I haven't shampooed my hair since the day I got my haircut - a week.  As a result, my hair has become dull and flat.  I've always had straight hair, but never flat; it's lost all of it's volume.  While I don't want to have oily hair anymore, I don't want this!  I'm going to shower and shampoo my hair in about 10 minutes and I'm going to start a cycle of shampooing every 3 days.  I hope I haven't screwed things up - I always liked the way my hair looked, just not the oiliness.  

While I had finished my reading score and handed it in on Thursday morning, I have still not finished the parts.  This is the problem with working really well to deadlines - the deadlines of others are far more convincing than the ones that one sets for him or herself.  I had told myself to get them done on Friday so I would be finished, but in reality, they aren't due until Tuesday before the reading.

Anyway, I will finish that up today and get the scores bound; I've wasted enough time already.

I've been flip-flopping a lot on how I feel about the reading.  I feel like I did not prepare enough and could have put a lot more information into the score.  I also am on the verge of making large-scale unwarranted judgement calls on the piece, simply because I haven't heard it yet.  I also haven't met with my adviser in a long time, so I'm craving some outside opinion.  I am a little scared of the fact that he has never seen any of the second movement, and it will be played at the reading.  I am also a little anxious that he might not be able to make it to the reading, not that that would be the worst thing ever, but he knows more about working with a conductor and general practical concerns.  Anyway, in the end I'm really looking forward to hearing some things and learning about whether or not they work.

The pump is getting noticeably better all the time.  I am currently trying out a new infusion site in the side/back of my left thigh.  I suppose this could be referred to as one's "nass".  Luckily, I picked the right section of the nass, so I'm not sitting on it or bumping it much.  Today, the absorption seems to be good, whereas last night it took even longer than normal for the absorption to start.  That was likely because my sugars were high to begin with, so I won't hold it against this site in particular.

I've been drinking alcohol more often lately, so that has been interfering with sugars as well.

In other news, I'm now finally officially feeling like a grad student.  I make just barely enough money to live off of, this means that when I want to go out and party or spend money, in theory, I have to make adjustments to everything else.  Unfortunately, I have been bad at that this last year and I have opted to not make the necessary adjustments.  Macbook, holiday travel, drinking and eating out more than I should have left me where I am today - finally experiencing student debt.  On one hand, this is terrible for me - I had always been relatively in control of my money and debt was a very minor presence.  On the other hand, that was when I lived at home while attending undergrad; every friend I knew who lived away from home had a huge debt load after undergrad, and my worst-case-scenario debt this year still pales in that comparison.  For the rest of this year, I'm going to smarten up and fly right.

I'd still say I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, but nowhere near as much as I used to be.  Stress has definitely made a home for itself in my life.

This week is a week of deadlines.  Yesterday, I had to get the piano part to my pianist so she can learn it for the reading in a week today; this meant I had to finish the piano part.  I spent the entire morning and afternoon at the computer to finish it, and on the bus to take it to her, I noticed mistakes and things that I need to change.  I ended up rewriting an entire section last night and re-delivered it to her today.

It was so hard to focus on just the piano part when there is so much to do with the orchestra, but now I get to focus on the orchestra because the deadline to get the score to the conductor is Thursday.  Today and tomorrow will be two more days of intense writing so that I make the best use of the reading session.

With stress, comes even more erratic eating habits, which I didn't quite notice until I got an email from my pump nurse yesterday saying that she couldn't use any of the information I had sent her from the previous week because it was too speckled with snacking and drinking and general randomness.  On the bright side, she said we're getting quite close with the pumping so I should just buckle down - if I can eat just three solid meals a day and get the appropriate blood glucose readings to go along, we should be able to finalize things this week, maybe.  We are both getting quite apologetic; she fears that she's being an annoyance, while I fear that I'm taking up too much of her time.  We both need to do this for a little longer and then things will be all good, I just hope that I haven't overstayed my welcome as a new pump trainee.

Ooh, I almost forgot to mention.  Every time I get a haircut, I think about not shampooing my hair for a while so that I can methodically slow down the oil production of my scalp.  Without fail, I last a day or two and then I start shampooing daily again.  This time, I thought to put my shampoo under the bathroom sink, so I won't be able to shampoo, even if I want to.  I still rinse my hair daily, but I'm sure that takes away less of the natural oils than shampoo does.  Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how the hair is going every couple of days!

I've had floaters for a few years now.  Some days they distract me and other days I don't even notice them.  For the longest time, they were a constant reminder that my diabetes control was less than ideal.  Now I've accepted them as a gentle reminder, but I don't let them get me down.

When I pay attention to the fact that my field of vision is tainted with these little things, they really are quite distracting; otherwise, they really don't affect my daily life.  

The only reason I mention them is because it is winter.  With winter comes snow and that snow is white.  Floaters are much more prominent with a white or light background, so they are much more a part of my life lately.

It stands as a testament for human physiology and its ability to ignore that which it deems unnecessary.

In other news, I'm finding it difficult for myself to ignore that which is unnecessary!  Nevertheless, I am still getting a lot done.  I've pretty much finished the first movement (at least enough for the reading) and I'm in the process of pulling the second movement together.  I have to get a copy of both movements to my pianist by tomorrow, so I am focusing on the piano part, and then I will fill in the orchestral stuff.  My score deadline for the reading is Thursday, so I have until Wednesday night to finish and then I can spend the days thereafter preparing the parts to hand out to the orchestra.  Since the parts have to be the same as the score I hand in, at least I won't have to make creative decisions on that weekend... at least not relating to the reading material...

Ok, back to work!

Ooh, wait, first I have exciting news.... The piano is being tuned tomorrow morning!

So far, one comment and it's sopping in sarcasm.  Nevertheless, I appreciate it very much.  Thank you anonymous poster!

I got a haircut today.  After getting lunch at the food court in the mall near my apartment, I decided to try out the hair stylist in the mall - my hair was getting long and it was awful convenient.  I really didn't have high expectations at all, and accepted the fact that I might get mall-hairstylist massacred.  In the end, I think this is possibly my best haircut ever.  Normally, I shower right after getting a haircut because I'm so itchy, but there's no itch - she did a phenomenal job of keeping my neck hair free.  Also, she styled it and put gunk in.  As I knew I was going to the orchestra concert tonight, I decided to keep it in and styled.  I also wore nice clothes - something that was quite unnecessary for Orchestra London, but it made me feel oh so pretty!

Post #800

I recently realized that on the blog itself, there is no reference to how many posts I've done.  Blogger users will know that the program tells your how many posts there are in a blog, but nothing for you, my faithful readers.

I'm not going to do anything about this, because I don't think it's worth my while; rather, I just wanted to point out that I'm not just randomly pulling numbers out of you-know-where.

Eight-hundred posts - even I'm impressed at how much rambling, ranting, blabbering and word writing that is.  As self-referential as this post is labelled to be, I wondered the other day whether or not this blog will survive to one thousand.

Long story short, yes it will.

Long story - I think I'll probably blog until the internet ceases to exist for reason such as:

-It is a remarkable method of procrastination.  

-I like writing words.

-I like to rant.

-With the memory I have, I need this blog so I can account for the things I've done since 2005.

Thinking about whether the next 200 posts would happen, I thought ahead to the next year...

I realized that I have no idea of what will happen and things are always changing.  By post 850, I'll have finished my thesis and maybe even will have it performed.  By post 900, I will have graduated and will know the results of my multitudinous applications.  We all know that I will NEED this blog to properly voice my indecision.

The bottom line is that I keep changing and will likely continue to do so.  As a result, this blog continues to change.  I think back to the days when all I did was rant and complain about things; I think of how my blog has matured; and I think of how lame I have become with only blogging about my two topics these days.  I will keep blogging, and I hope that I still have readers.

[Reader Participation]

Readers, I'd like to thank you all for sticking with me, or dropping by on a rare occasion, or even those who might be reading for the first time.  I would like you all to leave me a comment and share your favourite memory of my blogging life!  

Maybe it was the time I spouted random diabetes-related numbers out and you have no idea what any of it meant; maybe it was the time I complained about my readers never commenting, or maybe it was when I posted those beautiful pictures of Hoppy the Hopster.  

Use the search function up at the top left of the page to help jog your memory.

Whatever it was, I would love to hear about it!

And readers, in true Michael fashion, you can expect a post in a few days complaining about how I've put my heart out on my sleeve, mumbly mumbly, and beg you all for the comments which you haven't yet left me!

Happy Anniversary!

little update

1)This is my last post in the seven hundreds.

2)I sent away my UBC application today and the Boston one went away yesterday.  I am officially done with applying for grad schools (in North America)!

3)After the negativity of my earlier post, my sugars have stayed flat since noon - within one mmol - that's amazing!  I'm very excited; despite being hungry, I'm avoiding eating supper for as long as I can so I can double check that my basal rate is accurate.

It seems my life has only 2 focuses these days - insulin pump and thesis.  Maybe that's because it's true.  Today I'll be writing about the pump.

  Over Christmas, I pretty much went on a break.  Looking back, at least 20% of the insulin I was taking daily was a correction - meaning I will cut back significantly the amount of insulin I require once I get the pump figured out, and that is a prospect about which I'm very excited.  Things are slowly getting better, but each time I talk to my nurse, a new problem seems to pop up.

  Perhaps I was naive in thinking that I would be able to get the pump figured out in a matter of a few weeks, but I really did think so.  I thought I would be on solid ground by this point of January.  With that said, I can see that things are slowly getting better - little by little - slowly.

  I have become much more involved in the diabetes online community, which has been very helpful, but I've found that I'm missing Manitoba's Maestro Project and the diabetics involved with it.  When I read diabetic blogs online, it often has a perspective of being diabetes focused with some real-life sprinkled in.  At maestro dinners, yes we were there to talk and learn about diabetes and whatnot, but it was always just a group of young people getting together and interacting like people first, and diabetes was just the understood commonality.

Ok, that's enough blabbing for now, I've spent too much time on diabetes today... time for thesis!

  Generally, it was a pretty productive weekend.  Both my UBC and Boston University applications are ready to go, except for:

1) Draft of the first movement of my thesis.  I'm waiting on my teacher's comments before I send it.

b)Binding - I'll do this right before I send them away.

The trip from my apartment to the FedEx Kinky's for binding, and then to the post office has become very familiar.  I did it multiple times for DAAD, and a few more times for other university applications.  I'll do it again on Tuesday and I'll enjoy it!

  Since I took a break from the first movement, I've gotten a lot of work done on my second movement.  Today I took a look back at the first movement, and I realized that there is SO much work that needs to be done before I can even send a draft away!  I was hoping that when I came back to it, it would be clear that I would only have to do a few small tasks to complete it, but that appears not to be the case.  

  Part of me wants to regret stepping back from the piece because I'll likely continue in the same manner as I would have anyway, but the other part is glad I got the second movement underway - and perhaps some of those decisions will inform the earlier movement.

Productive workspace

Since I got my extended desktop set up on my macbook, I'm back to my desk.  The amount of daylight seems to be a lot less than it was before the break, so it's been dark in my workspace.  I've made a few changes that have actually made all the difference I could have hoped for.

1)  I moved a lamp onto my desk - I can see!

2) To make room for the lamp, I shifted my monitor over to the right side of the upper level - the lamp is on the left side of the upper level.

3)  While my speakers had previously been on the upper level, they are now on the main level where the computer and piles of paper are.

4)  Random other things have shifted to make best use of the space.

I had never really enjoyed having this glass computer desk, but it was cheap when I bought it.  Now that things are in different places, I think it is actually a really good set-up.  

The second movement of my thesis is now actually coming together.  I feel like I will actually have some good stuff ready for the orchestra reading which is coming up in two or so weeks.  I'm actually feeling like some of the things I've written are really quite beautiful.  Wow, I feel nauseous to have just said that.  Oh well, I should be self-encouraging from time to time.

Oh darn, I just realized that it is the weekend and I haven't done anything more with my applications.  There is still a bunch to do - printing out scores, deciding exactly which scores to include, the cover letters or statements of interest.  Anyway, I'll get around to some of that tomorrow.  I'm waiting on feedback on my first movement so that I can edit it and include it as one of my portfolio submissions.

I'm spending too much time blogging.  Goodnight.

Today has been pretty revolutionary - I wasn't lazy and I actually got a lot of composing done.  After getting home from morning teaching and breakfast with friends, I caught a chill so I warmed up in bed.  Realizing that bed was a happy and comfortable place, but I didn't want to sleep the day away, I brought a manuscript pad and a pencil with me and worked in bed.  It was going well for a while, and then I realized that I had developed a huge kink in my neck [apparently I was kinky in bed...] so I had to work in a more conventional environment thereafter.

I've often complained of a 'block' that I seem to get, and which has been plaguing me for a long while.  I'm not sure if it is emotional or just laziness, but today I was able to get past it and got a lot done.

Well, 'a lot' is relative.

I find it positively refreshing that what I accomplished today doesn't really add up to all that much.  It wasn't like I just woke up today and was able to finish the movement, or write tons of music.  In reality, I barely broke the dirt on the musical section which I started developing today.

Nevertheless, I feel good about my accomplishments today and I look forward to many more days like today in the future!

I sent the current draft of my first movement to my adviser tonight.  I'd been obsessing over it for the last few days, but no major changes have happened.  No major changes need to happen, which is why it is time to ignore it for a few days while I get on to the other movements.  I'm sure I could spend another whole week working on the finer details of this opening movement, but I should save that finesse work for the end.

The first movement has taken me 4 months to get to this point.  Now I have to write the remaining 3 movements in 2 months - thrice the work in half the time - which means I have to increase my productivity by a factor of 6!

UBC and Boston applications are coming along and I hope to mail them on the weekend.  I will be including the first movement draft in both applications, so I hope to have some feedback from my adviser before then.  I can't wait to get these last applications out of the way.  They are really the only things standing between me and complete focus on my thesis (Yes, I'm slightly delusional in my positive thinking, but I'm alright with it).

I had felt up-rooted this last month, not because of travel, but because I didn't have my extended desktop / second monitor connected to my macbook.  I'm recalling that I had previously mentioned it, but it's an important topic.

My schedule from Mon-Friday has me waking up progressively earlier.  This is helpful so that it's not so shocking to my system, but it's only Wednesday, and I already feel like I won't make it to the end.  Nevertheless, I have already been slightly more productive during the daytime, so I'm confident that this will be nothing but goodness all around.

Alas, it is now time to get ready for bed.

Countdown to thesis, but I'm too lazy to actually count!

So, I'm in the intense portion of my thesis writing.

I have a reading session in just over 2 weeks.

The thesis performance is on April 8th.

The parts for the performers are due 3 weeks before that.

The score for the conductor is due 1 month before that, so March 8th.

To allow for changes, I'm aiming to have it done by the end of February.

The first week of January has already been going by so quickly.

I've doubled my teaching load at the university for the month of January.  This has me waking up early on 3 weekdays.  The plan is to use the daytime and work after doing my teaching.

January will be a month of learning efficiency.

February will be a month of using what I have learned, as well as freaking out.

I got the adapter for my screen so I can use dual screen with my new macbook.

It was killing me to have only had one screen for the last month.

Having extended desktop is the greatest thing ever, but the world seems so empty without it.

My aim was to make this a short post, because that is all I will have time for over the next few months, but I keep writing.  I actually wrote this one much faster than I normally do, but that's because I usually  get distracted and do other things .

Wow, procrastinating from blogging (my favourite procrastination) - such a refined art!

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2009 now.

My time in Winnipeg was good and now that I am back in London, I am prepared to be fully dedicated to my thesis for the next 2 months - If I am not, I will likely not graduate.  This last week or so, I have been overwhelmed with the revelation that I have so little time left.  Luckily, one of my composer friends told me that whenever I feel that way, I should think of her; she does have far more to do than I, so I don't feel as bad!

Why is it that one's social life is at its peak when one has the most to do?  Since getting back to London, it seems to everyone is super-social.  It's likely because the holidays are coming to a close and everyone realizes that socialization needs to be taken care of now, before we buckle down for the next semester.

Yes, Buckling... that's what I'm doing... exactly, Oh the buckles!

Continuing with the sweater-vest theme, I've been getting compliments from people when I wear knits, in general.  

On Christmas Eve I wore my new sweater vest and my greataunt was convinced I had lost weight.

The other day, I wore my cardigan and my friend Holly took a while to figure out that it was the cardigan, but the moral was that she thought I looked good.  It wasn't my hair, it wasn't being more clean-shaven, it wasn't my shoes - it was my knit cardigan!

People in London really liked my hand-knit toque!  This shouldn't be a surprise, everything I knit is beautiful!

Maybe I should revive my completely knit ensemble that I wore way back in 2001 to the University of Winnipeg.  For years after, people still recognized me as the red knit-pants guy!

Ok, I'm off to bed.

Good Night!

I can easily say that the day I had today was well worth the hassle of being stuck in town for a few extra days.  I spent the afternoon/evening with some of my favourite people from my undergrad years.  We were able to relax with each other and have some of the fun that kind of got a little lost as we progressed through the years.

The last portion of a the day would have been terrible with anyone else, but the company made it bearable... therefore, here is a movie review:

High School Musical 3:

Ugghh.  Generally this movie was pretty terrible.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you just broke out into song at the drop of a hat?  It would be trite, fickle, and badly overdubbed - just like this movie.

The storyline was weak at best - a group of high-school students write a high-school musical to commemorate the end of their high-school careers.. how high school!  The movie starts off with the basketball team only having 16 minutes left on their last game of the season, and even though they're already talking about prom being around the corner, they have time to write, rehearse, and do a performance run of this elaborately tacky musical.  Of course, the musical has no real story, and it's pretty much just rehashings of songs that were sung earlier in the movie.

As a musical, this triple threat fell flat on its ass: Acting was horrific and unbelievable, much like most musicals, but really... this is a big budget one - at least try!!  Dancing was somewhat redeemable.  The leads were quite good, and there was some strong corps dancing by the guys, but the females didn't make the cut.  At one point there was a kicking chorus line, if you could even dare to call it that - feet were variable pointed... if pointed at all, there was a good 30 degrees variation on kick height, and they were pathetically low!  The singing... well, it was dubbed and way over-processed.  The female vocal lead was pretty bad and the use of pitch correction technology was horribly obvious and shouldn't even have been necessary.  If you're recording something... the professionals should be good enough that they can record something decent on their own, they have lots of opportunity to try, try, and try again... it's not like they are performing it live!  Goddamn, give me a recording studio and a Hollywood budget... I would sound like fucking Horowitz!  Most annoyingly was the slash job of dubbing.  Golly, they can match up voices to cartoon characters, so why can't they do the same for these so-called actors!

Besides all the the numerous flaws with this musical, there were a few good things:

The lead guy was a nice hunk of eye-candy, at first I felt a little guilty cause he was playing a high-school student, but I checked and he's 21, so it's all good.

It's a feel good experience.  As much as I mock, you can't not smile/laugh/pass gas during the overly cheesy romantic moments, or the overdramatized moments where every ounce of their soul is riding on how well they spontaneously dance in the middle of a basketball game.

In conclusion, this movie blows, but it was great fun to watch and make fun of!

vacation extension

I was supposed to be on a train to Toronto/London right now, but it got cancelled.  This change will see me flying home instead, on New Year's Day.

  It's not that I love London, or hate Winnipeg, but I was ready to leave and I was really looking forward to getting a lot of work done on the train ride.  With refund, the travel change is only costing ten dollars, so I got a good last minute flight deal, but I'm sad I won't be taking the train.

Taking the train would have meant missing new years in both cities, which would have been a tad lame, but maybe it would have been for the best.  We'll find out in a few days.

To make up for the isolated productivity of the train, I'm forcing myself to work here.  I went to the neighbourhood library today - I hadn't been there since I was a pre-teen, and I could tell why.  It was tiny, and filled with so many romance novels, self-help books, and junk.  The entire area of the main floor was probably only a thousand square feet, and the work/study area they claimed to have was three tiny tables with chairs.  I got some work done, but it was pretty ghetto.  This was a gentle reminder of just how different the academic world is from the real world.

Merry Christmas!

It's a day late, but festive greetings to all!
I guess it's not a day late, but my family celebrated Christmas a day early because my sister went out of town. Dinner was on Tuesday, and we did presents and such on the 24'th. Today, I did pretty much nothing, but played with Olive and did a minuscule bit of composition.

I'm rather happy with the things I got for Christmas this year; I had requested less 'stuff' and 'junk' because I don't have much luggage room to carry it home with me. Some highlights:
-Leather messenger bag/satchel for laptop and general work stuff
-A really nice blazer/sportscoat
-A sweatervest (*)
*So, I doubt she still reads this blog, but a long time reader and I had a special bond over our performance clothing. For pretty much all performances in our first 2 years of music school, she would wear her performance broach, and I would wear my performance vest. It was a plain black sweater vest with a light white trim on the arms and waist. Because of belly growth and structural decay of the sweater vest, I threw it out. This new one is just all black. In recent years, I've been thinking that I needed one for those performances when a button down just won't suffice, and I don't feel like wearing a jacket. Long story short, I like the sweatervest very much.

Family time has been good over the holidays. The time went by very quickly, and of course I haven't done as much composing as I needed to. Nevertheless, there are a few days left and I will make the best use of them.

This year, I put much less effort into being social while in Winnipeg. I've still seen quite a few people, and I'm wondering if I've missed out on anyone. It's hard to say - sure, I could see more people, but at the same time, I could do with seeing fewer people.
Anyway, there are but a few days left before my exciting train journey back home, so I will make the best of it. YAY!

Happy Festivus!

  Today is the official day to celebrate Festivus.  Last night the dinner went fairly well.  Unlike last year, we actually had a Festivus Pole - fashioned from a broomstick and aluminum foil - suspended from the lamp above the dinner table.

  Despite the short notice, we had just shy of a dozen people there and the food people brought made for a rather delicious meal.

  At the beginning of the night, it was rather delightfully awkward as people were not terribly talkative; they were constantly consulting me about what to do next.  At best, Festivus is a vague holiday, and I don't claim to be an expert, merely an enthusiast.  The best course of action was clearly to loosen people up by drinking while we waited for the rest of the attendees.  Eventually, more people came.  The conversation livened; bellies were filled with food, and hearts were filled with laughter and happiness!

  It wouldn't truly be the holidays without a grumpy gus, so it was truly a Festivus miracle to have had one person there who didn't seem to have been in the Festivus spirit.  Nevertheless, I think that a good time was had by just about everyone!

  Today has been a low-key day.  I've been doing some composing mixed with keeping an eye on my puppy niece.  She has been quite naughty: climbing on couches, reeking havoc in the kitchen, barking like a mad-dog, and general mischievousness.  Because my sister and brother-in-law are heading East on Christmas day, we are having our nice big dinner today.

I love my puppy niece!

Olive is such a delightful puppy niece!  She is filled with energy and spasticity.  She's also adorable and cuddly when she is tuckered out.

We're having Festivus tomorrow.  I intended to host again this year, but just like last time, I'm ghost hosting at Kyle's house - it's much roomier, and trying to control Olive during a dinner party would be a nightmare.  Festivus is coming together very last-minute, so who knows how many people will actually attend.

It shouldn't, but it does surprise me how quickly this month, this term, this year has gone by.  Let's not even mention the thesis...

I've ordered more infusion sets, and they'll arrive here tomorrow or Tuesday.  Tomorrow, I need to change my infusion site, and guess what - it's my last set... so I can't afford for it to not work.  This is cutting it perhaps a little close for comfort.

I've been on a regimen vacation for the last week.  Correcting has helped a bit, but I've not been as accurate with carb counting, and eating close to sleeping once again has caused problems.... I knew there was a reason I vowed to stop.

I know people always say they eat more around the holidays, but I've seen a tangible scale - My average daily insulin usage while in London was around 75 units - since Winnipeg, it's averaging more like 90.... oopsie.  Well, some days were really high, but today was only 63 units.

Winnipeg is cold.  I went tobogganing with some friends yesterday and it was super fun, until our faces couldn't handle the cold burning anymore.  I think it was -30 with windchill feeling like -47, but I'm likely exaggerating, a bit.  We bought 3 dollar crazy carpet things and had the time of our lives!

In Winnipeg for the holidays.

When I walked out of the airport, I was prepared for the worst. Yes, it was damned cold, but I liked it. There's something about the Winnipeg cold that I like. I guess it feels like home. Sure, I love to bitch about the cold, but I think I still prefer it to the humid crap bucket that is London in the winter.
My trip to Vancouver was great. Even though my host Jon had a crippling 'nass' injury, we were still able to do lots of fun things.
I haven't been terribly social since getting into Winnipeg. I spent time with my alway-out-late-at-night friend late-at-night after I flew in, but other than that, I haven't seen any friends. Actually, I spent some great quality time with Petra - my 5'8" 50 year old Czechoslovakian love of my life. She was tuned on the morning of my arrival, so she sounded gorgeous! I really do miss my piano, and piano in general. I hope that whatever next year brings, we will be reunited, or I will at least be able to play lots.
Ok, company has just come over so I need to socialize with friends of the family.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Tonight is my last night in Vancouver.  The time here has been short and sweet.

We did a fair bit of shopping, saw some different parts of the city and most importantly, I got to spend some quality time with Jon and Mai -who were wonderful hosts!

I fly tomorrow evening to Winnipeg, but I'm not excited about the fact that the weather will be around forty below when I arrive, and staying quite cold for the entire week...  As winter has been known to do, this will be a cold visit to my hometown.

I did a wee bit of Christmas shopping here in Vancouver, but I need to do all of my Christmas shopping once I get to Winnipeg.  My suitcase was full enough on my way here,

[This is the suitcase that must be around 40 years old now - it is a hard case blue suitcase with a wonderful duck sticker on it.  It was/is my dad's but I adopted it as my own even though it's not really big enough to fit much in.  Long story short, the front of the suitcase got dented this trip.  I didn't overfill it and it was no fault of my own, but I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.]

but now that I've bought a new light winter jacket best suited for London/Vancouver/non-Winnipeg weather, I'm going to have to struggle to cram everything in somewhere.

For the return part of my trip, I'll switch to a larger suitcase, as I hope to receive/boxing day shop for some new clothes.

I have no idea what to buy for people, but this year it will definitely be done on a conservative budget.  Oh yes, and with love!

Yesterday was, indeed a long day of travel.    

I worked at 10am playing ballet classes.  By the time I got home, I had one and a half hours to pack and get ready.  The last few minutes were a scramble, as they always are, to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

I took a shuttle service from London to the Toronto airport which got me there in great time.  From the time I arrived at the airport, it was approximately 6 minutes until I was through security and I had over an hour until my boarding time.  The flight boarded late, but left pretty much on time. 

  The flight itself was pretty good.  I talked for a good chunk of it with my neighbour, and it was really good airplane conversation.  I didn't get any sleep on the plane really, but kinda sorta nodded off during SNL.  By the way, it was actually a pretty good episode last night.  I haven't watched SNL in years because it has been so disappointing.  Perhaps, there is a turnaround in effect.

  We arrived on time in Vancouver and my luggage was one of the first to come off the ramp, so I went straight outside to wait in line for a taxi. I waited for a while, and people were impatient.  There was a woman whose job it was to organize taxi rides.  I felt so bad for her, because everyone was so impatient and rude to her.  Apparently because of some snow, there were a few accidents, and there was no traffic getting in or out of the island where the airport is.  I came inside and wasted some time on the internet, but eventually decided to wait in the line which had grown to about 50 people.  Most people left the line at some point because we kept being told that it would be a long time, and it was.  Having arrived at 11am, I did not get a taxi until 2:30am - 5:30 London time.

  Now I'm here at my friends Jon and Mai's apartment!  They are wonderful hosts and I had a great sleep, eventually.

  Yay Vancouver!

Well, I hadn't done it for quite a while, but I started back at it the other night. I stayed up until 5am on tuesday because of it.
I knit.
My new macbook inspired me to knit a case for it. I'm not the type that would waste my money on a case, especially when I can make one myself.
Therefore, here are pictures of the computer and its new home.


There's nothing really special about the pictures of the computer itself, you can get a nicer look at the computer and its features on the promotional website, but there you go anyway.

Below are pictures of the case I've spent several hours of procrastination time making. I haven't finished it yet, I need to sew the back of the apple logo together at the back so it doesn't stretch so much.
Also, I made it a little too small - it fits nice and tight so the macbook is safe and sound, but the stretch is especially noticeable with the logo. Once again, sewing it together at the back will fix that slightly, but hmm.. only time will tell.














In other news, I haven't gotten the gleaming results I've wanted from the pump this week. I meant to fast during the afternoon sometime this week, but it just didn't fit into my schedule. Tomorrow, I have my last phone meeting with my nurse, so hopefully she will have some helpful advice.
I leave on Saturday and will be spending the rest of the month out West. I will be treating it like a pump vacation for bits of it. In order to get a clear picture of my insulin's function, I haven't been allowed to correct for high sugars this last few weeks, but I will be taking care of that while away. Hopefully, this will remind me of the goodness that the pump promises. So far, it hasn't delivered what it is supposed to be able to do. I realize that I need to work at it, and I have, but it has been less than inspiring thus far.

Also, tomorrow I have my last meeting with my thesis adviser before he goes on sabbatical, and though I will still meet with him next term, I want to make the most of it. With that said, I haven't written enough for tomorrow, so I'm off to do that!

I sent in my applications to Toronto and McGill today!
I'm taking the day to relax, then I'll do some work on my thesis.
It feels good to have that dealt with. Now there are just a few things to deal with before I leave for my holidays.

Last night was a minor, yet aggravating setback - my printer ran out of toner! I didn't notice until after printing some orchestral scores, so I wasted about 40 pages of paper.
Today I will buy new toner and paper. I will probably miss the postman, but I still plan to get the packages to the post office today.

I finished writing both proposals last night and did an initial edit. Today I will edit them better and revise the Personal Statement so it will fit U of T.

After taking hours for my PC notebook to convert wma files into apple format, I woke up and copied the files onto my new macbook and now it has music. When it gets internet access, it will be complete!

I'm working on my research statement for McGill. I'm not allowing anymore procrastination - I WILL send off my packages tomorrow for McGill and U of Toronto. I need the rest of the week to work on my thesis.
I'm meeting a friend from Winnipeg for lunch tomorrow - inspiration to get up early and work hard tomorrow morning! Then after lunch, it will be a trip to Kinky-Kinko's and the post office.
Mailing early = cheapish postage. 2 years ago, I blogged about spending 11$ on postage for my McGill application implying that that was expensive... if only I knew how expensive last minute shipping could get!

Pump - sugars are acting pretty reliably, though high, but not too high. I'm leaving next Saturday, and I won't want to be tracking sugars as much while I'm on 'vacation', so this is the week to fix things!

Baby Steps

I'm staying in on a Saturday night, and I'm kind of enjoying my hermitishness.

I'm getting things done, little by little:
I did two loads of laundry.
I finished writing a draft of my personal statement for McGill.
I finished the online application to Boston University.

Things left to be done before I leave London:
Edit and finalize research statement for McGill.
Choose, print and bind scores for McGill and U of T.
Compile and mail application packages.
Compose and hopefully complete first movement of thesis.
Organize paperwork so I don't go crazy when tax time comes.


Updates on the standard topics:
Macbook - frustration = I can't get my music onto my new mac. It won't let me import wma files, and I can't get them to go from Ipod into Itunes.
Any suggestions would be most welcomed!

Pump - I'm wearing my infusion set more on this side than normal, so it's getting in the way - it snagged on a door earlier and though it's still intact, it was somewhat unpleasant.
I know it hasn't even been a week, but I'm still not getting used to being tethered.

Macbook

I left a note for UPS to deliver to the bookstore beneath me if I wasn't around today. When I got home around 4pm, there was a macbook waiting for me!
I had to deal with my pump first with a phone call from my nurse and an infusion set change, but eventually I unpacked it and did my manual reading and enjoyed.

It really is as wonderful as it has been hyped to be. Setting it up was intuitive and simple. I installed Sibelius in a flash and moved over all of my important files.
I won't have internet on it for a while because our wireless is IP specific, so my roommate needs to add the new IP address when he gets back after the weekend.

Photobooth = the most fun ever, haha!

I really don't enjoy being this emotionally flippant. As I'm sure you can tell, I've been up and down a lot lately due to my sugars.
I sent a bitchy email to my pump nurse earlier today and felt quite justified in doing so. Later, and especially while talking to her, I was reminded of how nice she is and how undeserving of my rage she is.
In theory, I won't let things get to me, but in reality, I can't help it!
Anyway, the nurse made a nice big adjustment that should make things better and she promised that in a week's time, I will be able to correct for high sugars again! YAYAYAY!!

Online shipment tracking is a wonderful thing.
I want my macbook NOW NOW NOW so I've been checking at least daily to see where my macbook has made it to.
Last time I checked, it had left Shanghai. Since then, it arrived in Anchorage, Alaska and made its way down to Louisville, Kentucky. Seems a little wasteful, why not ship it directly from Alaska to ME?!? Anyway, it's getting close; I'm going to be hopeful and tell myself that I'll have it on Friday, maybe Monday at the latest.

Sugars are much better than yesterday, thanks to waking up with slightly low sugars... eep!
As predicted, though, they climbed their way back up to around 11 by the time I got around to lunch.
Nevermind, I spoke too soon. Sugars are sucking again. I went up high after lunch for no apparent reason - same food and same bolus as the other day, but not the same effect.
Grrr.

Nothing says happy beginning of September like the remnants of one's body devouring itself due to lack of insulin.
It's been years since I've had ketones, and tonight I had trace amounts.
I fasted all morning and part of the afternoon then had some late lunch. The sugars all day were around 11-13mmol, so while they were high, I at least know that the basal rate is pretty close.
After lunch, I changed the infusion site.
At dinner, my sugars had gone up a bit, so I took a correction with my dinner. Low GI value and the correction taken with it should have seen my sugars actually drop down before coming back up and levelling off after dinner, but they never went down at all. When I tested for, and found even just trace amounts of ketones, I knew it was time to yank the site and try a new one.
I took a correction by insulin pen and I'll check to see that worked in a little while.

I'm trying to stay positive about pumping, I really am. I will continue to try, but this is wearing me thin- not literally of course, haha.
Nevertheless, I'm not a quitter. Between that and my love of spite, I will stick with this damned pump for a while yet.

My new reader pointed out that my last post seemed out of place.
I used to blog in that manner a lot more often a few years ago, but not so much these days. I'm generally a very happy-go-lucky guy. There aren't many things that get me pissy, but boy - watch out when they do, haha!

The background - I've been diabetic since I was 7 years old, totalling 18 years now. Over the last 3 years, I've been relearning Diabetes and making some strong improvements to my control and approach. I wish I had the time to add labels for all 7 hundred posts so that you could filter the diabetes ones...
Anyway, this last year I have felt IN CONTROL of my diabetes. While the numbers could improve, I had a good understanding of how my body worked in most situations and what to do to work WITH my body and its lack of insulin.
Since starting on the pump, I feel that I've lost that control. Don't be scared away by what I say- I'm sure I will love it in a few weeks, but this new regimen and all the change are testing my patience. Also, spending an entire day above 10 is something that I hadn't done in a long time, and I really really dislike it - as you gathered from my last post.

I want to wish Gary the best of luck tomorrow as he starts on his pump!
Congrats!
I hope that the experience is great for you, and I want to hear all about it. Are you keeping a blog also?

In addition to the pump, the company sent me the Contour Link glucose meter. It has a feature that allows it to communicate with the pump wirelessly. Unfortunately, my meter reads everything at 2mmol higher than my other 3 meters say. I will be sending it back for a replacement when I have time.
In terms of the Continuous Glucose Monitor - I bought the sensor and the things I'll need to use it, but the training I'm doing instructs us to not use it until we are fully operational on the pump.
I did however have previous experience with the CGM. Go here to see what I wrote about it, also check the archive for the days before and after that. Like here or here.

In conclusion, today was a better day.
I'm getting the physical manifestations of the cumulative stress in my life. Jaw tension and arm tension abound!
A quick view of things to do:
Lesson tomorrow that I haven't done much writing for - I'll do much tonight and tomorrow morning.
Anxiously awaiting both Macbook and pump supplies in the mail.
I've almost finished off a piece that I'm excited to hand over to the singer in the next few days.
Dance exams on Friday - need to find time to practice, AND they're at 9am! in the morning!
McGill and Toronto applications need to be sent out within the week. ish.
I need to have finished 25% of my thesis in a few days to stay on track.

Grr Mumbly Shit Fuck!
I hate diabetes and I hate high sugars and I hate the fucking pump and not having complete control over my management.
This message brought to you better the letter FUCK! and the number 15.7mmol feels like SHIT!

New Computer

I've been thinking of doing it for a long time now and I finally did it online tonight.
I bought my macbook.
It was a mixture of the numerous payroll deposits and the enjoyment-ish I'm getting from my other piece of new technology.
It's been on my long-term to-do list for over a year, and tonight was the night.

With that said, I feel a little nauseous thinking about how much money I just spent, but I'll pretend that the money I got yesterday wasn't already spoken for and I'll be just fine!

Meet the newest part of my life. I haven't named it yet, or even decided on a gender, but I should introduce it nonetheless.

It appears I have some diabetic readers now that I have started writing about my pump, so welcome one and all!
I hope that my experiences are helpful to you, and feel free to ask questions about anything - I'm always looking for useful topics to write about.


Here are two pictures of my new pump. I hate taking pictures - with the flash(above) it whites out part of the picture, and without (right) you can't hold it still enough so you get a blurry picture. Anyway, combining the two will give you all the detail and perspective you could desire!

I've been absent minded today - forgetting to take my two-hour glucose tests right on time, forgetting to check my sugars before starting to eat. These little things will make the process a little more complicated, but I think I can deal.
There are just a lot of things to get done at this time of year!

The pump is the same as it has been. No news to report.

Yesterday was a phenomenal day for finances.
My student loan money was transferred in, my dance school pay cheque came in, AND my double pay cheque from the school came in (November is the month where we get the year's lump sum of vacation pay and pay increase settlement). Long story short, my bank account looks very happy.
Don't worry, it's just temporary! I will be buying my macbook soon.. I almost just bought it on a whim, but I'll put it off for another little while.

I talked to my nurse today after having emailed her my blood sugars from the first two days. She says that I'm doing quite well! We've adjusted the amount of background insulin that I'm getting overnight because my sugars keep dropping overnight. Other than that, we agreed that it's best to not make other changes for a little while because it's only been a few days. We will talk again on Friday and see if we need to make any changes then.

I've started using a really cool feature of the pump - a square wave bolus. Basically, it delivers the insulin evenly over a time span. These are perfect for high carb foods with a low GI value. On injections, these kinds of meals were nearly impossible - they would need a lot of insulin so if I took it too early, my sugars would drop before the food was absorbed, the liver would shoot out some glucose of it's own, and then the food would be absored, so my sugars would end up high a few hours later. If I dosed too late, the food would spike up my sugars, and then it would take forever for them to come down. I was able to eat fast food today and not feel like shit because of it! Well, fast food still makes you feel icky, but non-diabetes related ick!

night #1

So, I woke up at 4 am this morning to check my sugars. It's a good thing I did because they were 2.5(they are supposed to be between 4-6, slightly higher overnight).
Overnight lows are the worst - you're tired and cold and all you want to do is go back to sleep, but you know that you can't until your sugars have stabled.
I tried to follow the procedure for treating a low which is:
1)Drink 20 carbs of juice, wait fifteen minutes
2)Test sugars, if still below 2.8, repeat
if still under 4, eat 15 carbs and wait fifteen minutes
if over 4, test again in an hour, eat a small snack to keep sugars afloat

I did step one and had a cookie while waiting (preparing for that small snack). When I tested, I was still 3.5, so I had more juice, and ate another cookie or two. Since my sugars were still low, I was savagely eating these cookies (it is nearly impossible to control ones self in this state). The third time I tested, I was slightly over 4, so I ate another cookie just to be safe, then went back to bed. I woke up with higher sugars because of the cookies, but at least I wasn't low again.

I was told to expect lows because there will still be some residual insulin in my system - let's hope that there is none left for tonight.

My sugars have been running higher than I would like all day, but not as high as I was expecting, and I'm sticking to the orders I was given. There's a chance that my insulin requirements might actually be lower than I expected, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

This morning I cleared the insulin pen and pen needles out of the front pocket of my bag and moved them to the emergency / infusion set change supply section(formerly an empty zippered section). This is just one of many changes I will need to/get to make as part of this transition period.
YAY!

First Day Done

Today went quite well, better than I had feared.
Now, I'm sleepy.

The morning class went over a lot of stuff in detail, most of it I knew from reading and practise, but important safety stuff.
I talked to the nurse and she agreed with my plan to fix the basal rate for today, and as of an hour ago, I'm on the prescribed rate, so we'll see if that is enough to keep my sugars stable overnight. I get to wake up at 5 am today to check my overnight sugars. That means I should go to bed soon.
I had to change which pocket my wallet resides in because the pump renders its home pocket inaccessibleish. Tonight is my first sleep with the pump and the tubing - I'm wondering what the likelihood of pulling it out while I sleep are, but I imagine they are pretty slim.

The insertion of the infusion set was rather painless - that's the thing that serves as the membrane between the pump and my insides. As the day goes on, I can't decide if I'm actually experiencing any discomfort from it. It doesn't hurt, but I can feel it on and in me - I suppose that's just a sensation I will need to get used to.

After the fact, it occurred to me that I just took my last normal daily injection of long-acting insulin. The dose I will take tomorrow will have been lowered, and then I will be on the pump.

As of 10:30am ish on Monday, I will be on the pump. It's finally setting in that this is actually happening. Being on the pump has always been in my mind as such a far off thing - it's odd to think of how close it actually is. Even as I'm typing this, I keep thinking that I won't actually be benefiting until the first few weeks of set-up are done, but that's not true.

Bottom line is that I'm anxious, apprehensive, nervous, scared. Of course, I won't actually let these feelings negatively effect me, but that is just how I feel right now. Tomorrow, my last day as a non-pumper will go by far too quickly - diabetes aside, I have so much to do: ballet exam rehearsal, and of course learning that music beforehand, writing massive chunks of my thesis, paperwork, printing out scores for the people who are writing reference letters for me, and organizing myself for the pump start...

PrePump Training

Today was my 3-hour pre-pump training. We didn't actually touch our pumps, though. The nurse went over our rates and plan for switching from the long acting insulin to the pump. There was a little talk on how to take care of high/low blood sugars. Finally, there was a presentation by a dietitian.
I'm not convinced about the transition...they told me to cut my dose down, but only from 36 to 30. The starting basal rate on the pump is the equivalent of 26... so in effect, I will have 56 units in my system rather than 36... I will have lots of juice on hand that day. The cross over will be about 12 hours and will end just in time to go to bed. My plan is to take my last long-acting insulin early the night before, which will at least save me a few hours of discomfort.

The thing that I'm most worried about is the fact that I'm not supposed to correct high sugars unless they are above 13. I currently feel uncomfortable when my sugars are anywhere above 10, and I always aim for my sugars to rest at 5. The reasoning is that they need to see how my sugars are reacting to single doses of insulin and it complicates it if you have multiples..
[Imagine one person trying to do a task. It doesn't matter if they suck at it, you have to just let them struggle with it on their own so you can see just how bad or good they are.]

Mostly, this is a control thing - I have been in complete control of my condition for so long... I don't think I'm comfortable with letting someone else make these decisions for me. Especially this last year, I've been constantly making adjustments and I'm learning a lot and improving because of it - now I have to throw that all away for a few weeks!?!

Nevertheless, I have to go through these hoops to get the pump up and running, so I'll suck it up and be submissive to the Assistive Devices Program master for a while.
Then I'll say, "I told you so" when things end up being what I expected them to be.

As a point of reference, these are my predictions:
Basal Rate - 1.4
Insulin Sensitivity - 1 unit = 1 mmol

what they are starting me at:
Basal Rate - 1.1
Insulin Sensitivity - 1 unit = 2 mmol

The Sensitivity number is the one that bothers me most - yes it is good to be safe, but they are cutting mine in half! That means that even when my sugar jumps to over 13, the correction will be only partially successful. For example, if my sugar were 14, I would want to take 9 units, but I would only be allowed to take 4.5. If I am correct, then it would take me 3 or more hours to lower my sugar down to 9.5 - still double the healthy amount of blood sugar. If I were wrong, then I would notice that my sugar was dropping too rapidly, and I would know better the next time. I understand that they need to be safe, but I'm not going to like the safeness!

Despite the fact that it starts at the unfortunate hour of nine, I am slightly excited for my pump training tomorrow.
The first 2 days of detailed food/insulin/sugar recording went well, but today I seemed to forget things.. Nevertheless, it should be enough information to get me started!

I filled some of that empty space on the wall in my room with post-it notes. It's like a tangible calendar of my deadlines and other notes to keep me on track.
Unfortunately, the notes don't stick very well to my wall, so I will have to find a more reliable adhesive which won't damage the wall.

I am into my last week as a syringe-using diabetic. I realized today, as I took some insulin in my German class, that it would be my last time taking an insulin injection in a lecture. My next class is Monday, so if I need insulin then, I will simply press the button. When I press the button, it will make a little noise, which is a good feature, but that will be a whole new issue to deal with - how many alarms and beeps I will put up with. Eventually I will set them all to vibrate, but to start I'll keep them all on so I get used to how and why it will make noises at me.

I am going to be getting new glasses sometime soon. One of the eyewear retailers here has a 25% off sale on frames for this month, so I will likely get them within the month. It's not that I need new ones, or that my prescription has changed, rather I have 200$ of insurance coverage for glasses while I'm at UWO so I need to make use of that before I'm done.
I currently have 2 pairs that I wear. My daily pair is conservative, but has transition tinting (not recommended), the other ones are much more stylish with blue arms. I am trying to decide if I want something zany just because I can, or another conservative frame so that I don't need to put up with the transitions anymore. Suggestions are welcomed, though I might pick them out tomorrow.

Last night we had a little cracker party - we provided crackers and people brought things to put on or dip crackers into. It was also a salon party, so people were encouraged to bring music to play.

My roommate rightly pointed out that the cleaning we were doing before the party was just like the cleaning our parents used to do before they had company over. Only this time our mother's weren't telling us to stay out of the way because we were just making a mess...
As a result of the cleaning, the apartment was suitable for photos, so I finally took and posted pictures of my apartment online so people could see them.
To the left is the view of my apartment from my work desk. The piano, the kitchen, and the dining table are featured. The ceilings are about 12 or 14 feet (my numbers might be wrong, but they're really high).

You can see how high the ceilings are and how tall out windows are in this one(right). If you stand in the window frame, you can't even touch the top with your arms stretching up. Because we live downtown, the windows are great for people watching. The homeless people downtown seem to sit in front of the cafe across the street from us in shifts - morning, afternoon, and night - and each cast of characters provides a different type of amusement.
On the left is a picture of my room - it's pretty empty, I know. Since the walls are so high, I feel like I'd have to put huge things on the walls to even come close to filling the empty space, so I just don't. I like bare walls, maybe I'm crazy, but all I do in this room is sleep and take my insulin.


Ok, back to the party. It was quite successful - we had about a dozen people here. Lots of crackers and dips and spreads and wine kept people happy and full. No one else brought instruments, and only one person brought other music. My roommate and I performed some PDQ Bach specialties and later in the evening, we sang show tunes. Three people shared the role of pianist, by divying it up into duets. It's a lot of fun to play only the right of left hand of a piano part!

All in all, it was a delightful evening. There is little cleanup, other than washing wine glasses. I like having parties with respectful grad students.

World Diabetes Day

Today is World Diabetes Day. This year's focus is on Children and Diabetes - a topic that is close to my heart as... well... I spent a good chunk of my childhood as a diabetic.
Here are some hard-hitting facts about diabetes and how it relates to children.

I often get caught up in the way diabetes effects my life: hassles with insurance, paying for this and that, paperwork, having to overthink what I eat, feeling guilty about the foods that I should maybe avoid, the drudgery of routine. The first few of my concerns are actually good things - I have coverage for my drugs; I'm not like the millions of American diabetics who don't have coverage and, as a result, let their control slide. Still, I'm only thinking within North America - we are developed countries and still having concerns about where the money for medications is going to come from.
In developing nations, they simply don't have the money or even the access to the basic medications.
Even worse, they often don't know to properley care for their diabetes.
The worst case is that in many places, they still don't know enough to get diabetes even diagnosed.

I will stick with addressing the concerns I can actually help - I will inform those around me.
Getting my insulin pump will be the perfect opportunity! Using a pump in public is a great spring board for people to ask questions. I can tell them all about diabetes in general, the pump, some of the advocacy and programs that got the pump covered in Ontario.
Excitement.

Since my pump training starts next Friday, today was the last Friday that I will spend without an insulin pump at my side. Tonight is the last Friday night that I will sleep without a pump attached to my pyjamas.
This is actually quite exciting - I will be quite reflective this week. I've been on needles for as long as I can remember, and I've been carrying an insulin pen around with me since high school. It's been so integrated into my life, and now something else will take it's place. It's kind of sad in an odd sort of way.

I have a very poor concept of time, and I can't add. I was under that conception that it was much earlier in the month of November than it actually is.
I will have my pump training start in a week tomorrow, and then the following Monday, I will get hooked up. Though I am still quite impatient, I will survive.
I have compositions and applications to keep me occupied. Some of my applications for grad schools are due in barely over a month!

Impatience

I finally got ahold of the diabetes centre to book my pump training session.
DAMNATION!
Apparently the next training session is not until November 21/24, so it will be nearly 2 weeks until I actually start on my pump.
Why must I wait?!? I can't handle the anticipation.
I've been playing with the pump in training mode and done all the settings and read the manual, but I'm not allowed to start using it until I've gotten the official training.
It's just so anticlimactic; I've been waiting so impatiently for my pump and now it's finally here, only I don't get to use it yet.

Oh, cruel torture!

I had left a note, so they delivered it to the bookstore downstairs.
I am now the proud owner of my little insulin pump.

yet another update

so, I got the package that was en route yesterday...
It was two boxes of insulin pump paraphernalia, but nothing useful and certainly not an insulin pump.
I have been given the tracking numbers for the remaining 2 boxes that are en route, they are indeed on the truck for delivery today, of course on a day when I actually have to leave the apartment to go to school.
Would it really have been that difficult to shove everything into one box and send it to me on the day you said you would?!?

There's a slight chance that I'll have a pump later today, but who knows!

Apparently it IS en route - I got the tracking number and it was on the truck this morning...

Why would she lie to me?!?

Having spent my entire Friday locked inside waiting for my delivery, I was filled with excitement knowing that today is the day.
On the other hand, every delivery I've ever gotten has come in the first hour or two of the day, so if I wait the rest of the day, it's a lost cause. At 11:30 today, I decided to call the company and get a Purolator tracking number, just out of curiosity. To no surprise of my own, there is no tracking number on file - meaning that the pump has not left their warehouse yet today.
More than likely, I will not be getting my pump today...
BOO!!
As long as I get a tracking number out of them, then I can track it myself and not have to rely on their vague guesstimates!

Having done a load of laundry today and not having the requisite 13 quarters needed to do another, I washed dishcloths by hand in the sink this afternoon. I actually found this to be a very relaxing and rewarding process, though my hands looked like shit afterward. Hot water, laundry detergent, and being submerged for so long are not things that hands like.
I guess there's something nice in the process of wringing and rinsing.

I'm taking a brief moment to think about how I feel about the insulin pump now, before getting it - this feeling is probably very different from what it will be like to be a pump user, and it's quite different from how I've felt about pumps for the last decade or so.
Having spent so much time convincing myself that pumps don't make much difference, I'm now trying to reassure myself that I'm doing the right thing and not just wasting resources.
In conclusion, it will be worth it and I have a feeling that I will soon feel some guilt over having effectively lied to myself about it for so long.

Bland day

When the insulin pump called me and told me that it would be delivered either Friday or Monday, I should have known better than to get so optimistic.
I stayed in all day working on one of my commissions - I got some good work done, though not nearly enough. I am budgeting the rest of my time to my thesis between now and Tuesday.
It will be difficult to stay focused on Monday once I get my insulin pump - I'd better get it!

Financial Stuff

I've been talking to one of my few loyal readers about the new Tax-Free Savings Accounts which will be available in Canada as of 2009.
I won't talk too much here, but it makes me realize that I really enjoy thinking and talking about financial stuff. I only wish It wasn't just applicable knowledge.... Once day I'll have money - one day!

Post 751

As I enter the third quarter of what might eventually be a thousand posts, I have happy news to report.
I got a call this evening from the Insulin Pump company and they said my pump will be delivered either Friday or Monday. If I get it early enough on Friday, I could do my pump info class this Friday and then I'd be up and running on a pump by next week! I will cross everything that can possibly be crossed. As I'm sure you can tell, I am very excited.

I'm wondering if I should make some kind of change to my blog to commemorate having posted 750 times... Not a superficial one, but maybe one of style. Having looked back over the years, my writing has gone through introspective phases, bland phases (which would be the current one), bitchy phases, ranty phases, and a few others that I can't find the words for right now.
Please feel free to comment and let me know what you would like to hear more of. I've been feeling lately that I need to be more creative, rather than put people through the daily chore of reading....as if anyone does that!

Merry Christmas

So, I got a call from my Diabetes Educator who has been helping me through the long and arduous pump getting process. I had that appointment with my doctor last week, and that was the last of the paperwork that needed to be done.
She called to tell me that within about a week and a bit, I will hear from Medtronic - the insulin pump company - to set up a delivery date/time. That means that I might have an insulin pump within 2 weeks!
I'll have to double check with the pump training center, cause they close down in December over Christmas, so hopefully there is enough time before that to get me trained and settled.
If there's not enough time, I'll start in the new year, but I want to start Now NOw NOW!

Today makes me feel good.

I finished, out of necessity, writing my letter for DAAD a half hour before it needed to be FedEx'ed. I rushed to put the package together and then got it there just in time.
It's almost out of my hands. All that is left is to get the second letter of reference from a prof and then mail it in.

Next step is to apply to those schools, as well as any other schools.

November will suck.


I got paid by the university AND the ballet school today AND I deposited my cheque from the telemarketing job. On my way home, I paid my outstanding dentist charges and then when I got home, I completely paid off my MasterCard. It will be a few days before I get the satisfaction of seeing the balance at zero on my computer, but I feel very very good about this!


Last night was the student composer concert. I didn't have anything played, but the other 2nd year Masters student and I were in charge of organizing it. When the show was supposed to start, there was no stage manager, so we ended up having to move all of the stands, chairs and piano between every piece! It's not the worst thing in the world, but I was really looking forward to watching the concert from the audience - but I guess there is no reward for the organization of concerts - just the satisfaction that the show went well. It did go well. I'm somewhat satisfied.

Opposite day of yesterday

I got a short-notice appointment with the Endocrinologist today = the pump process is one month and a bit ahead of schedule = I might have a pump for Christmas!
Also, I love this new doctor! He was so thorough and asked so many questions, but without an ounce of judgment - perfect for an Endo.

My new shoes are still beautiful and I still love them, but they hated me, and expressed that through the causation of bloody Achilles tendons. OUCH!

My composition lesson today was great.

Tomorrow is the dress rehearsal AND the Student Composer Concert - what fun!

Feeling extremely _____ today.

I went to the pharmacy/post office today for two things - convenient that they are both in the same store!

I had ordered shoes on ebay, and I've been feeling apprehensive about whether they would fit, or smell, or be in bad shape, different from the pictures I saw.

I had to fill some prescriptions for insulin and test strips.
In Ontario, strips are not covered by pharmacare - mostly because pharmacare doesn't exist here - the whole concept of universal healthcare... DOESN'T EXIST IN ONTARIO! Pharmaceuticals here seem to be completely privatized. No huge worries, the university has decent coverage, as long as I feed them the mountains of paperwork they seem to require to survive.

Long story short - the pharmacy claimed that the insurance company refused to cover more than one meter at one time. I have used at least 2 meters at a time for the past decade and then some. I know that I use about 200 strips a month, and I divide that number in categories for each meter so that I still use the same amount, just different types. Apparently this is not possible with the system.
Also the pharmacy filled way too many compared to what I wanted, and they didn't even have enough to give me what they had filled, so I would have to come back again to get the rest another day.
I got angry and I didn't have time to call the insurance company before class.
I was bitchy.

I tried on the shoes and they fit like a glove - meaning that I can't wear thick socks, but with nice dress socks, they fit great and they are super comfortable and they look beautiful!
I love them.
For one brief and shining moment, I was truly happy.

Then I was angry again. I was short on time, and I ran off to catch the bus to school. I dislike the bus, so I was bitchy again. I was running late, and it turned out to be the stupid bus that goes the long way around, so I was going to be late. I got to the university and decided I was too pissy to sit in a class for 2 hours, so I went to my office, grumbled there for 2 minutes before heading back home.
It was pouring rain at this point, so I was pissy. And wet.

I got home, started to work on composition, then got distracted by my pissiness and called the insurance guy. Long story short, if I fill one month at a time, separately, I can get my two types of strips. He gave me instructions to take to the pharmacy:
1)Fix the mistake you made - Don't fill more than you have, you stupid assholes!
2) Re-bill what you've already given him so that things are right, and make sure that you aren't claiming that this is 3 months worth when it is clearly only 1 month, you stupid dungheaps!
3)Bill the other strips separately as 1 months worth and all should be happy.

Surprise surprise, the dinkus at the pharmacy was not able/willing to follow these simple instructions without getting it verified by the insurance person I was talking to.
GRRR!
There is nothing that she needs to get authorized! If she follows the instructions it will simply either work, or it won't work, and then I can submit the claim manually.
I ended up leaving it all there because she couldn't get ahold of the person, so she left a message and couldn't do anything until she heard back.

In the end, I've spent probably close to 2 hours dealing with this shit.
I am not happy with it.
This is just another shining example of how terrible the health system is here.

I really do miss Manitoba at times like these.

The things I'm willing to put up with (and bitch about) in order to get an insulin pump.
At the same time, if I knew what becoming an Ontarian would be like, I never would have done it. I don't think the Insulin Pump is worth this hassle.

Over a week without posting...

I will certainly forget to mark the occasion, so I'll mention it now. Soon, I will have posted 750 times - I reckon that is a lot. I seem to be slowing down, so who knows if I'll make another milestone before finally giving up on this obviously out-of-fashion blogging craze.

The weather has cooled off quite a bit, it seems I missed sweater weather. I live for the weather from 12-18 degrees, and it seems to be hovering under 10 most of the time I'm outside, so just a little cool to be outside too much without a light jacket.

The construction on the main drag in London, right in front of my apartment, seems to be nearly, if not completely finished now.

Right now, I have two major things. I have a meeting with my adviser on Tuesday, and I need to have a lot to show for the 2 weeks since I last saw him [I have a little now, but I need much more]. DAAD is due on Nov 1'st in New York. I've printed out the scores and the application for it, so I need to finish the proposal and a few other details.
My plan is to focus solely on the thesis stuff right up until my meeting, and then spend the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday on the application.

After this application, I need to focus on the thesis and just stay focused until it's finished!
Applications will continue to taunt me - I will be applying to the three German schools associated with DAAD, as well as any Canadian, US or other schools I decide upon.

Another thing distracting me - I'm doing two quasi (unpaid) commissions for a prof at the school. One is an edit/rewrite of a piece I previously wrote and the other is something completely new. Both are close to being finished. They fall into my after-DAAD to-do pile.

Oh SHIT, I just remembered that the Student Composer Concert is on Wednesday = I will get nothing done other than supervising the dress rehearsal!

I finished my telemarketing job the other day. It was a summer job which was supposed to pay off my credit card as well as keep me alive during the summer. It kept me alive, but still hasn't done the other... A few weeks ago, I was thinking of buying a macbook ona whim, and I started applying for the student loan I had ignored, and now I realize that I should have that money out either way. I hate money and all things financial.

Ok, I need to get to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and get a heck of a lot done!

Lot's has happened this week. I voted, my friend Fork ran for MP and got a respectable voter support, although she won't be moving to Ottawa this time around.
CONGRATS, FORK!

In terms of composing, I think I reached the point at which one feels that if they don't kick it into at least moderate gear - they will fail. As a result, I have started working harder and I'm getting more done in all departments. Aside from the thesis, there are two quasi-commission thingies to get done this term. One of them should be done in a week -it's just a revision of a piece I wrote a few years ago.

I've been continuing my summer telemarketing job into the school year for a few days a week, but that job will be ending next week. I'm excited for the time I will then have to devote even further to my writing!

This DAAD application is sneaking up on me. I need to get most of it done this weekend so that I don't get myself into a sticky situation.

SSHRC and OGS were handed in on time and I feel reasonably good about them.
A composer friend from Winnipeg agrees that running off to Germany next year is a good idea, so we might do that. Maybe time off school would be the best thing - I could just go there and get a job for the year and compose/live/learn German while I'm there.
Which brings up the question - why am I even applying to schools unless I'm sure I want to go?!? At least I can defer acceptance at most schools...

These are the thoughts I have almost constantly lately - I change my mind every time they come up - I'm assuming that some clarity will come to me over the year.

I remember this time of year in my final year of undergrad... I promised myself that I would never go through the process of grad school applications again...

I lied.

I should have listened to the previous me. This year is going to kill me with paperwork. There will be three rounds of applications:
1) SSHRC and OGS - I did these last year out of requirements from UWO, this year I'm doing them just in case I decide to go to grad school.
2) Next month, I'm applying to the DAAD scholarship program. It would be money to live and study in Germany for a year. I would love to do this. No matter what else comes up, I currently feel that this is my first priority.
3)DMA applications. I will pick a few schools and apply for doctoral programs.

Basically, by the time I've finished these applications, it will be December, and I should have finished the bulk of the work on my thesis! In other words, the next few months of my life are going to be intense.
Maybe I would feel a lot better about these applications if I had a clear idea of the future. I'm not terribly inspired to do anything after this. I'm not at the point where I need to be done school, but I'm not exactly yearning to enter a doctoral program. Because I'm fairly flippant about it, I'm going to leave things up to chance - I'll apply to a bunch of things and see what opportunites come up.

Who knows, if none of these work out, I'll be applying for jobs...

I am quite enjoying having a piano in the apartment!
It is not the best instrument, but it does the job.
The action is slow and the touch is quite heavy; practicing solely on this instrument could cause some major tension issues. This piano has had a traumatic existence lately. This summer it was rebuilt - new strings and new hammers, and then it was recently moved into the apartment. Also, it is a bad time of year with changing temperatures and humidity.
I can forgive the piano though for it's shortcomings... he's over a century old! Dates aren't very specific, but the searching we've done so far dates the piano at somewhere between 1903 and 1909 ish. Pictures will come shortly.

PIANO!

When I got home from school today, the piano was already moved in! It now has several scores piled on it, and I've played a few pieces.
I'll post more about it once I play more on it, but I just wanted to post my excitement for now!

I almost convinced myself to give up on OGS and SSHRC scholarship applications, but my roommate reminded me of my old friend... logic, but the real logic, not that made up Michael logic.
I need to finish up the writeup of my plan either tonight or tomorrow so that my references can read it.
Mostly, these applications are going to ruin my birthday, haha.
I am trying to avoid my birthday tomorrow. I don't dislike birthdays, but I just don't care.
I got a great care package from my parents with little things that are exactly what I needed - dishtowels, baked goods, teas, and a kilogram of jellybellies!

I'm very excited that my Chinese friend Jon is back in Canada! He's on the other side of the country, but at least I can call him long-distance for free now. Welcome back Jon!

The piano is scheduled for delivery on Tuesday. There is construction right in front of my apartment. If it interferes with the delivery, it will likely be weeks until we get it, but I'm avoiding that possibility - I will have a piano next week!!!

I think I'm comfortable with my new pace of blogging - a little less often than the once daily posting habit.  If anyone has objections, feel free to comment, HA!

A few days after my last post, I got a phone call from the diabetes clinic informing me that there is a doctor who takes in new patients much faster than the rest.  I got referred to him, so I'm hoping to shave a few months off of the timeline.

I can't believe the month of September is into its last week already, almost.  I'm still trying to wrap up stuff from the summer, but I really didn't do much over the summer, so the work needing still to be done adds up to something insurmountable when I have a thesis that I need to write.

I'll be having my quarter-century birthday next weekend, and I couldn't really care any less.  I've never really been a big birthday person, but it seems logically that this one should be more important than usual.  Oh well!

Patience Michael, Patience...

I should have switched over to Ontario health coverage long ago, but I didn't - that doesn't really make much of a difference to the story I'm telling, but it makes a little.

I really should have gotten in touch with an Endocrinologist a LONG time ago.  I am soon going to be on a 4-6 month waiting list to see any of the London specialists.

The ontario pump coverage program (Assistive Device Program) is quite picky about the things needing to be done - and rightfully so if they are going to pay out that amount of money.

I went to an information meeting tonight and they were telling people who were already in the process to be patient...  I am much further behind them all in this process.  

As I understand, here is what I still need to do:

1) Get a referral to an Endo - I thought I had done this, but a misunderstanding on both parts means that my doctor referred me to a diabetes education centre and not a specialist.

I called some different Endos today, and the wait time at all of them is about 5 months - and that's just for a first appointment, I'm not even sure if they'll do any referrals at that point.  The one I'm asking the Doc to refer me to is booking into December and January - I'm going to go onto a cancellation list, but I'm not counting on that.

2) Get my Endo to refer me to the Diabetes Education Centre - I've already started going to some things, but apparently I still need a referral for the red-tape's sake.

3) Pass their qualifications so that they can recommend me to the ADP.

4) Wait - they were saying tonight that it could be another 3 month process to get accepted, and then longer to get the actual cheque for monthly supplies.

When all is said and done, this insulin pump might end up being a nice graduation present - coming around March or April.

Happy Graduation!!

One of the few complaints I've had about the new apartment is that the laundry dryer wouldn't completely dry my clothes. I put my clothes in the dryer today before work and it wasn't done before I left for work. I just left, figuring that I could dry my still damp clothes later on.
That was at 3pm, I got home at 11:20 and the dryer was spinning... I'm not sure if maybe my roommate put in more money into the machine before going to bed....[not likely, how would he have known?!?] or if they were just drying for over 8 hours straight.
I'd say that 80% of my wardrobe was in that dryer, so I'm really hoping that it didn't shrink everything... Mostly, I'm glad that it didn't light the clothes, or building on fire!

I worked a long shift today - from 3-11:15 pm. I would say that 8 hours is too long for telephone sales. I work again tomorrow morning. I think I'll have to quit soon because of school and general life. I need to start waking up at a reasonable hour, reliably, and evening work isn't good for that.

some new developments

Things are going pretty well.

They have finally unleashed the information and details about the insulin pump coverage. There is no age restriction, so I will be getting one.  Now, I have to start jumping through the hoops.

I need to:

Get an Ontario Health Card

Get referred to the diabetes pump training centre(which I thought I had already done... since I had an appointment with them this morning)

Get referred to an Endocrinologist so that THEY can preperly refer me to the diabetes pump training centre (see above).

Go to dieticians and information sessions about insulin pumps so that they can qualify if I am a suitable candidate for insulin pump therapy.

And who knows what else they will see fit.  Once that stuff is done, they will help me to fill in the paper work for the funding.

The good thing is that I have a good deal of certainty that I will actually be getting a pump and there is no deadline I have to deal with.  I can proceed at my own speed.

As of today, I've officially dumped my original thesis project.

This is actually a big change.  I had been dwindling the idea for a while in my mind, but only on Friday did I acknowledge to myself that it's a real possibility to dump it.  I thought of it over the weekend and, having found a suitable replacement project, I'm super confident that I'm making the right decision.

This will give me an extra few months to get things together and it eliminates a lot of the technical glitches that would certainly have gotten in the way.

I still intend to collaborate with the choreohrapher and dancers while I'm here, but not as part of an academic project.  I think this will be better for everyone involved.

New Thesis - I'm writing a piano concerto.  I'm basing it on, surprise surprise, a text by Wallace Stevens, Peter Quince at the Clavier.  The text will be spoken by the pianist while or between playing the piano.  In addition to my enjoyment of spoken text, I like this because it necessarily changes the manner in which the pianist interacts with the audience and other players.

That's all I'll say for now.  I need to find a pianist - I need to get to know some more pianists at Western... or some of them at all...

I never pawned my keyboard.  I might still, but I put it up high, so I'd need to get on a chair or ladder to get it down.

We went and saw a piano that we're going to rent this year.  It has a fixed soundboard crack, and it wasn't completely put together, but that's ok.  For thirty-five dollars a month split in two, it's good enough!

I'm worried about the lack of progress on my thesis thus far, and I'm seriously rethinking some things.  I have a meeting with my advisor on Monday, so I'll post what comes of that.

Also on Monday, I have a meeting with pump specialists - I'm going to prod them for as much info as humanly possible about the funding.  I'm thinking it's time.  The referral came very quickly, so maybe that's a sign that it's the right approach.

Tomorrow I'm going to my Uncles to celebrate my Grand-dad's 88th birthday. I'm excited to see family, and the nice home-cooked meal will be nice.

Ick, I overate tonight at the pot-luck.  It was a wonderful social event, but wine and food enter my body in excess in these kind of situations.