Often times, I read online about other bloggers who grew up with diabetes. They have a special, close connection with their parents - specific to diabetes.

I am jealous of that.

Whenever I talk to my parents about diabetes, it's not much different than talking to strangers. They have some basic knowledge about it, but it's from standards that were in practice 10-20 years ago. I also get frustrated, because they treat my diabetes like they did when I was 12...

This is my own doing.

I'd always been a decently well-behaved kid, but I was fiercely stubborn and independent. In my teens, this became even more prominent. At some point, my parents much have perceived an ultimatum:

'Do we continue pressing Michael for information, struggling to get blood-sugars out of him, peering over his shoulder to see what his reading was, reminding him to test, asking him to write down his BGs, take his insulin?

or should we trust that he can take care of himself and hope that he will become slightly more open?'

I don't want anyone to mistake the second option for 'giving up' because it certainly isn't. They knew that I was testing regularly and taking my insulin. I had shown that I was proactive, I would get my own juice if I was low, they would find juice boxes and granola bar wrappers lying around which they knew meant I had treated a low. Looking back, it's clear that they were trying to have an open dialogue with me about my diabetes. It's even more clear that I wasn't ready or willing to have that at that time.

My parents chose the second option. They pulled back and stopped pestering little Michael. I was relieved and happy. I continued doing everything the same, maintaining decent control and strengthening my independence and problem-solving abilities.

Reverse psychology actually worked - I started writing my BGs down in the book. When they weren't always asking to see my glucose book, I was more free about leaving it lying around. I honestly don't know if they were looking at it or not when I wasn't around.

Because of this new freedom, things got better; everyone was more relaxed and our non-diabetes relationship improved. Diabetes was my private, autonomous area.

Now, this is the part I regret....

Independence turned to isolation.

While I was opening up, I wasn't making it apparent. I secretly craved that overseeing that I had fought so hard against. Nevertheless, I continued to do everything myself. Every successful diabetic moment reinforced my independence. Where my parents had once attended Endocrinologist appointments with me, now they were only getting the A1C number. As long as that number wasn't going up, they were happy. That became their sole measure of my diabetes, and it started to have less and less tangible meaning. It certainly had no bearing on my day-to-day life.

This is where my parents and I are today, and have been for the last decade or so.

I love them dearly and I'm grateful that they've helped me become so independent.

I just feel that there is no one in the world who knows about my diabetes. I remember once being in the hospital and the doctor wanted to take me off long-acting insulin and put me on a drip. I was naive enough to think that they knew what they were doing. It was the worst control I've ever been under!

Sometimes you just want to feel like there's someone out there that's got your back...

One more thing - I love(/hate) the online community, but even there, there are so few friends who share my situation. Most diabetic bloggers are people who've come into it later in the game. I only have one real life friend and follow one blogger (Kerri at SUM) who are Type 1 since childhood. It may seem super picky, but I think when you were diagnosed makes a huge difference in how you live your life.

Ok, enough blabbering for today. I don't intend to sounds down on myself here, I just realized that I've never blogged about this in detail and it's something that is a huge part of me as a person.