Before I get to my main point, I just need to express my delight about something. I'm subbing at a friend's church for some of the weeks this summer. One of the church choir ladies offered me rides to and from the church as much as she can - as the church is out of town, I gratefully accepted. As if that wasn't enough, she has gone out of her way to make me feel welcomed, introduced me to many people, and has been delightful beyond description.
The message on my machine tonight sums it all up - she called to let me know that when it gets as hot as it is now, the choir doesn't wear the robes, and that I should make sure to dress for comfort rather than dressing up. I need to make sure to get her flowers and a card to thank her for everything before I finish up at the church.
Now, motivation:
I've found myself falling into the trap of doing only what is necessary - doing the bare minimum. Ok I'll be honest, that's been my way of life since high school to some extent - it seems like I should put some thought into it.
Job Hunt - I had a successful phone canvassing interview, they told me that they will call me when they have an opening because they're fully staffed at the moment. I know that one of my friends who works there is leaving right before I'll be back, so I know that I have a job after my week in Vancouver. I have lost that impending sense of needing to find a job, therefore, I have stopped looking. I am well aware that situations could change such that I would not have a job, but that doesn't seem to be motivating me.
Organist - There is more motivation here than I was expecting. I have been going to the school to practise hymns and pre/postludes thrice weekly. Part of the motivation is that I want to prove to myself that I have actually improved since I was last an organist, but the other side of the motivation could be spite... I am rather bothered that I have put so much effort into trying to get a damned key to the university organ, that my spite toward the process might be manifesting itself in practising on the piano. We'll find out once (if) I actually get a key to the organ. I have a feeling that it is more of the first motivation, but I know that spite could be playing a small but vital part.
Composing - I'm starting to feel that I've had more writers' block than spurts of productivity this last year. I have two projects on the go, which haven't really gone anywhere, and I've just taken on another project. I'm confident that I will get them all done, but the motivation is currently nowhere in sight. I have forced myself to sit down and do work a few times, with mild to moderate success, but I find it baffling.
For the amount that I write about it on here, it's impressive to think of how little I understand my own creative process.
Exercise - I had even forgotten that I need to be motivating myself to do more. I was reminded recently, so I've been doing more walking, but I need to do much more.
Conclusion - It's not like I've been an unmotivated lump who does nothing all day. I've been keeping busy, and I've actually been proactive and done a good deal of thesis research - to the point where I'm feeling quite motivated to just get started on it.
Anyway, I'm setting myself deadlines - I need to have the duet I'm working on finished before I leave for Vancouver. I need to read thesis proposals and write a first draft this week. I will either find, or give myself a reason to go to the school 3 or 4 times this week, and I will walk home each time. Decorating my office - that can be a reason for going to the school. I can move my gnome head and some books there - clear up some space around the apartment.
Ok, I should get well rested for church tomorrow.
Oh, that's the other thing I was going to say!... While I'm doing the bare minimum of quantity, I've noticed the quality of what I'm doing is higher that it ever has been. I am learning the church music well, much better than I was able to back in the day.
Now, goodnight.
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