worst lesson ever.
not during, but after I actually felt myself having to hold back tears. I just wanted to lock myself in a practice room and work ont he bastard Haydn piece I butchered in my lesson, but the only room openw as the one across from my teacher's studio... and that wasn't going to happen. I was getting frustrated and it was not good. Eventually I found a room and I was less physically emotional. I was calmer, but my mind was in a bit of a flurry.
Luckily I remained fairl on task with practicing, but I kept wondering to what degree my teacher was right.... 'have I really not developed any tenacity or perseverance since I've been in school?'
I felt angry and guilty that I had even done a lesson today since I knew it was going to be bad.
The stupidest thing was that I tried to play it from memory today. I was totally not prepared for that.... it was actually the first time I had tried to play the whole thing without the music.... it's just it had been feeling more and more comfortable and I had been practicing sections without music for a bit now...
Anyway, the moral is that i wasn't prepared and I chose to present that to my teacher in a lesson. He wants me to focus solely on that piece between now and the Jury...the good thing being that it gives me the license to focus just on that. well and the ensemble piece I'm composing and on the rest of application stuff, oh and the new music ensemble performances coming up and the diabetes dinner I'm playing at, and assignments and whatever else I'm forgetting...
Speaking of assignments, I should get around to doing that orchestration thingy for tomorrow... yay!