do you ever get the feeling that you have too many distractions and you just want to make everything go away? I do... right now, thats why I'm writing about it, silly.
A while ago, Burleson pointed out that Im obviously at a poinbt in my development where I'm up in the air about what I want. I thought it made sense at the time, but now it really does. I thought that it was represented by trying to do all these things... but really im still only doing a few, but they're clouded with distractions. I know this doesn't make sense, but I think thats something that is clouding things: logic... I've been randomly more random lately, which is a sign that Im surpressing my randomnosity with logic. I'm also avoiding things that I have proven to myself to be simple.. like practicing productively. Little things like not forcing myself to play for longer than my short attention span wants. Back to the logic thing... I need to follow my emotions and gut reactions more. I've been sitting here trying to force logic upon issues of unrest in my life. why?
Im not sure what is coming in the short future for me, but I feel the winds of change, and I'm not entirely frightened. mumbly mumbly
ya that feeling of the distractions... im not sure if I can solve it with just avoiding them... I've been trying that for a long time.
There is something inside me that is preventing me from being the success as a musician (in any form) that I feel I should be and I'm getting frustrated at not being able to find what it is. I've been trying the method of slowly peeling back the layers of the onion to find out, but I'm wondering whether I should just chop the onion right in half, or maybe chunks. or maybe not.
I think the concensus that I have personally reached is that I am convinced that I have some bit of musical genius in me, perhaps that I am meant to make a difference somehow. I know this is probably selfish and oveconfidant, but with that mindset, I will be able to focus all my energies on music and if that spark is there, it will emerge. Then it will lead me to what my calling in music really is. Burleson was completely right. There is something electrifyingly exciting about being up in the air about which field of music or whatnot is the best for me.
Please comment, let me know if it's stupid to be this cocky. On the otherhand, if i'm not destined for greatness, what is the point in just doing something that could be done by any other musician? Is there a purpose in the life of a musician... is there a purpose in life?
too much thinky for night time... Im gonna go buy stuff for cheap at big stores, crawling with lots of people tomorrow... the winnipeg waym especially on BOXING DAY!!!!