Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I printed out my thesis.
It's full edited and I'm ready to hand it in, barring any changes that come about during the rehearsal tomorrow.

Rather than sleeping tonight, I updated my website with some pictures that we took this weekend as promotional shots for the Master's Thesis concert next week.
Do check it out, I think it looks much better than it did before:

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I'm really in the final stages of my thesis.
Tuesday is the first rehearsal with piano and orchestra.  That morning, I am meeting with the pianist for a play through where I will once again attempt to play the important orchestra parts...
I need to learn how to score read efficiently.
I have to submit copies of my thesis for review on Wednesday and I can't really make any changes after that - only if the panel tells me I need to change things in order to pass.

I'm over halfway through editing now, so I'll hopefully finish that today.  I also need to write program notes and all that fun.

The other day I filed my taxes.  I'm getting back much more than I had expected!  More importantly, I incorporated this year, filing as a sole proprietor.  It's an important professional step that I needed to take, and it allowed me to claim my computer and last summer's improv workshop.  Therefore, my 'corporation' spent far more than it earned last year, but it's ok to start off in the red! haha!

It's hard to believe that my parents will be here in a week tomorrow...    even harder to believe that my thesis performance is in only 10 days now!

With that in mind, I need to get back to work.

Oh, while my mind is wandering,  I have no idea what I will blog about once my thesis is done...
I'm open to suggestions!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sleep pattern = getting later and later...  Staying up late to work on the thesis was one thing, but now that I don't have things to wake up for in the morning, the late nights are just counterproductive.

For this last week, I've been trying to do my overnight fasts.  I've gotten only one or two nights with useable info.   Nevertheless, the overnights I've gotten have shown that things are safe and comfortable.
Ways to screw up an overnight fast:
-having a low before bed
-drinking alcohol
-exercising close to bed
-forgetting to not eat for 4 hours before bed
-changing the infusion set within 9 hours of bed...(my infusion sites tend not to work for 5 hours, so then I have to wait for the insulin to be out of my system after correcting)

There are just too many ways to ruin it.  I need to buckle down and just do it for a few nights in a row this week.  The next one I need to do is my late afternoon/evening one.  With some of the numbers I've been getting, the basal rate is either way too high or way too low.
Also, the way my sugars are behaving with some of my meals, rather than fixing the insulin for them, I'm thinking of just swearing off french fries for good.
I NEED to get my basals confirmed by fasting soon.  I'm starting to second guess all of my carb-counting, even though I know that's not likely the culprit.  Anyway, if I can't do a fast tonight, I will do an evening fast tomorrow.  Breakfast and then a big lunch and then I'll just not eat for as long as I can...YAY!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Parts and cues are killing me.  They've taken the entire weekend.  I'm close to finished now and I feel confident that they are largely error-free, though nothing is certain.

The fluorescent light in my bathroom is on the way out, so it flickers for a while before turning on.  Tonight it flickered for about 20-30 seconds and I pondered as I tinkled:
"...what if the light goes out and I can't see and I end up tinkling all over the floor..."
"...uh oh, smells like burnt toast!  siezure seizure!"

Anyway, I hand in the parts tomorrow.  That will be the second of the big three deadlines, the next being on April 1'st.  The only thing after that is the defense.
Also, I just realized that the rehearsals of my piece start next week....!

Also, I hadn't had diet coke in the house for a while cause I ran out of money, but I bought some tonight and it is delicious and caffeiney!  I had missed the wonderful caffeination!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I'm getting fed up with shitty bartenders.

1) It's damn near impossible to get a decent Vodka Paralyzer anywhere in London, Ontario - actually I haven't had a good one anywhere in Ontario.

B) Last night it was a few friends' joint birthday celebration so I ordered them each on of my favourite drinks - a Godfather!  I was firstly disappointed that the waiter had to ask me what was in it, but I told him and assumed that he'd have no problem making this very simplistic drink.  Boy was I wrong.  When I got back from the bathroom, the drinks were sitting in front of me... three shot glasses! YUCK!  How horrible.  I didn't have the patience to ask him to bring glasses with ice, plus at this point in the evening, they just wanted to get the liquor into them so they likely wouldn't have appreciated the drink anyway.  Nevertheless, what the hell?
No bar should ever attempt to run without a standard cocktail recipe book to give them the ingredients, suitable glassware and garnish.

So, after a pretty bland paralyzer and a disrespected godfather, I decided that I should have a glass of wine.  I've been in Ontario for a while now and I felt bad that I'd never tried a local wine... Now I know why I was right.  It was a shitty Cab-Sauvignon and I resent having bought it.  They also used the same wine glasses for both red and white wines, so that should have been a hint that they are a terrible bar, but oh well.
Phooey!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Go here.
It's been a while since I've knit anything, but now I'm back at it.  I also knit another one besides the one up for auction.  I'll probably put it up for auction as well -  it's a little more seductive than the first.

I'm starting to do my taxes, but I'm missing one of my T4 slips.  Other than that, I have all the other information.

I had a meeting with another pump nurse the other day.  Long story short - she says things aren't good enough and wants to start fresh.  I told her I didn't feel comfortable with the process we went through the first time, so I want to try doing fasts to set basal rates rather than messing around with guess-work.  She is willing to help me with it, so that's what I will be doing over the next while.  I'm starting with overnight testing which doesn't involve any extra fasting because you don't eat while you sleep.
The problem with doing an 8 hour fast is that it can only start once the food and insulin is completely out of your system, ie 4 hours later...   This means that I should be fasting for the first 4 hours of my waking life as well, rather than just the 8 hours of sleeping.  I'm not a big breakfast person anyway, so it shouldn't be too difficult.  The other problem is that my sugar has to be stable before going to bed, meaning I can't eat or take insulin for 4 hours before going to bed.  oy!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

J'ai fini!

Tonight, I finished my thesis!
It was hard to decide that I was finished; I could have decided to stay up all night making changes and adjustments, but I am not going to do that.
Tomorrow, I will enlarge the score for the conductor and pianist.

I also accompany a singer's audition in the early afternoon.  I managed to fit learning the music in this weekend, somehow!  It's been refreshing to be actually learning music at the piano.  With that said, I will also be learning music like a mad man in the coming month for the RAD exams.

Anyway, I'm off to bed!
Last night just after 4am, I finished my first full round of edits on my thesis including:
-adding dynamics
-fixing notation that was confusing
-lots of formatting
-adding a new layer to my second movement (now it's complete)
mumbly mumbly, what's the point of putting more detail down? nobody reads this blog anymore and even the ones who ever did, didn't care about the mind numbing details.

The point is that I am very close to a point at which I can hand the piece over to the conductor.  I still plan to do more editing to make it even better today, but it's pretty much finished!
Even less than a week ago, I would have thought that I would be working right up until the last minute trying to finish the piece, possibly leaving integral things undone, and not being able to pay attention to the fine details.  In reality, I will be working up until the last minute with fine adjustments.
 I am really happy with the first, second and fourth movements.  My goal for today is to perfect the third movement.  It currently makes musical sense and it's not bad, but it just doesn't flow the way I imagined it.  Whatever it needs to be finished has eluded me for the last little while, so I'm going to hope for some inspiration to hit me today.

Ok, back to work!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

  I met today with my second reader [When writing a thesis, you have an adviser who you work closely with throughout and then a second reader who helps to bring a fresh perspective near the end].  I was actually having doubts about what I would get out of our meeting because he is not a composer.  Boy, was I wrong!
  I've been kinda down lately - stress is affecting so many areas of my life: I feel like I could just sleep all the time, my sugars are out of whack, moodiness and so on.  Someone sent me a hug emoticon yesterday and it made me so sad, because I thought about it, and I don't really have many hug friends here in London, I guess they're just not huggers.  Just thinking about it made me feel sad and lonely.
Today was the turn-around that I needed.  My meeting with the second reader went better than I could have imagined.  Every bit of feedback he gave was so insightful and helpful.  It felt like he was actually spending time on me - our meeting was just shy of an hour and a half!    We basically just walked through the piece and he asked good questions and I explained things as we went along.  During the process, he was very open minded, yet critical.  After we finished, he exclaimed that this was going to really good, then corrected himself to say that it is going to be a 'great piece'!  A few times during the process, while playing some of the things, he made noises of enjoyment and called a few of them 'awesome chords' haha!
  (I'll be honest, I haven't been getting much feedback lately, and so much of the piece has developed since I last got feedback that I was worried about how it would be received, so this was wonderful news)
   Afterwards, I went to the library, hoping to run into someone I knew, and I did - a friend I hadn't seen in a while because we're both so busy.  We checked emails beside each other and chitchatted a bit.  As I said good bye and started turning to leave, I noticed that she was doing something with her arms and torso... 
she was putting arms out for a hug
It was exactly what I needed and it totally made a perfectly awesome day even better!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Wow, time is just flying by.  It really felt like I just blogged yesterday, but it was almost three days ago, well at least over two.

I am SO close to having finished my thesis.  Movements 1 and 4 are COMPLETELY finished and just needing editing and some tweaking, but I would be comfortable if they were performed as they currently exist.
Movement 2 is structurally finished, but it is missing something.  It has a beginning, middle, and end, but it needs that magical thing that leads a path through all of that.
Movement 3 is getting quite close.  There are 2 'paths' that need to be finished.  I know the route and direction of those paths, but I still have to flesh them out - which is more finikky work than I had imagined.

It's frustrating that I know I am so close to being finished, but it still feels so far away.  I am giving myself the deadline of tomorrow evening to get these 'paths' finished.  Then everything will be 'structurally' finished and I can focus on editing and tying up the loose ends.  By that, I mean I need to do dynamics for lots lots lots of it...

Tomorrow, I am meeting with my pianist.  She has had the score for enough time that she will have some feedback, questions, critiques and whatever else.  Hopefully, she will be able to play even parts of sections so that I can coach and make sure things are on track.  I am excited for this, and I'm hoping it will be a good experience!

The next day, I am meeting with my second reader who will also be able to give me some helpful feedback.  He is not a composer, rather a pianist with a specialty in contemporary repertoire.  I don't know what to expect, but all of my conversations with him have been really thought provoking, so I know it will be a good experience.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

The photo shoot wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but I didn't know what to expect.  Anyway, I didn't get to see any of the proofs before I left, and since the studio was doing so many photos (staff AND all the performance troupes) they just pick the best one from each set, so I won't get a choice.  I really wasn't feeling that photogenic today when I woke up with two little zits.  Goddam! What, am I in high school again?!?  Oh no, in high school it was much worse, haha!  Anyway, I was in and out within a few minutes, but I stuck around and gabbed a bit and ate a banana chocolate chip muffin that one of the moms baked.  Likely, it won't have been worth my time, but I'll wait until I see the delightful fluffy-cloud background.  That's right, they had a fluffy-cloud and blue-sky background...

I wore in my new wine glasses this weekend.  I wasn't drinking completely alone, so the Little Penguin Shiraz is now gone and the Pinot Noir is well on it's way.

I had been doing SO well with productivity, but this weekend I got a visit from my old friend... unavoidable procrastination!  I've felt so guilty, which makes it even worse.
As it stands, my goal to have the concerto structurally complete tonight is not going to happen.  I've been making some key decisions, so I know what I need to do, but it has been like pulling teeth to get any of it down on the computer.

I had the oddest dream last night, or this morning.. it was right before waking up:
details are fuzzy, but it was the day I had to submit to the conductor and I still wasn't done.  I was at Unicity Mall (a mall from my childhood) as it existed when I was still in middle/elementary school.  I don't remember much else, but I know Dolly Pardon was there and she kindly declined my pleading for her to drive me to the school so I could submit on time...
Ya - that makes no sense, but oh well - that's a dream for you!
Nevertheless, Dolly and I must have been talking about the piece because when I woke up, I went straight to the computer and made the edits that Dolly and I had apparently talked about.

Even in my sleep, there is no escaping this thesis.

I talked to my sister on the phone today, after she drunk dialed me last night at about 1 am.  It was wonderful, she showed a keen interest in what I am working on and we actually had an intelligent conversation about it.  I taught her a lot about the orchestra and how composers can begin to combine the instruments thereof to make different sound qualities.  While other people in my family have tried to be interested, they've lacked the necessary knowledge-base to even begin explaining some of the things I've been working on.

Ok, now for a productive rest of the evening!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Wine-o

Things are much better in life than my rantiness would have led you to believe last post.  I made it to the LCBO on Friday afternoon.  The weather was absolutely beautiful - over 15 above whereas it was below zero the previous days.  It was a big day for buying things of varying excitingness. 
I bought:
Toilet paper
Gillette Clinical Strength Antiperspirant
A pair of stemless Riedel wine glasses, specially designed for Shiraz/Syrah.
A bottle of Amaretto
A bottle of my favourite Portuguese wine - A Bairrada made by Allianca
A bottle of the standard Little Penguin Shiraz
A bottle of Pinot Noir by Cono Sur

In conclusion, I spent a fair chunk of money.  I tried on pants, but decided against it.

I was informed today that my work, the ballet studio, is having staff head shots taken tomorrow.  My boss said I would be able to use the headshot for my own use as well as just for the studio- so hopefully I will get a digital copy so I can use it online and whatnot.
I came home and played dress-up a little bit and I found the perfect combination, until I change my mind tomorrow morning heading out the door.   I'm opting for a shirt and jacket, no tie and with the top button undone - I don't want it to be too formal or informal.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Grrr, Mumbly!
Why does this motherfucking town of London, Ontario suck so much!?!?! GAH! ANGER!
6 freaking pm - why does everything need to close?!?
I suppose I could have gone in the afternoon, but I didn't want to.  Who would think that the liquor store AND the pharmacy would be closed when the sun hasn't even gone down yet!!
WHat if I had an evening of drinking and debauchery planned tonight? I would end up ashamed, sober, and ridden with syphilis and crabs!

Alas, my life is not so exciting as to have such plans.
Nevertheless, I am quite disappointed.  I even rifled through the closet to find the special liquor-bottle bag which is built extra strong for carrying multiple bottles of wines and spirits.
Instead of drinking and debauchery, I was planning on stocking up on wine and getting new deodorant, but those plans have been kaiboshed!

This morning, after teaching, I bought groceries and then made bruschetta when I got home.  I bought a single bulb of garlic and I was shocked at how cheap it was - only 10 cents!  That means that I only spent 2 cents to have fresh garlic in my bruschetta.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I had dinner tonight with my academic counterpart - the other MMus Composition student.  We bonded over the amount of work left to do on our theses and enjoyed some high-class mexican food.

Earlier today, I read an email from a former academic counterpart who is doing her MMus in Composition at my home university in Manitoba.  I feel much less overwhelmed by the work I have to do because she has so much more to do.  I'm jealous of how much she's gotten to write, but I'm glad I'm not currently in her shoes.

I handed over the score to my pianist today.  I gave her a quick walk-through and demonstration of some of the stuff in the new movements.  In previous experiences, I've learned that being stressed out about something in the presence of the performer is NOT a good idea.  Today I was relaxed and collected and I think it helped.  There is little over a month before the performance, so time is not going to be her friend.  Nevertheless, she is a strong performer and I am confident that she will do my piece justice!

This evening, I've been a little slack - I've done some editing, finished adding the text into the fourth movement and I'm going to head to bed significantly earlier than other days this week.  I don't like being tired when I have to teach at 9:30am, so I won't let that happen tomorrow.

Goodnight!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

I'm actually getting to sleep earlier than I thought tonight, at 2 am!
While my thesis doesn't need to be handed in for another  12 days, my pianist needs to start learning it and she can only pick it up tomorrow before 3pm and since I teach tomorrow, that means I need to have it ready before I go to sleep.  
I knew I wouldn't have the whole thing done... obviously, but I wanted to make sure there was enough content for her to learn.
The first and fourth movements are pretty much complete and the hardest and most important parts of the other movements are in good condition for the piano part.  I can't see there being too much new material for her to learn after the final submission, so she can get a really good start now.

In other news, there is still SO much work to do and SO many decisions to be made!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Note to self:
If you play for a ballet class over a period of 6 months and still don't know the names of the students, do not allow them to become aware of this fact.
Reasons:
-Who'da thought... the egos of teenagers are bruised when they discover that you haven't even learned their name, "but I know YOUR name..."
-This gives them many tangents on which to go off and talk about during the class and any hopes at discipline during said class are ruined.
-They all suddenly and loudly tell you their names, expecting that this is the magical day when you will finally figure out their names.

In conclusion,  traditional ballet pianists sit behind the piano and only occasionally draw attention to themselves - they are happy to never be noticed so that they can read their favourite magazines between exercises.  While I've avoided that so far, maybe there is rhyme and reason to that approach...

Sunday, March 01, 2009

I guess I should update on what I mentioned the other day:

I was able to be super detailed with carb counting and post-prandials for part of a day a few days ago and the results were inconclusive, however I couldn't focus any longer on it.  I've been consistent and accurate with my carb counting since and I've been having unexplained rises during the late morning.  I'm not sure if this is the dawn phenomena getting stronger or what, so I will fast tomorrow and see what happens.

Or, from my last post, this could be attributable to stress.  For those of you who are diabetics on a pump out there, do you change basals for a period of stress?  It's effected me differently on different days, so I'm a little weary, but I'm thinking I can't let it keep hiking my sugars for much longer.
Mumbly mumbly mumbly GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to try to not swear, cause I typed enough to other people already.

I shouldn't complain because things are going pretty well, but I'm stressed and pissy and gah mumbly!
There is so much work left on my thesis, and I need to get the pianist's copy to her on Wednesday and it won't be anywhere near finished, and it's going to be a race to the finish line to get things finished for the conductor's deadline of the 16'th, but there's no moving that deadline so it's just going to happen.
  It's just pissing me off because I know what I want to happen, and I even have most of the musical material to make it happen, but I'm having major issues making it actually happen.

Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean!
I need to just stay focused.
I need to stop blogging, this is taking away valuable productivity time!

And with that said, I'm going out for dinner with a friend - yay for counterproductive time use!
That's what I love about procrastination; even though you know it's for the worst and it won't help you whatsoever, it is entirely appealing!

Nevertheless, I will probably accomplish more before dinner than I have over the last few hours!