update

I forgot to include the rest of the money I will be making from organ playing this summer.
In conclusion, I am good with money again!

I finally got around to regretfully declining two wedding invitations. I would have loved to have gone to both of them, and visit friends and family in the prairies while at it, but not so much.

The weddings are further apart than I thought, so my hopeful plan of two weddings in one trip was dashed - I would have had to reject one invitation either way.

It's time to remind myself of a fact of life - I am bad with money!
I had convinced myself that I was doing better than I was. Today I took an inventory of what I have and what I need to pay; by the end of the summer, with this job, I will only be $33 in the red, ignoring student loans altogether.
Mostly the rest of the summer will be a balance between paying off credit card while having fluid cash available for things like deposit for new apartment.
Next year will have a very different feeling. All this year, I didn't work. I just had my money and student loan in savings and slowly let it dwindle. Next year will be the opposite - I will start from zero (-33) and be living paycheck to paycheck - yet another step into the real world, haha.
In general, I dislike the whole concept of money, but I suppose it is necessary in the world we live in.

Ok, no more talking about finances. I know it's not very interesting, but it helps me to keep things in cheque... hahaha!

Karma knows

I was getting worried/apathetic/lazy about the job situation. I was supposed to hear back about a job on Monday. After a few attempted phone calls and an email that were not responded to, I gave up and I've been handing out resumes to restaurants and whatnot like a mad man today and yesterday.
Today was actually a good day for job hunting. I basically got offered a job as short order cook at a Hungarian restaurant, but they needed to wait for the regular cook to come in for something... their English was not so great. I actually think it would be fun; if I can make things work out between the two, I'll take it as well.
Long story short, it wasn't until I started trying to find a job again that I got the phone call tonight saying that I would be starting on Monday.
Yay Karma!

To Sum Up

All things involving improv are going very well.

After missing an earlier meeting, I managed to make another meeting to talk to a prof about my involvement in next year's improv ensemble.

The week at VCMI was spectacular. I'm still letting it sink in,but here are a few insights:

-While studying piano miniatures in orchestration this year, we talked about the need for events that set things in motion, and the reactions to those events. I'll give the credit to Evan Parker for allowing me to find a tangible version of that - now I actually understand and feel it.

-Free Improv usually happens without form - therefore pitch relation is a) not stressed and b) somewhat avoided. Extended techniques on all instruments, playing clusters, and using the percussive elements of the inside of the piano all take the focus away from pitch. When you take one of the main elements of music out of the picture, it's amazing how much more you can find in that which remains!
It also allowed me to be more honest/ sincere and uninhibited in my responses to what was happening around me. It was SO MUCH FUN to play without thinking about which specific notes I was going to play. At the same time, I was able to colour things with pitch material with minimal thought processing. This gives me a new direction in practising improv - the more I do it, the better I will become at controlling pitch material while doing it.

-One of the composers on faculty was Barry Guy, who is very much encompassed in the world of free music, even though he has substantial backgrounds both in jazz and classical music. It was really interesting to see how he was incorporating improv into his scores - graphic scores, free notation. Nevertheless, he also had some interesting ways of putting limitations and being fairly specific with pitch material.
When I originally wrote Auskultu Bonvolu, while not planning things out, I had intended it as part of a series - pieces that taught both composer and performers how to incorporate improvisation into performance when the performers claim not to be improvisers. My self criticism with the first piece was that it was too detailed with the pitch material. Now I have more ideas of how to allow more freedom.

Oy, I get distracted too easily. Shorter blogs would be easier to do... oopsie, oh well.

VCMI Update

So, it's already Friday! The days have been busy and wonderful.
It has been an amazing experience so far.
I've made some great new friends - musically as well as people-y.
A lot of the faculty here have talked about pivot points, or defining moments when they understood their direction as musicians... I haven't quite had that, but things have reminded me of some of my passions.
Vancouver is still spectacular. I met with some relatives last night and I will be meeting with a wonderful high-school friend tomorrow night.

I had been worried that this might be more of a jazz thing than I was wanting, but I've discovered that free improv is the kind of thing that is outside of both classical and jazz worlds. Most of the people here come from one of those worlds, but neither of those really exist within this context. I think this is something that I definitely want to get more involved with.

The weather, in my opinion, has been perfect. Not too warm, not too cold and though it has rained a few times, I've never been caught out in the rain.
As I said, the days have been long. Every day starts a little bit earlier, and I arrive a little closer to start time... Starting at about 9:30am, we go until 10pm and then there's a small group of us that have been going out for drinks every night.

Ok, I'll write some more detailed thoughts when I get home, but I wanted to let everyone know that things are going very well out here in beautiful Vancouver!

Vancouver - Beautiful!
I got to ride the bus and the skytrain yesterday while making my way to the hostel. The people who helped me navigate were very friendly.
The people in the hostel are very friendly as well. I like it, but I found out last night that I am sharing a room with a snorer... I barely slept and Iwas up for nearly 24 hours yesterday, but strangely I'm not feeling too exhausted today. I will buy ear plugs today. I listened to my ipod all last night which allowed me to be a little more relaxed, but surprise surprise, the amount pf noise needed to block out the snoring was enough to keep me from sleeping!
I was just going to check my emails, but I have to use up another 10 minutes of internet time to make the best use of this 2 dollars for half and hour.

I'm sure I'll post again in a few days about how the course is going.

Today's been an extremely laid back day.

I started the day with Timmy Ho's and then I met my choreographer to discuss the thesis project. At first it seemed that we were going to be batting heads with ideas, but eventually we realized that we were both attempting to say very similar things. This is part of the collaborative element - learning to actually listen, rather than imply things from what the other party is saying.
We now both have things to go on and we will next meet with the dancers to do some improvisation stuff. In the end, we both left this morning feeling excited about things!


On my way home, I bought a father's day card and some travel shampoo/soap.

Other than that, I've been doing laundry and packing and - yep, that it's it!

I checked the forecast for the week in Vancouver and I am beyond happy - the daily highs are between 14-20!! This is my happy temperature. It's a good thing I checked, I was planning on bringing only 2 pairs of shorts. While I would have been comfortable in that, now I'm going to bring a pair of pants as well as a pair of shorts - I can be comfy in any weather!

I'm packing relatively light and not bringing my computer, which means I can bring more in my carry-on. While it's certainly not a vacation, it feels much more like I can just leave my life at home and go away for a week. I am very, very excited for this week for so many reasons that I've touched on before.

Ok, there's still a bit to do tonight and I need to have an early night - sleeping in for my 7 am flight would be a ridiculously expensive mistake.
Oh ya, the hostel has internet access, so I'll likely post once or twice.

Audiology study -
Hearing assessment was good, apparently I am completely average with my hearing. They tested amplitude, so it's not loudness that is the problem. I'll still get myself checked, I think I don't hear all the frequencies (especially the upper ones), but I don't need to be urgently concerned.The study itself was less than exciting. They hooked me up to electro sensors and made me listen to 50 minutes of somewhat-complex undulating sinewaves... Uck!

I'm getting excited for my trip to Vancouver. I'm not taking my computer with me and I'm staying at a hostel, so there is no guarantee of computer access. I'm not going to say it, because I always end up blogging, but if I'm busy all day everyday, I might actually take a whole week off...
It's been such a long time since I've improvised in a group setting, It will be good to get back into the swing of things!

When I was in Toronto, I went to Honest Ed's. It's an insanely large discount store. It was actually very impressive. If I ever move to Toronto and need to buy stuff - that's where I'll go.

Today I'm doing an audiology study through the university. I assume that a general hearing assessment will be part of the study. Not that this is the only reason I'm doing the study, but I have worries about my hearing. Especially as a musician, this can be quite a concern. Anyway, if they don't assess my hearing today, I will make an appointment this summer while things are slow around campus, and find out for sure.

I looked at thesis proposals today - such a variety of detail, quality, planning - it seems like there will be a fair bit of leeway. Nevertheless, I took notes of the basic structures and information I need to have; basically, I need to have started writing the piece before I can actually do the proposal. All of them had some musical examples and decisions having been made on harmonic language and structure.
Anyway, I got the idea today and tomorrow I will draw up an outline to which I can add and expand as necessary.

I got the schedule today for the Improvising Workshop that I am attending in Vancouver next week.
I knew it was going to be an intense 7-days, but wow! For each day, they have events/workshops/rehearsals from 9 or 10 am until 10 pm. While it makes for long days, it should make for a really tight group of improvisers. We have long breaks for lunch and dinner, so the people that eat together improvise together!
I made a poor decision in booking my flight home. I fly home at 7:30 pm and the final event of the week finishes at 5pm. I won't get to go to the windup party afterwards - I really should have stayed another night. I would be willing to pay the 40$ charge for changing my flight, but I would also have to pay the difference which is significant due to the fact that I bought my ticket on the last day before the new surcharges were added.
Perhaps I'll regret it on the day, but I'm not going to change it now. I'll be spending 12 hours ish a day with everyone for 7 days - that should be enough.

I woke up early today to have my air conditioner installed by the landlord. I can now handle my apartment - except for the bedroom which is still ridiculously warm. I need a fan to redirect the conditioned air into my room.

I like thunderstorms - there have been a few of them lately.

I was going to do some work tonight, but the light in the kitchen burnt out - I have a replacement bulb, but it is dark.
I am well aware of the complete lack of substance to this reasoning.

I had an interview/audition for a ballet piano job starting next fall. I was enthusiastically offered the job. The pay is less than I was expecting, so I'll think about it.


Tomorrow, I go to Toronto for yet another friend's concert. Actually, I know three of the people on the concert bill, one of them being from Winnipeg ish.

I've actually made some headway on my duet. I will continue in that direction.
I went to get the thesis proposal examples, but someone else had taken them out today. I have to wait.
I was going to walk home from my interview, but it started raining ridiculous buckets - buckets of ridicule, mostly water though.

Motivation - a bizarre concept

Before I get to my main point, I just need to express my delight about something. I'm subbing at a friend's church for some of the weeks this summer. One of the church choir ladies offered me rides to and from the church as much as she can - as the church is out of town, I gratefully accepted. As if that wasn't enough, she has gone out of her way to make me feel welcomed, introduced me to many people, and has been delightful beyond description.
The message on my machine tonight sums it all up - she called to let me know that when it gets as hot as it is now, the choir doesn't wear the robes, and that I should make sure to dress for comfort rather than dressing up. I need to make sure to get her flowers and a card to thank her for everything before I finish up at the church.

Now, motivation:
I've found myself falling into the trap of doing only what is necessary - doing the bare minimum. Ok I'll be honest, that's been my way of life since high school to some extent - it seems like I should put some thought into it.

Job Hunt - I had a successful phone canvassing interview, they told me that they will call me when they have an opening because they're fully staffed at the moment. I know that one of my friends who works there is leaving right before I'll be back, so I know that I have a job after my week in Vancouver. I have lost that impending sense of needing to find a job, therefore, I have stopped looking. I am well aware that situations could change such that I would not have a job, but that doesn't seem to be motivating me.

Organist - There is more motivation here than I was expecting. I have been going to the school to practise hymns and pre/postludes thrice weekly. Part of the motivation is that I want to prove to myself that I have actually improved since I was last an organist, but the other side of the motivation could be spite... I am rather bothered that I have put so much effort into trying to get a damned key to the university organ, that my spite toward the process might be manifesting itself in practising on the piano. We'll find out once (if) I actually get a key to the organ. I have a feeling that it is more of the first motivation, but I know that spite could be playing a small but vital part.

Composing - I'm starting to feel that I've had more writers' block than spurts of productivity this last year. I have two projects on the go, which haven't really gone anywhere, and I've just taken on another project. I'm confident that I will get them all done, but the motivation is currently nowhere in sight. I have forced myself to sit down and do work a few times, with mild to moderate success, but I find it baffling.
For the amount that I write about it on here, it's impressive to think of how little I understand my own creative process.

Exercise - I had even forgotten that I need to be motivating myself to do more. I was reminded recently, so I've been doing more walking, but I need to do much more.

Conclusion - It's not like I've been an unmotivated lump who does nothing all day. I've been keeping busy, and I've actually been proactive and done a good deal of thesis research - to the point where I'm feeling quite motivated to just get started on it.

Anyway, I'm setting myself deadlines - I need to have the duet I'm working on finished before I leave for Vancouver. I need to read thesis proposals and write a first draft this week. I will either find, or give myself a reason to go to the school 3 or 4 times this week, and I will walk home each time. Decorating my office - that can be a reason for going to the school. I can move my gnome head and some books there - clear up some space around the apartment.

Ok, I should get well rested for church tomorrow.
Oh, that's the other thing I was going to say!... While I'm doing the bare minimum of quantity, I've noticed the quality of what I'm doing is higher that it ever has been. I am learning the church music well, much better than I was able to back in the day.

Now, goodnight.

Kill me now!

Yuck!
Current weather conditions(The Weather Network) - 29C, Sunny, 62% humidity, feels like 38C!
I just walked home from the university, and all I wanted to do was to jump into the shower, but they're replacing the water heater, so there's nothing but cold water. I'm a little apprehensive, but I think I'm going to take a polar bear shower...
So if I stop blogging, it's probably because I've died of pneumonia.
Oh ya, where the heck is my air conditioner!!!?!?!??!

late spring cleaning

You wouldn't know it from how my apartment currently looks, but I'm really feeling the need to shed clutter lately.

I've wanted to wipe my computer clean for a long time, I think that might have been part of the desire to switch to Mac. The reason I haven't gotten around to the wipe is that I didn't know where my recovery disk and half of my program disks were. After having torn apart my bedroom looking for my disks, thankfully my mother found them in Winnipeg - YAY! Now that I know they're on their way, in a week's time, I will have a fresh, clean computer.
I've narrowed it down to 5 programs that I can't live without for my writing, music notation, and sound editing needs. Once my hard drive is wiped, I will only install those programs, and I will be very picky about what else I install on my computer. I've been going through and deciding which files I need to copy over onto the new system.
I think I'm ready to dump the music... I currently have all my music both in itunes and windows media formats. I think I'll just keep whatever is on my ipod - I think that's most of it anyway.
Part of me would like to just get rid of everything I don't need, but I still hold on to some writings from high school, assignments from U of W and U of M - I don't need them, but I guess the fact that years of memories only take up maybe a megabyte... it doesn't seem so bad to be a pack rat.

On the other hand, I do have more physical stuff than I need. It's getting to be time to throw out some clothes. I'll start by hanging up the clothes that I like and wear. Then I'll evaluate my need for the things that don't have hangers, and then I'll evaluate my need for more hangers...

The problem with staying up late is that when you have to fast for blood work... you don't get to eat until later in the afternoon...
I made an appointment for a full physical this Friday (I can't remember the last time I went to a doctor for just a regular non-diabetes related checkup) so I had my blood taken today.

I think I'm going to implement a lifestyle change where I don't eat within 2 hours (ideally 3) before sleeping. I've heard it's good to do for the metabolism in general, but it also ensures that my sugars are stable before I go to bed. If I eat and take insulin right before going to bed, I'm not able to control or check on them while sleeping.
I recall from my CGM week, that my sugars stayed level during sleep, so I'm not worried about overnight lows - if anything, this will lower their occurrence.

Other News

Due to lack of funding, I'm going to stick with my PC for another .... few years probably. Unfortunately the computer is running slowly. I need to wipe it, but I can't find a bunch of installation disks particularly the WindowsXP one, which might be necessary- I know I have them all in one place.. but I can't find it. It might actually be in Winnipeg. I really want to wipe it clean NOW, but I can't function without these programs... Oy, I'll keep looking.