Goodbye Metformin!

[Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I am not offering medical advice in regards to Metformin. This is simply my own personal experience with the drug.]

Well, I lasted about a year on Metformin. In the end, the benefits may have outweighed the side effects, but in practice, the side effects were too much for me to handle - physically and mentally.

The benefits were clear: I lowered my Total Daily Dose by about 10 units/day. I also found that my sugars were much more responsive to dosing while I was on Metformin, which led to fewer corrections. Within the first month or two, I was down about 10 pounds, but this was mostly do to the gastro-intestinal discomfort it was causing. Eventually, I figured out how to keep things mostly in check. I was down to only once weekly feeling like I couldn't eat without knowing I was within a quick, unobstructed sprint to the bathroom. Of course, that was the best-case scenario: if I ate within 2 hours of taking the pills, I knew what was coming and if I missed a pill, the next one would have me going!

Maybe this is odd to say, and perhaps TMI, but I've always been very proud of my digestive system (pancreas excepted...) to the point that any change/problem in the bowl was an indicator that I needed to pay better attention to diet, life, etc. In that sense, this year on Metformin was somewhat depressing; based on my porcelain barometer, I felt like I was constantly under the weather.

After those first few months, my TDD and weight stayed even. I had originally intended to use the power of Metformin to lose weight and increase the power of my diet and workout regime... Who was I kidding?!?

A month or so ago, I missed two doses of Metformin in a row. Knowing the discomfort I would face with the next pill, I said, 'screw it!' and haven't looked back! Well, technically, I have looked 'back', but now I see a much happier, healthier future!


It turns out that the transition back, mixed with stress and holidays, was not ideal for timing: my time in Winnipeg for the holidays added a solid 20 units/day to my TDD, so I'm pretty much back to that starting weight too, haha! Now that I'm  back in Vancouver and getting back to my schedule and habits, I'm on the right track. I've also been much better at dosing before 20 minutes before I eat, which has helped immensely.

In conclusion, I feel much better! I really can't stress that enough.

Success in Pairing

I'm not a huge fan of bragging about myself.  I know I've made passing mention about a few projects in the last few years, but looking back, it's high time I take credit for some of the awesome things I've been responsible for creating.

It all started shortly after moving to Vancouver.  I had met an exciting poet, Ray Hsu and we started talking about potential projects.  We originally proposed a single project to the Vancouver International Song Institute, but that didn't initially fly. Eventually, the ideal was distilled - let's bring poets and composers together, perform their creations, and talk about the creative experience. That first year, we had a 2-hour afternoon workshop that was incredibly successful, so much so, that it was expanded into a week-long program with a professional concert at the end. Again, the program and concert garnered some serious attention from artists and granting organizations. Plans are in the works to make the VISI Art Song Lab 2012 even more exciting. To date, 15 new art songs have been written and premiered as part of our program!

While plans were in motion for that first Art Song Lab, I approached Corey Hamm (piano prof at UBC) about collaborating with his piano studio. With his support and excitement, we used the same paradigm: pairing pianists with composers this time. Yet again, the collaboration was a tremendous success resulting in the creation, in-depth study/rehearsal, and premiere of 10 brand new pieces for piano. The piece I wrote for this collaboration was particularly successful, receiving several repeat performances, and there are even talks of having it recorded.

Good things come in threes, of course, so I couldn't leave the pairing idea alone just yet; the most recent development is Analyze This: A Composer/Theorist Lecture Recital. I live with a music theorist, and many of my friends are of the analytical persuasion, so I've always seen it as a missed connection that there seems to be some kind of a divide between the two fields. After hosting a meet-and-greet last year, I played matchmaker with my composer and theorist friends.  In a few weeks, we'll have a lecture recital featuring the live performance and analysis of short pieces. Even before it's happened, I've been approached by a performing organization to have the whole event documented.

Of course, I'm also writing my own music and feeling pretty damned good about it, too! Long story short, I feel really good about career-type things right now, and I figured you'd enjoy reading something uplifting for a change...  Don't worry though, there'll be some rants and bitching soon enough!

feeling jealous of older posts

To remind myself of my recent meanderings, I re-read some blog posts, particularly the one where I was raving about how great it felt to be a composer....

I wish I had that booming positivity right now.

I'm working towards a deadline that isn't really real, on a project that I don't really love, at least not in that way I feel about other projects right now.  It's my orchestra piece that I need to finish for my doctoral portfolio (a degree requirement).  I like the materials I'm using, but they don't have that freshness or excitement that I'd like.  I've been attempting to write this piece since last January.  Lesson learned: never take a step away from a project that NEEDS to get finished...

I hope to finish the piece by the end of the term, but I'm using Nov 4th as an interim deadline.  The Vancouver Symphony has a yearly reading session, and I plan to submit the last 5 minutes of my piece for that reading session.  I think it will be a good stepping stone for finishing the piece a month later, but it lacks that sense of completion that a deadline should bring... in a sense, I'm giving myself compositional blue balls!  Anyway, there's not much time left, I'll work my ass off until Friday, at which time I will hopefully have something to submit.  Worst case scenario, I don't, and that's not the end of the world.

Next week, I get to start on a real deadline - a piece I'm writing for Piano and Viola to be premiered at Michael Park & Friends 3 - Feb 15, 2012.  I'm giving myself a month to write that one, at the same time as I finish up my thesis proposal.  I'm VERY excited about that next piece, so, YAY!  It's a continuation of my work with having instrumentalists speak while playing, this time in a conversation context.

On the one hand, I feel like my priorities aren't exactly in the right place as I'm spending much of my time working on non-thesis activities, but based on every other grad student I've come across, doing exactly that puts me right on track!

I'm also looking forward to the new year.  With my thesis proposal submitted, I'll actually get to start on it!  As my comprehensive exams will be in March, I will also be focusing much of my attention on preparing for those. Of course, Michael Park & Friends will be exciting, I have a few other projects in the works, and before I know it, we'll be headed into the summer again, with another installment of the Art Song Lab!

Ok, this is getting long, and even though I started blogging with the intention of procrastinating, I'm starting to feel guilty!

dead mice and a vibrant creative spirit

When I came home today, I stuck my hand into the mailbox.

I felt something soft and fluffy.

In retrospect, I don't know why I didn't second guess my hand's decision: I pulled it out.

I really wish I could have enjoyed that for even a moment longer. It was soft, so soft, nice, so nice.

As I pulled my hand out, my reaction turned to shock, horror, disgust, as I realized what it was my hand was holding.

[I know I'm building the suspense, but really, we all know you've already read this post's title]

Anyone who's watched a movie with me, or told me a shocking story, knows exactly what happened next; I screamed like a little girl and let out a burst of profanities.

I am not ashamed of my reaction.

Though maybe,

I should be.

Creatively, things are thriving.

Plans for next year's VISI Art Song Lab are well underway.

I've organized a collaboration, of composers and music theorists which will culminate in a lecture recital at the end of November.

I will be playing piano for one of those pieces, as well as having my own piece played/analyzed.

I'm currently working an orchestra piece, which is a portfolio requirement for which I've finally found the inspiration I've been needing.

I recently connected with a singer for whom I'm really excited about writing a cycle.

Ray and I are collaborating on a project that has us exploring, questioning, and challenging issues and technicalities of copyright and fair dealing.

In addition to my regular teaching, I took on a small contract for some dance exams in a few weeks.

Oh ya, my thesis: I'm getting increasingly excited about the direction the opera is taking!

So far, I've written 5 pieces in 2011 and should have 2 more completed before the year's end. This is my most prolific year yet, and it feels great!

Anyway, loyal readers, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long. I promise to be better from here on in!

Let's Make My Opera Go Viral!

I guess there really isn't much chance of my opera going viral because it's not a kitten, and it's not doing anything either cute or disgusting. Nevertheless, I do feel that my opera deserves the kind of attention often garnered by viral videos.

Earlier this summer, I had a short version workshopped in Winnipeg. I can't use the video recording, and the idea of just posting a 20-minute audio file seems lame, so I whipped up what I'm calling a virtual tour of the opera for your enjoyment. It'll take about 15 minute to read your way through, listening to the musical examples, so have fun!

I'd love to hear your feedback, so feel free to comment on here or send me an email detailing the many ways you love and/or hate it!

Diagnosis: Diabetes - A Chamber Opera About Type-One Diabetes

Hot and Pretty in Southampton

So, I'm on vacation in Southampton, ON. My sister moved here a few months ago, so my parents suggested a roadtrip to split up my massive month and a half visit to Winnipeg. It was bad enough being in Winnipeg, which has been unseasonably humid, but holy smokes is it wretched here in Ontario. There's been a heat wave, Toronto set some temperature records, and I generally dislike everything about the weather. Oh, and did I mention that my sister doesn't have air-conditioning?!?

All things considered, I'm having a fabulous time! I will appreciate the mild climate of Vancouver SO much more when I get back, and it feels like I've been in the tropics.

Here is an example of why I'm having fun:

My family is equal parts ridiculous and awesome.

Just in case you need some more proof, here's another video:

This has been my summer of sunsets:

Before leaving Vancouver, I spent at least a few evenings at Kits beach watching the sunset. With the mountains and the ocean, the sun set is vastly different depending on where you're sitting

In Winnipeg, you're almost always guaranteed a prairie sunset. It's easy to forget how beautiful they are, but when I'm in town, I love that little reminder! Flat land means horizons as far as the eye can see!

Southampton is a picturesque lake town, and we've gotten into the habit of taking my puppy niece down to the beach around sunset time to see the beautiful colours that come out when the sun meets the water. Some of the prettiest scenes are actually visible about half an hour after the sun sets.

Ok, that's about enough rambling for one morning... that's right, it's 11:59am and I'm posting, before noon!!!

Oopsie, I haven't blogged in a while...

Long story short, which y'all know is my specialty, is that life is going pretty damned well for me.

Between art song and opera, I'm making good use of my professional opportunities and rather enjoying it. I've been updating my website and will continue to do so as I get more and more recordings available.

I'm currently traveling in Ontario as a side trip from my Winnipeg times. Friends and family in Ontario are awesome, and I'm enjoying it much more than when I lived here.

Oh, and I gots me a tattoo!

It hurt, but not the worst thing ever.

This tattoo is something that I've been 'planning' on getting since I was a teenager, but procrastination and excuses had always gotten in my way. Walking through Toronto with my friend Dizzle, she suggested getting a tattoo, and I really didn't have an excuse... I'm on vacation! I'm very happy with how it turned out.

It started drying out and scabbing, so it's a little itchy/annoying, but I'll survive.

Ok, I'm done blogging now.

Bye

3 or 4 days from it's deadline, and the thought strikes me that, 'wow, this diabetes opera thing is actually happening!' So far, I'm feeling pretty good about how this last-minute project is pulling together; I can't wait to see what I'm able to do with a project that I spend two academic years working on!

In diabetes news, I need to be better at remembering to take my metformin in the evening. For the last few days, I test my sugars 2 hours after dinner - surprise surprise, they're high because I didn't take my pills with the meal. Generally, though, sugars have been quite good considering how low everything that isn't composing is on my list of priorities.

finally feeling like a composer

2 things have played a prominent role in leading me to where I am right now:

1) Deadlines - I know I've talked about my need for them here before, so I won't bore you. Especially in this last month, I've had nothing but deadlines, and they've left me little time for relaxing.

B) At one point this year, my teacher said some blunt things that really put it all into perspective. He said, 'You can't call yourself a composer unless you compose,' and then asked me if the act of composing was really a defining feature of my existence.

It wasn't.

Now it is.

In the span of a week, I wrote an art song. While this is not record speed for most composers, this was unprecedentedly fast for me. It was intense, but I'm happy with what I wrote and looking forward to rehearsals and the performance in June!

I am five days into the span of two weeks during which I will be writing about ten minutes of opera.

I don't want to sound too cliché, but I don't understand how I considered myself a composer before. I'm now invested in this, and I plan to stay that way!

I'm sitting here working my butt off on my orchestra piece for my last lesson of the year tomorrow, and I realize..

wait, this isn't just my last lesson of the year, it might very well be my last lesson ever!

That's right, this term marks the end of my coursework at school. Next year, I don't have lessons anymore, just thesis meeting, which will seem like lessons, but not in the same way.

I realize that we never stop learning, but it's interesting to think that I've sorta met the end of the line for traditional, institutional education.

Ok, back to work!

When I'm super busy and posting, I tend to focus on the stress, but not today.

Things are going really well. Yes, I still have so much to get done, but I had a great premiere of my "The Stories Men Tell" piece last night. The performance and the piece itself were both a whopping success.

For a bunch of reasons, I'm not going to post a recording here for a while, but don't worry, you'll hear it soon enough!

I don't know if blogging has ever been this low on my priority list...

Sorry, loyal readers.

I'm working on some really awesome projects, which is why I've been too busy to post.

The ArtSongLab I'm co-coördinating is shaping up to be a delightfully exciting week of events! We have participants coming from all over the country to participate, including some friends I haven't seen in a long time.

I'm in the process of finishing up my chamber piece called "Faces in a Crowd" and I'm getting more and more into the piece as I go, which is quite exciting. It's giving me a real sense that I'm doing the right thing. When you get this involved in a piece you're writing, it's like a passionate relationship that you know is about to end; you know you need to get as much lovin' out of it before it's over, haha!

My opera scenes are due early-to-mid May, so that's a big project and I'm excited to devote all of my attention to it once I get some other stuff out of the way, like:

-making sure I have a strong orchestral sketch to submit for my composition portfolio

-my art song submission for the ArtSongLab

-a term paper comparing a Bach Invention to Breton folk music

Since I have so much to keep me occupied, of course I've picked up knitting a little bit...

There are always reasons to knit teddy bears, so I'm making sure to get some work done in that department!

busy busy busy!

The busiest portion of my life continues...

Michael Park & Friends 2 was a whopping success, but now I'm back to composing as much as possible. I am excited to have my sister visiting this week, but it will be my challenge to make sure I get my work done, even while entertaining a house guest.

I think I'm officially going to switch my sleeping schedule for the week, but it's a hard shift to make...

I woke up today at noon, but I have to be up at 6:30 tomorrow morning to pick my sister up from the airport. If I want a full night's sleep, I should go to bed very soon, but I still have so much work to do, and I'm not tired at all! Anyway, not enough sleep tomorrow means I will be tired tomorrow night and actually be able to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Ok, wish me luck, blogosphere!

The response to the call for submissions has been great! It's not overwhelming, but it's certainly a good start.

My roommate and I went swimming tonight. Why do I ever stop swimming?!? It's one of the few physical activities that I'm good at.

With that said, I sucked tonight! Being around 2 years since I last hit the pool, I'm not surprised. I imagine we swam for about 45 minutes, ish, and I swam 1000m. I feel good, and excited to make this a regular occurrence, and I'm even planning on giving myself some direction:

Decades ago, I got my bronze medallion, so my goal is to get myself back into the swimming shape that I once was. I looked up the H2O proficiency requirements online and I'm gonna start with the Bronze Star level, then work my way up.

First goal is to swim at about a minute per lap (25m). I'll do 400m sets until I can do them reliably in 12 minutes. There's also a 100m requirement for under 3 minutes, using one lap each of: lifesaving kick, backstroke, breast stroke, and freestyle.

I'll use 2 sets of each of those as my swim workout: 100m + 400m, then a sugar break, then another 100m + 400m. That'll give me a kilometer, and by the time I can fit that into the half hour box, ish, then I'll be ready for more meters anyway!

The pool we went to tonight also has a workout swim which is about 2000m... I'm going to work towards that, because that would be fantastic to do once or twice a week.

Sugars were trending gently downwards throughout the swim, even with half a pack of lifesavers during, and a complete disconnect from the pump for an hour or so... I'm thinking I might have to have some slower acting carbs before swimming, and start a decreased bolus before starting the swim, an hour or so before....but I just hate starting exercise with higher sugars... oh well, it's experiment time!

Guest Posting and Libretto Collecting

First off, I had the great pleasure of guest posting on a fantastic diabetes blog called Six Until Me. (Click here for the link to my guest post) Thank you, Kerri, for your kindness and support!

This is all part of an online media blitz I'm creating to draw attention to THIS, my call for submissions for my upcoming opera project! Basically, I'm going to be writing an opera about diabetes and I need a story. I don't want to be so narcissistic as to use my own story, so I'm asking the diabetes blogosphere to send me story suggestions - either their own, or ones they've read. From there, I'll take those stories and weave them into an exciting opera libretto!

I also posted the call for submissions on forums on two fantastic diabetes networking sites: TuDiabetes and Reality Check, as well as facebook and here! Since the call is hosted on my website, I've been able to track how many people have been looking - and it appears that the blitz is working!

Traffic on my site is up by 1571.43% this week! I don't know how they calculate that, but I like the excitement it gives me. I've had over a hundred views to the call itself, and lots of people seem to be checking out the rest of my site while they're there!

Long story short, the word is getting out there, and I'm starting to get submissions. Hopefully this is great start to a really successful collection of stories!

In conclusion, there is a lot of excitement around this initiative; certainly from me, but also from the diabetes blogosphere!

Stay tuned for new developments...

Well, I'm a far cry away from those years when I was posting every day, but I figure my loyal readers will forgive me!

As I'm sure I've mentioned, this is probably the busiest I've been in my life; at least, it seems like it.

After not playing piano for a while, it's felt good to get back to playing and serious practice, as I prepare for Michael Park and Friends 2!

My compositional productivity had reached an all-time low recently, and after a worrisome lesson last week, I started to weight priorities and the sort. For the first time in my career as a composer, I actually worked like a composer - I put my writing first (I mean, other than when a deadline necessitates it). You know what, I've loved it! I'm refreshed and inspired.

My lesson today went very well. Not that I had much more concrete music (not to be confused with music concrète), but I had done lots of work on sketches and defining my materials.

My teacher's reactions, questions, and insights into my work weren't overt, but I could not have asked for a better, more validating compliment:

We started with a meandering chat about how things change over time, and he was reflective of his 35 years teaching at UBC. The actual compliment came much later, when he said, 'you know, I've never seen anything quite like this, and I've taught well over a hundred students'.

It wasn't inherently positive or negative, he was just intrigued by the originality of my process.

And isn't that what everyone wants? To know that you're special, that you stand out from the crowd, and that you aren't just another drone?

Well, that's what I wanted!

I don't set out to be different; I feel like I fit in with other composers, but time and time again, people tell me that my creativity is unique and original. And just because it makes me feel so nice, I just might believe them for a while!

Futures of the Past

So, you've heard me refer to my graphic novel project over the last few months, and now I can finally share it with you!

It's a collaborative project with poet, Ray Hsu and comic illustrator, Chloe Chan. We got really excited about the idea of each part influencing the others. As we were sketching, improvising, and coming up with material, we sent samples of our work back and forth - feeding off of the collective, creative energy, and inspiring each other!

Please visit the non-embedded youtube video for some more info about the project, my collaborators, and the publisher that will be doing a print version of the comic.

Over the last few days, my sugars have been a wee bit all over the place. This is because I've been stressing over deadlines, and being sloppy with eating/dosing/carbcounting/etc... I told myself that today, I'd take the time to do diabetes well!

It seems like I can't remind myself to do this often enough - the main thing is dosing in advance of eating, and remembering to take my metformin near the end, if not directly after eating. Tonight, I had a 75 g carb dinner - my pre-meal BG was 5.6 and my 2 hour post-prandial was 6.1 mmol (suck it, Dr. Bernstein!).

I can, should, and will do this more often.

It feels good.

1 down, 7 to go!

In terms of my big deadlines for this term, I finished one last week. I took the weekend off and relaxed, but now I'm right back at it!

The piano piece came together quite nicely. I met with the pianist and we had a great reading/question session. I am very much looking forward to working with him on the piece, and ultimately having him perform it.

My next deadline is the soundscore/video for the graphic novel on which I've been collaborating this year. I bid my money adieu and bought ProTools with an Mbox Mini 3 because, let's face it, I don't have time to learn a new program to do a soundscore within a week!

After that, I have the "Michael Park & Friends" concert; I need to keep reminding myself that, while I can lock myself away to finish a composition, piano pieces cannot be learned that way, so a nice steady approach to that rep will be best.

I've been getting much more organized lately. In addition to my post-it note big deadlines that are attached to my calendar, I seem to be constantly updating little daily or weekly to-do lists. Between the program co-ordination I'm doing for this summer, my compositions, my thesis preparation and libretto gathering, doctors appointments and medical paperwork that's popped up, there's just too much to keep in my untrustworthy memory... While this is definitely the busiest time of my life, I think it's also turning out to be my most productive, as well!

Ok, back to work for tonight, and then off to bed!

Starting to feel run down

It's Wednesday night/Thursday morning and I'm trying to put the finishing touches on my piano piece. I need to make sure the piece is structurally complete tonight because I imagine I'll spend all of tomorrow just editing and making sure the piece looks good on the page,and writing program notes etc. I hand the piece over to my pianist on Friday, but I have zero time to work on it at all on Friday.

Friday is out for productivity because I have class, then I teach and then I meet with the pianist shortly after that. Oh ya, I have readings to do for Friday....

All this adds up to = too much work! ergh...

Basically, I'm starting to feel tired. I've been on a horrible sleep schedule for over a month now. I don't go to bed before 4am, and that's fine when I have nothing to wake up for, but lately, I've had classes and meetings. I've been running a sleep deficit and I'm starting to feel it.

Anyway, just one or two more days, ish. I'm very much looking forward to Saturday when I have nothing to do until 7pm, and that's a friend's birthday dinner - fun times!

In other news, the meet&greet for the Art Song Lab went swimmingly tonight - I wish I had time to go into detail, but this year's event is quickly gathering momentum - lots of excitement and positivity around the whole thing!

Almost finished a piece...

Originally the deadline was yesterday, but my pianist extended my deadline by a few days, so I'm a little wee bit more relaxed in my approach to finishing up this piece:

Stories Men Tell

The middle movement is a love story, and it's quite likely the most beautiful thing I've ever written. I don't think I went too overboard, but there's a chance it's a little cheesy, but I think I'm fine with that! Two of the movements are finished, giving me 2 days to finish up the last movement and then tidy everything and assemble some stellar performance notes and do some sort of title page. I'm not as excited about the final movement yet... it should be a lot of fun, but I haven't had that moment of inspiration/breakthrough like I've had with the other two.

Anyway, there will be a performance in April, if not March, so I'll make sure to put the recording up when that comes to fruition!

Look what I made!

Slipper Socks!!

I had started the first sock (gold) more than a month ago. When I finished it, I got distracted by mittens, and composing and Christmas....

Over the last few days, I made and finished the second one (blue), with a most unsuccessful binding off -- it was very tight and I couldn't fit my foot in it, so I had to try two more times before it worked.

I knit them with normal yarn and bigger needles than one should for socks because I just wanted to get the sense of how to do it before I use tiny needles and tiny yarn. Now, I feel prepared.

They are very warm and comfy!

Happy New Year!

I've never been big on new year's resolutions, but the coming months have thrown one at me:

In 5 months, I have about 7 major deadlines - if I'm going to have a hope of finishing things on time, I have to write more and faster!

Contrary to the old Adage, I'm focusing on quantity, not quality! This isn't to say that I'm not concerned about the quality of my work - I'm sure I can still do good work without dwelling on it for months longer than I should. I'm far too early in my career as a composer to be working so slowly. I need to embrace modesty and remind myself that I haven't reached greatness yet - yet all great artists create their share of shit before they reach their stride. If I expect to one day write great stuff, I need to allow myself to write bad stuff first, and hey, maybe good stuff will come out anyway!