It's so wonderful to have work to do now, but not having to worry about it interfering with finding time to do that thing of which I am no longer allowed to blog about.
I still have music to learn for my Jury and some songs to accompany for someone else's jury, but my time in a practice room has seemed so much more laid back.
I have lots of Theory marking to do this weekend, apparently I need them done before 10am Monday morning... which means I will take them to the school Sunday night... cause we all know how I feel about the mornings..
Two more assignments to do for this piano pedagogy class and then the exam - gosh, I cannot wait for this, my last academic class, to be over with!
I also have a composition lesson next wednesday.. I still have nothing composed. My teacher is really easy going and I think he'll be fine with that, but I want to make use of the last few lessons before I'm on my own to prepare for my Graduate Studies.
Wow, minor freakout that I have to relearn everything that I learned for the insanity of entrance exams!!! argh! Oh well, that's a summer project.
Other summer projects:
-Doing a soundtrack for a dance film. The producer doesn't want traditional music, so who knows what I'll come up with.
-Making billions of dollars doing random work
-If I have time, I'm going to re-teach myself piano technique so I can implement it into my improvisations. Also, it should help me build some of the skills I should have developed before or at the beginning of my undergrad.
Ooh, earlier this evening, I did some online banking.... long story short - I've paid off the lingering credit card debt from Xmas/Vegas completely and I have a couple of month's rent in a savings account. It's a meager start, but the summer hasn't even begun. I don't plan on doing any traveling or anything that will cost lots of money, so I'm going to try and put as much money away as possible. I figured it's about time I start treating my finances responsibly...
In other news, I started giving parts to people for a recording/performance of my ensemble piece I wrote last term. I'm hoping to get it recorded soon after school's out, but it's kinda bad timing and there are limited resources for some instruments.
Fingers crossed and thumbs pressed!
Friday, March 30, 2007
I got two letters in the mail today:
a)Official Acceptance letter from grad studies at U of Alberta.
2)Letter from U of M grad studies informing me that I did not get a Grad Fellowship.
These letters mean:
1)I can officially leave, I have somewhere else to go, I'm not tied down to Winnipeg any longer.
b)There is nothing even to encourage me to stay, even if I was thinking of it....
Now I play the game of balancing my options.. BUT the problem is that U of A won't know the funding situation until mid-April, but I have to respond to Western by late-April, meaning that I really only have a week or two to actually make my decision.
(Those of you who know me well, know how I feel about decisions; There's a reason why I always order chicken fingers and caesar salad, then I don't have to actually make a decision.)
Anyway, this gives me a good chance to weigh the programs and teachers and facilities and cities and health coverage and all the things that aren't scholarships and assess which program I actually like better. Once I have made that decision, I will be able to and ready to bring the money aspect into the picture. I have a feeling it will come down to two big issues:
3) Am I willing to go to my second choice simply because my financial situation would be better?
D) How much extra work would I have to do in order to pay the bills, and would that extra time commitment distract enough from my studies such that I would not actually be reaping the benefits of a 'better' program?
Anyway, I sent the profs at the universities an email requesting a telephone interview so that we can both as questions of each other.
Also, Today, I smashed a piano. I felt apprehensive about doing it before hand, and a little guilty afterwards, but it felt good during!
It was a school fundraiser, I paid 5 dollars to hit it with a sledge hammer. I didn't feel too guilty because it was already a pile of rubbish by the time I got there, so I don't feel personally responsible for the downfall of a piano.
a)Official Acceptance letter from grad studies at U of Alberta.
2)Letter from U of M grad studies informing me that I did not get a Grad Fellowship.
These letters mean:
1)I can officially leave, I have somewhere else to go, I'm not tied down to Winnipeg any longer.
b)There is nothing even to encourage me to stay, even if I was thinking of it....
Now I play the game of balancing my options.. BUT the problem is that U of A won't know the funding situation until mid-April, but I have to respond to Western by late-April, meaning that I really only have a week or two to actually make my decision.
(Those of you who know me well, know how I feel about decisions; There's a reason why I always order chicken fingers and caesar salad, then I don't have to actually make a decision.)
Anyway, this gives me a good chance to weigh the programs and teachers and facilities and cities and health coverage and all the things that aren't scholarships and assess which program I actually like better. Once I have made that decision, I will be able to and ready to bring the money aspect into the picture. I have a feeling it will come down to two big issues:
3) Am I willing to go to my second choice simply because my financial situation would be better?
D) How much extra work would I have to do in order to pay the bills, and would that extra time commitment distract enough from my studies such that I would not actually be reaping the benefits of a 'better' program?
Anyway, I sent the profs at the universities an email requesting a telephone interview so that we can both as questions of each other.
Also, Today, I smashed a piano. I felt apprehensive about doing it before hand, and a little guilty afterwards, but it felt good during!
It was a school fundraiser, I paid 5 dollars to hit it with a sledge hammer. I didn't feel too guilty because it was already a pile of rubbish by the time I got there, so I don't feel personally responsible for the downfall of a piano.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I just visited my favorite site on the internet, which I haven't been to in a very long time.
I highly recommend it to everyone.
You don't necessarily need to watch the videos, sometimes it's better just to read the captions.
Crying While Eating
I pretty much guarantee you will love it!
I can't explain why it is so funny: It just is.
I highly recommend it to everyone.
You don't necessarily need to watch the videos, sometimes it's better just to read the captions.
Crying While Eating
I pretty much guarantee you will love it!
I can't explain why it is so funny: It just is.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tomorrow I have my Grad application interview at the school I'm currently attending.
I feel kind of bad that I'm almost certain that I'm not intending on studying here, but I haven't gotten official-official letters from the other 2 schools, so I'm just covering all my bases.
I think they're pretty aware of the situation, and it's a super casual meeting anyway. On the positive, it will give me a better idea of what they expect from incoming grad students - as a representation of what other schools will be expecting.
I have something in my ear. In one of the foldy areas. I thought it was just hard wax that was iritating me.. but i went at it hardcore with a q-tip today, and my finger too, but it's not wax. I've had it before, and I know it will go away, but it's obnoxious. It's probably an infected hair or a little cut or something... or maybe it's some kind of insect burrowing it's way into my head.... hmm, that could be exciting.
Oh, ya, tomorrow, besides that meeting, I'm also presenting in Composition Seminar. I'm presenting the piece that my chamber ensemble played this term: Paramel VI by Stephen Montague. I wish I had more time, or taken more time, or prepared earlier... or maybe thought about this while learning/rehearsing the piece. I'm starting to get "into" the piece now, but it's already after midnight. Anyway it wasn't until this evening that I tracked down our school's only recording of the piece: which I recorded with my ensemble last Wednesday!!
Ya, the presentation is pretty laid back, it's not a formal thing really... AND I'm not taking the course for credit, so it doesn't make a big difference... NOT that that's how I think about it. I will do a good presentation, it's just difficult to balance those things that one does for credit with those not for credit and priorities in general are difficult.
I had big hair today on the drive to school. I used shampoo this morning.. not the regular 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner... I went sans condition aujourdhui! Anyway, since my hair wasn't conditioned, it had more life..... mostly it was just bigger. I was playing with it a little too much while driving... using my knee to drive so I could have both hands to shape it into a big fro. I wish I actually could have big hair.
I need to remember to submit my TA'ing hours today... apparently I have hours going all the way back to the beginning of March...and I think hours are submitted each week. OOPSIE!
I am so enjoying not having dance work this week. It's spring break for the kiddies, so no work this week! It really contributes to the feeling that I'm all done school at this point. But I still need to remember that I still have things to do and assignments to get finished. I should check on Piano Ped, I'm sure I have things starting to be due sometime soon... although we haven't really had class in about 3 weeksish. Once the prof was sick, once was a fieldtrip and another time she was at a conference, so there was a planned class-missing.
Now, I shall finish up my presentation and then maybe even go to bed!
I feel kind of bad that I'm almost certain that I'm not intending on studying here, but I haven't gotten official-official letters from the other 2 schools, so I'm just covering all my bases.
I think they're pretty aware of the situation, and it's a super casual meeting anyway. On the positive, it will give me a better idea of what they expect from incoming grad students - as a representation of what other schools will be expecting.
I have something in my ear. In one of the foldy areas. I thought it was just hard wax that was iritating me.. but i went at it hardcore with a q-tip today, and my finger too, but it's not wax. I've had it before, and I know it will go away, but it's obnoxious. It's probably an infected hair or a little cut or something... or maybe it's some kind of insect burrowing it's way into my head.... hmm, that could be exciting.
Oh, ya, tomorrow, besides that meeting, I'm also presenting in Composition Seminar. I'm presenting the piece that my chamber ensemble played this term: Paramel VI by Stephen Montague. I wish I had more time, or taken more time, or prepared earlier... or maybe thought about this while learning/rehearsing the piece. I'm starting to get "into" the piece now, but it's already after midnight. Anyway it wasn't until this evening that I tracked down our school's only recording of the piece: which I recorded with my ensemble last Wednesday!!
Ya, the presentation is pretty laid back, it's not a formal thing really... AND I'm not taking the course for credit, so it doesn't make a big difference... NOT that that's how I think about it. I will do a good presentation, it's just difficult to balance those things that one does for credit with those not for credit and priorities in general are difficult.
I had big hair today on the drive to school. I used shampoo this morning.. not the regular 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner... I went sans condition aujourdhui! Anyway, since my hair wasn't conditioned, it had more life..... mostly it was just bigger. I was playing with it a little too much while driving... using my knee to drive so I could have both hands to shape it into a big fro. I wish I actually could have big hair.
I need to remember to submit my TA'ing hours today... apparently I have hours going all the way back to the beginning of March...and I think hours are submitted each week. OOPSIE!
I am so enjoying not having dance work this week. It's spring break for the kiddies, so no work this week! It really contributes to the feeling that I'm all done school at this point. But I still need to remember that I still have things to do and assignments to get finished. I should check on Piano Ped, I'm sure I have things starting to be due sometime soon... although we haven't really had class in about 3 weeksish. Once the prof was sick, once was a fieldtrip and another time she was at a conference, so there was a planned class-missing.
Now, I shall finish up my presentation and then maybe even go to bed!
What a wonderful way to be woken up!
I was awoken today with a telephone call from the Dean of Theory and Composition at one of the universities at which I had applied. She was calling to personally inform me that I had been accepted and a few details about it all.
The moral is that I now officially have a choice of where I will be going! This latest university has some money involved, unfortunately, not enough that I would be able to ignore all financial worries, but it's a start.
I think I already know which program is more appealing, it comes down to the money from the other institution, and my own doing research on profs and the programs.
I'm going to start that today by talking to one of my profs at school.
The moral is that I now officially have a choice of where I will be going! This latest university has some money involved, unfortunately, not enough that I would be able to ignore all financial worries, but it's a start.
I think I already know which program is more appealing, it comes down to the money from the other institution, and my own doing research on profs and the programs.
I'm going to start that today by talking to one of my profs at school.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
So, I realized that I've been accepted to Grad school meaning I have a ticket out of Winnipeg.
This is exciting!
I'm excited to not know anyone! Another chance for a fresh start on life, and meet new people with no expectations.
I'm not saying that expectations people have of people are bad. Rather, it's a good way to test how reliable your own personality traits are, to make sure you're not putting on a show for what you think other people want to see in you.
I remember doing this when I went away for a summer for french camp. I remember starting the summer forcibly subdued. The reason was that I had developed a reputation of being somewhat loud and crazy in high school, and it was sort of a self fulfilling prophecy, I was of course loud and crazy because there were no expectations of me to be quiet or sane. Anyway, as the summer went on, I loosened up and I naturally went back to some very similar personality traits.
Once again, when I started at the school of music, I was subdued, and allowed my personality to find itself again as I wove myself into a new social situation that was the school of music. I'm not saying that I am exactly the same person as I was before that summer or before beginning university, but there are some fundamental personality things that always come up. As I sit here analyzing what I'm saying, I realize that it's a sort of defense mechanism. I don't completely open myself up at first, slowly allowing my personality to come into light as I feel more comfortable with my new surroundings.
There's my psychology session for the day!
While I could easily diagnose myself as just being shy, and throw all caution to the wind when I move away, I still think it's good to be a little standoffish in new social situations... it's like strippers:
You should never come on stage fully naked... then there's nothing to work up to. You have to come out somewhat covered up, maybe with a little tease here and there, but slowly you show more and more.
In conclusion, new friends should always want to see you naked.
This is exciting!
I'm excited to not know anyone! Another chance for a fresh start on life, and meet new people with no expectations.
I'm not saying that expectations people have of people are bad. Rather, it's a good way to test how reliable your own personality traits are, to make sure you're not putting on a show for what you think other people want to see in you.
I remember doing this when I went away for a summer for french camp. I remember starting the summer forcibly subdued. The reason was that I had developed a reputation of being somewhat loud and crazy in high school, and it was sort of a self fulfilling prophecy, I was of course loud and crazy because there were no expectations of me to be quiet or sane. Anyway, as the summer went on, I loosened up and I naturally went back to some very similar personality traits.
Once again, when I started at the school of music, I was subdued, and allowed my personality to find itself again as I wove myself into a new social situation that was the school of music. I'm not saying that I am exactly the same person as I was before that summer or before beginning university, but there are some fundamental personality things that always come up. As I sit here analyzing what I'm saying, I realize that it's a sort of defense mechanism. I don't completely open myself up at first, slowly allowing my personality to come into light as I feel more comfortable with my new surroundings.
There's my psychology session for the day!
While I could easily diagnose myself as just being shy, and throw all caution to the wind when I move away, I still think it's good to be a little standoffish in new social situations... it's like strippers:
You should never come on stage fully naked... then there's nothing to work up to. You have to come out somewhat covered up, maybe with a little tease here and there, but slowly you show more and more.
In conclusion, new friends should always want to see you naked.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Insert sigh of relief here!
It's over, that's how I feel about it!
And I promise this will be the last post dedicated solely to my recital or practicing...
but it is important that I have this post to wrap up my feelings about tonight.
Basically I didn't take the time I needed to settle into recital mode. I jumped into the Bach and wasn't ready for it. I had a huge memory lapse on the first page - from which I did not fully recover. I spent a very little time finding a way to the fugue... as a result robbing the grandiosity that a piece of it's magnitude needed to get underway. From that point on, the fugue and all the dance movements were too fast. Between nerves and being thrown off from the rocky start, I didn't calm down, which led to some frantic playing.
It all went by in such a blur, I should have taken a moment to just breath and relax.
The Dance Improv was successful and comments were generally quite good. On a personal note, I know that my feelings about the first piece got in the way, and I don't think I improvised as well as I could have - granted I still did well and we kept lines of communication open and were very responsive. I think it translated into me being a little more restrained; not wanting to put too much at stake . I guess my logic was that the first piece wasn't impressive enough to my jury to justify going crazy for the second piece.
Finally the intermission came and I had a chance to calm myself a little. A few people knocked on the door to tell me how much they were enjoying it and offering preemptive congratulations. My initial reactions to these were to point out how things were going badly ie the first 5 minutes.. but they insisted I was doing quite well. Even now, I don't believe their reassurances BUT it did remind me that I was playing for an audience and not just my recital panel.
I think I played the Beethoven probably the best yet tonight. I played it with the utmost conviction. I thought that technically it was pretty secure and I maintained focus and conviction throughout. I felt good playing it and I felt good having played it.
The Liszt, great feedback from the audience I talked to. I LOVE THIS PIECE. I set the tone of the piece by reading the Lord Byron poem cited on the inside page of the piece. Having decided to read it today, it was definitely a difficult poem to read. Incredibly long phrases...so I went uber dramatic with my recitation. Apparently it was very effective- I used the poem as a bridge and started playing right after the poem ended - smooth transition.
Technically, I was pretty happy with it. I have and should have played the LH octaves much cleaner, but I was very happy with the way I played it.
Audience response was overwhelming. So many people I knew there and meeting and greeting seemed endless. My teacher offered some comments which are good to have fresh so that I can apply them in my head with direct reference, but perhaps within half an hour of the recital is a bit too fresh. So, I paid attention to pretty much only the compliments! He said I have a special talent - that whenever I play, I have the audience eating out of the palm of my hand. He went on to stress the importance that a skill like that comes great responsibility. When I have that power over an audience, I need to only offer them the best performance possible.
Anyway, I feel relatively good about the recital., but more importantly I'm glad it's over with. Now, I'm picking out jury music for my last 10 minutes of performance
And I promise this will be the last post dedicated solely to my recital or practicing...
but it is important that I have this post to wrap up my feelings about tonight.
Basically I didn't take the time I needed to settle into recital mode. I jumped into the Bach and wasn't ready for it. I had a huge memory lapse on the first page - from which I did not fully recover. I spent a very little time finding a way to the fugue... as a result robbing the grandiosity that a piece of it's magnitude needed to get underway. From that point on, the fugue and all the dance movements were too fast. Between nerves and being thrown off from the rocky start, I didn't calm down, which led to some frantic playing.
It all went by in such a blur, I should have taken a moment to just breath and relax.
The Dance Improv was successful and comments were generally quite good. On a personal note, I know that my feelings about the first piece got in the way, and I don't think I improvised as well as I could have - granted I still did well and we kept lines of communication open and were very responsive. I think it translated into me being a little more restrained; not wanting to put too much at stake . I guess my logic was that the first piece wasn't impressive enough to my jury to justify going crazy for the second piece.
Finally the intermission came and I had a chance to calm myself a little. A few people knocked on the door to tell me how much they were enjoying it and offering preemptive congratulations. My initial reactions to these were to point out how things were going badly ie the first 5 minutes.. but they insisted I was doing quite well. Even now, I don't believe their reassurances BUT it did remind me that I was playing for an audience and not just my recital panel.
I think I played the Beethoven probably the best yet tonight. I played it with the utmost conviction. I thought that technically it was pretty secure and I maintained focus and conviction throughout. I felt good playing it and I felt good having played it.
The Liszt, great feedback from the audience I talked to. I LOVE THIS PIECE. I set the tone of the piece by reading the Lord Byron poem cited on the inside page of the piece. Having decided to read it today, it was definitely a difficult poem to read. Incredibly long phrases...so I went uber dramatic with my recitation. Apparently it was very effective- I used the poem as a bridge and started playing right after the poem ended - smooth transition.
Technically, I was pretty happy with it. I have and should have played the LH octaves much cleaner, but I was very happy with the way I played it.
Audience response was overwhelming. So many people I knew there and meeting and greeting seemed endless. My teacher offered some comments which are good to have fresh so that I can apply them in my head with direct reference, but perhaps within half an hour of the recital is a bit too fresh. So, I paid attention to pretty much only the compliments! He said I have a special talent - that whenever I play, I have the audience eating out of the palm of my hand. He went on to stress the importance that a skill like that comes great responsibility. When I have that power over an audience, I need to only offer them the best performance possible.
Anyway, I feel relatively good about the recital., but more importantly I'm glad it's over with. Now, I'm picking out jury music for my last 10 minutes of performance
At 4:53pm today, my nervous energy changed from Butterflyish into positive excitement energy. I'm almost finished working on the Beethoven. Once I'm done with that, I think I'm going to close the book on technical practice and get mentally prepared. Also get my clothes laid out. And eat supper. Then go to the school.
Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4.75 hours until my recital.
I'm taking things slow today, I've reviewed the technical work needed in Liszt and Bach and I'm about to do Beethoven.
I've also been trying to work out what I will be saying before each piece tonight. I need to keep it short for time's sake. I've worked some things out.. but I really have no definite idea of what will come out of my mouth tonight. Let's just hope I don't end up saying "mumbly mumbly fucker" as I so often do.
I really can't wait until 9:35 ish tonight - I will have finished my recital and I will be mingling with those who love and/or support me so much. There are so many people that I haven't seen often enough because of my preparation for this recital and all the other school stuff lately - I can only hope that an evening of music and great food can make up for the distance between myself and the rest of my life.
Thank you Chris for your reassuring words last night, it allowed me to regain some bit of focus and inspiration.
After I practiced last night, I went to see a terribly cheesey movie with Fi. It was just what I needed. My mind was doing too much thinking in that practice room, but not the type of thinking that was either productive or helpful.
Oooh, I should probably also figure out what I'm wearing tonight. I know I'm wearing my suit, but I don't know which shirt, I don't want to wear a tie, but I think I have to.
I'm taking things slow today, I've reviewed the technical work needed in Liszt and Bach and I'm about to do Beethoven.
I've also been trying to work out what I will be saying before each piece tonight. I need to keep it short for time's sake. I've worked some things out.. but I really have no definite idea of what will come out of my mouth tonight. Let's just hope I don't end up saying "mumbly mumbly fucker" as I so often do.
I really can't wait until 9:35 ish tonight - I will have finished my recital and I will be mingling with those who love and/or support me so much. There are so many people that I haven't seen often enough because of my preparation for this recital and all the other school stuff lately - I can only hope that an evening of music and great food can make up for the distance between myself and the rest of my life.
Thank you Chris for your reassuring words last night, it allowed me to regain some bit of focus and inspiration.
After I practiced last night, I went to see a terribly cheesey movie with Fi. It was just what I needed. My mind was doing too much thinking in that practice room, but not the type of thinking that was either productive or helpful.
Oooh, I should probably also figure out what I'm wearing tonight. I know I'm wearing my suit, but I don't know which shirt, I don't want to wear a tie, but I think I have to.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
This post is NOT related to practicing whatsoever, except for this title, which is related to it only in the manner of being an opposite.
Earlier today I was a bit gassy.
It got me thinking .. what if I was gassy during my recital.
It would be embarrassing enough to fart in an audience, but at least people would generally ignore it; darkness and not generally knowing everyone around you causes people to just ignore things like that, but if a performer would let one rip - everyone would notice. And how would I react?
I suppose it would be worse to be a singer... then you have to make eye contact with everyone and they're looking straight at you. With piano, at least some people watch the piano or something and there's not that direct communication element.
Also, I would be sitting on a piano bench, so that could effect things too. If the bench were hollow maybe it would make the fart louder.
In conclusion, I think I will not eat gassy foods for the next few days... hmm please comment and inform me as to which foods make me gassy.
I've also been hiccupy lately. I wonder what causes that.. actually I know - the excessive amount of diet cokes I drink. Mmmm.
Swearing is pretty much at a high point right now, I won't say all time high, but ya, it's up there.
Today I ran out of insulin. I always have 2 insulin pens with me: one in bag, one in jacket pocket. I guess I used the one in my bag this morning and didn't put it back. I stopped to get supper on my way to work today and realized that I didn't have anymore as one pen was completely out and the other wasn't there. Oopsie. I tried to eat Atkins style, but I guess there was some carbs in the dressing and bacon bits of the salad I had for dinner. Nevertheless, the sugars were still in a comfortable-enough ish range going into my recital. I guess stress and whatnot got in the way cause by the time I got home, my sugars were a little bit up, but I took insulin to fix that right when I got home.
In general, diabetes control hasn't been so hot lately due to stress and even more random than normal eating and sleeping. As per usual, I have big plans for the summer - let's see if any of them actually work out:
1)lose a billion pounds
b)eat healthier
3)take dance classes
(this one I really really want to do, it's my last chance I think, the school I play at offers free classes to employees. I want to work for the summer dance programs during the day and then take the adult classes at night. What a fun way to get in shape. Also, it would give me a greater understanding of the relation of music to dance.)
Delta) brush up on my french by reading french books and watching french movies.
5)oh ya, importantly, I need to make lots of money for next year.
Ok, I need to stop typing. I hope you bitchy people who complain about my excessive posts about that topic I shan't speak of are satisfied with the diverse nature of topics examined in this post. As of Sunday, these posts should be more common!
It got me thinking .. what if I was gassy during my recital.
It would be embarrassing enough to fart in an audience, but at least people would generally ignore it; darkness and not generally knowing everyone around you causes people to just ignore things like that, but if a performer would let one rip - everyone would notice. And how would I react?
I suppose it would be worse to be a singer... then you have to make eye contact with everyone and they're looking straight at you. With piano, at least some people watch the piano or something and there's not that direct communication element.
Also, I would be sitting on a piano bench, so that could effect things too. If the bench were hollow maybe it would make the fart louder.
In conclusion, I think I will not eat gassy foods for the next few days... hmm please comment and inform me as to which foods make me gassy.
I've also been hiccupy lately. I wonder what causes that.. actually I know - the excessive amount of diet cokes I drink. Mmmm.
Swearing is pretty much at a high point right now, I won't say all time high, but ya, it's up there.
Today I ran out of insulin. I always have 2 insulin pens with me: one in bag, one in jacket pocket. I guess I used the one in my bag this morning and didn't put it back. I stopped to get supper on my way to work today and realized that I didn't have anymore as one pen was completely out and the other wasn't there. Oopsie. I tried to eat Atkins style, but I guess there was some carbs in the dressing and bacon bits of the salad I had for dinner. Nevertheless, the sugars were still in a comfortable-enough ish range going into my recital. I guess stress and whatnot got in the way cause by the time I got home, my sugars were a little bit up, but I took insulin to fix that right when I got home.
In general, diabetes control hasn't been so hot lately due to stress and even more random than normal eating and sleeping. As per usual, I have big plans for the summer - let's see if any of them actually work out:
1)lose a billion pounds
b)eat healthier
3)take dance classes
(this one I really really want to do, it's my last chance I think, the school I play at offers free classes to employees. I want to work for the summer dance programs during the day and then take the adult classes at night. What a fun way to get in shape. Also, it would give me a greater understanding of the relation of music to dance.)
Delta) brush up on my french by reading french books and watching french movies.
5)oh ya, importantly, I need to make lots of money for next year.
Ok, I need to stop typing. I hope you bitchy people who complain about my excessive posts about that topic I shan't speak of are satisfied with the diverse nature of topics examined in this post. As of Sunday, these posts should be more common!
I promised I would write a non-practice based entry... so I'll do that one in a few minutes....
Tonight was my dress rehearsal!!
Guess who showed up? Big Fat No-One! Except for my dancer who stayed for the whole thing, and my teacher showed up nearing the end of the Bach. Also note that my Bach was amazing up to about the point I heard the upstairs door open.... I didn't look but I just knew it was my teacher....
It shouldn't be like that, but I'm much more nervous playing for just my teacher than I am playing for an audience. So that doesn't worry me. It was really good though, and I was happy with the way the Bach went. Beethoven wasn't so hot... I mean it was good, but I was not really into it. It wasn't that it was messy, it was pretty clean, but the first 2 movements were unsure. I'd worked on them, but they seemed unfamiliar to me again... yuck! The Liszt was pretty good, I'll always want it to be cleaner, but that's just because it's before my recital. Last year it worked well to work hard up to about 30 minutes before my actual recital.. At that point, I just accepted whatever point I was at in preparation and knew that that was what I had to work with.
That's what I will do on Saturday. But tomorrow is work my ass off day. I will make everything spectacular so that I just have to brush it up during the day on Saturday and then perform my little ass off! (Yes, I realize it is certainly not little)
My teacher heard and saw the dance tonight for the first time. It was the first time he's heard me improvise. He commented that it was really quite beautiful and when I asked about how the communication aspect came across, he said it was very effective. I'm not sure whether or not he's holding back simply because it's only 2 days away and theres really nothing he can do either way.... but I officially don't care! Claire and I are happy with the way things went and we're excited about Saturday.
Now I'm done talking about practicing. See above for non-practice related post.
Tonight was my dress rehearsal!!
Guess who showed up? Big Fat No-One! Except for my dancer who stayed for the whole thing, and my teacher showed up nearing the end of the Bach. Also note that my Bach was amazing up to about the point I heard the upstairs door open.... I didn't look but I just knew it was my teacher....
It shouldn't be like that, but I'm much more nervous playing for just my teacher than I am playing for an audience. So that doesn't worry me. It was really good though, and I was happy with the way the Bach went. Beethoven wasn't so hot... I mean it was good, but I was not really into it. It wasn't that it was messy, it was pretty clean, but the first 2 movements were unsure. I'd worked on them, but they seemed unfamiliar to me again... yuck! The Liszt was pretty good, I'll always want it to be cleaner, but that's just because it's before my recital. Last year it worked well to work hard up to about 30 minutes before my actual recital.. At that point, I just accepted whatever point I was at in preparation and knew that that was what I had to work with.
That's what I will do on Saturday. But tomorrow is work my ass off day. I will make everything spectacular so that I just have to brush it up during the day on Saturday and then perform my little ass off! (Yes, I realize it is certainly not little)
My teacher heard and saw the dance tonight for the first time. It was the first time he's heard me improvise. He commented that it was really quite beautiful and when I asked about how the communication aspect came across, he said it was very effective. I'm not sure whether or not he's holding back simply because it's only 2 days away and theres really nothing he can do either way.... but I officially don't care! Claire and I are happy with the way things went and we're excited about Saturday.
Now I'm done talking about practicing. See above for non-practice related post.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
So ya, lesson today was good.
My teacher used the word "perfect"... sure it was only in relation to one bar of one piece... but that is a major development. It's the E-Major octave-quadrupled arpeggio at the very end of my Liszt.
I went to a recital tonight that was excellent. I can only wish that I could play as clean and precisely as this pianist. Unfortunately, the turnout was a bit disappointing considering how good it was. But ya, you really do have to fight tooth and nail to get people out to your recitals....
Speaking of, I finally got the large copies of my posters printed... I won't dwell on the melodrama that was the process of getting them printed, but GRRR. Now they're done, and I'll leave it at that. I have lots of them, so there are tons at the ballet and school.
Practicing tonight was efficient. I really worked hard on the Beethoven. I think I had a breaktrough in the interpretation... or at least, I found a way to make one little moment in the piece really special. I was at the school until 2 am, now I'm tired... I
I really need to become more efficient in my getting to sleepness. I always end up wasting too mcuh time checking email and blogging after I get home late.
And tomorrow I have our New Music Ensemble performance.. whcih marks the end of this ensemble this year... except for my Jury, the ensemble is playing in that too... but ya. Next week, there will be soo many fewer things on my plate, yay!
My teacher used the word "perfect"... sure it was only in relation to one bar of one piece... but that is a major development. It's the E-Major octave-quadrupled arpeggio at the very end of my Liszt.
I went to a recital tonight that was excellent. I can only wish that I could play as clean and precisely as this pianist. Unfortunately, the turnout was a bit disappointing considering how good it was. But ya, you really do have to fight tooth and nail to get people out to your recitals....
Speaking of, I finally got the large copies of my posters printed... I won't dwell on the melodrama that was the process of getting them printed, but GRRR. Now they're done, and I'll leave it at that. I have lots of them, so there are tons at the ballet and school.
Practicing tonight was efficient. I really worked hard on the Beethoven. I think I had a breaktrough in the interpretation... or at least, I found a way to make one little moment in the piece really special. I was at the school until 2 am, now I'm tired... I
I really need to become more efficient in my getting to sleepness. I always end up wasting too mcuh time checking email and blogging after I get home late.
And tomorrow I have our New Music Ensemble performance.. whcih marks the end of this ensemble this year... except for my Jury, the ensemble is playing in that too... but ya. Next week, there will be soo many fewer things on my plate, yay!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Oy, yesterday, trying to use an online digital file submission thing for a certain office supply store so that I wouldn't have to make several trips.... let's just say IT WAS NOT FUCKING EASY YOU LYING SACKS OF ASSFACE! It was a whopping mix of technical difficulties, machine transfers and general disorganization... in other words, I don't get my posters until today, maybe...
Right now my computer is making a high pitched noise, I'm not happy, I'm going to shut it off and let it rest for the day...
I have a lesson today, Thankfully it's the last real lesson before my recital, although my teacher will be at part of my dress run on thursday. I don't know how much more attention to my technical errors I can take. Actually, I do... and it's getting to my limit. I KNOW where I make my mistakes and that if I were a stronger pianist, I would be able to fix those areas reliably. As a result of this year.. I will continue trying to fix those areas in spite of never getting them right, so I will continue to dwell on my own shortcomings. I can only hope that I will be strong enough to ignore the technique-obsession during the recital and focus on the musicality.
Anyway, now I'm off to my last pre-recital lesson.... I'll let you know how it goes later.
Oh, this evening I have a rehearsal with my dancer so no matter how the rest of the day goes, I can count on that to make me feel better. Also, there's a piano recital tonight which i will go to and enjoy. Then I will practice late into the night.
Right now my computer is making a high pitched noise, I'm not happy, I'm going to shut it off and let it rest for the day...
I have a lesson today, Thankfully it's the last real lesson before my recital, although my teacher will be at part of my dress run on thursday. I don't know how much more attention to my technical errors I can take. Actually, I do... and it's getting to my limit. I KNOW where I make my mistakes and that if I were a stronger pianist, I would be able to fix those areas reliably. As a result of this year.. I will continue trying to fix those areas in spite of never getting them right, so I will continue to dwell on my own shortcomings. I can only hope that I will be strong enough to ignore the technique-obsession during the recital and focus on the musicality.
Anyway, now I'm off to my last pre-recital lesson.... I'll let you know how it goes later.
Oh, this evening I have a rehearsal with my dancer so no matter how the rest of the day goes, I can count on that to make me feel better. Also, there's a piano recital tonight which i will go to and enjoy. Then I will practice late into the night.
Monday, March 19, 2007
I had been in a pretty bad mind-set to start practicing last night. I was working on the technical elements of my piece, but in a bitter way.
Long story short, I ended up talking for a while with one of my practice buddies who wanted to hear me play my Beethoven. She listened to it and aside from circling a few problem areas, she told me that it was really good and that if we hadn't talked beforehand, she would never have had any idea that I was struggling with the interpretation. Basically, she made me feel really good about how I played - something I haven't felt a lot of in preparation for this recital.
Now my new method of practicing involves securing the tricky bits, but also actively thinking and applying my interpretation of the piece while I play it. I want my relation to the interpretation to be that close, and blatant in the recital, but thinking while playing isn't something I can just do once in the recital; I have to prepare myself to do it successfully.
Anyway, one of the morals of that story is that my Beethoven went really well last night. I have now played all of my pieces for other people, and the response has been that I am recital ready. Now it's just repetition so that I get even more comfortable with everything, as well as tidying and securing the memory even more.
I know my readers must be getting sick of the excessive talk about practice and recital, and so am I. I promise that once I am done with this recital, I will have some fresh perspectives on blogging and some crazy, zany topics that I'm sure everyone has been missing. Maybe even some more ranting... gosh it's been a while since I was able to devote time to ranting...
Long story short, I ended up talking for a while with one of my practice buddies who wanted to hear me play my Beethoven. She listened to it and aside from circling a few problem areas, she told me that it was really good and that if we hadn't talked beforehand, she would never have had any idea that I was struggling with the interpretation. Basically, she made me feel really good about how I played - something I haven't felt a lot of in preparation for this recital.
Now my new method of practicing involves securing the tricky bits, but also actively thinking and applying my interpretation of the piece while I play it. I want my relation to the interpretation to be that close, and blatant in the recital, but thinking while playing isn't something I can just do once in the recital; I have to prepare myself to do it successfully.
Anyway, one of the morals of that story is that my Beethoven went really well last night. I have now played all of my pieces for other people, and the response has been that I am recital ready. Now it's just repetition so that I get even more comfortable with everything, as well as tidying and securing the memory even more.
I know my readers must be getting sick of the excessive talk about practice and recital, and so am I. I promise that once I am done with this recital, I will have some fresh perspectives on blogging and some crazy, zany topics that I'm sure everyone has been missing. Maybe even some more ranting... gosh it's been a while since I was able to devote time to ranting...
Saturday, March 17, 2007
i phoned some people today to tell them about my recital.... and I ended up talking to 2 people for over half an hour each.... but good talks
The second talk was quite refreshing, being with someone who has been in the same situation before. It made me realize that I'm spending too much time focusing on the technical perfection of my pieces. While playing more accurately might please some people, I'm not sure that it will speak to the audience as much as if I thought of the pieces as a whole. Basically I'm in a catch 22, because I want a good mark, but I'm not sure how my mark will reflect that balance.
Anyway, I'll keep working on the technical elements that are nasty, but I need to revolutionize the way I play/feel/think about the Beethoven. And I need just plain ol more passion in the Liszt. I need to practice the contrast between strict technical practice, and then throwing it all away to just play the music that is hiding behind those notes. What a dichotomy.
I guess I'm on the horns of a dilemma and I don't think I can choose either one wholeheartedly, and I won't be able to sufficiently satisfy both options.
The second talk was quite refreshing, being with someone who has been in the same situation before. It made me realize that I'm spending too much time focusing on the technical perfection of my pieces. While playing more accurately might please some people, I'm not sure that it will speak to the audience as much as if I thought of the pieces as a whole. Basically I'm in a catch 22, because I want a good mark, but I'm not sure how my mark will reflect that balance.
Anyway, I'll keep working on the technical elements that are nasty, but I need to revolutionize the way I play/feel/think about the Beethoven. And I need just plain ol more passion in the Liszt. I need to practice the contrast between strict technical practice, and then throwing it all away to just play the music that is hiding behind those notes. What a dichotomy.
I guess I'm on the horns of a dilemma and I don't think I can choose either one wholeheartedly, and I won't be able to sufficiently satisfy both options.
Bad Michael!
Yesterday, I had some serious issues maintaining focus. I finished class around 4:20 and I practiced for maybe 10-15 minutes, then time kind of disappeared and I had supper, and I started practicing again at just before 6pm. I stayed at the school until 10pm.. but I'm lucky If I got more than 3 hours of practicing in. That also included a play through of my Liszt for one of the other pianists doing her recital next week and listening to her play one of her pieces. It's always good to practice performing as it gives a good sense of where you are at with a piece.
In conclusion, I feel a little guilty about not being super productive last night, because the day before, I wasn't very productive either after my lesson. Also, I knew that I'm doing a lot of playing for dance this weekend... 9-5 today and 10:30-5 tomorrow.
Regardless, I will make every effort to use my time the most efficiently while I am practicing.. That's what I failed at last night... I would practice for maybe 15 minutes and then wander around for a water break which turned into a chit-chat break, or a sitting break.
Maintain focus
Maintain Momentum
Maintain Michael!
Anyway, parents are going out for the evening, so at least I have the house to myself so I can practice uninterrupted.
Lately, I've been going to bed relatively early and doing more of my practicing earlier in the day... it's a good thing, but now I think I need to kick it up into super-duper crazy-ass high gear and do more practicing during the earlier part of the day AND stay up later practicing!
I got subs for my ballet classes next Saturday so that I'm not playing all day before playing a recital in the evening... that would just be stupid. ALSO, I am planning on totally sleeping in on Saturday so that I am super well rested for the big day and subsequent evening of partying!
Ok, lunch break is almost over, now I go back to work.
Yesterday, I had some serious issues maintaining focus. I finished class around 4:20 and I practiced for maybe 10-15 minutes, then time kind of disappeared and I had supper, and I started practicing again at just before 6pm. I stayed at the school until 10pm.. but I'm lucky If I got more than 3 hours of practicing in. That also included a play through of my Liszt for one of the other pianists doing her recital next week and listening to her play one of her pieces. It's always good to practice performing as it gives a good sense of where you are at with a piece.
In conclusion, I feel a little guilty about not being super productive last night, because the day before, I wasn't very productive either after my lesson. Also, I knew that I'm doing a lot of playing for dance this weekend... 9-5 today and 10:30-5 tomorrow.
Regardless, I will make every effort to use my time the most efficiently while I am practicing.. That's what I failed at last night... I would practice for maybe 15 minutes and then wander around for a water break which turned into a chit-chat break, or a sitting break.
Maintain focus
Maintain Momentum
Maintain Michael!
Anyway, parents are going out for the evening, so at least I have the house to myself so I can practice uninterrupted.
Lately, I've been going to bed relatively early and doing more of my practicing earlier in the day... it's a good thing, but now I think I need to kick it up into super-duper crazy-ass high gear and do more practicing during the earlier part of the day AND stay up later practicing!
I got subs for my ballet classes next Saturday so that I'm not playing all day before playing a recital in the evening... that would just be stupid. ALSO, I am planning on totally sleeping in on Saturday so that I am super well rested for the big day and subsequent evening of partying!
Ok, lunch break is almost over, now I go back to work.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I LOVE my dancer!!!
I had been getting worried as I hadn't rehearsed with my dancer since early February.... and my recital is in 9 days. You do the math...
Communication had been poor over the last month, but I had let it slide as I felt that this part of the recital will go well no matter what, and it's the shortest part of the recital... but as the gap grew, I started worrying...
Anyway, all worries are deceased at this moment and I don't think there is anything that could revive them.
Our rehearsal tonight was AMAZING.
We decided on a theme (Leaving).
We also nailed down a form that allows a LOT of flexibility, BUT creates a sense of unity and highlights the communication between myself and the dancer.
It's basically a basic set of structural decisions:
1)Entry-dancer places suitcase on ground
2)The middle will have 3 or 4 sections, each of which:
-she opens the suitcase, sighs, then takes something out of the suitcase and that section occurs.
-musically there will be a recurring theme/motif that will accompany this to mark the form.
3) the last time she opens the suitcase, then looks in it and then closes it and starts to walk towards the door, then making one last circle around the stage before leaving.
I'm not sure if it seems really specific or really vague.. all I know is that it works.
We did that exact form twice tonight after refining the basic concept. Once with 4 sections, then again with only 3. In each section we were able to explore completely different styles of music/movement. The great thing about having the repeated motif of opening the suitcase is that it allows for a sense of continuation between sections, which can translate as character development, or some kind of cohesion...
Anyway, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm really really really excited about this dance portion of my recital.
Ooh, about lesson today:
I sorta got the validation I wanted. Teacher is confident that I would pass if I played my recital as I did today. That means that everything I improve on today would be moving towards excellence(my words...not his). I wasn't even satisfied with my performance today, but he put it in perspective for me.
And therefore, I will not stop now and say "a pass is good enough" because even though I know I will never achieve perfection, I will always strive for excellence, and I will achieve it. I will!
Anyway, that's enough blatant optimism.. more realistically, I'm acknowledging the hard work that I've done and will continue to do!
Communication had been poor over the last month, but I had let it slide as I felt that this part of the recital will go well no matter what, and it's the shortest part of the recital... but as the gap grew, I started worrying...
Anyway, all worries are deceased at this moment and I don't think there is anything that could revive them.
Our rehearsal tonight was AMAZING.
We decided on a theme (Leaving).
We also nailed down a form that allows a LOT of flexibility, BUT creates a sense of unity and highlights the communication between myself and the dancer.
It's basically a basic set of structural decisions:
1)Entry-dancer places suitcase on ground
2)The middle will have 3 or 4 sections, each of which:
-she opens the suitcase, sighs, then takes something out of the suitcase and that section occurs.
-musically there will be a recurring theme/motif that will accompany this to mark the form.
3) the last time she opens the suitcase, then looks in it and then closes it and starts to walk towards the door, then making one last circle around the stage before leaving.
I'm not sure if it seems really specific or really vague.. all I know is that it works.
We did that exact form twice tonight after refining the basic concept. Once with 4 sections, then again with only 3. In each section we were able to explore completely different styles of music/movement. The great thing about having the repeated motif of opening the suitcase is that it allows for a sense of continuation between sections, which can translate as character development, or some kind of cohesion...
Anyway, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm really really really excited about this dance portion of my recital.
Ooh, about lesson today:
I sorta got the validation I wanted. Teacher is confident that I would pass if I played my recital as I did today. That means that everything I improve on today would be moving towards excellence(my words...not his). I wasn't even satisfied with my performance today, but he put it in perspective for me.
And therefore, I will not stop now and say "a pass is good enough" because even though I know I will never achieve perfection, I will always strive for excellence, and I will achieve it. I will!
Anyway, that's enough blatant optimism.. more realistically, I'm acknowledging the hard work that I've done and will continue to do!
So, I got home tonight early.. I left the university at 10pm...eek
I feel good about my lesson tomorrow, I think.
I have done a huge amount of work this week and I know he'll notice, but it's just a matter of whether it is close enough for comfort.
Even though my teacher is claiming not to worry.. nothing would make me happier than if at my lesson tomorrow he said that he was satisfied with my level of preparation.
I know, myself, that there is a lot of work left to do, and I'm on the road to doing it. Right now, I'm just craving the validation that I'm on the right track.... or the solution to put me on the right track if I'm not already there.
I have a feeling that tomorrow I will hear that I'm vaguely on the right track, but I need to be moving along that track at a much faster pace...
oopsie!
Speaking of fast paced... how do these theory assignments keep coming in...?!? boo!
It just never ends.
anyway, congratulations to me for staying on top of everything... well almost.
I feel good about my lesson tomorrow, I think.
I have done a huge amount of work this week and I know he'll notice, but it's just a matter of whether it is close enough for comfort.
Even though my teacher is claiming not to worry.. nothing would make me happier than if at my lesson tomorrow he said that he was satisfied with my level of preparation.
I know, myself, that there is a lot of work left to do, and I'm on the road to doing it. Right now, I'm just craving the validation that I'm on the right track.... or the solution to put me on the right track if I'm not already there.
I have a feeling that tomorrow I will hear that I'm vaguely on the right track, but I need to be moving along that track at a much faster pace...
oopsie!
Speaking of fast paced... how do these theory assignments keep coming in...?!? boo!
It just never ends.
anyway, congratulations to me for staying on top of everything... well almost.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I think 'm going to give up on keeping my readers posted on how I'm feeling about my preparation fot his bastard recital.... reason being that I just don't fucking know.
Just today, I've gone from multiple extremes of how I feel about it.
This afternoon, the Bach was just peachy, I worked hard on it for about 2 hours fixing all the little bitchy parts. Tonight I ran through most of it..and it totally fucked me up the ass!
With the Beethoven, I worked my ass off on sections just so I could get it working reasonably well at a few metronome markings slower than it had previously been working.
Once again, I didn't touch Liszt at all today.. and I have a feeling that I'm going to play it badly at me lesson, and then it will lessen the positive aspect of how the other pieces have improved.
At least I wasn't the only person practicing tonight... well I was after midnight...but one of the other people doing their recital next week was there.
The only thing keeping me going these days is that I know once this is over, I won't have to practice piano anymore ... at least not with the same intention/goal.
I do plan on working hardcore on technique this summer... as in making myself versatile as an improviser... I've wanted to brush up my technique for a long time, but repertoire has gotten in the way.
So I have a performance tomorrow that seems ridiculous... we haven't rehearsed it in well over a month.... and this is the SECOND time ever I've played with these people... I have a feeling that I'm doing far too much for this particular credit.
Once again, I can't wait for the feeling of relief once all this undergrad gobblygoop is done with!
Now, I'm off to mark papers... that's right... I said I'd have them done tomorrow... so 2 am marking it is!
Just today, I've gone from multiple extremes of how I feel about it.
This afternoon, the Bach was just peachy, I worked hard on it for about 2 hours fixing all the little bitchy parts. Tonight I ran through most of it..and it totally fucked me up the ass!
With the Beethoven, I worked my ass off on sections just so I could get it working reasonably well at a few metronome markings slower than it had previously been working.
Once again, I didn't touch Liszt at all today.. and I have a feeling that I'm going to play it badly at me lesson, and then it will lessen the positive aspect of how the other pieces have improved.
At least I wasn't the only person practicing tonight... well I was after midnight...but one of the other people doing their recital next week was there.
The only thing keeping me going these days is that I know once this is over, I won't have to practice piano anymore ... at least not with the same intention/goal.
I do plan on working hardcore on technique this summer... as in making myself versatile as an improviser... I've wanted to brush up my technique for a long time, but repertoire has gotten in the way.
So I have a performance tomorrow that seems ridiculous... we haven't rehearsed it in well over a month.... and this is the SECOND time ever I've played with these people... I have a feeling that I'm doing far too much for this particular credit.
Once again, I can't wait for the feeling of relief once all this undergrad gobblygoop is done with!
Now, I'm off to mark papers... that's right... I said I'd have them done tomorrow... so 2 am marking it is!
Monday, March 12, 2007
weather = awesome, but mucky
festival = 2 classes today, spread a bit apart.. I used that time to practice... went to the music conservatory and asked to use a spare room.. they gave me a kick ass one! 1.5 hours of practicing... good stuff
After the second class, I went for a long lunch and marked theory papers.... then I went for a walk to pick up tickets for ballet, did some banking, and practiced for half an hour at the ballet school where I work. I tested out how productive I had been in the morning, and I reinforced the memory work I did earlier.
In conclusion - the Bach is now completely memorized, and I spent a lot of time on the last page so the finale of the piece will be reliable. That Sarabande was an absolute bitch to memorize, but I got it set today... of course I will still have to work at it's retention, but yay!
So far it's been a productive day, but I'm waiting for the car to come home so I can be yet further productive tonight.
Sadness= thinking I had nothing on the schedule for tomorrow, then being reminded that I have an extra rehearsal in the late morning... not late enough... Also... apparently I'm involved in a performance on the 14th... yuck.... oh well- both of these mean that I will be at the school earlier and I can force myself to make use of that time... but...
YUCK
oh well, back to productivity tonight!
festival = 2 classes today, spread a bit apart.. I used that time to practice... went to the music conservatory and asked to use a spare room.. they gave me a kick ass one! 1.5 hours of practicing... good stuff
After the second class, I went for a long lunch and marked theory papers.... then I went for a walk to pick up tickets for ballet, did some banking, and practiced for half an hour at the ballet school where I work. I tested out how productive I had been in the morning, and I reinforced the memory work I did earlier.
In conclusion - the Bach is now completely memorized, and I spent a lot of time on the last page so the finale of the piece will be reliable. That Sarabande was an absolute bitch to memorize, but I got it set today... of course I will still have to work at it's retention, but yay!
So far it's been a productive day, but I'm waiting for the car to come home so I can be yet further productive tonight.
Sadness= thinking I had nothing on the schedule for tomorrow, then being reminded that I have an extra rehearsal in the late morning... not late enough... Also... apparently I'm involved in a performance on the 14th... yuck.... oh well- both of these mean that I will be at the school earlier and I can force myself to make use of that time... but...
YUCK
oh well, back to productivity tonight!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I've never understood this daylight savings thing... I prefer the night. I want to run on nighttime savings time! The new day will run from noon until about 4am.... oh wait.. that is the schedule I've been running on.
Tonight, practiced on the Bosendorfer again... and I even actually remembered to give back the key afterwards... sadly...
but today was more of a Beethoven day, and a bit of checking in on the Bach. The new bit of the Sarabande that I learned lastnight stuck! yay! Some of the tidbits I fixed int eh opening were there, and the memory was really secure.
Tonights work on Beethoven really secured and made me comfortable with the first movement. I also pushed the tempo a bit more on the March.
All in all, i think I had two really really good days of practicing, and they were both after a long day of other stuff.. so I'm confident I will continue to be productive this week and all the way up til my recital.
Ballet today, i had the oddest day. I was pretty incoherent all morning on account of my sugars being all funky. Even the teacher noticed.... as I was leaving for lunch I said "Well, I hope I'm more on the ball after lunch" to which she replied "I do too!". She has a very good ear for the musicality as it relates to dance.
First class back went well because I'm 100% comfortable with the music. At the end that class, and towards the end of the day, I just became silly. It was a mixture of the sun shining extra brightly through the huge windows in the upstairs studio... and the fact that I was sitting on a super spinny/rolly chair! The teacher remarked that spring was in the air as the whole class; teacher and myself included were being goofy.
Tonight, practiced on the Bosendorfer again... and I even actually remembered to give back the key afterwards... sadly...
but today was more of a Beethoven day, and a bit of checking in on the Bach. The new bit of the Sarabande that I learned lastnight stuck! yay! Some of the tidbits I fixed int eh opening were there, and the memory was really secure.
Tonights work on Beethoven really secured and made me comfortable with the first movement. I also pushed the tempo a bit more on the March.
All in all, i think I had two really really good days of practicing, and they were both after a long day of other stuff.. so I'm confident I will continue to be productive this week and all the way up til my recital.
Ballet today, i had the oddest day. I was pretty incoherent all morning on account of my sugars being all funky. Even the teacher noticed.... as I was leaving for lunch I said "Well, I hope I'm more on the ball after lunch" to which she replied "I do too!". She has a very good ear for the musicality as it relates to dance.
First class back went well because I'm 100% comfortable with the music. At the end that class, and towards the end of the day, I just became silly. It was a mixture of the sun shining extra brightly through the huge windows in the upstairs studio... and the fact that I was sitting on a super spinny/rolly chair! The teacher remarked that spring was in the air as the whole class; teacher and myself included were being goofy.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Yesterday was a reasonably good day for practicing. Three hours was pretty much devoted to just the Bach opening movement. The other 2-3 hours were tidying up and securing some of the other dances. Most of the practicing was done on the Boesendorfer Piano that I will be using for my recital. I love that piano with a bloody passion.
At the very end of my practice session, I did a very short improvisation and it was awesome. It felt so good, It's so easy to let yourself go when you have an instrument that is so responsive and ... well just makes so much noise!
Anyway, the work I did last night was very focussed, and I feel good about it, but it's a little worrysome that I can't get around to playing everything in one night at the stage I'm at... with 75 minutes worth of music, it takes a chunk of time just to play it.. nevermind working on it and dissecting sections.
I had my teacher make a list of the areas that needed the most attention, so I can at least narrow down the work and use my time most efficiently. It's really helpful to have a list of things to work on.. it shows me that i'm actually getting things done. Otherwise, it's easy to play through something after working on something for a few hours and then concentrate on the mistakes that are still there, and apply them to the whole piece.. then you feel apathetic about what you have done.
I would have stayed at the university much longer, but I didn't have the car there, so there's only so late I could stay.
I went out in the evening... completely going against the lack of social life I'vebeen trying for... but I tried to
do some marking... but I needed my textbook.... and then I looked one thing up at home, but again I realize that I just plain ol need that text for marking these assignments.
Oh well.
Tonight I will be practicing again!!! yaya!
but bday dinnner for my daddy after work, then practicing in the evening.
At the very end of my practice session, I did a very short improvisation and it was awesome. It felt so good, It's so easy to let yourself go when you have an instrument that is so responsive and ... well just makes so much noise!
Anyway, the work I did last night was very focussed, and I feel good about it, but it's a little worrysome that I can't get around to playing everything in one night at the stage I'm at... with 75 minutes worth of music, it takes a chunk of time just to play it.. nevermind working on it and dissecting sections.
I had my teacher make a list of the areas that needed the most attention, so I can at least narrow down the work and use my time most efficiently. It's really helpful to have a list of things to work on.. it shows me that i'm actually getting things done. Otherwise, it's easy to play through something after working on something for a few hours and then concentrate on the mistakes that are still there, and apply them to the whole piece.. then you feel apathetic about what you have done.
I would have stayed at the university much longer, but I didn't have the car there, so there's only so late I could stay.
I went out in the evening... completely going against the lack of social life I'vebeen trying for... but I tried to
do some marking... but I needed my textbook.... and then I looked one thing up at home, but again I realize that I just plain ol need that text for marking these assignments.
Oh well.
Tonight I will be practicing again!!! yaya!
but bday dinnner for my daddy after work, then practicing in the evening.
Friday, March 09, 2007
That'll learn me!
Apparently I actually missed out on something went I couldn't go to choir last week...
We've been working on my cookie song, yay!
But more importantly, one of the girls in the choir, bless her heart, actually made the cookies according to the recipe in the song!!! And she said they were some of the best cookies she'd ever made.
(Phew, I was worried that someone might do that, and they would be bad- my recipe was pretty much a mixture of several other recipes, based on how the ingredients sounded best)
Anyway, she said she'd make more another time.. so I guess I have to start going...
We've been working on my cookie song, yay!
But more importantly, one of the girls in the choir, bless her heart, actually made the cookies according to the recipe in the song!!! And she said they were some of the best cookies she'd ever made.
(Phew, I was worried that someone might do that, and they would be bad- my recipe was pretty much a mixture of several other recipes, based on how the ingredients sounded best)
Anyway, she said she'd make more another time.. so I guess I have to start going...
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Argh,
kill me now
theory marking is driving me insane... the poorer the class does, the more time it takes to mark them... you can tell how stressed I am in general... every few minutes, I look down and see another one of my hairs lying on the sheet/table...
No, I'm not just losing hair... I have a tendency to pull at my hair when I'm tired/stressed/mentally overworked or presently all of the above.
Lesson today was not reassuring. nor inspiring. The responsibility is all mine at this point.
anyway, back to marking.... at this point I think I'm not going to end up practicing tonight.. too late to go to the school, and when my parents get home, it will be too late to start practicing...
Fuckity-Fuck.
...
Fuck!
mumbly mumbly
kill me now
theory marking is driving me insane... the poorer the class does, the more time it takes to mark them... you can tell how stressed I am in general... every few minutes, I look down and see another one of my hairs lying on the sheet/table...
No, I'm not just losing hair... I have a tendency to pull at my hair when I'm tired/stressed/mentally overworked or presently all of the above.
Lesson today was not reassuring. nor inspiring. The responsibility is all mine at this point.
anyway, back to marking.... at this point I think I'm not going to end up practicing tonight.. too late to go to the school, and when my parents get home, it will be too late to start practicing...
Fuckity-Fuck.
...
Fuck!
mumbly mumbly
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Poopy
Some thoughts about Diabetic Retinopathy, taken from a site on complications of diabetes:
It usually takes between 10-13 years for diabetic retinopathy to develop and it is present in some degree in most diabetics who have had the disease for 20 years.
It usually takes between 10-13 years for diabetic retinopathy to develop and it is present in some degree in most diabetics who have had the disease for 20 years.
I have been diabetic for almost 17 years now, and today's eye appointment revealed that I have early signs of this complication. He assured me that it is nothing to lose sleep over, it just means that I should tighten up my control.
Finally, I'm seeing the results of living the last 17 years under less than good control of my diabetes. A reminder of the reality of my medical situation. Anyway, I am going to make some serious changes to the way I care for my diabetes, and those changes have already started. I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist in May, so that will give me direct feedback on how beneficial these changes have been for my control.
Finally, I'm seeing the results of living the last 17 years under less than good control of my diabetes. A reminder of the reality of my medical situation. Anyway, I am going to make some serious changes to the way I care for my diabetes, and those changes have already started. I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist in May, so that will give me direct feedback on how beneficial these changes have been for my control.
I think I'm officially in hardcore practice mode now.
Third day in a row I was at the school well past midnight.
Tonight I was there until after 3am.
I love the night janitor at the school, who lets me into the hall to practice.
It was a good and a bad night for practicing. Early on and even until 2am it didn't feel like I had accomplished anything... at 2 am, I did pretty much a run through of Bach and Beethoven parts.
Just after that, I did another run through of everything memorized in those... I forced myself to go all the way through the Beethoven. My first time performing it as a single entity. The piece makes some sense, I just hope I can do it justice by cleaning up my fingers..
The first run through was pretty rough for both pieces... the second time through the Beethoven, it was considerably better... enough that I am confident I will have an acceptable version of it to present at my recital. Damn those tricky bits!
Bach is almost memorized now... except for the Sarabande... and the outside parts of the Overture really don't want to stick... basically I can't memorize slow Bach for shit.
In other news, the Sax class was tonight, and it went quite well. Apparently whatever I did to fake my way through those impossible little sections was convincing enough. Anyway, the saxophonist was happy with our performance, and she should be, she got a very good mark from the adjudicator, and some really top notch comments.
Tomorrow I will have very big pupils.... let hope I don't have diabetic retinopathy to go with them!! I hope my eyeglass Rx hasn't changed, as I can't afford new glasses.
Third day in a row I was at the school well past midnight.
Tonight I was there until after 3am.
I love the night janitor at the school, who lets me into the hall to practice.
It was a good and a bad night for practicing. Early on and even until 2am it didn't feel like I had accomplished anything... at 2 am, I did pretty much a run through of Bach and Beethoven parts.
Just after that, I did another run through of everything memorized in those... I forced myself to go all the way through the Beethoven. My first time performing it as a single entity. The piece makes some sense, I just hope I can do it justice by cleaning up my fingers..
The first run through was pretty rough for both pieces... the second time through the Beethoven, it was considerably better... enough that I am confident I will have an acceptable version of it to present at my recital. Damn those tricky bits!
Bach is almost memorized now... except for the Sarabande... and the outside parts of the Overture really don't want to stick... basically I can't memorize slow Bach for shit.
In other news, the Sax class was tonight, and it went quite well. Apparently whatever I did to fake my way through those impossible little sections was convincing enough. Anyway, the saxophonist was happy with our performance, and she should be, she got a very good mark from the adjudicator, and some really top notch comments.
Tomorrow I will have very big pupils.... let hope I don't have diabetic retinopathy to go with them!! I hope my eyeglass Rx hasn't changed, as I can't afford new glasses.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Sorry about that...
Just a reminder of what i'm like in the morning, for those who don't get to experience me in the mornings much.
I've been lucky to not really have too many early mornings.
I guess I shouldn't complain my parents wanted to take me for breakfast to catch up with me and tell me about their last 2 weeks in the Dominican Republic. I probably just should have gotten to bed earlier... oopsie.
Aside from that grumpiness right at the outset, today is going well.
I'm about to practice a little before I have that little singer come over for a rehearsal.
Just a reminder of what i'm like in the morning, for those who don't get to experience me in the mornings much.
I've been lucky to not really have too many early mornings.
I guess I shouldn't complain my parents wanted to take me for breakfast to catch up with me and tell me about their last 2 weeks in the Dominican Republic. I probably just should have gotten to bed earlier... oopsie.
Aside from that grumpiness right at the outset, today is going well.
I'm about to practice a little before I have that little singer come over for a rehearsal.
NO! These are NOT new fucking glasses
It never ceases to amaze me (in an angry way) how many people think that my blue raybans are new!
I got them last fucking November... as in a year and a half ago!
I wear them and my old ones about half and half... so if you haven't seen them and you still think they're new, it's because
a)you don't pay attention you goat-sukcing whore
b)you're not important enough in my life to see me more than twice in the last year and a half
or most likely
c) you are a stupid ass faced- dumb fuck , fuck!
In conclusion, good morning world!!
I got them last fucking November... as in a year and a half ago!
I wear them and my old ones about half and half... so if you haven't seen them and you still think they're new, it's because
a)you don't pay attention you goat-sukcing whore
b)you're not important enough in my life to see me more than twice in the last year and a half
or most likely
c) you are a stupid ass faced- dumb fuck , fuck!
In conclusion, good morning world!!
kinda feels like today was a waste.
I practiced for a while between a rehearsal at school and ballet accompanying, but then I felt a little apathetic and chose to lay down for a while, not really getting any sleep.
After ballet was a festival class.. I got home around 8 or just after,I checked email and flight status, it said it was on time. I had to leave house around 915 to get to pharmacy, which couldn't fill the Rx I wanted anyway, so that was a waste, and then I spent 40 minutes sitting in the airport waiting for parents. I could have had a whole extra hour of practice!
After all was said and done, and I got my parents home and fed and all that, I got to the school just before midnight. I practiced until 2 am. I should have stayed later, but my friend who I was driving home needed to go home and sleep. I should also do that, cause I do have to wake up tomorrow.
Quick summary of tomorrow - rehearsal and meeting at school, rehearsal with little singer, festival class for saxophone in evening, practicing til late at night. I miss the earlier part of this year when tuesdays were my day to sleep late in the afternoon, then wake up and still have the most productive day of practicing of the whole week.
Anyway, I should be able to bring back the productivity tomorrow. Some time in the afternoon, I need to practice and buff up the sax piece, and then the evening will be my own practicing. Tomorrow needs to be a working on Bach day. Today was Beethoven and yesterday was Liszt. I'm being quite productive, BUT I should really be working on each piece every day.
Memory is coming along on all of them. Liszt is closest... only a bit more to go. It's fitting into my memory quite comfortably. Beethoven... the first needs more repetition and I really need to work on the third. The other movements are there, it's just a matter of pushing the tempo. Bach... eep, this is far to similar to the condition it was in last lesson. The very last page is not memorized, nor is the Sarabande. Add to that the fact that I haven't played the first movement in anything but the small sections I've divided it into. I need to get used to playing it as a whole single movement. Odd that after last weeks lesson, I was in disagrrement with David about this being the worrysome piece, but now I'm seeing his point... Oh well, Tomorrow I will solve all of those problems.. and more... yes, thats what will happen!
I practiced for a while between a rehearsal at school and ballet accompanying, but then I felt a little apathetic and chose to lay down for a while, not really getting any sleep.
After ballet was a festival class.. I got home around 8 or just after,I checked email and flight status, it said it was on time. I had to leave house around 915 to get to pharmacy, which couldn't fill the Rx I wanted anyway, so that was a waste, and then I spent 40 minutes sitting in the airport waiting for parents. I could have had a whole extra hour of practice!
After all was said and done, and I got my parents home and fed and all that, I got to the school just before midnight. I practiced until 2 am. I should have stayed later, but my friend who I was driving home needed to go home and sleep. I should also do that, cause I do have to wake up tomorrow.
Quick summary of tomorrow - rehearsal and meeting at school, rehearsal with little singer, festival class for saxophone in evening, practicing til late at night. I miss the earlier part of this year when tuesdays were my day to sleep late in the afternoon, then wake up and still have the most productive day of practicing of the whole week.
Anyway, I should be able to bring back the productivity tomorrow. Some time in the afternoon, I need to practice and buff up the sax piece, and then the evening will be my own practicing. Tomorrow needs to be a working on Bach day. Today was Beethoven and yesterday was Liszt. I'm being quite productive, BUT I should really be working on each piece every day.
Memory is coming along on all of them. Liszt is closest... only a bit more to go. It's fitting into my memory quite comfortably. Beethoven... the first needs more repetition and I really need to work on the third. The other movements are there, it's just a matter of pushing the tempo. Bach... eep, this is far to similar to the condition it was in last lesson. The very last page is not memorized, nor is the Sarabande. Add to that the fact that I haven't played the first movement in anything but the small sections I've divided it into. I need to get used to playing it as a whole single movement. Odd that after last weeks lesson, I was in disagrrement with David about this being the worrysome piece, but now I'm seeing his point... Oh well, Tomorrow I will solve all of those problems.. and more... yes, thats what will happen!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Musical theater day was a little much today, not that I completely dislike it, but I just wasn't in a very musical theater headspace today.
I came home and was super productive, I cleaned the kitchen which had become quite grodey since a certain sister and brother in law came in town... (and yes, i know you are probably reading this!!!), tisk tisk.
I also changed some light bulbs which I had just been living without for the past 2 weeks.
Then I went outside and attempted to use the snowblower.... it took a while to figure out how to start it and then the general controls, but I managed! Anyway, even the power of such a mechanical shitbox couldn't handle some of the snow that I had let build up over the past week or so. I really don't think I was using it right because it still involved a large amount of effort on my part, I thought I was just supposed to press a button and then all the snow would disappear.
Actually, I make it sound like I'm stupider than I really am(not to lessen my stupidity).
I only realized at the very end that you could and should use both the garbler-ma-jiggy train as well as the drive train... I had been running the garbler-ma-jiggy and actually pushing the snowblower-thus creating much more work for myself.
Anyway, I have a headache now from the smell of gas that is lingering around. Tonight is practicing, but I can't decide if I should go to the school or not. The Gills are out and about, but I'm not sure how late in the evening, but I probably won't be willing to go out to the school if I wait late enough to have been somewhat productive and then get interrupted when they get back.. so I've just decided that I will go to the school.
And we're off!
I came home and was super productive, I cleaned the kitchen which had become quite grodey since a certain sister and brother in law came in town... (and yes, i know you are probably reading this!!!), tisk tisk.
I also changed some light bulbs which I had just been living without for the past 2 weeks.
Then I went outside and attempted to use the snowblower.... it took a while to figure out how to start it and then the general controls, but I managed! Anyway, even the power of such a mechanical shitbox couldn't handle some of the snow that I had let build up over the past week or so. I really don't think I was using it right because it still involved a large amount of effort on my part, I thought I was just supposed to press a button and then all the snow would disappear.
Actually, I make it sound like I'm stupider than I really am(not to lessen my stupidity).
I only realized at the very end that you could and should use both the garbler-ma-jiggy train as well as the drive train... I had been running the garbler-ma-jiggy and actually pushing the snowblower-thus creating much more work for myself.
Anyway, I have a headache now from the smell of gas that is lingering around. Tonight is practicing, but I can't decide if I should go to the school or not. The Gills are out and about, but I'm not sure how late in the evening, but I probably won't be willing to go out to the school if I wait late enough to have been somewhat productive and then get interrupted when they get back.. so I've just decided that I will go to the school.
And we're off!
Long Day
Worked 9-5, as per usual. Came home for supper with Sister and Brother in law, went to friend's recital, practiced for a short while, went to social as designated driver, came home.
I had brought my Liszt with me to the recital in case I had some extra time, which I did. Not much, but I managed to get at least half an hour of work done... from this time, I secured the third page into the memory. The first say five pages of the piece don't require a lot of technical practice/repetition, so they don't stick in the memory as well as the other sections that I had to play a hundred times just to get them to half tempo.... Anyway, this was some frustrating work to reinforce the mental and physical organization of the section into tangibility. I know I will have to do similar work again next time I go to it, but it won't be nearly as frustrating.
Socializing tonight was fun, but I felt guilty, and thus from now on... no more social life whatsoever. I have a good idea of the immense amount of work I have to still do, so all of my spare time will be spent practicing. This is the kind of dedication that only the inspiration of being so close to the end of a degree can provide!
Exciting news is that my jury will consist of my ensemble piece from new music ensemble.... meaning no new music to learn for my jury... which was a frightening prospect for the few weeks after my recital. The ensemble is pretty kick-ass and they've agreed to do it, including the conductor! I'm excited to perform this piece in the noon hour recital on the Wednesday before my recital.
Alas, I need sleep, and there are not enough hours in the day to provide me with a full night's sleep before having to be at the ballet tomorrow for more rehearsals. Oh Shit, I also realized that I have to pick my parents up from the airport tomorrow evening.. at a time that prevents a long evening of practice.... poop. Oh well,I will make the best of my time!
good night.
I had brought my Liszt with me to the recital in case I had some extra time, which I did. Not much, but I managed to get at least half an hour of work done... from this time, I secured the third page into the memory. The first say five pages of the piece don't require a lot of technical practice/repetition, so they don't stick in the memory as well as the other sections that I had to play a hundred times just to get them to half tempo.... Anyway, this was some frustrating work to reinforce the mental and physical organization of the section into tangibility. I know I will have to do similar work again next time I go to it, but it won't be nearly as frustrating.
Socializing tonight was fun, but I felt guilty, and thus from now on... no more social life whatsoever. I have a good idea of the immense amount of work I have to still do, so all of my spare time will be spent practicing. This is the kind of dedication that only the inspiration of being so close to the end of a degree can provide!
Exciting news is that my jury will consist of my ensemble piece from new music ensemble.... meaning no new music to learn for my jury... which was a frightening prospect for the few weeks after my recital. The ensemble is pretty kick-ass and they've agreed to do it, including the conductor! I'm excited to perform this piece in the noon hour recital on the Wednesday before my recital.
Alas, I need sleep, and there are not enough hours in the day to provide me with a full night's sleep before having to be at the ballet tomorrow for more rehearsals. Oh Shit, I also realized that I have to pick my parents up from the airport tomorrow evening.. at a time that prevents a long evening of practice.... poop. Oh well,I will make the best of my time!
good night.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I came home, I checked the mail... and there it was
U of Alberta letter... I knew it would be their decision-good or bad.
I got nervous, not wanting to open it.
It took me a while.
I went over my thoughts. UBC and McGill were my top two schools; not happy about being rejected, but U of Alberta was within the realm of possibility. A rejection from them would be a blow to the system that would make me rethink my plans for the future. In my head, I ranked U of A as fourth choice of 5... U of M being the one I really didn't want to be stuck at.... so if I got a rejection, it would basically mean, I was most likely stuck here.
I opened the letter.
My heart sunk as I read the same opening sentence as in the previous letters: "Thank you for your application ..." as I read on about the assessment panel, I looked away as I wasn't prepared to read the next line about my qualifications.
But as my eyes had moved, they passed over words like funding-packages and April.... words that gave me reason enough to pull the letter back up to my eyes.
As I continued from where I left off, I was pleased to read that they were pleased to reccommend me to the faculty of graduate studies program. I guess what this means is that if everything checks out on my paperwork, which it will, I have been accepted and I just need to wait for the official acceptance notice.
The moral of the story is:
I have somewhere to go next year. I have direction in my life. I am not stuck in the same city I have grown up in. I am happy about the present state of things and I am excited about the future.
I'm mostly happy that knowing I'm accepted somewhere, I can stop worrying, whatever news comes in the next envelope can only make things better.
Now, I go to accompany dance and then practice my ass off.
Lesson wasn't great nor terrible. He was happy enough with my Liszt, so it's just a matter of memorizing that one. The Bach, he's concerned about security of memory and stuff, but I'll keep at that.
Beethoven we didn't touch, and that's my biggest worry, so I'm gonna keep working at that one!
I'm just worried that if I play things slowly... it will eat up too much time of my recital and I want t make sure there is enough time for the dance!
U of Alberta letter... I knew it would be their decision-good or bad.
I got nervous, not wanting to open it.
It took me a while.
I went over my thoughts. UBC and McGill were my top two schools; not happy about being rejected, but U of Alberta was within the realm of possibility. A rejection from them would be a blow to the system that would make me rethink my plans for the future. In my head, I ranked U of A as fourth choice of 5... U of M being the one I really didn't want to be stuck at.... so if I got a rejection, it would basically mean, I was most likely stuck here.
I opened the letter.
My heart sunk as I read the same opening sentence as in the previous letters: "Thank you for your application ..." as I read on about the assessment panel, I looked away as I wasn't prepared to read the next line about my qualifications.
But as my eyes had moved, they passed over words like funding-packages and April.... words that gave me reason enough to pull the letter back up to my eyes.
As I continued from where I left off, I was pleased to read that they were pleased to reccommend me to the faculty of graduate studies program. I guess what this means is that if everything checks out on my paperwork, which it will, I have been accepted and I just need to wait for the official acceptance notice.
The moral of the story is:
I have somewhere to go next year. I have direction in my life. I am not stuck in the same city I have grown up in. I am happy about the present state of things and I am excited about the future.
I'm mostly happy that knowing I'm accepted somewhere, I can stop worrying, whatever news comes in the next envelope can only make things better.
Now, I go to accompany dance and then practice my ass off.
Lesson wasn't great nor terrible. He was happy enough with my Liszt, so it's just a matter of memorizing that one. The Bach, he's concerned about security of memory and stuff, but I'll keep at that.
Beethoven we didn't touch, and that's my biggest worry, so I'm gonna keep working at that one!
I'm just worried that if I play things slowly... it will eat up too much time of my recital and I want t make sure there is enough time for the dance!
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