feeling jealous of older posts

To remind myself of my recent meanderings, I re-read some blog posts, particularly the one where I was raving about how great it felt to be a composer....

I wish I had that booming positivity right now.

I'm working towards a deadline that isn't really real, on a project that I don't really love, at least not in that way I feel about other projects right now.  It's my orchestra piece that I need to finish for my doctoral portfolio (a degree requirement).  I like the materials I'm using, but they don't have that freshness or excitement that I'd like.  I've been attempting to write this piece since last January.  Lesson learned: never take a step away from a project that NEEDS to get finished...

I hope to finish the piece by the end of the term, but I'm using Nov 4th as an interim deadline.  The Vancouver Symphony has a yearly reading session, and I plan to submit the last 5 minutes of my piece for that reading session.  I think it will be a good stepping stone for finishing the piece a month later, but it lacks that sense of completion that a deadline should bring... in a sense, I'm giving myself compositional blue balls!  Anyway, there's not much time left, I'll work my ass off until Friday, at which time I will hopefully have something to submit.  Worst case scenario, I don't, and that's not the end of the world.

Next week, I get to start on a real deadline - a piece I'm writing for Piano and Viola to be premiered at Michael Park & Friends 3 - Feb 15, 2012.  I'm giving myself a month to write that one, at the same time as I finish up my thesis proposal.  I'm VERY excited about that next piece, so, YAY!  It's a continuation of my work with having instrumentalists speak while playing, this time in a conversation context.

On the one hand, I feel like my priorities aren't exactly in the right place as I'm spending much of my time working on non-thesis activities, but based on every other grad student I've come across, doing exactly that puts me right on track!

I'm also looking forward to the new year.  With my thesis proposal submitted, I'll actually get to start on it!  As my comprehensive exams will be in March, I will also be focusing much of my attention on preparing for those. Of course, Michael Park & Friends will be exciting, I have a few other projects in the works, and before I know it, we'll be headed into the summer again, with another installment of the Art Song Lab!

Ok, this is getting long, and even though I started blogging with the intention of procrastinating, I'm starting to feel guilty!