have expected perfection - it was actually more accurate than one of the sensors I used when I initially tried it- but as usual, I ended up chasing more frustrations than I was solving problems.

ALSO, not having your technology Mac /Apple compatible? NOT COOL Minimed/Medtronic - not cool! What is the point of having the CareLink stuff if I can't use it to analyze my information from this last week.

I'll have to use one of my friends' computers, but that is a terrible inconvenience for me!

I took an injection of Lantus half an hour ago. I took it in the bum (tee hee hee!), and it felt good. I haven't been able to use that area for infusion sets, because you sit on it all day; I forgot what good real-estate it was for injections. Also, the physical act of using a syringe is something I've missed - it felt good.

I can't even explain how excited I am to sleep without my pump - either figuratively or literally naked.

In other news, tonight I went to a delightful late Thanksgiving dinner with some friends from music school. It was hosted by a music theorist who has a columbian husband, so both of those demographics were well represented. It was tons of fun, great food, and good times all around.

a lovely visit, come and gone

Fun Friend Fi and her boyfriend were here for two nights and now they're in Victoria. As usual, it was filled with fun times and general excesses - eating, drinking, and laughing to be specific!

Yesterday we did loads of walking around downtown and Stanley Park. We also went to the Vancouver Aquarium and went to the movie Zombieville - Amazing movie!

Tonight I'm going with a friend to a thanksgiving dinner, I think - it's almost 7pm already... I think we're either going to be quite late, or this is an oddly late dinner..

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to have dinner with a good friend from Winnipeg.

Altogether this will be a good weekend, though nowhere near as productive as it should be. Oh well.

Fun Friend Fi in Vancouver

One of my bestest friends in whole wide world is in town with her boyfriend. It's only been a few hours, but I'm already having a great time.

None of us are big planners, but there are some things they've mentioned that might be fun: Stanley Park and the Vancouver Aquarium. I've been before, but they're always a good time. Stanley Park, while not a relative (hardy har har!) is a beautiful large park that is well worth visiting.

Also, since Winnipeg is behind the times, they want to go to IKEA. I've been to the one in Richmond a few times now, so I think we'll head to the one in Coquitlam. I've already met some great new friends in Vancouver, so my inclination is to try to get everyone together for fun times. Worlds colliding (a la Seinfeld) aside, it promises good times!

They always say that having visitors is the best way to explore the city you're living in - it's totally true: I'm testing the knowledge I have about Vancouver, but also adding to it!

Ok, good night.

I'm finally starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. This is going to be a very busy month, getting more intense as it reaches the end. I've never been a particularly fast composer, but I took on the challenge of finishing a short-ish piece (6-9 minutes) in a month. There will be a performance of it on Nov 30'th, so I need to get it done with at least a month for the performers to learn it. It is a multi-movement work, so at least I can send separate movements, so that's sorta cheating, but there is still a lot of work to get done.

This weekend, being long for Thanksgiving, could be a great opportunity to get a lot done, but I won't... One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world is coming to visit - Fun Friend Fi! I'm very excited and it will be an amazing weekend, but I'm realistic and I know that I won't get anything done. That way, if I get anything done, I'm a winner!

Also, I got a haircut yesterday. Now it's short. I should know better than to go to a stylist, they always cut it for a style, ev

en when I tell them I don't use product and I just wash 'n go. As a result, I always have to do some alterations on the front. Today, without product, the front looks worse than when my drunk friends butchered my hair.

Like, seriously, where did the hair on the right half of that picture go?

I realize my hair looks better with product in it, but I think a good haircut should be able to stand on its own without product, and this one certainly can't. I don't have time to fix it before I leave today, so I'll throw some hair gunk in for today. I hate touching a hair that's filled with product.... Yuck!

Anyway, I should get a start on my day.

Then: My first family dog was named Queens. She was an English springer spaniel, white and brown, beautiful and well trained. I remember that every day, I would come home from school (this was early elementary school) and she would be out in the backyard. Trained not to run away, she would sit in the middle of the yard, along the pathway as my sister and I came through the gate. Once it was closed, she would run over to greet us. That sense of regularity and comfort is a wonderful thing.

Memories are faint, but after she passed away, I remember feeling so alone when I would get home from school and the yard was empty.

Now: My landlords have a cat named Bob. He is orange and very affectionate despite being a somewhat outdoor cat. He sleeps and eats inside, but spends his days exploring the front and backyards, particularly the front garden. Around dusk, he loves to sit near the top of the stairs looking over the world and his garden.

When I come home around this time, he watches over me as I come in and close the gate, then as I walk into the garden, he comes down the stairs to greet me.

It's nowhere near as regular, but every once in a while, when Bob is there to greet me, I can't even explain how warm and wonderful it makes me feel.

Just a few days ago, I was thinking that it still felt like school was only starting up.

I must have been delusional because I just noticed that it's gotten hardcore:

My first assignment is due on Tuesday, SSHRC is due on Wednesday, I will be performing 2 pieces on the October 30th Contemporary Players concert, and I have an Oct. 30th composition deadline for a piece which I've barely started on.

Hopefully, on Monday, I will get a wonderful birthday present of time and focus...

not likely!

A1C

I got my lab results back from early/mid September.

As usual, all of my levels are AOK except for the A1C.

I find an A1C of 8.4 to be very unsatisfying:

1) It's too high for all the effort I put in.

b) It's the exact same number I had last time! I don't even get the satisfaction of patting myself on the back for improving minimally, or self-loathing for getting worse.

It is probably the least satisfying because I've made a complete turnaround since starting the road trip in late August. I've only had one or two instances of my sugars shooting way up into the stratosphere when I change the site, compared to every time, before. I've cut my TDD nearly in half! I have to do the math, but I've been much less aggressive with my carb ratio, from 1 unit for 5 grams, to 1 unit for 7 or 8 grams of carbohydrate.

Nevertheless, these changes have only been in effect for a month, and that's not enough to significantly change the results of a three-month test. All I can do now is continue in this positive direction and hope for the best the next time around.

In other news, with the diabetes bloodwork, I also had some... err... other tests done - which all came back negative (phew)! Oddly enough, I've always romanticized the idea of going crazy from syphilis: how so many composers of the past died. Nevertheless, I suppose it is better to not die, regardless of how artistic the cause might be...

In the never-ending saga, I found out that by requesting my medical files from the doctor in London, I am no longer his patient, thus no longer eligible for Ontario coverage. The pharmacy in Ontario has indeed put my order through, thankfully. They will send it tomorrow and I will have my last free drugs until I am set up with B.C. Healthcare.

Let's hope they send enough to last until then!

Greetings,

Apparently this week is Invisible Illness Week.

I think it's fairly late, but I'm going to do this meme that is going around the diabetes online community.

1. The illness I live with is: type 1 diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1991
3. But I had symptoms since: in retrospect, I often used to feel 'funny' late at night as I fell asleep on the couch.... later I realized that this feeling was hypoglycemia
4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: being aware of every element that effects my sugars/metabolism.
5. Most people assume: that they know enough (or even anything) about diabetes
6. The hardest part about mornings are: eating something and taking insulin to get my metabolism going - I'm not a morning person and I hate eating in the morning, but if I don't my sugars go haywire!
7. My favorite medical TV show is: House MD!
8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: my glucose meter.
9. The hardest part about nights are: not eating close to bed

10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins: not so much. Each day I take an average of 65 units of insulin and I test my sugar an average of 10 times.
11. Regarding alternative treatments: When I was a lot younger. I was initially part of the inhaled insulin trials, but was weeded out of the study early on. Inhaled Insulin was hailed as a cure and it was very exciting. More than a decade later, the trials and studies were finished and the released the product on the market. It flopped - massive failure.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Provided everything is going well, I love that diabetes is invisible. In reality, things don't always go well and sometimes we just want a wee bit of pity... just a bit. I wish I could exercise without all the complications - I've been trying for a while. Today, I was running late to meet some friends, so I was walking fairly fast. I broke a sweat, but as I got close to my destination, I started sweating profusely. There is a point when your body decides it's kicking it into high gear and it starts dropping your sugar fast. When my sugars drop quickly, I sweat. I guess what I'm getting at is that I wish it was either completely invisible or completely visible, but alas it is neither.

13. Regarding working and career: Everyone has personal issues that they bring into the workplace - I think it is everyone's responsibility to prepare themselves as needed. Of course, things will come up, but I get offended when other diabetics throw around the disability card so freely.
14. People would be surprised to know: just how integrated into my life diabetes is. People focus very much on the incidental aspects of the condition - carb counting, injecting, testing, etc.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: ya, I don't remember the old reality at all, even if I do remember snippets, they were through the eyes of a 6-year old and they have no relevance to my current life.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: have sex. In my early teens, I was horrified that my poor diabetes control would leave me impotent. Poor understanding of sexual function and short vs long-term complications led to even more confusion in a confusing time of life.
17. The commercials about my illness: are always about type 2 diabetes. Also, they're about diabetes in the United States - not really applicable to me.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: having my halloween candy checked only for the dangers of razor-blade apples.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: the idea that I knew more about my own diabetes than anyone else.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I don't know what hobbies I had at that age, and I'm sure any new ones have no diabetes relation.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: run and flail through the streets and eat when I felt hungry and not test my sugars.
22. My illness has taught me: everything I know about living and independence.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: Any unfounded information about diabetes. Telling me what my numbers should be, or what I can or can't eat.
24. But I love it when people: sincerely ask about diabetes and listen to my answers
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and dog-gonnit, people like you!"
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: It depends on how old they are. I would tell an adult to get educated and always learn, but be prepared to make mistakes and forgive yourself freely. I don't think there is a single thing you can say to a kid, or anyone for that matter. Just teach them to fix their mistakes and learn from them, but never overprotect them and prevent them from actually making those mistakes.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that it is totally common. Pretty much everyone has gone through something, or has something they need to be concerned with. Some people have allergies, some people have diabetes, some people get hit by a car and spend months in a cast or hospital.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: provided me with exactly what I needed without pointing it out and making me feel like I needed them in that situation.
29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: just because diabetes is commonly invisible doesn't mean it should stay that way!
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: like my answers are very similar to Kerri's - I guess were not alone!

Get involved with Invisible Illnes Week and let people know that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. And have a great weekend!

A Bed, Finally, almost...

Today, I bought a bed. It will be delivered on Friday morning between 11 am and noon. I got a really great deal, but even so a bed is a large expense. It's scary that I only got my scholarship paycheck yesterday, and the money is already almost all spent.

I've been sleeping on an air mattress since arriving here. I know that two more days is nothing in comparison, but now that I've spent the money on the bed, I want it NOW! Also, the air mattress is deflating more and more each night. I should make that a priority tomorrow - finding the hole or leak so that my last night without a real bed will be as comfortable as possible.

My diabetic supplies are finally being sent from Ontario tomorrow. I'm not sure when I will get them, but I don't know if I could wait much longer.

I was informed that they won't be able to do it for me again because my doctor mentioned that I was no longer a patient - because my new doctor requested my files. There's nothing I can do about it, BUT I'll complain anyway. The pharmacy fucked this one up - they wouldn't let me control how things were ordered, I had to go through a middle man/lady. Had they been able to tell me exactly what prescriptions I had available, I could have made do, BUT they tried to fill too much of one insulin type, meaning they had to talk to the doctor.

I'm not even getting the full 3 months out of them, but OH WELL! I'm glad to get anything from that wretched place. I hate Ontario and I'm glad to be done with it. Mumbly mumbly grr fucker mumbly!

Also, I'm fucking sick! Sniffles and runny nose make me pissy!

In other news, first rehearsal for the Schnittke went pretty darned well. My ensemble mates are really good players - this is going to be a good experience!

They weren't overly friendly - I made sure to ask all of their names and actually remembered the names, I introduced myself and tried to ask them a bit about themselves. They weren't rude or unfriendly, they just weren't super welcoming. I imagine it is mostly because they all know each other already, so I'm an outsider, but I won't let that effect anything.

I started working on the Adams Hallelujah Junction - it's hard. I ran into my piano duo partner and we did a walk'n talk. We're on the same page about the piece - both needing some time to look it over before even thinking about getting together.

Happy - I had a great first real lesson today with my advisor. Anyway, I need to sleep. It was a long day and there is a lot to get done in the next little while.

One step close to forgetting about those exams forever.

I finally got the email about entrance exam results.

First, I point out the fact that I studied quite a bit for the history, and only a few days for the theory.

The first email read as follows,

"The following students need no remedial work in music theory:

Michael Park (DMA, composition)"

Of course, there were other students listed, but I'm glad to have been included on that list. This means I don't have to do any remedial work for theory, and it also makes me feel more confident being in the theory seminar I am currently taking.

"Michael Park: Passed Classical and 20th century areas. Needs remedial work in medieval, renaissance, baroque and romantic areas. Please contact Dr. Xxxxxx to get an assignment for medieval and/or renaissance areas, and Dr. Xxxxxxx to get an assignment for the Romantic area (OR retake the exam for the 4 defficient areas in August 2010.) "

Oopsie!

I am not surprised at all - I think I actually predicted this outcome exactly. I'm now emailing the applicable professors to find out how much work lays ahead. Luckily, I don't have to audit a course, I might have to write as many as 4 papers, but that's much better than having to re-sit that exam - never again!

I imagine it will be a little longer before I hear back about the assignments, but I feel somewhat relieved to finally know the results.

Pianistic Comeback!

I've been away from the piano for too long.

Playing for dance classes was not enough to keep me going.

I am entering the realm of contemporary chamber musician.

I registered in UBC's contemporary ensemble for a few reasons:

1) I know I need to get back to playing before I am completely out-of-shape as a pianist and can't whip things back together. I never want to be one of those people who used to be a pianist.

2) I need to improve my knowledge of contemporary repertoire, and what better way than to play it and be around other people who are playing it.

So far, I've been assigned to two ensembles, each of which is playing an awesome piece.

I will be playing along side a string quartet to play:

Schnittke's Piano Quintet (listen to the first movement, the other movements are available there also).

It is a great piece in 4 movements. It's about 20 minutes in length, kinda piano vs. strings in a lot of it. I LOVE the final movement because it is so beautiful. The piano has an ostinato - repeated phrase throughout the movement - an eerie close to the piece.

I am very excited for my first piano duo - 2 piano, 4 hands.

I met the other pianist in passing at a welcome barbecue; his name is Miguel Brito. I know he is doing grad studies in piano performance; I can't remember if it is a masters or doctorate, but either way that sets high standards for me to meet.

The piece is John Adam's Hallelujah Junction. It is about 15 minutes long. This will be a nice challenge for me because it is a minimalist piece - many cross-rhythms and subtle shifts which will make it difficult to co-ordinate. Nevertheless, it is a great piece of music and I'm looking forward to starting work on it.

I'm not sure if there is going to be more or not. This should definitely be enough to keep me occupied in addition to my composition studies and academics.

A part of my wants to be swamped, to take on more than I should, but there is still that pragmatist inside me saying, 'slow down, don't go crazy!' I'm not sure with which I'm siding right now.

4'th Year Undergrad.......

I was still a piano major, preparing my final solo degree recital. Meanwhile, I had decided that I would pursue composition in graduate studies. I was essentially double-majoring and working a part time job as a ballet pianist - it came to be too much. I passed my recital and degree, but I know I could have and should have done much better.

I was not able to find that balance.

Masters in London(, Ontario).....

Realizing that I hadn't found that magical balance of piano and composing, I decided to focus solely on composition. While I wrote for piano and did a wee bit of accompanying, Michael the Pianist became subsidiary. I never really felt musically happy in London.

I was not able to find that balance.

While I was there, I blamed the city itself - something I didn't really have control over; now that I've moved, I'm taking everything into my own hands and addressing the possibility that I just missed playing piano by.... playing piano!

The amount of piano playing I'll be doing should be less than I was playing that year and I'm not working outside of school this year; I think that means I should be able to balance time and whatnot better.

In conclusion, I'm very excited about the opportunities this year - not just to play and make great music, but also to get my life in check and find a way to be the musician I want to be.

Settling in

Today was my 20th or 21st First day of school. I think it went pretty well.

Because of the entry exams, I knew some people already so it was a nice, friendly atmosphere.

I found out that I might be able to get out of my bibliography requirement course by submitting a term paper from a previous degree. I sent it as soon as I found that out, so I hope to hear shortly that I qualify so that I can re-register in the theory requirement course that I wanted to take.

There was a welcome bbq at lunchtime. It was rainy and they took a long time to get the bbqs lit, but I got my burger after my audition:

I had an audition for the contemporary ensemble - it went very well. I'm sad that now, I'm pretty much finished with the Scriabin piece I learned over the summer. Happily though, the piece served its purpose as the ensemble's director was impressed both with my choice of piece as well as my playing. I'm excited for Monday when we find out what music we'll be playing!

I also had my first lesson with my advisor today. It was basically our chance to get to know each other. I showed her some scores and played some examples. We also talked about the program/portfolio requirements and some of the projects I have planned for the near future.

She asked me to describe my music and approach to composing - despite it being the main thing I do, I really wasn't able to tell her much....

[and tangent...]

I know there was a point in my life when I was quite a good communicator - heck, I was on the debate team and loved public speaking. These days, I fumble words almost constantly and it feels like my vocabulary is shrinking. I'm not sure what is going on, because it's not everything, just some areas:

This summer, I worked in a call centre and was an excellent communicator at work. I knew the answers to questions and was able to spout out varied descriptions of operas and concerts with no problem. It seems like whenever I'm trying to express my own ideas, I fail miserably.

[end tangent]

Ok, that's it for now.

Entrance Exams

In order for UBC to make sure that their graduate students have a base level of education in theory and history, they have entrance exams. The exams cover everything from the middle ages through late-twentieth century music - a total of 6 eras.

Aside from the other people who took the exams, nobody believes that I did badly, quite badly. The only solace is that everyone coming out of the exams felt terrible about them.

THEORY

The last question was to analyze 3 pieces and I didn't even get to the third piece. Despite not feeling terribly well-prepared, I felt not as badly about this one as I was about to feel the next day...

HISTORY

This exam divided everything into the 6 historical eras, each of which had short answer questions and essays.

In the short answer section, you needed 12 out of 20 to pass. I KNOW there was at least 1, maybe 2 sections that I failed. I was not alone... quite a few of us were counting whether or not we had answered anywhere close to 12 correctly. It was odd - I know what I know, so at first I didn't want to put guesses in, but when I only KNEW 10, it became worthwhile to put some educated guesses.

I'm fairly certain that I failed at least 4 of my essays. The sheer amount of writing I did was sub-par.

After both exams, a group of us went out to socialize, but after the history, we all needed a stiff drink.

Early next week, we'll find out just how much remedial work will be necessary.

On the one hand, this has not been starting the year off on a good foot, but at least none of my comp profs are involved in the process!

I have met with my advisor and we planned out my courses for this year and I have an idea of what I will need to take next year. The program outline is pretty detailed, and I actually don't get much choice in what types of courses I get to take. In lieu of comprehensive exams, I have to take an extra course in theory and 2 extras in musicology. After picking those, there is only room for one actual elective! I'm going to fill that elective with the contemporary players ensemble. I thought it was odd that UWO didn't require me to do a bibliography course, but now I will be doing it here.

All in all. Things are starting to come together and I'm getting excited to start the year next week.

2nd post in one night

Wow, 2 in one night - I'm awesome!

I've fallen in love with the strawberry flavoured black tea I'm drinking - it's amazing!

Diabetes over the trip has been interesting. I've needed less and less insulin - especially since getting to Vancouver. I might need to change my carb ratios, but there's just too much to think about to get things very organized.

ALSO, I need a reliable meter in order to make real changes.

[Time for a rant]

Who the fuck decided that measuring whole blood was a good thing?!? Especially without a reference chart! I'm not sure if they think you're actually supposed to treat these the same as plasma numbers, but they're not! I don't even know the brand of meter I've been using, but it's the medtronic sponsored one that communicates with my pump. When I first tested the meter, I noticed that my sugars were always about 2 mmol over ALL my other meters (3 of the 4 were super close, but not this one). I went through the customer support and they verified that my meter was working and that whole blood is usually higher than the previous type of testing. Long story short, I was told to just use the meter and trust what it said because they're results are more accurate than any other meter I've ever used.

The only time that meter has read under 7mmol this last week or 2 has been when I was sitting on my new kitchen floor right before chugging back a glass of orange juice, in a cold sweat and fumbling with the strips. My glucose at that moment was 4.4 (before juice). YA RIGHT!

The only reason I've been using the strips is because, moving across the country, I can't afford to waste the strips. I've been assuming that I should just add 2 to every number I get and that seems to work fine.

Anyway, I'm back on my favourite meter - I'm plugging it now - the LifeBrand blood glucose meter. It's super cheap (60% of the cost) and the meter is attached to the strip bottle and can be discarded after each use.

The only problem is the excessive amount of packaging that it comes in. You need utility scissors to open it up and then it's all jagged - basically it can save you the hassle of using a lancing device....

Ok, that's enough rambling. Good night!

A new live in Vancouver

So far I love it. This post will be about everything non-diabetic, so that post will come next!

The road trip was pretty good. We made good time and stretched ourselves a little too far on some of the legs of the trip, but we made it and in good spirits. We talked about the possibility that we might hate each other by the end of the trip and how it would suck to be stuck in the same apartment thereafter, but that's not the case, so yay!

Vancouver is beautiful and the weather is great. The good sense we had about the area and the apartment itself have been reaffirmed since we've been here. Nothing we could need is out of walking distance.

We have to wait a little while longer until we get internet into our apartment, but there are TONNES of coffee houses to connect to wireless. Also, having my blackberry helps to survive life away from constant connectedness.

If I've ever complained about being less-than-affluent before... I was wrong. I'm still waiting to hear back from Ontario Drugs - they're my lifeline... The university plan has a 2-month blackout period so that the people who opt-out don't double dip - that means that I don't get any upfront help until November. I'll start the application process soon, but becoming a BC healthy person will take up to 3 months. That means I reeeeeeally need Ontario to get their stuff together soon. Anyway, enough health.

I'm taking my lack of funds as an opportunity. I will be forced to be better with money. I will also have a great excuse to not eat out, or eat as much. If I mix those things with regular exercise (which Vancouver promotes), then I could use this as a chance to lose some weight.

My room is slowly getting furnished. I have a desk (bought off of craigslist) and a chair (rolled down the street from someone's curb). I'll be using an air mattress or the couch for sleeping for a little while. Prescriptions are my priority, as well as some other expenses. I will get a good bed when I can see that I'm more financially secure. It's not going to be like this the whole time, in fact, just for a month or so. I actually had to swallow my pride and ask my sister for money. I will have regular money coming in for the next 4 years, but it hasn't started yet...

Ok, my next post will be much more health-related!

Yesterday, I hung out with my closest London friend for the last time.

Now, aside from work people, there aren't many people left that I should see before leaving. I'm going to see another friend this afternoon as well as do some more packing.

I'm pretty organized, it's just a matter of getting the motivation to pull everything together and I'll have no problem getting things shipped out tomorrow afternoon.

Tonight is my last day at work. I haven't made any decent sales in a while, so I'm not very motivated. Also, I won't even see the money from this paycheck until I am on the other side of the country.

Last week in London!

This time next week, I will be half-way from London to Vancouver.

As much as I'm excited, I hate the process of moving. I made the mistake of starting many weeks ago - packing is something you have to devote yourself to for a while - not spread it out.

As a result, I've been procrastinating for a month and am having trouble feeling the pressure which should now be very much present.

Work really sucks - I suppose I should be happy that I had a summer job at all in the state of economic affairs, but entertainment sales campaigning is certainly not a good industry lately... My paycheques are barely half of what they were last year.

I really can't wait until I am in school and my funding is coming in on a regular basis. I wish I could ignore all the stress and stuff that will be taking place over the next month - magically appear in Vancouver ready to go!

After work tonight, a few people gathered together to watch a movie - 'I love you, man'

It was funny and good times when someone enquired as to what a certain sound was - at first we thought it was the cat playing with a toy, but it was making a lot of noise.

Well, the cat had a toy alright... a BAT!

As if it was fate, a phone rang moments after we discovered what was making the noise...

'NanaNanaNanaNana

NanaNanaNanaNana

(you guessed it...)

BatMan!'

It was Ring-a-Wing delivering the wings that someone had ordered.

(that's right, there is a place that delivers wings like pizzas!)

Stereotypically, the girl and gay boy whose apartment it was were freaked out and pretty useless. Of the two straight boys, one was freaked out that we were all going to get rabies, while the other was willing to smash it to pieces with a tennis racquet.

I'm not going to lie, it was a fiasco with lots of screaming and some googling how to get a bat out of your house. Nevertheless, I was the level-headed one - securing a garbage pail and a monopoly board to cover the open end. With the tennis-racquet boy backing me up and rabies-fearing guy passing me the monopoly board, I captured the bat and released him back into the wild - only screaming once during the ordeal.

In conclusion, tonight was fun, but all in all, I wouldn't want to be a professional bat-removal specialist.

Well, I went a little overboard on the safety side....

I had a few oreos and a shot of orange juice before exercising. 15 minutes in, my sugars were exactly the same. I took this to mean that I should have more orange juice. I felt fine through the workout and then afterwards my sugars were 10.1.

Now I have a better idea of what I need so I won't go overboard next time.

In other news, I'm continually cleaning things out. I pulled out my box of knitting projects and realized that I don't need to keep them.

1) I have a lot of toques and I'm moving to a city that barely has winter, at least in comparison to Winnipeg

B) A lot of the toques don't even fit or look good. I was very experimental with my patterns; I quite liked them when I originally made them, but let's be honest... some of them are ... umm... not so hot.

Basically, I'm tossing out a bunch of things, and I feel good about it.

I have been functioning on the principle that my body just needs more insulin while I'm sick, so everything else should be the same.

I tried to exercise at home yesterday, doing things pretty much the same as usual. I disconnected while getting ready, after testing and mu sugars are happy in the 6.3 region. Long story short, 10 minutes into the workout, I was feeling sloppy and weak so I tested. 2.8! Spilling the remainder of my fridges juice on my face and not into my mouth, I took refuge with a honey packet before heading downstairs to buy more juice (and oreos and diet coke).

I'm not sure if it's just because I have extra insulin going around inside me, or maybe it was because I had eaten and bolused for lunch only an hour or so before, but this was not a good situation.

I hate the fact that, while I want to exercise and get in shape, I seem to have an endless supply of excuses not to.

Excuses aside, I'm going to try again right now.

Eerily, I just tested and my sugars are 6.3 again. I'm going to disconnect AND eat an oreo or two and see how that works.

I'll post a little later this afternoon, maybe.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I have an otherwise perfectly working infusion set that gets accidentally ripped off well before it was due to be changed!

Desk corners, door knobs, and shirts - I'm looking at you!

I got my blackberry and it's resulted in a few changes.

My old cell phone would last about a week because I barely used it for either talking or texting. The blackberry battery really doesn't last that long, mostly because I am using it a lot for applications and the internet. People tell me that the first battery charge goes the fastest, so I'll bank on that. I'm on the second charge now and it is going slower, but I'm already using it less.

The Telus network has been having technical issues lately and I think my internet is going slowly on the phone because of that. The website is also not letting me add the other 2 numbers onto "My 5 National" numbers.

With the blackberry, everything is so interconnected. Part of my internet routine is to open up a bunch of tabs with my multiple email accounts. I'm fast at it, but it is still a process I have to go through. I added my email accounts onto my blackberry and now I don't have to check them; I'm notified as soon as a new message is received.

I should qualify that - blackberry seems to not get along with hotmail at all. It does not properly communicate with my hotmail email - I knew this in advance, several people told me that they just check their hotmail from the website. I'm not sure if it is the network problem or not, but even the website won't work for me. I typed in my email and password, but it said I couldn't log on. Now, the website won't even load!

I had set up a new hotmail account with a more grown-up address and I've been in the process of switching between them, but now I'm thinking that I might as well just drop hotmail altogether. I have a gmail account that I could easily start doing all my business from.

Also, I now have a UBC account, so I'll have all of my academic business going through there.

In diabetes land, things are going well. For the last few days, I've been taking 120% of my basal doses - my sugars were elevated because of illness. I still take the same amount for meals and it seems to be working super well - my sugars are better controlled than they were before I was sick.

I'm starting to feel vaguely better, but I have a feeling this bronchitis or whatever will stick around for a while yet...

I'm sick.

I caught a cold in Vancouver. I don't think I've ever had just a cold that goes away after its course. It inevitably develops into something else, like a sinus infection or bronchitis. I don't know what it is this time, but I don't like it. I'm drinking lots of tea and resting today. Last night I stayed in and watched a movie. Today I've done the same and I'm going to watch another movie while I eat dinner.

I had long been thinking about getting a smartphone when I move to Vancouver. A few days ago, while checking my account activity online for my pay-as-you-go phone, I noticed that Telus had updated the 'my offer' section - incentives for you to upgrade your plan or whatnot. Previously, I had nothing there, but now there are loads of incentives.

Smartphone plans are rather pricey. The most important thing for me is caller id and voicemail, which always cost extra, so I wasn't exactly jumping on the bandwagon for a smartphone. One of my offers includes free voicemail and caller id for the length of my plan.

I also realized that there's no reason to wait for when I move; there will be enough new things in my life when I move to Vancouver that the phone would just be an added stress. Logically, I should get it sooner than later!

I'm going to be getting the blackberry storm - it has a big touch screen. Typing things will be slower than the other blackberry options, BUT still faster than freaking T9!

Anyway, I'll be ordering it into next week and then I'll update once I get the phone!

I really enjoyed my travels this summer.

Vancouver was great and it left me feeling excited to move there in a month!

Winnipeg was busy and filled with wonderful people, as usual. I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted, but there will be other times.

Thompson was super fun! My sister and brother-in-law are always lots of fun to spend time with and they're wonderful hosts. My puppy niece is getting older and starting to calm down...ish. Just like in Vancouver, I could not have asked for nicer weather in Thompson. The sun was shining and it was warm - much different than when I was last there in the dead of winter.

I'm now safe and sound in my London apartment feeling a little overwhelmed at what I have left to do this month. Packing is a little daunting because I don't know how much room I will have in Nancy's car, and I likely won't know that until the day we start our road trip.

Even though I still have a month more here, I'm already starting to box up as much stuff as I can.

Cleaning and packing... endlessly.

It just caught me off guard...

I just read the title of my last blog post and realized that I'm moving in a month's time....AHHH!

I'm still in Vancouver right now and it very much feels like a vacation. Really, this is going to be the last bit of calmness I will have in a long while. Once I get back to London, I'm packing up for good and working hard to make money. I also have to study hardcore for my entrance exams. The move itself will be intense and there's always that period of unrest when you move to a new place. PLUS, I'll be in a doctoral program almost as soon as I move here.

I know I said, AHHH, but I'm still excited and positive about all this change.

Ok, for now I have to get myself organized for some meetings with professors at UBC in an hour or so. I only have about 6 more hours to spend in Vancouver before I head off to Winnipeg for my last real visit before relocation.

Vancouver - my new home next month!

On Friday and Saturday, my new roommate Nancy and I were apartment hunting like mad people. Vancouver is a crazy place to be looking for rentals in - there are very few two-bedroom apartments and they're all ridiculously expensive compared to London, Ontario.

My thoughts are that the better the city - the higher the rent. I'm willing to pay more to live here because it has worlds more culture, beauty and opportunities than London. Vancouver is also one of the more beautiful places I've been. In how many cities can you touch the ocean while looking at the mountains?

The weather had also been beautiful the entire time we were searching. I'm still here for another few days, but Nancy headed back out East. We put in an application, but weren't going to hear back until after Nancy had gone home. We had resigned ourselves to that fate, but then we stumbled upon a marvelous basement-ish apartment in the Kitsilano area - halfway between the university and downtown. It's ridiculously close walking distance to everything that we could want to do - restaurants, coffee, hair dressers, groceries, clothes stores, and lots of trendy things.

The apartment is above ground, spacious and at the bottom end of our price range. Anyway, I'm super excited and we'll be moving at the end of the summer. Possibly driving... I LOVE ROAD TRIPS!

Ok, bye for now - time to go grocery shopping with my wonderful hosts.

Toronto was great!

I think it was exactly what I needed. Some of my favourite times here in Ontario have been when I escaped to Toronto to visit my friend Chris. Wow, that speaks volumes about my time here in London, haha!

There's also something about a big city that appeals to me - something that I will have in spades next year.

In just a few days I will be heading to that big city to find a place to live. I am planning on packing a bunch of my stuff and moving it out in advance, via my second suitcase. This plan means I need to figure out what I'm taking tomorrow - I'm running short on time. There's always so much to do when getting ready for a trip and I always seem to leave it until the very last moment.

I've only been in Toronto for 8 hours and I already feel refreshed!

I've been needing to get to Toronto to see some people this summer, and I couldn't do it during June because I was subbing at a church, so this is the first weekend I've had where I didn't need to be in town on Sunday.

I'm not sure if this is the first time I've bought greyhound tickets since getting my ISIC card, but DAMN! It only cost 35 dollars instead of the normal 50. Maybe they lowered prices in general due to some bad press they got earlier this year. Anyway, much more affordable.

A nice Greek dinner tonight was overfilling with food, but one can't go overboard with good times and good friends.

Not much else to report. It's good to be away from work for a little while. I will have a few days, and then I run away for another 2 weeks in Vancouver and Winnipeg. I thought I was taking time off by just not doing anything after my thesis, but apparently that wasn't a break - it was just a lack of productivity. I think the time away from London will do me a world of good!

metablogging

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been blogging much lately. I'm just working and that's about it. It's amazing how you make make whatever you do take up all your time. I know you can fit a lot into a day, because I've done it, but lately I do not much, but it still takes up all my time.

I've been trying to work out every day, and I'm succeeding most days. I do a latin dance inspired core training workout video - I enjoy it and it's a challenge so it keeps me going. I don't want to have an elaborate workout plan, I just need to make sure that I'm getting my heart rate up for around 45 minutes a day. I aim for everyday because I'm aware that failure is imminent, so if I get used to failing on a regular basis, it won't be so bad!

The other lifestyle change I'm attempting is to eat better. Working my call centre job is not making it easy, but I'm trying. Basically, I just need to stop eating out. Things I make at home are better for me and cheaper.

In other news, I go to find a place to live in Vancouver next week. I'm very excited!

Travel is all booked and we will be staying with my second cousin who lives right in the middle of where we will be looking for a place.

I will post slightly more often.

Doctor's Appointment

After three months of being on the insulin pump, my A1C was 8.6 - higher than it had been, but that was expected with the shitty control that starting the pump had caused.

In theory, those months are behind me. I should have a substantially lower A1C because I've been on the pump for a while and those problems should have been ironed out.

Today's A1C was 8.4. This confirmed my feelings that things haven't actually improved. With my sugars shooting up every 2 or 3 days, it's still causing the overall situation to be bad.

What does my A1C mean?

I'm 1.4 higher than the standard target for diabetes management.

That means I'm 14% more likely to have diabetes complications than they would like me to be.

That means I'm 24% more likely to lose a limb or go blind or kidney damage than a non-diabetic.

It frustrates me, because I was moving towards that target range when I was on MDI, but now insulin pumping is putting me back in the wrong direction.

Anyway, the worst part of my appointment was the fact that my endo had absolutely no knowledge of why my infusion sets might not be working for a few hours after inserting them

His only suggestion was that most of his patients only use their abdomen and they never have those problems. I explained to him that it happens in my abdomen as well, but that didn't change is suggestion.

This is unforgivable! I can understand that he might not have come across that in his own practice, but he wasn't even willing to think diagnostically about it - he just told me that I should talk to my pump educator, and that I should ONLY use my abdomen. That is a blatant contradiction to what every diabetes educator and pump information source I've ever read has said.

Passing the buck - sucks!

Hello, my name is Michael and I'm a stupid idiot.

Actually, I shouldn't blame myself too much, but I should have double checked like I usually do.

And now, time to elaborate.

I was doing laundry last night. The laundry room is just 10 steps from my apartment. Because there is no-one else in the building, I have the laundry to myself and I just leave my door unlocked. Long story short, last night the door must have been swung open wide enough that it pushed in that little locking thingy. In conclusion, I locked myself out of my apartment nearing 1am.

At that time of night, there is nothing open in downtown London. I had no socks on - they were in the drier. I must have wandered the halls of the apartment for an hour, searching for a secret spare key or way to jimmy my way back in before giving up and resigning myself to sleeping on the floor in the hallway.

Once I started falling asleep (not really..) I noticed that my sugars were going low. Reminder that nothing is open downtown, my tester is inside the apartment, and I have no sugar.

I did something that I had never consciously done before, and never want to have to do again. I stopped my pump waited until my liver kicked in some sugar. I was confident that my body would do this - it's done it countless times overnight while I was sleeping.

It was pretty horrible. I just laid there on the hallway floor, drenched in a cold sweat, pressing my eyes closed until it had passed. I don't know how much time passed, but eventually I could tell I was no longer low. I turned my pump back on, wiped my forehead and tried to fall asleep.

The bookstore next door opened at 10am today, so I went there and used the phone to call my landlord and I was back in my apartment with nicely folded laundry at 11am. Because of my liver kicking out the sugar, I was 15.3 when I tested, so I've corrected and I'm hoping to salvage some goodness out of the rest of today.

In conclusion,

My advice to the world is to not lock yourself out of your apartment - and if you do.. find a way to not have to sleep on the ground!

Quick spurts of updates

Work is going well - for a few weeks, sales were incredible. Now it is calming down and likely won't be as awesome for the rest of the summer.

The pump is still less-than-awesome. My latest infusion change was smooth-ish, but I was using my insulin pen for 6 hours to cover the time when it would be pooling. I miss the days of only having to bring the pen out when I needed it - I didn't have to carry around the 24/7 reminder that weights down my pockets.

My appointment is on Tuesday, so I need to start recording sugars so I have something to show for what my sugars do.

I'm on the verge of actually going hardcore with a fitness program of some type. I'm ridiculously out-of-shape and I really need to do something about it. I've been using an exercise video that I downloaded, walking, and playing the Wii fit game, but I know I need to be more serious. I'm looking into a possibly ghetto gym that's just around the corner. It's possibly a pyramid gym scam, but I'm still trying to figure out when and how they get money from you.

I haven't written any music this summer and I feel so lazy because of it.

Maybe I'll just jump into hardcore mode of everything:

Wake up early and work out everyday, then write music for a few hours and then go to work - all while keeping track of my sugars and being super-awesome!

I know it shouldn't, but it seems like such a ridiculous fantasy world...

I just realized on my schedule that I have an endocrinologist appointment next week, meaning that I need to get my blood-work done in the next day or so.

I'm really not looking forward to seeing my A1C... I know things have gotten better than they were in that first month, but not much... This will help me decide if pumping is something that i want to continue. The highs every 2 or 3 days due to infusion changes are not good. I'm hoping my doctor will have some inspiring advice for that. Whether or not they are affecting my A1C doesn't matter too much, I'm not sure how much longer I can handle them.

My convocation is tomorrow.  I won't be going to the long, boring ceremony; rather, I will go to the short ceremony of only music people that has food afterwards.

I will get to talk to my roommate for next year about how we are going to hunt and find an apartment when both of us think it's too damned expensive to make a trip out there in advance.

This is going to be an expensive next few months.

I have money set aside for the rest of rent and whatnot in London.  Pretty much 80% of my paychecks are going straight onto my mastercard.  I want to pay it down completely - in theory to get out of consumer debt, but in reality, I will need to have room on my card for:

-a trip to Winnipeg fairly soon

-the flight to Vancouver

-moving my things to Vancouver

-buying new furniture when I get there, bed and desk should be enough to get me by

Oh ya, I should also make sure I have some fluid cash to pay for first month's rent and deposit and the sort.

Despite the fact that I've been bitchy about and at work, I've been having a good week and making lots of money, so I'm thinking this will be a good summer for money.

I had my first of this month's Sunday church services; I'm filling in for a friend who is out of town.  It went well, and the reverend commented that something clicked this morning - I sounded like a natural.  I thought I did a pretty good job last summer, but I'll still take it as a compliment.  

Infusion Site Review: Right Arm

I managed to find 5 infusion sites on my right arm which saw me through about 2 weeks.

Not completely related to diabetes... one day I became startlingly aware of how little upper body strength I have when I tried to do push-ups and failed miserably.  Since then, I've been doing them everyday before my shower, systematically increasing the number each time they seem easier.  I do them with my arms on the bathtub so they are easier because the angle is lesser (Yes, I realize that this means I'm doing girl-pushups, but I'm fine with that!).  Within a few weeks, starting at 5 pathetic ones, I can do 25, and still increasing.

I'm certainly not buff, but I'm realizing that my arms have more muscle mass in them than most other areas of my body.  Because a lot of the infusions sites hit muscle, a lot of them resulted in 'pooling' where it takes a few hours before the insulin is absorbed and works.  I only had one out of the 5 sites that did not have pooling, and that site was problematic for completely other reasons: adhesion!

The site that had no pooling and had really good absorption didn't even last 2 days.  It dislodged overnight and I woke up with ketones.  That site was on the back of my arm, close to the armpit.  I don't have problems with adhesives, so I'm thinking that this problem was because my antiperspirant was interfering - each time I applied, it would hit the plastic nub on the site.  Or, it could be due to sweat, which is also quite likely.

In general, comfort was ok.  The tubing has a way of creeping upwards, which can feel a little tickly when you have a bunch of tubing conglomerating at your armpit.  Because the tubing is so long, I have to wear an undershirt at night to keep it in place, otherwise arms and legs and other appendages might get caught in it .

In general, the arm went well.

I put in a new site last night in my right upper back.  I imagine I'll be able to get at least 6 sites out of my back, so here goes another few weeks or a month.

Hitchcock's Birds - in real life!

What words might you associate with this picture?

Pretty, stoic, birdly, feathery?

Perhaps...

I call it EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of these little bastards attacked me today as I was walking by a creek.  It swooped down and hit me with feet or wing right on the top of my head.

It didn't hurt, but it shocked me - and those who know me, know that my reaction was not silent.

I let out a loud "FU@&" and expressed my dissatisfaction on my cell phone to the person with whom I was talking.

I was hung-over and all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep on the grass in the sunshine, but I couldn't do that with this evil little monster flying around!

This evening, I was able to identify the species of bird online and discovered that I am not alone in my experience.  Apparently, it is well documented that these are malicious birds and they like to defend their territory by swooping down on people often!

In other news, today was my last day at the ballet school I have been playing at in London.  It was a great part-time job to have this year, but I'm glad the year has come to an end.  I've long known that ballet-piano is not something that musicians can do for a long time without a certain embitterment and general disdain for the world; I'm finding that I'm getting close to my saturation point.  It's good to have it as a back-up or part-time job, but I will be happy to not have to play for dance classes next year in Vancouver.

I think I will still play for some exams because it is contract work and I've already learned the music, so the investment has already been made!  

Not to say that I can't still improve in my playing for dance classes, but I think I've learned about as much as there is to learn from ballet classes about the relationship of dance and music.  I am looking forward to exploring that relationship more through a creative process - working more with choreographers and professionals.

Life seems to be going pretty well these days.  The summer is already slipping by and surprise, surprise, I've done nothing.

I'm working, that's it.  The people at work are great and we're having lots of fun both in and out of the office.  The downside to that is that I'm spending a lot - too much money.

Part of me wants to be doing lots of great, worthwhile things this summer - reading books, listening to loads and loads of music and writing piece after piece so that I am really prepared to start a doctoral program next year.  The other, more powerful part of me, senses that after spending the last 7 of 8 years in university, I am about to embark on another 4 years - I need a little break.  I liken it to those weeks of summers growing up where there were no activities planned, your parents were working and you just had to amuse yourself - it was like recess all day long!

That's not to say that I'm completely wasting my time.  I'm still playing some piano, though the practicing has lessened.  I'm still learning the Scriabin piece as well as a Shostakovich Prelude and Fugue in B-Minor.  There are actually a lot of pianists at my office job, so it's fun to talk about piano rep and that kind of piano-nerd stuff.  

 

Diabetes control is pretty damn good.

I've been extra good about writing all the details of my infusion sets in my calendar book so that I keep a good record and can track patterns.  I've actually found more spots on my arm than I would ever have thought - half of them have had some trouble with pooling the insulin before absorption, but I am fine with using my insulin pen to avoid the BG jump.  I will use one more arm site and then I'll move to my lower back.

The life of an infusion set

Funding for insulin pump supplies is based on the perfect world assumption that an infusion set will last for 3 days, which is also the longest that one is recommended to wear a single infusion set.

I wish mine were lasting for that length.  So far, I have gotten an average of 2 days out of the first two sets.  After the 48 hour mark on my first Silhouette set, I had elevated sugars which would not come down.  I switched the set and it was better.  I remember moving in my sleep last night - I shifted to sleep on my right side, but that cause some discomfort on my right arm, where Silhouette #2 was placed.  When I woke up, there was no discomfort, but also no absorption - it had dislodged sometime during the night and my sugars were yucky in the morning.  That was just a few hours ago and I still feel like shit getting rid of ketones and waiting for my sugars to come down to a comfy level.  I'm about to take a shower and then I'll put in a new Quick Set in the front of my arm.  It's one of my few more muscular areas, but there's still some extra fat there...

Let's see how it goes!

Things are looking up!

The weather is beautiful and downtown is bustling with people!

I picked up my personal copy of my thesis today.  It looks so professional and perfectly bound and all that.  I am very happy with it.  Oh yes, did I mention I got it bound in orange!?!? I LOVE IT!

I'm sure you noticed, but I was getting very upset with my pump and infusion sets.  I actually called the pump companies tech support line; I was at the end of my rope and if they didn't have a good solution for me, I was ready to go out and buy a bottle of Lantus right after the phone call.

I didn't get either, really, but I got a supportive dose of reality and a wonderfully friendly voice at the other end of the line. 

I had asked my nurses and doctors what the problem was with things, but they had no answers.  One nurse said she'd look into it, but I never heard back. [I'm not impressed with Ontario's Health Care, yet again.]  When I explained my symptoms to the tech support nurse, she definitively told me that I must be shooting into scar tissue.  She was patient with me and explained it over and over again until I understood and let down my stubbornness enough to accept it.

She explained: the reason the new sites don't work is because the insulin doesn't work in that area and it take a while for it to pool enough to spill over into a new area that accepts the insulin; steel needles vs canulas will not make a difference; site rotation needs to be my main concern.  She suggested a plan that will maximize the time that areas of my body will have to heal before being injected into again.  

Rather than going back and forth between left and right like I have, stick with one side of the body for a month and a half - if I can find about 15 different spots (at least 2 inches apart from each other) on each side of my body, then it will take a month and half to make it through each side, working logically like top to bottom.  By the time I go through the other side of my body, each site will have had 3 months since it was last punctured-more than enough time to heal.

Her logic was impeccable and that is the best way to appeal to me.  She pointed out that this is not an immediate solution; it will take a while to get into this and it won't cure previous scar tissue, but it will minimize the appearance of new scar tissue and work out for the best in the long run.

She said she would send me some samples, encouraging me to go back to the newer canula infusion sets.  I was overjoyed the next morning to realize that she had sent me 30 sets... that's 3 months worth!!  Now I'm in it for the long haul again.  I will stick it out for another 3 months from now and see if things are any better.

Of course, I will update as we go along!

I feel like I've been doing nothing with my summer so far.

I'm working so at least I'm making money, but I can't get motivated to do any writing - the story of my life!

The Scriabin piano piece I'm learning is coming along quite well.  I haven't spent too much time on it, but I only have 3 more pages (of 10) to learn before I've learned the whole thing.  It's intended to be a quick study, so I won't spend time memorizing it, but I think I'll record it so I can listen and see what needs improvement.  

I feel that I'm close to finishing with this piece, I don't intend to spend more than a month on any piece this summer, hopefully less so that I can learn a fair number of pieces.

I'm starting to wonder what my next piece will be.  Perhaps I will learn some Kurtag - I love him and there are lots of miniatures which would be fun to learn.  I played a selection of miniatures in undergrad, but I did a major research paper on him in my first year of grad school so it would be great to play some more with a broader knowledge of how he composes.

I'm on my second Sure-T infusion set.  So far, I've had two situations where my sugars were super-duper high - the infusion set is a suspect, but I'm not sure yet.  I will change the site today and find out if I am actually having the same problems as before.  

On the positive side, the Sure-T is incredibly comfortable!  I don't like the fact that there are two adhesive patches, because that's more bandaid-ish pain when I remove it, but other than that, it's fine.

It's actually just as comfortable as some of the canula ones I first wore.  

Anyway, I will keep you all updated on how they continue to work.

Yesterday I started on a new infusion set - the Sure-T.

I love it much more than the Polyfin already.  The Sure-T has it's own adhesive patches and the release mechanism is one-hand-manageable - it's actually the same type as the Silhouette which I used earlier.

I was running high through most of my shift at work last night, the timing says it could have been the new site, but it also could have been underestimating the amount of jujubes I was eating.... Oh so irresistible!

Eventually they came down.  The time it took to come down was eerily similar to the problem I was having before with the cannula ones.  I had no problems with the bent steel needle Polyfin ones, so I'm hoping that I will have a clean run with these ones too.

Physically, I love this new set much more than the other one:

-integrated adhesive patches means I don't need to use bandaids anymore

-the tubing is MUCH shorter and is the perfect length to just sit in my pocket, or be clipped onto the top of the pocket.  The previous set had a really really long tubing set- 43 inches compared to the current which is less than 24 inches.  

It's been a slow week for blog-worthy news.

Switching to the steel needles has been good and bad:

The sugars have been more stable.  Changing the sites has had NO effect on sugars or absorption.  There was one site change that didn't take, but one out of twenty is not bad odds!

My stomach, however is not looking so hot.  I've been bad at remembering exactly when I last changed the site.  If I get too close to the 2 day mark, or over that, the site gets really inflamed.  Because I need to change the site so often, and I can only use my stomach due to needing 2 hands to disconnect, my stomach looks a little like a battle zone.

I ordered a different type of steel needle infusion set - I am expecting them in the mail tomorrow.  Hopefully, they will be manageable with one hand so that I can use my arms and lower back again.

I am actually starting to evaluate the insulin pump's presence in my life.  I honestly don't know how I feel about it yet. 

I HATE HATE HATE having it connected to me.  I thought that I would get used to having it at my side, but it drives me insane.  I can't even fully describe how it makes me feel; words aren't enough.  

Ok, I do know how I feel.  I hate the insulin pump and I want to rip it off of me and out of my stomach and throw it out of the window.  Fuck all these diabetics who talk about the freedom that they get from the pump.  Freedom is being able to take ONE Needle a day and know that even though your sugars won't be perfectly stable, you can survive for 24 hours without eating or bolusing.  The insulin isn't just a piece of technology that is attached to you, it is a manifestation of how diabetes takes up every waking moment of your life.

Ignorance was bliss.

Before the pump, things were going fine.  There was room for improvement, but I was doing well.  Now, this type-A diabetic personality has been introduced into my life - the people who are finiky about every moment of their day and their sugars.  I do not do well with that lifestyle, so the pump makes me aware of how delinquent I am as a diabetic.  

I've grown accustomed to the ability to lower my basal rate for exercise and other forms of strenuous activity.

Long story short, I will not switch off the pump just yet...

Why?

Spite and Money!

It was too much effort to reach this point, that I'm going to make it worth my while.

I have no coverage anymore, so I really just can't afford to go back to my old insulin.

But also, mostly spite.

In conclusion, I hate being diabetic these days.

Back to Piano

I've wasted the last few days away completely.

Other than starting back at my job, I've not done anything productive.  I need to start thinking about what I want to do with my summer.

I printed out, and have started learning Scriabin's Vers la flamme, a piano piece.  It will be both musically and technically challenging, but not overly so.  It's been a while since I've actually LEARNED something properly.  I want this to be the starting point of my summer piano adventure - learning post-romantic repertoire to a near-performance level, but not memorized.  The idea is that I want to play more when I'm in Vancouver, collaborative and solo-ish stuff, so I need to get my chops back.  While I still enjoy baroque and classical stuff, I need to focus on modern/20th century music, techniques, and style.

In addition to piano, I will write lots of music this summer.  Some projects are:

-Soprano/Mezzo duet for two wonderful London singers

-Bassoon/Tenor duet: I need to verify with the bassoonist and singer, but I got a really exciting idea which I would love to pursue - the bassoonist had mentioned that she would love a piece written for her, and I think this piece would be great for her.

-Piano Solo anything.  This is a medium for which I have not written enough, barely any actually... There are some techniques I've touched on in my concerto and some songs, and I'd love the chance to develop those a little further in the solo medium.

-The Song Cycle that I put aside a while ago... I want to do it, but I have a feeling this is officially a long, long-term project.

Je l'ai tout fini!

After all of the hold-ups in the process, I finally had the meeting yesterday with the thesis coordinator.  It went swimmingly - I was in and out in about 5 minutes.

The day involved lots of walking around and errands, but the moral is that I got everything done and my thesis was officially submitted.  I'm not sure about the process, but I think that officially makes me a master, but maybe I have to wait until I get the diploma - who knows?!?

I'm back at my summer job from last year - lots of people are back, so it's good times!

I'm not very happy with Canada Post right now.

I had revisions to make on my thesis before my adviser could sign my Certificate of Examination.  Because he had to head back to Toronto right away, I was to send a PDF of the revisions and then he'd Xpresspost it to the school.  That was all done on Friday, so it should have arrived on Monday.  I called this morning to check that it had arrived, and it hadn't.

I had an appointment for 1pm today, in 20 minutes for my meeting to submit, but I can't have that meeting without the form.

I cancelled and rebooked for tomorrow.  There were only 3 fifteen-minute slots left.  Thursday is the absolute deadline, so if things don't go smoothly tomorrow, I will be very unhappy and very stressed.

I start training for the new telemarketing campaign today at 2pm.  I would have been late with the other meeting, but now I'll be on time - at least there's one thing on the up-side...

I passed my thesis examination/defense.  As usually is the case, there are some minor revisions that I've needed to make.  I'm almost finished them and I will be submitting it at the beginning of next week.

Just as I knew it would, this month has just flown away.  It really does seem like just yesterday that I was writing about how it would seem like a blink of the eye before the performance and the accompaniment work would be over.

I will also be starting back at my telemarketing job next week.  I don't really have any plans for the summer.  I want to move to Vancouver earlier than September, but I don't know exactly when.  It's expensive, so I sure can't pay rent in both London and Vancouver, but we'll see what happens.  I already have a roommate lined up, so I'll have to talk to her about when she wants to look for a place.

http://www.myspace.com/mikeyjpark

I just uploaded my thesis onto my myspace website so it's available for listening!

CLICK HERE to listen, it will load and start playing automatically.

While you're there, you can listen to the other pieces that have been there for a while already.

Lots to blog about!

There is a lot going on these days, so I'll address different points of interest as we go.

Today I will blog about diabetes related things.

I've been working 9-5 ish days with a lunch break, early to bed and early to rise lately.  I hate it, but my diabetes doesn't mind.  The thing I've realized about diabetes and life in general is that regularity is key!  I never practice this, but I realize the benefits when they fleetingly touch my life.

The other reason my sugars have been good recently is that I have switched to steel needles rathe than canulas.  My body has a love/hate relationship with this new phenomenon:

-They work! And right away, too!  This has effectively solved the problem I was having with the canulas not working for hours after they were inserted.  I'm thinking that all along this has been a problem with the end of the previous one's life rather than the new infusion set, but I'm not sure.  Eitherway, I can't afford to change the canulas more often than every three days, so that option is out as long as I'm in Ontario.  Here's the math:

-the Assistive Devices Program pays about 200 dollars a month.

-Canula insertion sets cost just under 200$ for 10 of them.  I can afford this only if I use them for the max of 3 days each

-The current one (Polyfin Quick Release) is much cheaper; you can get about 20 of them for less than the other type.  This means I can afford to change them as often as every 1.5 days, though I can wear them for 2 days.

The downside to the steel needles is:

-not as comfy

-they don't come with adhesives (I've been creative with bandaids)  This is actually a positive as well because the adhesive removal doesn't hurt as much, but it's not as stable, so again with the comfort...

- disconnecting the pump is trickier, which means it is not at all easy to do with only one hand.  I'm resourceful and made it work ish(see below) for a few days, but I'm not hopping on the bandwagon to use my arm sight again...

-changing sites more often causes more skin area to be used, meaning more likeliness of scar tissue.

So far, the needles have caused some situations to arise...

Story 1) New underwear is a wonderful thing; if I have my way, I would only wear brand-new underwear and socks forever and just throw the old stuff out.  Unfortunately I can't afford that yet.  Anyway, I got new underwear the other week - 3 pairs and I was working them into my wardrobe slowly.  They are wonderful.  The third and final pair was a beautiful pair of white underwear - so pristine and clean and crisp... I felt like a king just putting them on!

Note to self - do not wear brand new white underwear on a day when you have a steel infusion set in your left outer thigh which proceeds to gush blood at some point that day, unbeknownst to me until I check to see why my thigh is somewhat sore.

SO MUCH BLOOD

SO MUCH RED

SO little white

So Sad

Story B) As mentioned above, the new disconnect feature is a two-handed job.   I learned this moments AFTER I had inserted the needle and needed to connect the pump...  I was a little pressed for time, so my roommate who is extremely squeamish had to help me.  I covered any needle-ish parts up and made sure only the tubing bits were visible... STILL he could barely look.  I just don't get how people can be so bothered by medical things.  It's not like I was bleeding or anything.

Anyway, the next morning, I found a way of disconnecting myself by wedging my arm against my dresser so it held the one end stable enough-ish(see below) to disconnect and reconnect it.

Fast forward an hour.  I was on the 401, driving to Waterloo for my first day of Exams.  All was well, I bought my Timmy's Ice Cap and I was enjoying it as I drove.  I had boulsed a few minutes earlier and all was well in the world.

"Bzzz Bzzz" (vibrating), says the pump

"No delivery", says the pump

"Disregard, resume", Michael presses the buttons

"Bzzz Bzzz" (vibrating), says the pump

"No delivery", says the pump

"Fuck you!", says Michael

Driving 120 Kph on the 401 and realizing that I had multiple layers of clothing between myself and the infusion site.  This was not good.

Conveniently, the 401 has emergency stopping areas, right when I needed them. I drove by the first set, hoping that things would magically be fixed, they weren't.

I stopped, I took off my jacket, my shirt, and my undershirt.

I looked and saw that I had not fully connected the tubing... Silly Michael.

Where was my dresser?!?

The steering wheel helped me out in my hour of need, but it was tough and it took a lot of fandangling.

Moral - these sets are not a 1-handed set!

Other moral; I'm tired!

I'm going to bed right away.

It feels so early, but I have to wake up tomorrow morning so SUPER early.  I need to drive to Waterloo and start working for 9am.  I need to be there half an hour early and it takes an hour and a half to get there, that means I need to leave at 7am.  That means that I need to wake up at ...yuck!

I practiced a lot over the last few days, so I should be ready to play the exams.  I still feel a nervous and unprepared, but I know that things will be fine!

I'm staying at my uncle's tomorrow night in Cambridge- it is considerably closer to Waterloo, so I will save at least an hour of driving time by staying there.

I'm worried about my ability to navigate using the google map while driving.  I've only been through Waterloo on the bus, so this will be new and I'm limited to whatever google tells me to do.  I hope I don't miss an exit or make a wrong turn...

Well, my family has headed back to Manitoba.  It was great to have them all here to visit, but it is nice to have my own space back.

It's now just a few days before I start playing for dance exams in Waterloo.  The day after those finish is my thesis defense.  The rest of this month is going to just fly by!

I'm excited to have a rented car for the next week.

I am not excited that I will be having to wake up so early for the next week, but it is work and I think it will be at least mildly enjoyable!

So much to tell!

This has been such a busy week, and it's only been a few days since I last posted.

Family is still here and it's wonderful!  We've been eating out way too often for our own good, but oh well.  My dad had made an agenda, but we've barely done any of the stuff on there.  It has nevertheless, been a very family-heavy week.  I've discovered that my couch is much more comfortable than an old camping air mattress.

Thesis Performance - come and gone.  I was stressed to have been part of the performance process, other than attending rehearsals as the composer.  Things were not quite coming together as I hoped they would leading up to the fateful day.  The day of the performance, we had our last dress rehearsal and it was just plain not good enough.  I wasn't sure what to do.  I took some time to myself and convinced myself that I needed to do my best and be positive no matter what.  I did an interview with Rogers TV and I felt great.  Somehow, the performance came together and it felt great and went spectacularly.

 I watched the DVD today.  I didn't want to, but the family did and there were people that weren't there for the performance.  I should have left the room.  I was so self conscious.  My voice sounded so super-gay, and I hate it when people sound super-gay!  The video was also focused in on me the entire time, and I hate watching myself.  Watching the DVD so soon after was possible one of the most horrendous experiences of my life.

When I got home from celebrating the thesis being performed, I had an email from UBC in my inbox.  Long story short - it was an offer I couldn't refuse; I have, since then, accepted it.

Next year, I will be living in Vancouver, working on my Doctorate.  Without going into details, let's just say that I will not have to worry about finances anywhere near as much as I have in the past.

I still haven't heard from the DAAD people, but I have already made my decision.  It feels good to know what my future holds.

Ok, family is here for a few days more so I will make the most of it!

Goodnight.

Excitement

My parents and sister are in town and things are good.

I went with my parents this morning to the tourism centre.  As they were learning the excitement of London, I was excited to read the London Free Press and discover that my program cohort was featured in an article, and that I was also mentioned in it!

If you want to see the article go here.

They also contacted my pianist, mentioned in the article, so hopefully they got some more information from her today so that they can print another article tomorrow.

Most importantly, I'm hoping that the concert will be reviewed and that we will have good press!

Nevertheless, I'm very excited to see that we're getting advertising for the concert, and it's always nice to see one's name in print!

I'll admit, I'm nervous because I'm now part of the performance, as narrator!  The rehearsal today was a bit stressful, but it will be phenomenal tomorrow!

YAY!

I don't quite understand...

Now that I've finished the thesis, it feels like I'm the busiest I've been all year.

I've been cleaning all weekend.  My roommate was showing the place for next year, we had a birthday party for a friend, and my parents are arriving for the week on Monday.

I've been learning dance music all week.  I have literally hundreds of pages of music that I will need to play rather well for the Royal Academy of Dance exams starting on the 15th.

I've been sending lots of emails back and forth for many reasons, outlined below:

The performance of my thesis is now going to involve me.  In order to  get the strongest performance, we've split the solo part into separate pianist and narrators.  Because it's so close to the performance, I'm pretty much the only one who knows the text well enough to pull off a performance.

I'm trying to decide on what to do next year.  I'm still waiting to hear back from one institution; I cannot make a decision before I hear from them.

I need to decide what to do this summer.  I've been offered a job as a summer camp counsellor specializing in Musical Theatre.  I'm not sure if I want to take it or not:

-the decision will be influenced by what I'm doing next year

-pros = upstate New York in the Adirondack mountains would be gorgeous, I would be able to make a difference in the lives of children

-cons = the schedule leaves little to no time to myself, so I would get NO writing done, the pay is not as good as I had hoped

At the moment, I'm leaning against doing it.  I'm thinking of spending the last month or two in Winnipeg.  I need to decide quickly so I can start looking for summer work in Winnipeg if that is what I decide.

I'm leaning more and more strongly the more I think about it.

I'll likely be moving semi-permanently so I want some time this summer to spend with friends and family.

I just realized how hectic this month is going to be.  

Family is in town from April 6-13th.

By April 15th, I have to have decided where I will be going next year.

April 16-21st I'm playing dance exams in Waterloo - that means I'm driving there daily for 8:30 or 9am.

During that time, I still have to play regular dance classes in London.

I defend my thesis on April 22'nd.

Another set of dance exams on April 23'rd in London.

I'm supposed to know by now if I've been accepted to some programs, but I'm still waiting for the word.  I need the full picture so I can make my decision.  Here's hoping that I won't have to wait much longer.