I can easily say that the day I had today was well worth the hassle of being stuck in town for a few extra days.  I spent the afternoon/evening with some of my favourite people from my undergrad years.  We were able to relax with each other and have some of the fun that kind of got a little lost as we progressed through the years.

The last portion of a the day would have been terrible with anyone else, but the company made it bearable... therefore, here is a movie review:

High School Musical 3:

Ugghh.  Generally this movie was pretty terrible.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you just broke out into song at the drop of a hat?  It would be trite, fickle, and badly overdubbed - just like this movie.

The storyline was weak at best - a group of high-school students write a high-school musical to commemorate the end of their high-school careers.. how high school!  The movie starts off with the basketball team only having 16 minutes left on their last game of the season, and even though they're already talking about prom being around the corner, they have time to write, rehearse, and do a performance run of this elaborately tacky musical.  Of course, the musical has no real story, and it's pretty much just rehashings of songs that were sung earlier in the movie.

As a musical, this triple threat fell flat on its ass: Acting was horrific and unbelievable, much like most musicals, but really... this is a big budget one - at least try!!  Dancing was somewhat redeemable.  The leads were quite good, and there was some strong corps dancing by the guys, but the females didn't make the cut.  At one point there was a kicking chorus line, if you could even dare to call it that - feet were variable pointed... if pointed at all, there was a good 30 degrees variation on kick height, and they were pathetically low!  The singing... well, it was dubbed and way over-processed.  The female vocal lead was pretty bad and the use of pitch correction technology was horribly obvious and shouldn't even have been necessary.  If you're recording something... the professionals should be good enough that they can record something decent on their own, they have lots of opportunity to try, try, and try again... it's not like they are performing it live!  Goddamn, give me a recording studio and a Hollywood budget... I would sound like fucking Horowitz!  Most annoyingly was the slash job of dubbing.  Golly, they can match up voices to cartoon characters, so why can't they do the same for these so-called actors!

Besides all the the numerous flaws with this musical, there were a few good things:

The lead guy was a nice hunk of eye-candy, at first I felt a little guilty cause he was playing a high-school student, but I checked and he's 21, so it's all good.

It's a feel good experience.  As much as I mock, you can't not smile/laugh/pass gas during the overly cheesy romantic moments, or the overdramatized moments where every ounce of their soul is riding on how well they spontaneously dance in the middle of a basketball game.

In conclusion, this movie blows, but it was great fun to watch and make fun of!

vacation extension

I was supposed to be on a train to Toronto/London right now, but it got cancelled.  This change will see me flying home instead, on New Year's Day.

  It's not that I love London, or hate Winnipeg, but I was ready to leave and I was really looking forward to getting a lot of work done on the train ride.  With refund, the travel change is only costing ten dollars, so I got a good last minute flight deal, but I'm sad I won't be taking the train.

Taking the train would have meant missing new years in both cities, which would have been a tad lame, but maybe it would have been for the best.  We'll find out in a few days.

To make up for the isolated productivity of the train, I'm forcing myself to work here.  I went to the neighbourhood library today - I hadn't been there since I was a pre-teen, and I could tell why.  It was tiny, and filled with so many romance novels, self-help books, and junk.  The entire area of the main floor was probably only a thousand square feet, and the work/study area they claimed to have was three tiny tables with chairs.  I got some work done, but it was pretty ghetto.  This was a gentle reminder of just how different the academic world is from the real world.

Merry Christmas!

It's a day late, but festive greetings to all!
I guess it's not a day late, but my family celebrated Christmas a day early because my sister went out of town. Dinner was on Tuesday, and we did presents and such on the 24'th. Today, I did pretty much nothing, but played with Olive and did a minuscule bit of composition.

I'm rather happy with the things I got for Christmas this year; I had requested less 'stuff' and 'junk' because I don't have much luggage room to carry it home with me. Some highlights:
-Leather messenger bag/satchel for laptop and general work stuff
-A really nice blazer/sportscoat
-A sweatervest (*)
*So, I doubt she still reads this blog, but a long time reader and I had a special bond over our performance clothing. For pretty much all performances in our first 2 years of music school, she would wear her performance broach, and I would wear my performance vest. It was a plain black sweater vest with a light white trim on the arms and waist. Because of belly growth and structural decay of the sweater vest, I threw it out. This new one is just all black. In recent years, I've been thinking that I needed one for those performances when a button down just won't suffice, and I don't feel like wearing a jacket. Long story short, I like the sweatervest very much.

Family time has been good over the holidays. The time went by very quickly, and of course I haven't done as much composing as I needed to. Nevertheless, there are a few days left and I will make the best use of them.

This year, I put much less effort into being social while in Winnipeg. I've still seen quite a few people, and I'm wondering if I've missed out on anyone. It's hard to say - sure, I could see more people, but at the same time, I could do with seeing fewer people.
Anyway, there are but a few days left before my exciting train journey back home, so I will make the best of it. YAY!

Happy Festivus!

  Today is the official day to celebrate Festivus.  Last night the dinner went fairly well.  Unlike last year, we actually had a Festivus Pole - fashioned from a broomstick and aluminum foil - suspended from the lamp above the dinner table.

  Despite the short notice, we had just shy of a dozen people there and the food people brought made for a rather delicious meal.

  At the beginning of the night, it was rather delightfully awkward as people were not terribly talkative; they were constantly consulting me about what to do next.  At best, Festivus is a vague holiday, and I don't claim to be an expert, merely an enthusiast.  The best course of action was clearly to loosen people up by drinking while we waited for the rest of the attendees.  Eventually, more people came.  The conversation livened; bellies were filled with food, and hearts were filled with laughter and happiness!

  It wouldn't truly be the holidays without a grumpy gus, so it was truly a Festivus miracle to have had one person there who didn't seem to have been in the Festivus spirit.  Nevertheless, I think that a good time was had by just about everyone!

  Today has been a low-key day.  I've been doing some composing mixed with keeping an eye on my puppy niece.  She has been quite naughty: climbing on couches, reeking havoc in the kitchen, barking like a mad-dog, and general mischievousness.  Because my sister and brother-in-law are heading East on Christmas day, we are having our nice big dinner today.

I love my puppy niece!

Olive is such a delightful puppy niece!  She is filled with energy and spasticity.  She's also adorable and cuddly when she is tuckered out.

We're having Festivus tomorrow.  I intended to host again this year, but just like last time, I'm ghost hosting at Kyle's house - it's much roomier, and trying to control Olive during a dinner party would be a nightmare.  Festivus is coming together very last-minute, so who knows how many people will actually attend.

It shouldn't, but it does surprise me how quickly this month, this term, this year has gone by.  Let's not even mention the thesis...

I've ordered more infusion sets, and they'll arrive here tomorrow or Tuesday.  Tomorrow, I need to change my infusion site, and guess what - it's my last set... so I can't afford for it to not work.  This is cutting it perhaps a little close for comfort.

I've been on a regimen vacation for the last week.  Correcting has helped a bit, but I've not been as accurate with carb counting, and eating close to sleeping once again has caused problems.... I knew there was a reason I vowed to stop.

I know people always say they eat more around the holidays, but I've seen a tangible scale - My average daily insulin usage while in London was around 75 units - since Winnipeg, it's averaging more like 90.... oopsie.  Well, some days were really high, but today was only 63 units.

Winnipeg is cold.  I went tobogganing with some friends yesterday and it was super fun, until our faces couldn't handle the cold burning anymore.  I think it was -30 with windchill feeling like -47, but I'm likely exaggerating, a bit.  We bought 3 dollar crazy carpet things and had the time of our lives!

In Winnipeg for the holidays.

When I walked out of the airport, I was prepared for the worst. Yes, it was damned cold, but I liked it. There's something about the Winnipeg cold that I like. I guess it feels like home. Sure, I love to bitch about the cold, but I think I still prefer it to the humid crap bucket that is London in the winter.
My trip to Vancouver was great. Even though my host Jon had a crippling 'nass' injury, we were still able to do lots of fun things.
I haven't been terribly social since getting into Winnipeg. I spent time with my alway-out-late-at-night friend late-at-night after I flew in, but other than that, I haven't seen any friends. Actually, I spent some great quality time with Petra - my 5'8" 50 year old Czechoslovakian love of my life. She was tuned on the morning of my arrival, so she sounded gorgeous! I really do miss my piano, and piano in general. I hope that whatever next year brings, we will be reunited, or I will at least be able to play lots.
Ok, company has just come over so I need to socialize with friends of the family.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Tonight is my last night in Vancouver.  The time here has been short and sweet.

We did a fair bit of shopping, saw some different parts of the city and most importantly, I got to spend some quality time with Jon and Mai -who were wonderful hosts!

I fly tomorrow evening to Winnipeg, but I'm not excited about the fact that the weather will be around forty below when I arrive, and staying quite cold for the entire week...  As winter has been known to do, this will be a cold visit to my hometown.

I did a wee bit of Christmas shopping here in Vancouver, but I need to do all of my Christmas shopping once I get to Winnipeg.  My suitcase was full enough on my way here,

[This is the suitcase that must be around 40 years old now - it is a hard case blue suitcase with a wonderful duck sticker on it.  It was/is my dad's but I adopted it as my own even though it's not really big enough to fit much in.  Long story short, the front of the suitcase got dented this trip.  I didn't overfill it and it was no fault of my own, but I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.]

but now that I've bought a new light winter jacket best suited for London/Vancouver/non-Winnipeg weather, I'm going to have to struggle to cram everything in somewhere.

For the return part of my trip, I'll switch to a larger suitcase, as I hope to receive/boxing day shop for some new clothes.

I have no idea what to buy for people, but this year it will definitely be done on a conservative budget.  Oh yes, and with love!

Yesterday was, indeed a long day of travel.    

I worked at 10am playing ballet classes.  By the time I got home, I had one and a half hours to pack and get ready.  The last few minutes were a scramble, as they always are, to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

I took a shuttle service from London to the Toronto airport which got me there in great time.  From the time I arrived at the airport, it was approximately 6 minutes until I was through security and I had over an hour until my boarding time.  The flight boarded late, but left pretty much on time. 

  The flight itself was pretty good.  I talked for a good chunk of it with my neighbour, and it was really good airplane conversation.  I didn't get any sleep on the plane really, but kinda sorta nodded off during SNL.  By the way, it was actually a pretty good episode last night.  I haven't watched SNL in years because it has been so disappointing.  Perhaps, there is a turnaround in effect.

  We arrived on time in Vancouver and my luggage was one of the first to come off the ramp, so I went straight outside to wait in line for a taxi. I waited for a while, and people were impatient.  There was a woman whose job it was to organize taxi rides.  I felt so bad for her, because everyone was so impatient and rude to her.  Apparently because of some snow, there were a few accidents, and there was no traffic getting in or out of the island where the airport is.  I came inside and wasted some time on the internet, but eventually decided to wait in the line which had grown to about 50 people.  Most people left the line at some point because we kept being told that it would be a long time, and it was.  Having arrived at 11am, I did not get a taxi until 2:30am - 5:30 London time.

  Now I'm here at my friends Jon and Mai's apartment!  They are wonderful hosts and I had a great sleep, eventually.

  Yay Vancouver!

Well, I hadn't done it for quite a while, but I started back at it the other night. I stayed up until 5am on tuesday because of it.
I knit.
My new macbook inspired me to knit a case for it. I'm not the type that would waste my money on a case, especially when I can make one myself.
Therefore, here are pictures of the computer and its new home.


There's nothing really special about the pictures of the computer itself, you can get a nicer look at the computer and its features on the promotional website, but there you go anyway.

Below are pictures of the case I've spent several hours of procrastination time making. I haven't finished it yet, I need to sew the back of the apple logo together at the back so it doesn't stretch so much.
Also, I made it a little too small - it fits nice and tight so the macbook is safe and sound, but the stretch is especially noticeable with the logo. Once again, sewing it together at the back will fix that slightly, but hmm.. only time will tell.














In other news, I haven't gotten the gleaming results I've wanted from the pump this week. I meant to fast during the afternoon sometime this week, but it just didn't fit into my schedule. Tomorrow, I have my last phone meeting with my nurse, so hopefully she will have some helpful advice.
I leave on Saturday and will be spending the rest of the month out West. I will be treating it like a pump vacation for bits of it. In order to get a clear picture of my insulin's function, I haven't been allowed to correct for high sugars this last few weeks, but I will be taking care of that while away. Hopefully, this will remind me of the goodness that the pump promises. So far, it hasn't delivered what it is supposed to be able to do. I realize that I need to work at it, and I have, but it has been less than inspiring thus far.

Also, tomorrow I have my last meeting with my thesis adviser before he goes on sabbatical, and though I will still meet with him next term, I want to make the most of it. With that said, I haven't written enough for tomorrow, so I'm off to do that!

I sent in my applications to Toronto and McGill today!
I'm taking the day to relax, then I'll do some work on my thesis.
It feels good to have that dealt with. Now there are just a few things to deal with before I leave for my holidays.

Last night was a minor, yet aggravating setback - my printer ran out of toner! I didn't notice until after printing some orchestral scores, so I wasted about 40 pages of paper.
Today I will buy new toner and paper. I will probably miss the postman, but I still plan to get the packages to the post office today.

I finished writing both proposals last night and did an initial edit. Today I will edit them better and revise the Personal Statement so it will fit U of T.

After taking hours for my PC notebook to convert wma files into apple format, I woke up and copied the files onto my new macbook and now it has music. When it gets internet access, it will be complete!

I'm working on my research statement for McGill. I'm not allowing anymore procrastination - I WILL send off my packages tomorrow for McGill and U of Toronto. I need the rest of the week to work on my thesis.
I'm meeting a friend from Winnipeg for lunch tomorrow - inspiration to get up early and work hard tomorrow morning! Then after lunch, it will be a trip to Kinky-Kinko's and the post office.
Mailing early = cheapish postage. 2 years ago, I blogged about spending 11$ on postage for my McGill application implying that that was expensive... if only I knew how expensive last minute shipping could get!

Pump - sugars are acting pretty reliably, though high, but not too high. I'm leaving next Saturday, and I won't want to be tracking sugars as much while I'm on 'vacation', so this is the week to fix things!

Baby Steps

I'm staying in on a Saturday night, and I'm kind of enjoying my hermitishness.

I'm getting things done, little by little:
I did two loads of laundry.
I finished writing a draft of my personal statement for McGill.
I finished the online application to Boston University.

Things left to be done before I leave London:
Edit and finalize research statement for McGill.
Choose, print and bind scores for McGill and U of T.
Compile and mail application packages.
Compose and hopefully complete first movement of thesis.
Organize paperwork so I don't go crazy when tax time comes.


Updates on the standard topics:
Macbook - frustration = I can't get my music onto my new mac. It won't let me import wma files, and I can't get them to go from Ipod into Itunes.
Any suggestions would be most welcomed!

Pump - I'm wearing my infusion set more on this side than normal, so it's getting in the way - it snagged on a door earlier and though it's still intact, it was somewhat unpleasant.
I know it hasn't even been a week, but I'm still not getting used to being tethered.

Macbook

I left a note for UPS to deliver to the bookstore beneath me if I wasn't around today. When I got home around 4pm, there was a macbook waiting for me!
I had to deal with my pump first with a phone call from my nurse and an infusion set change, but eventually I unpacked it and did my manual reading and enjoyed.

It really is as wonderful as it has been hyped to be. Setting it up was intuitive and simple. I installed Sibelius in a flash and moved over all of my important files.
I won't have internet on it for a while because our wireless is IP specific, so my roommate needs to add the new IP address when he gets back after the weekend.

Photobooth = the most fun ever, haha!

I really don't enjoy being this emotionally flippant. As I'm sure you can tell, I've been up and down a lot lately due to my sugars.
I sent a bitchy email to my pump nurse earlier today and felt quite justified in doing so. Later, and especially while talking to her, I was reminded of how nice she is and how undeserving of my rage she is.
In theory, I won't let things get to me, but in reality, I can't help it!
Anyway, the nurse made a nice big adjustment that should make things better and she promised that in a week's time, I will be able to correct for high sugars again! YAYAYAY!!

Online shipment tracking is a wonderful thing.
I want my macbook NOW NOW NOW so I've been checking at least daily to see where my macbook has made it to.
Last time I checked, it had left Shanghai. Since then, it arrived in Anchorage, Alaska and made its way down to Louisville, Kentucky. Seems a little wasteful, why not ship it directly from Alaska to ME?!? Anyway, it's getting close; I'm going to be hopeful and tell myself that I'll have it on Friday, maybe Monday at the latest.

Sugars are much better than yesterday, thanks to waking up with slightly low sugars... eep!
As predicted, though, they climbed their way back up to around 11 by the time I got around to lunch.
Nevermind, I spoke too soon. Sugars are sucking again. I went up high after lunch for no apparent reason - same food and same bolus as the other day, but not the same effect.
Grrr.

Nothing says happy beginning of September like the remnants of one's body devouring itself due to lack of insulin.
It's been years since I've had ketones, and tonight I had trace amounts.
I fasted all morning and part of the afternoon then had some late lunch. The sugars all day were around 11-13mmol, so while they were high, I at least know that the basal rate is pretty close.
After lunch, I changed the infusion site.
At dinner, my sugars had gone up a bit, so I took a correction with my dinner. Low GI value and the correction taken with it should have seen my sugars actually drop down before coming back up and levelling off after dinner, but they never went down at all. When I tested for, and found even just trace amounts of ketones, I knew it was time to yank the site and try a new one.
I took a correction by insulin pen and I'll check to see that worked in a little while.

I'm trying to stay positive about pumping, I really am. I will continue to try, but this is wearing me thin- not literally of course, haha.
Nevertheless, I'm not a quitter. Between that and my love of spite, I will stick with this damned pump for a while yet.

My new reader pointed out that my last post seemed out of place.
I used to blog in that manner a lot more often a few years ago, but not so much these days. I'm generally a very happy-go-lucky guy. There aren't many things that get me pissy, but boy - watch out when they do, haha!

The background - I've been diabetic since I was 7 years old, totalling 18 years now. Over the last 3 years, I've been relearning Diabetes and making some strong improvements to my control and approach. I wish I had the time to add labels for all 7 hundred posts so that you could filter the diabetes ones...
Anyway, this last year I have felt IN CONTROL of my diabetes. While the numbers could improve, I had a good understanding of how my body worked in most situations and what to do to work WITH my body and its lack of insulin.
Since starting on the pump, I feel that I've lost that control. Don't be scared away by what I say- I'm sure I will love it in a few weeks, but this new regimen and all the change are testing my patience. Also, spending an entire day above 10 is something that I hadn't done in a long time, and I really really dislike it - as you gathered from my last post.

I want to wish Gary the best of luck tomorrow as he starts on his pump!
Congrats!
I hope that the experience is great for you, and I want to hear all about it. Are you keeping a blog also?

In addition to the pump, the company sent me the Contour Link glucose meter. It has a feature that allows it to communicate with the pump wirelessly. Unfortunately, my meter reads everything at 2mmol higher than my other 3 meters say. I will be sending it back for a replacement when I have time.
In terms of the Continuous Glucose Monitor - I bought the sensor and the things I'll need to use it, but the training I'm doing instructs us to not use it until we are fully operational on the pump.
I did however have previous experience with the CGM. Go here to see what I wrote about it, also check the archive for the days before and after that. Like here or here.

In conclusion, today was a better day.
I'm getting the physical manifestations of the cumulative stress in my life. Jaw tension and arm tension abound!
A quick view of things to do:
Lesson tomorrow that I haven't done much writing for - I'll do much tonight and tomorrow morning.
Anxiously awaiting both Macbook and pump supplies in the mail.
I've almost finished off a piece that I'm excited to hand over to the singer in the next few days.
Dance exams on Friday - need to find time to practice, AND they're at 9am! in the morning!
McGill and Toronto applications need to be sent out within the week. ish.
I need to have finished 25% of my thesis in a few days to stay on track.

Grr Mumbly Shit Fuck!
I hate diabetes and I hate high sugars and I hate the fucking pump and not having complete control over my management.
This message brought to you better the letter FUCK! and the number 15.7mmol feels like SHIT!

New Computer

I've been thinking of doing it for a long time now and I finally did it online tonight.
I bought my macbook.
It was a mixture of the numerous payroll deposits and the enjoyment-ish I'm getting from my other piece of new technology.
It's been on my long-term to-do list for over a year, and tonight was the night.

With that said, I feel a little nauseous thinking about how much money I just spent, but I'll pretend that the money I got yesterday wasn't already spoken for and I'll be just fine!

Meet the newest part of my life. I haven't named it yet, or even decided on a gender, but I should introduce it nonetheless.

It appears I have some diabetic readers now that I have started writing about my pump, so welcome one and all!
I hope that my experiences are helpful to you, and feel free to ask questions about anything - I'm always looking for useful topics to write about.


Here are two pictures of my new pump. I hate taking pictures - with the flash(above) it whites out part of the picture, and without (right) you can't hold it still enough so you get a blurry picture. Anyway, combining the two will give you all the detail and perspective you could desire!

I've been absent minded today - forgetting to take my two-hour glucose tests right on time, forgetting to check my sugars before starting to eat. These little things will make the process a little more complicated, but I think I can deal.
There are just a lot of things to get done at this time of year!

The pump is the same as it has been. No news to report.

Yesterday was a phenomenal day for finances.
My student loan money was transferred in, my dance school pay cheque came in, AND my double pay cheque from the school came in (November is the month where we get the year's lump sum of vacation pay and pay increase settlement). Long story short, my bank account looks very happy.
Don't worry, it's just temporary! I will be buying my macbook soon.. I almost just bought it on a whim, but I'll put it off for another little while.

I talked to my nurse today after having emailed her my blood sugars from the first two days. She says that I'm doing quite well! We've adjusted the amount of background insulin that I'm getting overnight because my sugars keep dropping overnight. Other than that, we agreed that it's best to not make other changes for a little while because it's only been a few days. We will talk again on Friday and see if we need to make any changes then.

I've started using a really cool feature of the pump - a square wave bolus. Basically, it delivers the insulin evenly over a time span. These are perfect for high carb foods with a low GI value. On injections, these kinds of meals were nearly impossible - they would need a lot of insulin so if I took it too early, my sugars would drop before the food was absorbed, the liver would shoot out some glucose of it's own, and then the food would be absored, so my sugars would end up high a few hours later. If I dosed too late, the food would spike up my sugars, and then it would take forever for them to come down. I was able to eat fast food today and not feel like shit because of it! Well, fast food still makes you feel icky, but non-diabetes related ick!

night #1

So, I woke up at 4 am this morning to check my sugars. It's a good thing I did because they were 2.5(they are supposed to be between 4-6, slightly higher overnight).
Overnight lows are the worst - you're tired and cold and all you want to do is go back to sleep, but you know that you can't until your sugars have stabled.
I tried to follow the procedure for treating a low which is:
1)Drink 20 carbs of juice, wait fifteen minutes
2)Test sugars, if still below 2.8, repeat
if still under 4, eat 15 carbs and wait fifteen minutes
if over 4, test again in an hour, eat a small snack to keep sugars afloat

I did step one and had a cookie while waiting (preparing for that small snack). When I tested, I was still 3.5, so I had more juice, and ate another cookie or two. Since my sugars were still low, I was savagely eating these cookies (it is nearly impossible to control ones self in this state). The third time I tested, I was slightly over 4, so I ate another cookie just to be safe, then went back to bed. I woke up with higher sugars because of the cookies, but at least I wasn't low again.

I was told to expect lows because there will still be some residual insulin in my system - let's hope that there is none left for tonight.

My sugars have been running higher than I would like all day, but not as high as I was expecting, and I'm sticking to the orders I was given. There's a chance that my insulin requirements might actually be lower than I expected, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

This morning I cleared the insulin pen and pen needles out of the front pocket of my bag and moved them to the emergency / infusion set change supply section(formerly an empty zippered section). This is just one of many changes I will need to/get to make as part of this transition period.
YAY!

First Day Done

Today went quite well, better than I had feared.
Now, I'm sleepy.

The morning class went over a lot of stuff in detail, most of it I knew from reading and practise, but important safety stuff.
I talked to the nurse and she agreed with my plan to fix the basal rate for today, and as of an hour ago, I'm on the prescribed rate, so we'll see if that is enough to keep my sugars stable overnight. I get to wake up at 5 am today to check my overnight sugars. That means I should go to bed soon.
I had to change which pocket my wallet resides in because the pump renders its home pocket inaccessibleish. Tonight is my first sleep with the pump and the tubing - I'm wondering what the likelihood of pulling it out while I sleep are, but I imagine they are pretty slim.

The insertion of the infusion set was rather painless - that's the thing that serves as the membrane between the pump and my insides. As the day goes on, I can't decide if I'm actually experiencing any discomfort from it. It doesn't hurt, but I can feel it on and in me - I suppose that's just a sensation I will need to get used to.

After the fact, it occurred to me that I just took my last normal daily injection of long-acting insulin. The dose I will take tomorrow will have been lowered, and then I will be on the pump.

As of 10:30am ish on Monday, I will be on the pump. It's finally setting in that this is actually happening. Being on the pump has always been in my mind as such a far off thing - it's odd to think of how close it actually is. Even as I'm typing this, I keep thinking that I won't actually be benefiting until the first few weeks of set-up are done, but that's not true.

Bottom line is that I'm anxious, apprehensive, nervous, scared. Of course, I won't actually let these feelings negatively effect me, but that is just how I feel right now. Tomorrow, my last day as a non-pumper will go by far too quickly - diabetes aside, I have so much to do: ballet exam rehearsal, and of course learning that music beforehand, writing massive chunks of my thesis, paperwork, printing out scores for the people who are writing reference letters for me, and organizing myself for the pump start...

PrePump Training

Today was my 3-hour pre-pump training. We didn't actually touch our pumps, though. The nurse went over our rates and plan for switching from the long acting insulin to the pump. There was a little talk on how to take care of high/low blood sugars. Finally, there was a presentation by a dietitian.
I'm not convinced about the transition...they told me to cut my dose down, but only from 36 to 30. The starting basal rate on the pump is the equivalent of 26... so in effect, I will have 56 units in my system rather than 36... I will have lots of juice on hand that day. The cross over will be about 12 hours and will end just in time to go to bed. My plan is to take my last long-acting insulin early the night before, which will at least save me a few hours of discomfort.

The thing that I'm most worried about is the fact that I'm not supposed to correct high sugars unless they are above 13. I currently feel uncomfortable when my sugars are anywhere above 10, and I always aim for my sugars to rest at 5. The reasoning is that they need to see how my sugars are reacting to single doses of insulin and it complicates it if you have multiples..
[Imagine one person trying to do a task. It doesn't matter if they suck at it, you have to just let them struggle with it on their own so you can see just how bad or good they are.]

Mostly, this is a control thing - I have been in complete control of my condition for so long... I don't think I'm comfortable with letting someone else make these decisions for me. Especially this last year, I've been constantly making adjustments and I'm learning a lot and improving because of it - now I have to throw that all away for a few weeks!?!

Nevertheless, I have to go through these hoops to get the pump up and running, so I'll suck it up and be submissive to the Assistive Devices Program master for a while.
Then I'll say, "I told you so" when things end up being what I expected them to be.

As a point of reference, these are my predictions:
Basal Rate - 1.4
Insulin Sensitivity - 1 unit = 1 mmol

what they are starting me at:
Basal Rate - 1.1
Insulin Sensitivity - 1 unit = 2 mmol

The Sensitivity number is the one that bothers me most - yes it is good to be safe, but they are cutting mine in half! That means that even when my sugar jumps to over 13, the correction will be only partially successful. For example, if my sugar were 14, I would want to take 9 units, but I would only be allowed to take 4.5. If I am correct, then it would take me 3 or more hours to lower my sugar down to 9.5 - still double the healthy amount of blood sugar. If I were wrong, then I would notice that my sugar was dropping too rapidly, and I would know better the next time. I understand that they need to be safe, but I'm not going to like the safeness!

Despite the fact that it starts at the unfortunate hour of nine, I am slightly excited for my pump training tomorrow.
The first 2 days of detailed food/insulin/sugar recording went well, but today I seemed to forget things.. Nevertheless, it should be enough information to get me started!

I filled some of that empty space on the wall in my room with post-it notes. It's like a tangible calendar of my deadlines and other notes to keep me on track.
Unfortunately, the notes don't stick very well to my wall, so I will have to find a more reliable adhesive which won't damage the wall.

I am into my last week as a syringe-using diabetic. I realized today, as I took some insulin in my German class, that it would be my last time taking an insulin injection in a lecture. My next class is Monday, so if I need insulin then, I will simply press the button. When I press the button, it will make a little noise, which is a good feature, but that will be a whole new issue to deal with - how many alarms and beeps I will put up with. Eventually I will set them all to vibrate, but to start I'll keep them all on so I get used to how and why it will make noises at me.

I am going to be getting new glasses sometime soon. One of the eyewear retailers here has a 25% off sale on frames for this month, so I will likely get them within the month. It's not that I need new ones, or that my prescription has changed, rather I have 200$ of insurance coverage for glasses while I'm at UWO so I need to make use of that before I'm done.
I currently have 2 pairs that I wear. My daily pair is conservative, but has transition tinting (not recommended), the other ones are much more stylish with blue arms. I am trying to decide if I want something zany just because I can, or another conservative frame so that I don't need to put up with the transitions anymore. Suggestions are welcomed, though I might pick them out tomorrow.

Last night we had a little cracker party - we provided crackers and people brought things to put on or dip crackers into. It was also a salon party, so people were encouraged to bring music to play.

My roommate rightly pointed out that the cleaning we were doing before the party was just like the cleaning our parents used to do before they had company over. Only this time our mother's weren't telling us to stay out of the way because we were just making a mess...
As a result of the cleaning, the apartment was suitable for photos, so I finally took and posted pictures of my apartment online so people could see them.
To the left is the view of my apartment from my work desk. The piano, the kitchen, and the dining table are featured. The ceilings are about 12 or 14 feet (my numbers might be wrong, but they're really high).

You can see how high the ceilings are and how tall out windows are in this one(right). If you stand in the window frame, you can't even touch the top with your arms stretching up. Because we live downtown, the windows are great for people watching. The homeless people downtown seem to sit in front of the cafe across the street from us in shifts - morning, afternoon, and night - and each cast of characters provides a different type of amusement.
On the left is a picture of my room - it's pretty empty, I know. Since the walls are so high, I feel like I'd have to put huge things on the walls to even come close to filling the empty space, so I just don't. I like bare walls, maybe I'm crazy, but all I do in this room is sleep and take my insulin.


Ok, back to the party. It was quite successful - we had about a dozen people here. Lots of crackers and dips and spreads and wine kept people happy and full. No one else brought instruments, and only one person brought other music. My roommate and I performed some PDQ Bach specialties and later in the evening, we sang show tunes. Three people shared the role of pianist, by divying it up into duets. It's a lot of fun to play only the right of left hand of a piano part!

All in all, it was a delightful evening. There is little cleanup, other than washing wine glasses. I like having parties with respectful grad students.

World Diabetes Day

Today is World Diabetes Day. This year's focus is on Children and Diabetes - a topic that is close to my heart as... well... I spent a good chunk of my childhood as a diabetic.
Here are some hard-hitting facts about diabetes and how it relates to children.

I often get caught up in the way diabetes effects my life: hassles with insurance, paying for this and that, paperwork, having to overthink what I eat, feeling guilty about the foods that I should maybe avoid, the drudgery of routine. The first few of my concerns are actually good things - I have coverage for my drugs; I'm not like the millions of American diabetics who don't have coverage and, as a result, let their control slide. Still, I'm only thinking within North America - we are developed countries and still having concerns about where the money for medications is going to come from.
In developing nations, they simply don't have the money or even the access to the basic medications.
Even worse, they often don't know to properley care for their diabetes.
The worst case is that in many places, they still don't know enough to get diabetes even diagnosed.

I will stick with addressing the concerns I can actually help - I will inform those around me.
Getting my insulin pump will be the perfect opportunity! Using a pump in public is a great spring board for people to ask questions. I can tell them all about diabetes in general, the pump, some of the advocacy and programs that got the pump covered in Ontario.
Excitement.

Since my pump training starts next Friday, today was the last Friday that I will spend without an insulin pump at my side. Tonight is the last Friday night that I will sleep without a pump attached to my pyjamas.
This is actually quite exciting - I will be quite reflective this week. I've been on needles for as long as I can remember, and I've been carrying an insulin pen around with me since high school. It's been so integrated into my life, and now something else will take it's place. It's kind of sad in an odd sort of way.

I have a very poor concept of time, and I can't add. I was under that conception that it was much earlier in the month of November than it actually is.
I will have my pump training start in a week tomorrow, and then the following Monday, I will get hooked up. Though I am still quite impatient, I will survive.
I have compositions and applications to keep me occupied. Some of my applications for grad schools are due in barely over a month!

Impatience

I finally got ahold of the diabetes centre to book my pump training session.
DAMNATION!
Apparently the next training session is not until November 21/24, so it will be nearly 2 weeks until I actually start on my pump.
Why must I wait?!? I can't handle the anticipation.
I've been playing with the pump in training mode and done all the settings and read the manual, but I'm not allowed to start using it until I've gotten the official training.
It's just so anticlimactic; I've been waiting so impatiently for my pump and now it's finally here, only I don't get to use it yet.

Oh, cruel torture!

I had left a note, so they delivered it to the bookstore downstairs.
I am now the proud owner of my little insulin pump.

yet another update

so, I got the package that was en route yesterday...
It was two boxes of insulin pump paraphernalia, but nothing useful and certainly not an insulin pump.
I have been given the tracking numbers for the remaining 2 boxes that are en route, they are indeed on the truck for delivery today, of course on a day when I actually have to leave the apartment to go to school.
Would it really have been that difficult to shove everything into one box and send it to me on the day you said you would?!?

There's a slight chance that I'll have a pump later today, but who knows!

Apparently it IS en route - I got the tracking number and it was on the truck this morning...

Why would she lie to me?!?

Having spent my entire Friday locked inside waiting for my delivery, I was filled with excitement knowing that today is the day.
On the other hand, every delivery I've ever gotten has come in the first hour or two of the day, so if I wait the rest of the day, it's a lost cause. At 11:30 today, I decided to call the company and get a Purolator tracking number, just out of curiosity. To no surprise of my own, there is no tracking number on file - meaning that the pump has not left their warehouse yet today.
More than likely, I will not be getting my pump today...
BOO!!
As long as I get a tracking number out of them, then I can track it myself and not have to rely on their vague guesstimates!

Having done a load of laundry today and not having the requisite 13 quarters needed to do another, I washed dishcloths by hand in the sink this afternoon. I actually found this to be a very relaxing and rewarding process, though my hands looked like shit afterward. Hot water, laundry detergent, and being submerged for so long are not things that hands like.
I guess there's something nice in the process of wringing and rinsing.

I'm taking a brief moment to think about how I feel about the insulin pump now, before getting it - this feeling is probably very different from what it will be like to be a pump user, and it's quite different from how I've felt about pumps for the last decade or so.
Having spent so much time convincing myself that pumps don't make much difference, I'm now trying to reassure myself that I'm doing the right thing and not just wasting resources.
In conclusion, it will be worth it and I have a feeling that I will soon feel some guilt over having effectively lied to myself about it for so long.

Bland day

When the insulin pump called me and told me that it would be delivered either Friday or Monday, I should have known better than to get so optimistic.
I stayed in all day working on one of my commissions - I got some good work done, though not nearly enough. I am budgeting the rest of my time to my thesis between now and Tuesday.
It will be difficult to stay focused on Monday once I get my insulin pump - I'd better get it!

Financial Stuff

I've been talking to one of my few loyal readers about the new Tax-Free Savings Accounts which will be available in Canada as of 2009.
I won't talk too much here, but it makes me realize that I really enjoy thinking and talking about financial stuff. I only wish It wasn't just applicable knowledge.... Once day I'll have money - one day!

Post 751

As I enter the third quarter of what might eventually be a thousand posts, I have happy news to report.
I got a call this evening from the Insulin Pump company and they said my pump will be delivered either Friday or Monday. If I get it early enough on Friday, I could do my pump info class this Friday and then I'd be up and running on a pump by next week! I will cross everything that can possibly be crossed. As I'm sure you can tell, I am very excited.

I'm wondering if I should make some kind of change to my blog to commemorate having posted 750 times... Not a superficial one, but maybe one of style. Having looked back over the years, my writing has gone through introspective phases, bland phases (which would be the current one), bitchy phases, ranty phases, and a few others that I can't find the words for right now.
Please feel free to comment and let me know what you would like to hear more of. I've been feeling lately that I need to be more creative, rather than put people through the daily chore of reading....as if anyone does that!

Merry Christmas

So, I got a call from my Diabetes Educator who has been helping me through the long and arduous pump getting process. I had that appointment with my doctor last week, and that was the last of the paperwork that needed to be done.
She called to tell me that within about a week and a bit, I will hear from Medtronic - the insulin pump company - to set up a delivery date/time. That means that I might have an insulin pump within 2 weeks!
I'll have to double check with the pump training center, cause they close down in December over Christmas, so hopefully there is enough time before that to get me trained and settled.
If there's not enough time, I'll start in the new year, but I want to start Now NOw NOW!

Today makes me feel good.

I finished, out of necessity, writing my letter for DAAD a half hour before it needed to be FedEx'ed. I rushed to put the package together and then got it there just in time.
It's almost out of my hands. All that is left is to get the second letter of reference from a prof and then mail it in.

Next step is to apply to those schools, as well as any other schools.

November will suck.


I got paid by the university AND the ballet school today AND I deposited my cheque from the telemarketing job. On my way home, I paid my outstanding dentist charges and then when I got home, I completely paid off my MasterCard. It will be a few days before I get the satisfaction of seeing the balance at zero on my computer, but I feel very very good about this!


Last night was the student composer concert. I didn't have anything played, but the other 2nd year Masters student and I were in charge of organizing it. When the show was supposed to start, there was no stage manager, so we ended up having to move all of the stands, chairs and piano between every piece! It's not the worst thing in the world, but I was really looking forward to watching the concert from the audience - but I guess there is no reward for the organization of concerts - just the satisfaction that the show went well. It did go well. I'm somewhat satisfied.

Opposite day of yesterday

I got a short-notice appointment with the Endocrinologist today = the pump process is one month and a bit ahead of schedule = I might have a pump for Christmas!
Also, I love this new doctor! He was so thorough and asked so many questions, but without an ounce of judgment - perfect for an Endo.

My new shoes are still beautiful and I still love them, but they hated me, and expressed that through the causation of bloody Achilles tendons. OUCH!

My composition lesson today was great.

Tomorrow is the dress rehearsal AND the Student Composer Concert - what fun!

Feeling extremely _____ today.

I went to the pharmacy/post office today for two things - convenient that they are both in the same store!

I had ordered shoes on ebay, and I've been feeling apprehensive about whether they would fit, or smell, or be in bad shape, different from the pictures I saw.

I had to fill some prescriptions for insulin and test strips.
In Ontario, strips are not covered by pharmacare - mostly because pharmacare doesn't exist here - the whole concept of universal healthcare... DOESN'T EXIST IN ONTARIO! Pharmaceuticals here seem to be completely privatized. No huge worries, the university has decent coverage, as long as I feed them the mountains of paperwork they seem to require to survive.

Long story short - the pharmacy claimed that the insurance company refused to cover more than one meter at one time. I have used at least 2 meters at a time for the past decade and then some. I know that I use about 200 strips a month, and I divide that number in categories for each meter so that I still use the same amount, just different types. Apparently this is not possible with the system.
Also the pharmacy filled way too many compared to what I wanted, and they didn't even have enough to give me what they had filled, so I would have to come back again to get the rest another day.
I got angry and I didn't have time to call the insurance company before class.
I was bitchy.

I tried on the shoes and they fit like a glove - meaning that I can't wear thick socks, but with nice dress socks, they fit great and they are super comfortable and they look beautiful!
I love them.
For one brief and shining moment, I was truly happy.

Then I was angry again. I was short on time, and I ran off to catch the bus to school. I dislike the bus, so I was bitchy again. I was running late, and it turned out to be the stupid bus that goes the long way around, so I was going to be late. I got to the university and decided I was too pissy to sit in a class for 2 hours, so I went to my office, grumbled there for 2 minutes before heading back home.
It was pouring rain at this point, so I was pissy. And wet.

I got home, started to work on composition, then got distracted by my pissiness and called the insurance guy. Long story short, if I fill one month at a time, separately, I can get my two types of strips. He gave me instructions to take to the pharmacy:
1)Fix the mistake you made - Don't fill more than you have, you stupid assholes!
2) Re-bill what you've already given him so that things are right, and make sure that you aren't claiming that this is 3 months worth when it is clearly only 1 month, you stupid dungheaps!
3)Bill the other strips separately as 1 months worth and all should be happy.

Surprise surprise, the dinkus at the pharmacy was not able/willing to follow these simple instructions without getting it verified by the insurance person I was talking to.
GRRR!
There is nothing that she needs to get authorized! If she follows the instructions it will simply either work, or it won't work, and then I can submit the claim manually.
I ended up leaving it all there because she couldn't get ahold of the person, so she left a message and couldn't do anything until she heard back.

In the end, I've spent probably close to 2 hours dealing with this shit.
I am not happy with it.
This is just another shining example of how terrible the health system is here.

I really do miss Manitoba at times like these.

The things I'm willing to put up with (and bitch about) in order to get an insulin pump.
At the same time, if I knew what becoming an Ontarian would be like, I never would have done it. I don't think the Insulin Pump is worth this hassle.

Over a week without posting...

I will certainly forget to mark the occasion, so I'll mention it now. Soon, I will have posted 750 times - I reckon that is a lot. I seem to be slowing down, so who knows if I'll make another milestone before finally giving up on this obviously out-of-fashion blogging craze.

The weather has cooled off quite a bit, it seems I missed sweater weather. I live for the weather from 12-18 degrees, and it seems to be hovering under 10 most of the time I'm outside, so just a little cool to be outside too much without a light jacket.

The construction on the main drag in London, right in front of my apartment, seems to be nearly, if not completely finished now.

Right now, I have two major things. I have a meeting with my adviser on Tuesday, and I need to have a lot to show for the 2 weeks since I last saw him [I have a little now, but I need much more]. DAAD is due on Nov 1'st in New York. I've printed out the scores and the application for it, so I need to finish the proposal and a few other details.
My plan is to focus solely on the thesis stuff right up until my meeting, and then spend the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday on the application.

After this application, I need to focus on the thesis and just stay focused until it's finished!
Applications will continue to taunt me - I will be applying to the three German schools associated with DAAD, as well as any Canadian, US or other schools I decide upon.

Another thing distracting me - I'm doing two quasi (unpaid) commissions for a prof at the school. One is an edit/rewrite of a piece I previously wrote and the other is something completely new. Both are close to being finished. They fall into my after-DAAD to-do pile.

Oh SHIT, I just remembered that the Student Composer Concert is on Wednesday = I will get nothing done other than supervising the dress rehearsal!

I finished my telemarketing job the other day. It was a summer job which was supposed to pay off my credit card as well as keep me alive during the summer. It kept me alive, but still hasn't done the other... A few weeks ago, I was thinking of buying a macbook ona whim, and I started applying for the student loan I had ignored, and now I realize that I should have that money out either way. I hate money and all things financial.

Ok, I need to get to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and get a heck of a lot done!

Lot's has happened this week. I voted, my friend Fork ran for MP and got a respectable voter support, although she won't be moving to Ottawa this time around.
CONGRATS, FORK!

In terms of composing, I think I reached the point at which one feels that if they don't kick it into at least moderate gear - they will fail. As a result, I have started working harder and I'm getting more done in all departments. Aside from the thesis, there are two quasi-commission thingies to get done this term. One of them should be done in a week -it's just a revision of a piece I wrote a few years ago.

I've been continuing my summer telemarketing job into the school year for a few days a week, but that job will be ending next week. I'm excited for the time I will then have to devote even further to my writing!

This DAAD application is sneaking up on me. I need to get most of it done this weekend so that I don't get myself into a sticky situation.

SSHRC and OGS were handed in on time and I feel reasonably good about them.
A composer friend from Winnipeg agrees that running off to Germany next year is a good idea, so we might do that. Maybe time off school would be the best thing - I could just go there and get a job for the year and compose/live/learn German while I'm there.
Which brings up the question - why am I even applying to schools unless I'm sure I want to go?!? At least I can defer acceptance at most schools...

These are the thoughts I have almost constantly lately - I change my mind every time they come up - I'm assuming that some clarity will come to me over the year.

I remember this time of year in my final year of undergrad... I promised myself that I would never go through the process of grad school applications again...

I lied.

I should have listened to the previous me. This year is going to kill me with paperwork. There will be three rounds of applications:
1) SSHRC and OGS - I did these last year out of requirements from UWO, this year I'm doing them just in case I decide to go to grad school.
2) Next month, I'm applying to the DAAD scholarship program. It would be money to live and study in Germany for a year. I would love to do this. No matter what else comes up, I currently feel that this is my first priority.
3)DMA applications. I will pick a few schools and apply for doctoral programs.

Basically, by the time I've finished these applications, it will be December, and I should have finished the bulk of the work on my thesis! In other words, the next few months of my life are going to be intense.
Maybe I would feel a lot better about these applications if I had a clear idea of the future. I'm not terribly inspired to do anything after this. I'm not at the point where I need to be done school, but I'm not exactly yearning to enter a doctoral program. Because I'm fairly flippant about it, I'm going to leave things up to chance - I'll apply to a bunch of things and see what opportunites come up.

Who knows, if none of these work out, I'll be applying for jobs...

I am quite enjoying having a piano in the apartment!
It is not the best instrument, but it does the job.
The action is slow and the touch is quite heavy; practicing solely on this instrument could cause some major tension issues. This piano has had a traumatic existence lately. This summer it was rebuilt - new strings and new hammers, and then it was recently moved into the apartment. Also, it is a bad time of year with changing temperatures and humidity.
I can forgive the piano though for it's shortcomings... he's over a century old! Dates aren't very specific, but the searching we've done so far dates the piano at somewhere between 1903 and 1909 ish. Pictures will come shortly.

PIANO!

When I got home from school today, the piano was already moved in! It now has several scores piled on it, and I've played a few pieces.
I'll post more about it once I play more on it, but I just wanted to post my excitement for now!

I almost convinced myself to give up on OGS and SSHRC scholarship applications, but my roommate reminded me of my old friend... logic, but the real logic, not that made up Michael logic.
I need to finish up the writeup of my plan either tonight or tomorrow so that my references can read it.
Mostly, these applications are going to ruin my birthday, haha.
I am trying to avoid my birthday tomorrow. I don't dislike birthdays, but I just don't care.
I got a great care package from my parents with little things that are exactly what I needed - dishtowels, baked goods, teas, and a kilogram of jellybellies!

I'm very excited that my Chinese friend Jon is back in Canada! He's on the other side of the country, but at least I can call him long-distance for free now. Welcome back Jon!

The piano is scheduled for delivery on Tuesday. There is construction right in front of my apartment. If it interferes with the delivery, it will likely be weeks until we get it, but I'm avoiding that possibility - I will have a piano next week!!!

I think I'm comfortable with my new pace of blogging - a little less often than the once daily posting habit.  If anyone has objections, feel free to comment, HA!

A few days after my last post, I got a phone call from the diabetes clinic informing me that there is a doctor who takes in new patients much faster than the rest.  I got referred to him, so I'm hoping to shave a few months off of the timeline.

I can't believe the month of September is into its last week already, almost.  I'm still trying to wrap up stuff from the summer, but I really didn't do much over the summer, so the work needing still to be done adds up to something insurmountable when I have a thesis that I need to write.

I'll be having my quarter-century birthday next weekend, and I couldn't really care any less.  I've never really been a big birthday person, but it seems logically that this one should be more important than usual.  Oh well!

Patience Michael, Patience...

I should have switched over to Ontario health coverage long ago, but I didn't - that doesn't really make much of a difference to the story I'm telling, but it makes a little.

I really should have gotten in touch with an Endocrinologist a LONG time ago.  I am soon going to be on a 4-6 month waiting list to see any of the London specialists.

The ontario pump coverage program (Assistive Device Program) is quite picky about the things needing to be done - and rightfully so if they are going to pay out that amount of money.

I went to an information meeting tonight and they were telling people who were already in the process to be patient...  I am much further behind them all in this process.  

As I understand, here is what I still need to do:

1) Get a referral to an Endo - I thought I had done this, but a misunderstanding on both parts means that my doctor referred me to a diabetes education centre and not a specialist.

I called some different Endos today, and the wait time at all of them is about 5 months - and that's just for a first appointment, I'm not even sure if they'll do any referrals at that point.  The one I'm asking the Doc to refer me to is booking into December and January - I'm going to go onto a cancellation list, but I'm not counting on that.

2) Get my Endo to refer me to the Diabetes Education Centre - I've already started going to some things, but apparently I still need a referral for the red-tape's sake.

3) Pass their qualifications so that they can recommend me to the ADP.

4) Wait - they were saying tonight that it could be another 3 month process to get accepted, and then longer to get the actual cheque for monthly supplies.

When all is said and done, this insulin pump might end up being a nice graduation present - coming around March or April.

Happy Graduation!!

One of the few complaints I've had about the new apartment is that the laundry dryer wouldn't completely dry my clothes. I put my clothes in the dryer today before work and it wasn't done before I left for work. I just left, figuring that I could dry my still damp clothes later on.
That was at 3pm, I got home at 11:20 and the dryer was spinning... I'm not sure if maybe my roommate put in more money into the machine before going to bed....[not likely, how would he have known?!?] or if they were just drying for over 8 hours straight.
I'd say that 80% of my wardrobe was in that dryer, so I'm really hoping that it didn't shrink everything... Mostly, I'm glad that it didn't light the clothes, or building on fire!

I worked a long shift today - from 3-11:15 pm. I would say that 8 hours is too long for telephone sales. I work again tomorrow morning. I think I'll have to quit soon because of school and general life. I need to start waking up at a reasonable hour, reliably, and evening work isn't good for that.

some new developments

Things are going pretty well.

They have finally unleashed the information and details about the insulin pump coverage. There is no age restriction, so I will be getting one.  Now, I have to start jumping through the hoops.

I need to:

Get an Ontario Health Card

Get referred to the diabetes pump training centre(which I thought I had already done... since I had an appointment with them this morning)

Get referred to an Endocrinologist so that THEY can preperly refer me to the diabetes pump training centre (see above).

Go to dieticians and information sessions about insulin pumps so that they can qualify if I am a suitable candidate for insulin pump therapy.

And who knows what else they will see fit.  Once that stuff is done, they will help me to fill in the paper work for the funding.

The good thing is that I have a good deal of certainty that I will actually be getting a pump and there is no deadline I have to deal with.  I can proceed at my own speed.

As of today, I've officially dumped my original thesis project.

This is actually a big change.  I had been dwindling the idea for a while in my mind, but only on Friday did I acknowledge to myself that it's a real possibility to dump it.  I thought of it over the weekend and, having found a suitable replacement project, I'm super confident that I'm making the right decision.

This will give me an extra few months to get things together and it eliminates a lot of the technical glitches that would certainly have gotten in the way.

I still intend to collaborate with the choreohrapher and dancers while I'm here, but not as part of an academic project.  I think this will be better for everyone involved.

New Thesis - I'm writing a piano concerto.  I'm basing it on, surprise surprise, a text by Wallace Stevens, Peter Quince at the Clavier.  The text will be spoken by the pianist while or between playing the piano.  In addition to my enjoyment of spoken text, I like this because it necessarily changes the manner in which the pianist interacts with the audience and other players.

That's all I'll say for now.  I need to find a pianist - I need to get to know some more pianists at Western... or some of them at all...

I never pawned my keyboard.  I might still, but I put it up high, so I'd need to get on a chair or ladder to get it down.

We went and saw a piano that we're going to rent this year.  It has a fixed soundboard crack, and it wasn't completely put together, but that's ok.  For thirty-five dollars a month split in two, it's good enough!

I'm worried about the lack of progress on my thesis thus far, and I'm seriously rethinking some things.  I have a meeting with my advisor on Monday, so I'll post what comes of that.

Also on Monday, I have a meeting with pump specialists - I'm going to prod them for as much info as humanly possible about the funding.  I'm thinking it's time.  The referral came very quickly, so maybe that's a sign that it's the right approach.

Tomorrow I'm going to my Uncles to celebrate my Grand-dad's 88th birthday. I'm excited to see family, and the nice home-cooked meal will be nice.

Ick, I overate tonight at the pot-luck.  It was a wonderful social event, but wine and food enter my body in excess in these kind of situations.

Tonight, I went to the first of what will soon be many back-to-school shindigs. As tomorrow is Labour day and meetings start early next week, summer is almost officially over.

I had such grand ideas and plans and expectations for this summer - I'm trying to think of even one area of my life where I even came close to those expectations. Whether it be work, productivity, health and exercise, socializing or anything else - this summer was a blatant failure.
As I claim far too often, I'm going to use this as a chance for a fresh start.

I definitely got into a bad rut during the summer. Things are different enough now that I will try to shift everything rather than little by little.

I'm excited to sell/pawn my crappy keyboard. All keyboards are crappy, so the prospect of getting a piano really excites me. Also, living right downtown, there are 2 pawnshops that I can go to within a minute walk! I can't even remember what I paid for the keyboard so I'd be happy to get anything more than fifty bucks. Of course I'll haggle with them - that's the fun part!

Things are really up in the air still, and boxes are a'clutterd, but I'm officially at home here in the new apartment.
I'm getting along great with the new roommate. We're currently looking into renting a piano for the year. This would make me beyond happy!
I'm ready in mind to get the new school year started, but not in preparation... Anyway It will be good to get the year started.

I'm moved into the new apartment and I love it!
There are still a lot of boxes in the way of feeling completely moved in, but it already felt odd going to my other apartment to clean.
It only took me 15 seconds of outside time to get to work yesterday. I could have made it last 1 or 2 minutes by going to the lights to cross, but that seemed excessive.
Once again - free cable. I'm less excited about it this time; I was actually hoping I wouldn't have it so that I could focus on work. I guess I'll have to be my own motivation this year and not get suckered into sloth.

This is my last post from my first apartment in London.
I moved a fair bit of stuff today with the help of my friend Judles and tomorrow morning I pick up the rental van. By tomorrow evening/night, I will be officially moved into the new apartment. Tomorrow is going to be a long day!
I'm very glad I have this extra week or so to move, rather than having to do everything on September 1'st. I'll have time if I forgot to pack something, or to come back and clean.

I've enjoyed this apartment, but it's time to move on. I'm convinced that the change in venue and surroundings will be exactly what I need for this next year.

Moving reminds me of how much stuff I have - I wish I had less. I'm going to donate a bunch of clothes to the goodwill - uprooting things gives the opportunity to see what you haven't worn all year.

Oh yes, I'm definitely going to enjoy the central air tomorrow night in my new apartment!

Ooopsie, I need to go to bed... staying up too late won't be good for tomorrow.

goodnight and goodbye from quaint little Cartwright St.

Today was a very productive day - and it's only 2pm!

I went and got the keys to my new apartment. Included with the apartment are a couch, a chair, and a nice round, wooden dining room table. Can you believe that every wireless network within range was secured?!? At least people are learning their lessons - but I wish there were more trusting people who like to share their networks...

I bought deodorant. The brand I use has a new flavour - I'm very excited to try it out!

I got a membership at the YMCA on my way home. I'm realizing that going back to school this year won't really give me any schedule, as I have no classes, so I'm going to use swimming in the mornings to impose some kind of daily routine. Also, the goal is to be somewhat less fat and lazy this year.

I'm up too late considering the next few days/weekend.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my department head - nothing major, just the beginning of the year thingy to make sure I have everything covered.
Friday is the day I get possession of the new apartment. I wrote out the post-dated cheques today - it took longer than I expected. I can't seem to find a car to borrow, so I don't think I'll end up doing any moving this weekend. I'll spend all of Sunday putting things in boxes and then I have a rental cargo van for Monday. So much organizing to do.

I got an email yesterday saying that I will get to coach a chamber group in improv next year, but they don't know if it will be for credit or not. Either way (possibly dependant on...) I need to come up with a projected course outline stating how I will approach the learning and implementation of improvisation and what my goals would be for the ensemble. I need to get this done quick, so I can go back to the other things on the list - compositions and thesis proposals and whatever else...

Oh my gosh, next week is the last full week of summer! School starts on the fourth, and while I know that doesn't realy have a bearing on me, it's putting things in perspective.
Yikes!

Almost a whole week...

Time seems to be moving so quickly these days.
By next weekend, I will have possession of my new apartment and I'll start to move some boxes over little by little.
In a little over 2 weeks, school will be starting.
In about 2 months, I will be fully into my thesis as well as SSHRC, and doctoral applications.
In a little over 8 months, I will be finished my Master's degree.

It's all a little much to think about at this point. I'm taking things one-thing-at-a-time - first I'll be overwhelmed by the apartment move, then with the rush to be productive in the last weeks before school, and then everything else will fall into place.

Especially after the last few weekends in Toronto, I'm thinking that I will more than likely move there in the near future. I'll apply to a few programs for DMA studies. I'll go wherever I get in, but if I don't get in anywhere, I could see myself just moving to Toronto and working there for a while. Once again, I state my complete lack of any idea of where my life is headed at this point!

Toronto this weekend was exactly what I needed.
I was mainly going to visit my friend Chris and even though he was super busy and tuckered out from excessive opera preparations, it was great to visit! I met some new friends, other singers in the same production as him. I helped him find a very decent apartment in downtown Toronto - I'm glad to know that he now has a place to live next year, and there's one more floor in Toronto that I can sleep on if need be!

I also had two separate meetings with my thesis adviser and second reader. I got some really good tips and guidance as to what I need to change, and further address in my thesis proposal.
Also, I've been given a short term deadline to start getting some musical examples underway.

It's official, I signed the lease on the awesome new apartment downtown.
The location and rent are better than I ever could have hoped! Both of the apartments were still available so we took a look at the front one with the big windows. A(u)nt fell in love with it. I was not immediately sold on it because the smaller bedroom is only a little larger than the one in which I am currently living. After a short discussion, we agreed that I'd have my workspace out in the common area - right by the beautiful big windows! That means that I will have a slightly larger bedroom to house even less stuff - I'm confident that I will be comfortable with the living arrangements.
The lease starts September first, but the landlord said we can move in as soon as the hydro is in our name - so that should happen in about a week or so!

In other news, I bought a cell phone today. It's a talk-and-pay one from Telus. I wasn't completely sold on any of the plans from any of the companies - All I want is call display and voice mail, but you have to buy an add on for any of the rate plans. The one I got includes both of those and I can keep the number active for only 10 bucks a month. If I find I'm spending enough money on calls to warrant it, I can just switch into a Telus rate plan at any time, without a contract. More than likely, I'll end up doing that in a few months - that way I'll have saved 150$ on the phone, and I won't have to pay the one-time activation fee. I guess it all depends how much I'll be using it.

I'm going to Toronto this weekend to visit my favourite new Torontonian, Chris! I also have meetings with both of my thesis advisers/readers. I'm excited to not have to work or go to church this weekend - yay!

Tomorrow at noon - Lease Signing. I'm meeting my roommate for breakfast before that.

This weekend - going to Toronto. Mostly, I'm going to visit my friend who is doing an opera program. I will also be meeting with my second reader for my thesis.

Work makes me somewhat happy - not the actual work, though it isn't terrible, but the state of having work to do. The money aspect of it is important, but there's also the fact that it gives me a schedule - albeit a bad one - which actually helps me to be productive on my writing.

Everything moves at its own pace.

It's August. Summer has gone far too quickly. I have so much writing to get done while it's still summer. All of the projects I've been working on are far behind schedule - I am going to have to buckle down right about now.

It's August. I submitted a permissions request for a set of poems last year in about June - I intended to use them for Andrea's song cycle. They told me the process would take between 8-10 weeks. By this time last year I was already expecting to hear a response. After my emails received responses but not action, by the time September rolled around, I gave up on getting the rights, so I tossed the poems aside.

Today, my parents received a 6 page contract from the publisher detailing their claim to performance and publications rights and my rights and this and that! Long story short, I'm glad I didn't wait for the response. There is a huge variation in the restrictions of a permissions agreement- sometimes they want just a token fee and you can use it like you want [One of the poems I used was this case], sometimes they only want a percentage of the profit you make [for art music, this is possibly the best], but the worst case scenario is that they want both money upfront and a cut of your profit. Although I will read it over for details, this publisher wants one-hundred pounds upfront and then 50% of any profit made owing to the use of that text.

In conclusion 8-10 weeks equals 10-14 months!

So, I had seen a great apartment right downtown the other day. I didn't have high expectations because of the cost (cheap) in relation to the other one I had previously viewed, just a block over.
I was wrong - this place was fantastic and we went full steam ahead with the rental application.
I went to drop off my application today, expecting to maybe hear back in a few days. I ended up talking to the landlord, and even before handing over my application, he was convinced that I was the right tenant.
He promised to hold the apartment for us, and next Tuesday, my roommate A(u)nt will be coming into London; we will sign the lease and it will be ours.

I am very very very excited!

Work is also going very well. I keep selling things fairly consistently. It seems that I will keep my job for a while at least!

Over the last few weeks, I've been a busy little bee , buzzing around to all sorts of apartments. Somehow, I got looking at mostly apartments around a grand a month, and that was sorta stressing me out, cause I don't want to spend that much. Mostly it was the fact that they weren't as spectacular as that first one I went to; they were making me wonder if they were worth the money, or what I would expect for that amount.

Today I went to two apartments significantly cheaper than the others and, you know what? They were AOK. One of them was carpeted througout in pink, so I'm not sure how my roommate will feel about it. The other one was a little small, so I'll pass on it. The main thing is that they were no-where near as bad as I was expecting considering the price drop.
Tomorrow I see another one in my happy price range. I don't have terribly high expectations, but we'll see. It's in the same city block as the first awesome apartment I saw downtown, but at 70% the price, I'm not sure how it will compare!

About a year ago, I went for a dilated pupil exam at my optometrist. The experience left me feeling not so hot. He looked into my eyes and told me that I had some nonproliferative retinopathy. There was nothing that I could see or feel that was wrong, and the only thing I could do was to generally improve my control. He said it wasn't anything to worry about, but I had a hard time believing him.

This morning, I went for another checkup and things were a little different. They had special retinal imaging cameras, so I actually got to see what the optometrist was seeing at a really high resolution. She pointed out the one tiny hemorrhage I have, and she compared it to examples of problem eyes. She said it was the smallest hemorrhage possible, so she's not worried at all. Now I'm not worried at all.
She actually asked if my control was worse last year, because what she saw wouldn't even warrant diagnosing nonproliferative retinopathy. She said that good control can actually improve small hemorrhages, so that might have been what happened.

Better diabetes control is always my goal, so it almost goes without saying. The prospect of having a pump does two things: immediately, I'm going to tighten control so I have better ideas of my carb ratios, and once I get my pump I will tighten control even further.

So, I'm oblivious to many things - but this one takes the cake.
Background... I've called my parents a fair number of times this last year, most of them at night, or late evening. I know my mom is a night owl, so I figured it wasn't all that bad. More than a few times, it's been 2am and I've called to chit-chat because I knew she'd still be up at midnight.
NEWSFLASH - there is only a ONE-hour time difference between London and Winnipeg!
Somehow, these times I've called at 1am just to gab, it's never come up...

Tonight however... I was thoroughly convinced that my work was greatly mistaken cause there must be a 3 hour time difference between London and Edmonton, based on my relation to Alberta based on Winnipeg. Anyway, I felt silly! Oh well... it's only been 10 months - now I know!

I can't remember the last time that I felt cool in my bedroom. I have my window open and there is a very nice cool sensation coming in. It's not breezy, just cool enough to be perfect.

After making two sales last night, I made another sale at work tonight. I'm not delusional enough to think that it's going to continue easily, but I'll admit it feels good to be doing well-ish at work.

Just in time - please don't tease me.

Read this, well mostly just the first paragraph.

Long story short, I might be getting an insulin pump. I'm in touch with my nurse/insulin pump supplier lady and she says that we'll know what we can do later this week.
This would be a wonderful birthday present!

Sometime in the last few days, I reached a decision that I've been pondering for a while - I am going to do doctoral studies after I finish my masters at Western.
While this might think like an early thought considering I've only half-finished my current degree, but applications for grad schools is December-ish.
Uh oh, I'm realizing that that is the same time as my tentative deadline for my un-orchestrated thesis.
Never mind, it will all get done, and done well!

This means lots of things: moving to somewhere new and exciting (a big city, perhaps), settling down for about 4 years (maybe being reunited with Perta, my long lost Czech lover), and who knows what else!
I've looked at a few schools; I'd like to avoid the GRE if possible, but I would like to apply at a few U.S. schools. I'm not going to think too much about it at the moment - lots to still do. Once I start meeting with my thesis adviser, I will also ask him for some thoughts/advice.

I hate this feeling I'm having right now. I can barely describe it, other than just extreme frustration. There's no logic or specific target, just irritation and frustration.

It's not uncommon. I either feel this way when my sugars are low, but not too low; or when I'm overly hot and humid.
I hate this weather.

It's currently causing me to be more passive-aggressive than normal. Now, more than any other time in my life, I'm exhibiting much caution in what I say/how I react to others.
Normally, I try to be fairly direct, but I know if I am direct while feeling this way, I will get myself in trouble.

I really really really want to bitch and tell someone off right now, but I'm biting my tongue. On one hand, it's better that I don't speak my mind because I might go overboard, but there's also the concern that I'm not speaking for my side of the problem...
I will find a way to speak my mind sometime this weekend while I'm in an air-conditioned room.


I think I was dehydrated this evening. I had a rare headache tonight - I say rare, because I can count on my hands the number of non diabetes-related headaches I've had in my life, and this was one of them.

Sprouting off of the good-news tree, I made another sale tonight! The new campaign was not so hot, but it will get better.
Speaking of work, I work tomorrow morning... Yuck, but fun!

God I hate this heat - it feels like 31 out, and there's no air conditioning/air circulation in my room.

In conclusion, I'm pissy, but not too badly.

Today, I will be adding a second campaign to my telephone job. Still to date, I've only made one sale.
Rather than just working 4-hour shifts, I will now be working 6 hour shifts - basically a 50% earnings increase. Plus, my theory is that the more I work, the more likely I am to make more sales.

In other news, it's damned hot outside; I dislike it immensely.

I double checked some deadlines for some of the summer projects I've taken on and it turns out to be some good news. One of them is nowhere near as pressing as I thought, so I will set it aside for the rest of the summer and I'll have more time for the other things.
While I'm still not getting things done, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting things done.

Apartment - Cleaned!
Because I know you're fascinated about details...
Living room - I moved my computer out and back into the bedroom. Also got rid of the general clutter.
Bedroom - filed everything! I organized all my paperwork, finances, compositions etc. from this year into appropriate places. I will be well organized for taxes next year.
Bathroom - it's never fun, but it's done.
Kitchen - the floor could use a wash-down, but let's not go overboard. I've also been using this as a quasi office, though it remains organized.

I sent out emails today in search of deadlines. I have quite a few projects on the go, and none of them are really moving forward because I don't really know when they need to be specifically finished. If I don't hear back in a few days, I'll set my own deadlines and get things done quickly. I do realize that I could have done that earlier, but [insert convincing justification here] - so there!

My plan is to have my thesis done (excluding orchestration) for around this time in December. That means I have 6 months left! So far, I have a pretty good plan of how I will approach and control the musical elements of the piece.
Here we go!

I missed an important update - I made my first sale at work. I made a mistake, forgot to ask which day the subscription was for, but the main thing is that I made a sale!
I'm not too sure what the quota situation is, but I knew that if you didn't make a sale in your first two weeks, you would be fired. Luckily, I made mine shortly after one week. Now I feel work is getting better and easier. In all honesty, I quite enjoy the job - the people are great and the work isn't all that bad either.

Lately, I've had this sense of refreshment - that things are good.

Now I'm going to clean my apartment from head to toe!

Went to Toronto tonight.
This was the trip I thought I would be having all last year...

Went in for a friend's show.
Met another friend for coffee and random city wandering.
Had dinner in cafe with the friend who was doing the show - caught up, it was great. That friend is doing really well - busy with this show and Canada Council Grant next year - she is doing well!
The show was actually an exhibition - I made a new contact with one of the other artists at the show. Gave him a business card, maybe something cool with come of it.
Bus trip home - felt lame about leaving Toronto at 10:30 on a Friday night, but talked the entire ride home with 2 awesome ladies. Went for drinks in London with 2 awesome ladies. Gave out some business cards. As a result, I now have a new photographer friend in London, and a recording engineer in Toronto.

Anyway, before I left for the day, I had a viewing at a super awesome apartment. I showed pictures to my future roommate and we agree, we want it. Now we go ahead with securing the place, by any means necessary. The lowdown - it's beautiful, hardwood floors, right downtown, walk-in closet, all inclusive, air-conditioner included with remote control, keypad door entry, and a waiting room in the hallway for guests. Oh, wait... the kitchen appliances include - fridge, stove, dishwasher and... wait for it... a wine cooler. Oh ya, and the wood-burning stove adds a certain je ne sais comment dire que c'est le meilleur apartment dans le monde!!!...

ok, it's late and I work demain.
Bonne Nuit!