So, I've been trying to do this grant application for the past few days...
I got myself down to the university to order another transcript the other day and it will be ready for me tomorrow, and all the other paperwork seems to be coming together, except for the damned statement of career goals.
This has probably been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to write. I know it will be good for me to have organized my thoughts and put them on paper and then I can evaluate them and know if my plan is good or not..... FUCK!
Am I honestly supposed to know what I want to do and plan a way to stick to it?!? Not bloody likely!
As a result, I just started writing things today, and the word document had been blank all of Monday and Tuesday. But it's so unproductive, second guessing the wording of everything I'm writing. I'm trying to make it sound the best while keeping a smidgen of honesty, but I just know they won't give money to someone who writes "I'm doing my master's because they're paying me to do it, if someone wants to pay me to do a doctorate too, great, then I'll do that. Or maybe I'll try to sell my music to people, if they pay me for it, yay! If I keep with school, then I'll try to get a tenure position and then I can have money and that would be easier than struggling... but if that doesn't pan out, I'm good with struggling too!"

Truthfully, I just want to make music, and I hope that I can make a living at it.

Can't we all just get along!??!