current mood: not angry, not sad; utterly dissapointed and bummed out

Nobody likes waking up to bad news; if you let it, it can ruin your day.
Today my dad called me and then the mail arrived so he asked if he should open and read a letter from U of M Grad studies. I said yes.

It turns out I didn't even make it past the first round for the SSHRC(17,500$ scholarship for grad studies). I'm not too surprised, while I was going through the process, the lady said she wouldn't accept it more than a few days late because she had far more applications than normal, and they always have more applications than they can put forward. As a result, mine was not one of the applications they decided to send forward to the National committee.
What the scholarship would have meant was that I would have the financial freedom to go to any university that would accept me, regardless of other scholarships.
Now it means that I will have to a) make a lot of money this summer and save it well and b) make my decision of a school to attend based a lot more on money. In the end, I might actually have to take out a loan in order to attend grad school.
Actually, I have been lucky to be finacially afloat nearing the end of my undergrad program, thanks to living at my parents and working hard during the summers.
I don't think this change will make any difference in my choice, but I'm disspointed that I won't be getting that free ride.
I now continue with the application process to the remaining schools and wait.
I'm waiting for 2 things:
1) that they think I'm even good enough to accept me into the program and
2) (doubtful) that I'm so awesome that they want to throw lots of money at me...
I'll stay realistic, this is Canada...even if they want to give me money, it will only be enough to cover tuition... I'll have to come up with my own money for living and whatnot.... geez it's almost like I'm going to have to enter the real world and be accountable for myself.... yuck!


Anyway, I'm still excited about grad school. I just wish that this was either good news, or that they waited til after the holidays to inform me.... It sucks that they make you wait for the good news, but they tell you the bad right away!