Today's the day of the big concert. My dress rehearsals went quite well and I'm feeling prepared for tonight. Since they started so early and I went to bed quite late, I came home and napped. I'm going to practice a little bit more to secure up some sections.

I still haven't decided if I'm really one of those performers that practices right up to the last minute, or if I need to leave things a bit to breath before the performance. It all depends on how prepared I am to begin with. Part of me wants to relax for the rest of the afternoon, but I shan't allow it!

Tomorrow I only have one piece to preform in a concert, same thing on Saturday; I feel like the year is starting to wind down.

Almost feels like autopilot

This weekend was almost thoughtless in terms of dedicated practicing. I had a couple hundred pages of ballet music to review/learn for the workshop I played today, as well as rehearsals and a creative meeting with an artistic collaborator of mine. I plugged away at the work I needed to do and I got it done.

Today was the ballet workshop. It went well, though it ran overtime through my breaks. My arms and brain are tired, so I won't be practicing tonight.

At the same time, I need to start doing some reading and research for a final paper.

Oh ya - I never updated, because nothing happened...

That string of bad luck my quartet was having.... well, it ended before it got to me. I suppose bad things do come in threes, so I'm lucky to be the fourth member of that ensemble!

Wow, I'm really scatterbrained right now - probably shouldn't be trying to blog, but oh well!

Good night!

I must have a lesson tomorrow, I'm procrastinating like nobody's business!

Website update:

the dot-com is out the door and the new version is available here:

www.michaelpark.ca

Short and sweet! The website has some more information on it - a bunch of the formatting stuff is fixed and it's a lot easier for me to work with, meaning I'll keep it more up-to-date.

Really, as if I didn't complain enough about the one 9am appointment I had....

They booked me for a diabetic retinopathy check-up tomorrow at 9:15 am. I have a lesson tomorrow and I'd really like to pull an all-nighter... Tomorrow is going to suck eitherway. If I stay up and get lots of work done, I'll be tired for a super long day tomorrow filled with pupil dilation, lesson, rehearsals and teaching OR reveal to my teacher just how little I've been focusing on composition lately...

Both are horrible options.

The scariest part is that I don't have money for diet coke - my paycheck still hasn't come through and it's almost 24 hours late. I will have to eat 2 meals on the go tomorrow, it would be much much much easier if at least one of those could be bought - so I'm really hoping that the money is there when I wake up. Actually, I'll sleep much better if it's there before I go to sleep.

Anyway - time to work!

Yesterday morning, I had a first appointment with my new Vancouver endocrinologist. The only complaint I have is that it was at 9 in the morning!

Obviously they don't know me very well. Really - first thing in the morning? hours before I normally wake up? What silly scheduling!

He was super nice and our diabetes aesthetic approaches are in line - something I've lost sight of recently:

Diabetes should be something that is incorporated into one's daily life. Considering it is something that you'll live with for the rest of your life, obsessing over it will cause more stress than it will benefit.

Over these last few years, I've been getting more and more caught up in the diabetes blogosphere which seems to be characterized by the control-obsessed minority if diabetics out there (no offense intended). I'm certainly not defending the considerable portion of the diabetic population who are ignorant of their own condition and don't put in the effort to make any improvements whatsoever, but I notice myself obsessing and it leads me - not to improvements, but apathy.

There are many routes to success in life and diabetes. At this point in the road, it's good to remind myself that the obsessive route isn't the one for me. The route of regularity is also not mine, at least not at this point in my life... I'll continue to search out my route; maybe I've already found it and just need the words to describe it. Who knows?!

Am I Superstitious?

I'm not really a superstitious person.

With that said, I'm sure that some great tragedy is going to befall me next Sunday.

For Sonic Boom, I'm playing in a quartet - piano, violin, cello, and clarinet. Slowly, each member of the ensemble has been picked off with an instance of bad luck.

Rehearsal One:

Violinist arrives frazzled, having rushed to find a replacement instrument after their violin mysteriously went missing.

Rehearsal Two:

Cancelled the morning of; cellist goes to hospital with severe stomach pain.

Rehearsal Three:

Clarinetist arrives frazzled, having been in a mild-to-moderate car accident earlier that day.

Rehearsal Four:

To be continued...

Pianotastic!

Here is the promotional poster for Sonic Boom 2010.

The festival is fast approaching and I am excited to be a part of it in different capacities - I will have one of my own pieces performed, as well as I will be playing in 4 pieces as a pianist.

April 8th is the day to remember, so if you're in Vancouver, come on out to The Western Front.

The first 2 weeks of April will be very intense for me - a full-day ballet workshop, Sonic Boom, and accompanying a violin recital, but I'm up for the challenge!

The rest of the month doesn't really calm down much. A final student composer concert to help organize, the premiere of my new choral pieces, and wrapping up the academic year will keep me on my toes.

In other news, I have an appointment with my new endocrinologist on Monday at 9am. First off - why so early?!?!?! Second, I almost forgot. The bloodwork is from a while ago, so good thing I didn't have to do fresh stuff. 2 days of sugar/food records will just have to be enough. in all honest, diabetes apathy is at an all-time high - I haven't seen a diabetic counsellor or social worker in a long time and I think it's about time I change that. I WANT diabetes to be more or a priority than I've let it be lately, I just need help to make that happen.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging as much as I would like lately... I'll try to have little updates more often.

Two new additions to the living room.

1)The long-awaited piano.

It makes me incredibly happy! The silent feature is awesome and there are not enough words to describe how helpful it is and will be.

It looks super shiny, but it's actually 32 years old - I checked the serial number and it was made sometime in 1978. Nevertheless, it sounds good and the action is clean and responsive. With a big concert only 2 and a half weeks away, it could not wait any longer.

Sitting on the music stand is the newest knit creation. His name, in my mind, shall be Teddy Chach. I made him for a friend who is expecting a baby any day now. It was a bit of a fiasco getting the stuffing... I called about 5 or 6 craft places within reasonable travel distance, but they were all sold out and waiting on backorders for the last 2 or 3 weeks. I imagine that there was some kind of trade embargo on polyester, probably stemming all the way from the 60's, something to do with leisure suits...

Anyway, I finally got a call from one of the stores, informing me that they had finally gotten the shipment in, but it was too late. My mother solved the situation. She sent me an Easter care package which was tenderly packed with polyfil stuffing! It was the perfect amount to stuff Teddy Chach and some left over for my next project!

Anyway, things are going well and my roommate and I are both excited to have the piano in the apartment, though it means we have to redecorate/shift furniture around, but that's not much of an inconvenience!

excitement!

So, this had better be the last post I have to write about being excited for my piano....

I finally have the money put in the right places.

Despite my schedule running almost straight through from 11am-8pm, I'm going to try to squeeze half an hour in at the piano store so that I can get the paperwork done for the rental. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it delivered by the end of the week, or weekend.

Minestrone Soup

So, I mentioned that I was going to make Minestrone soup a while ago. It took me a while to get around to it, but I did it today!

Actually, instead of using my big soup pot, I used the other toy I bought from the thrift shop that day - my slow cooker!

Here's the recipe, to start.

I made a few changes... well, a lot... but it turned out super delicious!

I used a different brand of Italian dressing, sorry Kraft.

I didn't have celery at all, so I left it out.

For carrots, I picked them out of my frozen California mixed vegetables.

I used chicken broth instead of vegetable, and I got confused as to whether all broth is concentrated, which I've concluded it is if it comes from a can.

I used egg noodles instead of pasta and I completely forgot the parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning, though I have some parmesan that I can add into it when I eat it.

The biggest problem though, was that the recipe was meant for a much larger slow cooker... there was actually no room for any water. I cooked it anyway and then I just added water when I served myself a bowl.

I'm actually happy it turned out that way; it tasted great AND now it will be easier to store - it's like a canned soup, just add water and heat!

In conclusion - the recipe was SUPER EASY and tastes great.

I'm super glad my slow cooker didn't start a fire - you never know what you're getting from the thrift shop...

In another conclusion, slow cookers are the greatest thing ever - The soup literally only took 15-20 minutes of prep and then it was delicious the next time I opened it up! Best investment ever!

a weekend for resting

So, last weekend, I did 90% of the work for my choral piece - I had set the deadline as Monday. Saturday night, I was up until 8am before sleeping and then I finished the piece around 4am Sunday night/Monday morning.

Next on my list was a paper due on Thursday. It took me all of Monday and Tuesday to do the readings. I figured I had all day Wednesday to write the paper, but surprise, I had classes and teaching in the evening. I got a wee bit done, but it wasn't until around 9 or 10 that I started writing. It wasn't that long of a paper, but it took me until 10 am to finish. I gave it a quick once-over to make sure it made sense, printed it.

I set every alarm I had in my room and went to sleep, knowing I could get 2 hours of sleep before class at 1:30. The class was very long, I drank a lot of coffee and I made it through the day, going to bed at a normal time.

I slept for 11 hours and it was great!

Even though I'm not tired tired, I'm feeling a little worn down.

(oops, started writing this hours ago and forgot to publish, so I'm publishing now and not finishing this train of thought...)

I was up until 8am last night. I then slept into the afternoon and started working again. It is 1am right now and I feel very close to being finished. This has been an intense end of the weekend, but I feel enlivened. I need to remember to not get myself caught up in writer's block or procrastination - it's much more rewarding to just ignore them. Let's hope I can remember that when I don't have deadlines looming.

Tonight will see a much earlier pillow-time, but the deadlines aren't gone for another few days. Once this piece is finished, there are many articles to read and a paper to write, as well as piano pieces to learn, etc.

Good night!

I'm actually getting work done tonight and I think I can get the piece finished this weekend.

In other news, I got lightbulbs today.

Normally, this wouldn't be newsworthy, but I had been without switch-operated lighting for over a week. Just days before the ceiling light burnt out, I had bought a floor lamp for my room; because of this, I did not treat the light burning out as the tragedy it truly was. For a short while, since we had an electrician staying on our couch, I debated the possibility of changing the wiring so that the light switch would control my lamp as a viable alternative to getting new light bulbs. Laziness prevented this from actually occurring.

Since going off the pump, I've been using Lantus from the 10ml vials. While the syringes were a nice reminiscence for a bit, I've been missing my fancy Eli Lilly pen that I was using for Lantus when I was in Ontario. I hope I just left this in Winnipeg during the move, and didn't throw it out. Anyway, I can't make sense of why, because I store it in the fridge, but the vials of Lantus seem to be expiring or losing efficacy near the end of each vial... after 2 days of high sugars, I finally switch bottles and my sugars magically return to normal. Long story short, they now have the Lantus in prefilled pens - 5*3ml - and I got those yesterday. They actually include a disposable pen with each cartridge - seems a little wasteful, but then again, what isn't wasteful about prescription packaging! While these pens aren't as nice as the Lily one, they're decent - a big step up from the previous Solo star pen I used a few years back!

Oops, I got distracted - back to work with me!

Procrastination has been high lately, mostly because I have to finish a choral piece this weekend... ie by tomorrow. It's a monumental amount of work, but I'll make it happen. I'm already a week behind my personal deadline for this piece, and I'm not willing to postpone again!

I went with my roommate and a friend to Costco today. I bought lots of diet coke, so all-nighters will be fueled this weekend.

Piano rental shopping was a little ridiculous. Last year, my roommate and I paid for delivery in advance and then paid a monthly rental rate, ca 35$/month. At the first place I went, the rate for the piano I wanted was 59$/month, but they had a 500$ non-negotiable deposit. I was not expecting this, so I couldn't just go ahead. At the second place I looked, they had no deposit, but the rental rate was a whopping 180$/month for a similar piano. I called a few other places to find out that they mostly all have similar deposits, so I will suck it up and rent from the first place.

Now, about the piano:

Yamaha Silent Piano, google it!

Apparently, the technology has been around for 20 years, but no-one really knows or talks about it. There are tons of forums online for people looking for a good quality digital piano because they need it to be silent, but they're unsatisfied with the action/feel. For a long time, 'apartment pianos' have a mechanism that puts a felt cloth between the hammers and the strings so that it sounds a lot quieter, but this slows down the hammer movement and it's still audible.

The piano I will be getting is actually SILENT! With the silent pedal engaged, the hammers stop a few millimeters short of the keys - you get the same feel of the piano action, but none of the sound. At the same time, there are optical sensors underneath, translating the key and pedal motions into midi information. It has midi in/out so I can make the piano sound however I like through the speakers, but more importantly I can hook it up to do notation on my computer. Basically, the piano has everything I could want. When I get my next paycheck, I'll be acquiring said piano!

Ok, back to composing...!

lab results are in...

I got a referral appointment acceptance letter from my new Endocrinologist's office today. That was super quick, but I guess they were just waiting for the results from my latest bloodwork.

Speaking of, I also got the results of said bloodwork, which was for Cholesterol and Creatine. My creatine is fine, but cholesterol is teetering just barely outside of the happy range.

[Michael, take this as a kick in the butt and make that lifestyle change thing happen!!]

I'm not sure if it's so bad that they'll be putting me on a prescription, but I'm hoping I'll get an ultimatum. As in, I want to give myself that ultimatum, but it sounds more convincing from a doctor...

In reading up on how to raise my good cholesterol and lower my bad, I found that people should avoid a diet where the majority of calories come from carbohydrates...

I know the answer, but is it bad that my brain followed the logic thusly:

'Grain alcohols like rye have calories but no carbs, maybe I should just drink more...'?

I know it seems like I'm treating this too flippantly, but welcome to diabetic apathy! I'm fighting it every step of the way.

Fin des olympiques!

After a relaxing two-week reading break, the Olympics have come to a close. In their wake, I have an Olympic amount of work coming at me this week.

I will be finishing the second of my two choral pieces within the next few days.

On Thursday, I will be presenting/leading the discussion in my seminar class.

For my contemporary players course, I will start learning one or two new pieces to be performed sometime this next month or two.

I will be learning 4 pieces (one of those is my own Piano Trio) for the Sonic Boom new music festival, to be performed on April 8th.

I still need to line up a baritone for my conversational piece 'Gramps Ain't No Namby-Pamby'.

I will be teaching piano lessons on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.

Because of the piano-heavy nature of my tasks that lie ahead, I'm going tomorrow piano shopping. Ish. The piano-teaching income, in addition to helping pay down debt, will free up some budget room to rent a piano. I've been finding it increasingly hard to survive without a piano. Nevertheless, I have and I will continue to do so, for a short while longer. With any luck, I'll have a piano by next week!

Often times, I read online about other bloggers who grew up with diabetes. They have a special, close connection with their parents - specific to diabetes.

I am jealous of that.

Whenever I talk to my parents about diabetes, it's not much different than talking to strangers. They have some basic knowledge about it, but it's from standards that were in practice 10-20 years ago. I also get frustrated, because they treat my diabetes like they did when I was 12...

This is my own doing.

I'd always been a decently well-behaved kid, but I was fiercely stubborn and independent. In my teens, this became even more prominent. At some point, my parents much have perceived an ultimatum:

'Do we continue pressing Michael for information, struggling to get blood-sugars out of him, peering over his shoulder to see what his reading was, reminding him to test, asking him to write down his BGs, take his insulin?

or should we trust that he can take care of himself and hope that he will become slightly more open?'

I don't want anyone to mistake the second option for 'giving up' because it certainly isn't. They knew that I was testing regularly and taking my insulin. I had shown that I was proactive, I would get my own juice if I was low, they would find juice boxes and granola bar wrappers lying around which they knew meant I had treated a low. Looking back, it's clear that they were trying to have an open dialogue with me about my diabetes. It's even more clear that I wasn't ready or willing to have that at that time.

My parents chose the second option. They pulled back and stopped pestering little Michael. I was relieved and happy. I continued doing everything the same, maintaining decent control and strengthening my independence and problem-solving abilities.

Reverse psychology actually worked - I started writing my BGs down in the book. When they weren't always asking to see my glucose book, I was more free about leaving it lying around. I honestly don't know if they were looking at it or not when I wasn't around.

Because of this new freedom, things got better; everyone was more relaxed and our non-diabetes relationship improved. Diabetes was my private, autonomous area.

Now, this is the part I regret....

Independence turned to isolation.

While I was opening up, I wasn't making it apparent. I secretly craved that overseeing that I had fought so hard against. Nevertheless, I continued to do everything myself. Every successful diabetic moment reinforced my independence. Where my parents had once attended Endocrinologist appointments with me, now they were only getting the A1C number. As long as that number wasn't going up, they were happy. That became their sole measure of my diabetes, and it started to have less and less tangible meaning. It certainly had no bearing on my day-to-day life.

This is where my parents and I are today, and have been for the last decade or so.

I love them dearly and I'm grateful that they've helped me become so independent.

I just feel that there is no one in the world who knows about my diabetes. I remember once being in the hospital and the doctor wanted to take me off long-acting insulin and put me on a drip. I was naive enough to think that they knew what they were doing. It was the worst control I've ever been under!

Sometimes you just want to feel like there's someone out there that's got your back...

One more thing - I love(/hate) the online community, but even there, there are so few friends who share my situation. Most diabetic bloggers are people who've come into it later in the game. I only have one real life friend and follow one blogger (Kerri at SUM) who are Type 1 since childhood. It may seem super picky, but I think when you were diagnosed makes a huge difference in how you live your life.

Ok, enough blabbering for today. I don't intend to sounds down on myself here, I just realized that I've never blogged about this in detail and it's something that is a huge part of me as a person.

Post 950

As the first half of my Olympic sized (2 week) reading week comes to a close, I realize just how little I've gotten done, and how quickly time passes!

I've gotten some stuff done, but the bulk of everything will happen this week.

Keeping me looking forward is the confirmation of my first professional, paid engagement as a pianist. Though I've been paid to play piano before, that was always within the educational system - school recitals or festivals.

I will have more details as they come together, but I will be playing three pieces in a concert at one of Vancouver's new music festivals in April.

I'm reasonably certain that getting this gig had something to do with the success of the 'Michael Park and Friends' concert, which was one of my intentions: to promote myself through that concert in order to get further professional opportunities. While the upcoming concert is an end in itself, it also presents further opportunities to promote myself for additional opportunities. Hooray for feet in doors!

In other news, one of my nearest and dearest friends recently got engaged. Suffice it to say, no one ever thought they would see the day that she would settle down, but that day has come! This is such exciting and happy news, I can't wait for the extravagant party that will ensue!

Slowly getting into the Olympic spirit

I'm not a big sports person... that is, I'm not really interested in sports at all.

The Olympics haven't really changed that, but I'm getting more into the Olympic spirit. I've even watched a few events with online streaming; more accurately, I've looked at the screen and paid slight attention when my roommate is engulfed in the events coverage.

It can be argued that the olympics have had either a terrible or wonderful effect on my sleeping habits. This is because I am taking advantage of the free things that the city has to offer lately.

The other day, I went zip-lining over downtown Vancouver!

Click here to see a video of me kicking/flailing/screaming.

It was free, but you had to wait in line to beat the crowd. It opened at 10am, so we got there at 7:45 am to secure our spot in the line. There were about 40 people in front of u

s, so we we zipping sometime just before 11 am.

I drank a lot of coffee, but it was still super early for me!

Tonight, I am faced with a similar challenge - another fantastic opportunity tomorrow morning. Some friends and I are going to see a taping of Stephen Colbert, but they tape at 9am, so we're leaving at 7:15 am... YIKES! Nevertheless, he is my favourite television personality so I will surely be there!

Ok, enough about the mornings.

There is a new addition to my animal family: a teddy bear.

His name is Ghetto Bear.

He is pretty awesome, in case you can't tell.

My roommate made his sunglasses because I am not good at making eyes and noses. They were creepy, but now they're cool!

Much like the elephant, he has multiple colours.

It's hard to have enough yarn for a whole project...

There is another bear that is all one colour in the works. I'm just waiting to get fiberfill instead of plastic bags because I'll be giving that one to an infant - safety first!

Anyway, off to bed for me; nobody wants a cranky Mikey tomorrow.

The Low that Your Body Fights!

Yesterday, I did an intense Kung Fu class. I ache from over-using muscles I didn't even know I had, haha!

Exercise effects you differently depending on intensity, but this time my sugars were elevated for the rest of the day. They had come down in the evening and before going to bed, they seemed to stabilize around 5.6 mmol. I went to bed sore from Kung Fu, but comfortable.

About an hour later, I woke up cold and my jaw was shaking, feeling kind of nauseous. I had a feeling I was low so I tested and was 5.4 - certainly not low enough for this reaction and seemed to be stable. I drank some water and readied myself for vomiting, but that just wasn't right. I tested with another machine and I was 5.7 - everything seemed stable as a mule.

Luckily, I've had this type of low before - the only reason your sugars are stable is because your body is turning its glycogen into glucose like nobody's business! This takes a LOT out of your body, so you feel horrible.

I was so tired, but I couldn't allow myself to sleep - my body couldn't keep it up; if I went to sleep, I likely wouldn't wake up.

I poured myself a glass of juice and drank it. Testing a few minutes later - 4.3 and dropping.

Long story short, I spent the next hour drinking juice and occasional granola bars. I would test every once in a while, but my sugars were staying the same. I stopped when my sugars went up to 7.5 and seemed to stay there between tests.

I must have consumed at least 150 carbs last night (likely more) to treat this massive low.

The rest of the night sucked. I woke up every few hours and I was unbelievably sore. Part of that was due to Kung Fu, but a lot of it was leftover from the toll this low took on my body.

In other news, today I bought a crock pot AND a stock pot from the local thrift shop!

I think I'm going to try my hand at a minestrone soup sometime in the next few days. There are a lot of recipes out there that seem quite different from each other, so I'd love to hear any recommendations.

I'm falling behind...

I'm falling behind... in my blogging, that is.

I've been doing pretty well with keeping up with my studies and all that.

The 'Michael Park and Friends' concert last week was a great success. I felt very happy with the performances, it was well attended, and from what I gather, it was well liked.

I'm currently writing a pair of songs for a choir at school. They will start working hard on them after reading break. I have one of them completed and handed in so they can look at it during the final rehearsal before break, and I'll finish the other over break.

I feel like everything in life is sorta, finally coming together.

Through Manitoba connections, I have a performance lined up for my thesis... 3.5 years down the road. It seems ridiculously early, but foresight is the key!

I've been teaching piano a lot lately - subbing for a friend. In addition, I have 3 students of my own that I teach privately, and I just got a job at a studio. Only one student to start, but it promises to start adding up - and it better; the studio is an hour away from home. The current 2 hours of travel time for half an hour of teaching seems like a bad balance... If I can get a few hours or more on one night, that would be incredibly helpful. The added income is welcomed, and becoming more of a priority!

This has been a busy, and slightly stressful, first half of the term, but next week is reading break and the Olympics. After the break, there will only be a month of class left in the first year of my DMA!

Anyway, let's not get ahead of ourself, Michael...