Am I morally wrong?
I've been criticized with having made a "gradual descent into your alternate reality of moral superiority" and not fearing recourse for what I say.
Basically, I don't think I've put myself on a pedestal. I've said time and time again, that I'm a bastard or whatnot, not to be self-pitying or funny, rather pointing out that I do realise that I do make mistakes, and am certainly not a good person.
In all honesty, I have been hard pressed to find morality on the internet. It is but a quick glance into different worlds, different lives. The morality brought up by the internet is on issues surrounding internet habits, like pornography, and fraud (whether it be a pedophile posing as a child or stealing credit card information). Im not here to say that this is terrible, regardless of how I feel. And Im certainly not here to say that this blog is any different from the rest of the internet. Im not using my blog to make the world a better place. I have been using it as a sounding board.
HOW many times have I pleaded for people to give me valued feedback on things I say, opinions I hold?!? Still, those who are the ones really passing judgement are sitting back and passing that judgement silently on me, or perhaps they will post emotional defensive comments when I have made mistakes and offended people.
I will attempt to sum up why my relations with Richard are such a big deal to me:
I took lessons with Richard for a long time, as a result, I owe him worlds of gratitude for developing me into the musician I am today. I also owe him to the development of me as a person, he taught me not only how to play, but how to appreciate and love music. Richard was never a just clinical teacher who would just sit back and listen to you play and tell you how to play better. He certainly became a father figure to me, someone who loved me and could understand how much music meant to me, more than actual members of my family ever will. When it came time to go to university, I knew I would have to stop taking lessons with him and go to one of the university teachers. I didn't want to stop altogether, so I started with Organ lessons. All around this time, I heard warnings about what The school of music at U of M does to people. And specifically I heard the story about one of his former students who, while at school, started treating Richard badly and acted as if he was better than Richard. It wasn't til after he moved away to a new school that he realised his ignorance. Many times I was told this story with the 'don't let it happen to you' warning implied.
All along, this idea has been with me. I've tried to be conscious of my views and whatnot, to avoid becoming snobby like the story. Importantly, I asked those close to me to keep an eye on changes in my personality and musical ideals. I asked people from school, Richard, his son, and Andy-Pandy to keep me in check. If in fact I have been making a "gradual descent into your alternate reality of moral superiority" such as Richard warned, please tell me. I will be dissapointed with myself and also with those around me who saw this coming but spared me for whatever reason.
When I stopped taking lessons with Richard, it was a very difficult decision and even more difficult to tell him. He took it very badly and we didn't talk for months. Even though it was my decision to stop the lessons, when Richard took this as a personal thing, our relationship died. I lost my musical father. more than that, I was disowned by him.
Things have gotten better slowly, but it's empty. I have no idea what he thinks of me anymore, and I've been struggling with that since.
Especially to those close to this situation, please just simply answer me this:
Have I changed in a bad way? Has what I've been trying to do as musical development actually turned me into a snobby musician?

I appologize. I hope that the damage I have done is not irreversible. If I have turned into a snobby, bad person, i shall be disturbed by the fact that I am in fact a bad person, and I ask those who care to help me to change.