I LOVE my dancer!!!

I had been getting worried as I hadn't rehearsed with my dancer since early February.... and my recital is in 9 days. You do the math...
Communication had been poor over the last month, but I had let it slide as I felt that this part of the recital will go well no matter what, and it's the shortest part of the recital... but as the gap grew, I started worrying...
Anyway, all worries are deceased at this moment and I don't think there is anything that could revive them.
Our rehearsal tonight was AMAZING.
We decided on a theme (Leaving).
We also nailed down a form that allows a LOT of flexibility, BUT creates a sense of unity and highlights the communication between myself and the dancer.

It's basically a basic set of structural decisions:
1)Entry-dancer places suitcase on ground
2)The middle will have 3 or 4 sections, each of which:
-she opens the suitcase, sighs, then takes something out of the suitcase and that section occurs.
-musically there will be a recurring theme/motif that will accompany this to mark the form.
3) the last time she opens the suitcase, then looks in it and then closes it and starts to walk towards the door, then making one last circle around the stage before leaving.

I'm not sure if it seems really specific or really vague.. all I know is that it works.
We did that exact form twice tonight after refining the basic concept. Once with 4 sections, then again with only 3. In each section we were able to explore completely different styles of music/movement. The great thing about having the repeated motif of opening the suitcase is that it allows for a sense of continuation between sections, which can translate as character development, or some kind of cohesion...

Anyway, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm really really really excited about this dance portion of my recital.

Ooh, about lesson today:
I sorta got the validation I wanted. Teacher is confident that I would pass if I played my recital as I did today. That means that everything I improve on today would be moving towards excellence(my words...not his). I wasn't even satisfied with my performance today, but he put it in perspective for me.
And therefore, I will not stop now and say "a pass is good enough" because even though I know I will never achieve perfection, I will always strive for excellence, and I will achieve it. I will!

Anyway, that's enough blatant optimism.. more realistically, I'm acknowledging the hard work that I've done and will continue to do!

So, I got home tonight early.. I left the university at 10pm...eek
I feel good about my lesson tomorrow, I think.
I have done a huge amount of work this week and I know he'll notice, but it's just a matter of whether it is close enough for comfort.
Even though my teacher is claiming not to worry.. nothing would make me happier than if at my lesson tomorrow he said that he was satisfied with my level of preparation.
I know, myself, that there is a lot of work left to do, and I'm on the road to doing it. Right now, I'm just craving the validation that I'm on the right track.... or the solution to put me on the right track if I'm not already there.
I have a feeling that tomorrow I will hear that I'm vaguely on the right track, but I need to be moving along that track at a much faster pace...
oopsie!
Speaking of fast paced... how do these theory assignments keep coming in...?!? boo!
It just never ends.
anyway, congratulations to me for staying on top of everything... well almost.

I think 'm going to give up on keeping my readers posted on how I'm feeling about my preparation fot his bastard recital.... reason being that I just don't fucking know.
Just today, I've gone from multiple extremes of how I feel about it.
This afternoon, the Bach was just peachy, I worked hard on it for about 2 hours fixing all the little bitchy parts. Tonight I ran through most of it..and it totally fucked me up the ass!
With the Beethoven, I worked my ass off on sections just so I could get it working reasonably well at a few metronome markings slower than it had previously been working.
Once again, I didn't touch Liszt at all today.. and I have a feeling that I'm going to play it badly at me lesson, and then it will lessen the positive aspect of how the other pieces have improved.
At least I wasn't the only person practicing tonight... well I was after midnight...but one of the other people doing their recital next week was there.
The only thing keeping me going these days is that I know once this is over, I won't have to practice piano anymore ... at least not with the same intention/goal.
I do plan on working hardcore on technique this summer... as in making myself versatile as an improviser... I've wanted to brush up my technique for a long time, but repertoire has gotten in the way.

So I have a performance tomorrow that seems ridiculous... we haven't rehearsed it in well over a month.... and this is the SECOND time ever I've played with these people... I have a feeling that I'm doing far too much for this particular credit.
Once again, I can't wait for the feeling of relief once all this undergrad gobblygoop is done with!
Now, I'm off to mark papers... that's right... I said I'd have them done tomorrow... so 2 am marking it is!

weather = awesome, but mucky

festival = 2 classes today, spread a bit apart.. I used that time to practice... went to the music conservatory and asked to use a spare room.. they gave me a kick ass one! 1.5 hours of practicing... good stuff
After the second class, I went for a long lunch and marked theory papers.... then I went for a walk to pick up tickets for ballet, did some banking, and practiced for half an hour at the ballet school where I work. I tested out how productive I had been in the morning, and I reinforced the memory work I did earlier.
In conclusion - the Bach is now completely memorized, and I spent a lot of time on the last page so the finale of the piece will be reliable. That Sarabande was an absolute bitch to memorize, but I got it set today... of course I will still have to work at it's retention, but yay!
So far it's been a productive day, but I'm waiting for the car to come home so I can be yet further productive tonight.

Sadness= thinking I had nothing on the schedule for tomorrow, then being reminded that I have an extra rehearsal in the late morning... not late enough... Also... apparently I'm involved in a performance on the 14th... yuck.... oh well- both of these mean that I will be at the school earlier and I can force myself to make use of that time... but...
YUCK

oh well, back to productivity tonight!

I've never understood this daylight savings thing... I prefer the night. I want to run on nighttime savings time! The new day will run from noon until about 4am.... oh wait.. that is the schedule I've been running on.

Tonight, practiced on the Bosendorfer again... and I even actually remembered to give back the key afterwards... sadly...
but today was more of a Beethoven day, and a bit of checking in on the Bach. The new bit of the Sarabande that I learned lastnight stuck! yay! Some of the tidbits I fixed int eh opening were there, and the memory was really secure.
Tonights work on Beethoven really secured and made me comfortable with the first movement. I also pushed the tempo a bit more on the March.
All in all, i think I had two really really good days of practicing, and they were both after a long day of other stuff.. so I'm confident I will continue to be productive this week and all the way up til my recital.

Ballet today, i had the oddest day. I was pretty incoherent all morning on account of my sugars being all funky. Even the teacher noticed.... as I was leaving for lunch I said "Well, I hope I'm more on the ball after lunch" to which she replied "I do too!". She has a very good ear for the musicality as it relates to dance.
First class back went well because I'm 100% comfortable with the music. At the end that class, and towards the end of the day, I just became silly. It was a mixture of the sun shining extra brightly through the huge windows in the upstairs studio... and the fact that I was sitting on a super spinny/rolly chair! The teacher remarked that spring was in the air as the whole class; teacher and myself included were being goofy.

Yesterday was a reasonably good day for practicing. Three hours was pretty much devoted to just the Bach opening movement. The other 2-3 hours were tidying up and securing some of the other dances. Most of the practicing was done on the Boesendorfer Piano that I will be using for my recital. I love that piano with a bloody passion.
At the very end of my practice session, I did a very short improvisation and it was awesome. It felt so good, It's so easy to let yourself go when you have an instrument that is so responsive and ... well just makes so much noise!
Anyway, the work I did last night was very focussed, and I feel good about it, but it's a little worrysome that I can't get around to playing everything in one night at the stage I'm at... with 75 minutes worth of music, it takes a chunk of time just to play it.. nevermind working on it and dissecting sections.
I had my teacher make a list of the areas that needed the most attention, so I can at least narrow down the work and use my time most efficiently. It's really helpful to have a list of things to work on.. it shows me that i'm actually getting things done. Otherwise, it's easy to play through something after working on something for a few hours and then concentrate on the mistakes that are still there, and apply them to the whole piece.. then you feel apathetic about what you have done.
I would have stayed at the university much longer, but I didn't have the car there, so there's only so late I could stay.
I went out in the evening... completely going against the lack of social life I'vebeen trying for... but I tried to
do some marking... but I needed my textbook.... and then I looked one thing up at home, but again I realize that I just plain ol need that text for marking these assignments.
Oh well.
Tonight I will be practicing again!!! yaya!
but bday dinnner for my daddy after work, then practicing in the evening.

That'll learn me!

Apparently I actually missed out on something went I couldn't go to choir last week...
We've been working on my cookie song, yay!
But more importantly, one of the girls in the choir, bless her heart, actually made the cookies according to the recipe in the song!!! And she said they were some of the best cookies she'd ever made.
(Phew, I was worried that someone might do that, and they would be bad- my recipe was pretty much a mixture of several other recipes, based on how the ingredients sounded best)
Anyway, she said she'd make more another time.. so I guess I have to start going...

Argh,
kill me now
theory marking is driving me insane... the poorer the class does, the more time it takes to mark them... you can tell how stressed I am in general... every few minutes, I look down and see another one of my hairs lying on the sheet/table...
No, I'm not just losing hair... I have a tendency to pull at my hair when I'm tired/stressed/mentally overworked or presently all of the above.

Lesson today was not reassuring. nor inspiring. The responsibility is all mine at this point.
anyway, back to marking.... at this point I think I'm not going to end up practicing tonight.. too late to go to the school, and when my parents get home, it will be too late to start practicing...

Fuckity-Fuck.



...
Fuck!
mumbly mumbly

Poopy

Some thoughts about Diabetic Retinopathy, taken from a site on complications of diabetes:
It usually takes between 10-13 years for diabetic retinopathy to develop and it is present in some degree in most diabetics who have had the disease for 20 years.

I have been diabetic for almost 17 years now, and today's eye appointment revealed that I have early signs of this complication. He assured me that it is nothing to lose sleep over, it just means that I should tighten up my control.
Finally, I'm seeing the results of living the last 17 years under less than good control of my diabetes. A reminder of the reality of my medical situation. Anyway, I am going to make some serious changes to the way I care for my diabetes, and those changes have already started. I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist in May, so that will give me direct feedback on how beneficial these changes have been for my control.

I think I'm officially in hardcore practice mode now.
Third day in a row I was at the school well past midnight.
Tonight I was there until after 3am.
I love the night janitor at the school, who lets me into the hall to practice.
It was a good and a bad night for practicing. Early on and even until 2am it didn't feel like I had accomplished anything... at 2 am, I did pretty much a run through of Bach and Beethoven parts.
Just after that, I did another run through of everything memorized in those... I forced myself to go all the way through the Beethoven. My first time performing it as a single entity. The piece makes some sense, I just hope I can do it justice by cleaning up my fingers..
The first run through was pretty rough for both pieces... the second time through the Beethoven, it was considerably better... enough that I am confident I will have an acceptable version of it to present at my recital. Damn those tricky bits!
Bach is almost memorized now... except for the Sarabande... and the outside parts of the Overture really don't want to stick... basically I can't memorize slow Bach for shit.

In other news, the Sax class was tonight, and it went quite well. Apparently whatever I did to fake my way through those impossible little sections was convincing enough. Anyway, the saxophonist was happy with our performance, and she should be, she got a very good mark from the adjudicator, and some really top notch comments.

Tomorrow I will have very big pupils.... let hope I don't have diabetic retinopathy to go with them!! I hope my eyeglass Rx hasn't changed, as I can't afford new glasses.

Sorry about that...
Just a reminder of what i'm like in the morning, for those who don't get to experience me in the mornings much.
I've been lucky to not really have too many early mornings.
I guess I shouldn't complain my parents wanted to take me for breakfast to catch up with me and tell me about their last 2 weeks in the Dominican Republic. I probably just should have gotten to bed earlier... oopsie.
Aside from that grumpiness right at the outset, today is going well.
I'm about to practice a little before I have that little singer come over for a rehearsal.

NO! These are NOT new fucking glasses

It never ceases to amaze me (in an angry way) how many people think that my blue raybans are new!
I got them last fucking November... as in a year and a half ago!
I wear them and my old ones about half and half... so if you haven't seen them and you still think they're new, it's because
a)you don't pay attention you goat-sukcing whore
b)you're not important enough in my life to see me more than twice in the last year and a half
or most likely
c) you are a stupid ass faced- dumb fuck , fuck!

In conclusion, good morning world!!

kinda feels like today was a waste.
I practiced for a while between a rehearsal at school and ballet accompanying, but then I felt a little apathetic and chose to lay down for a while, not really getting any sleep.
After ballet was a festival class.. I got home around 8 or just after,I checked email and flight status, it said it was on time. I had to leave house around 915 to get to pharmacy, which couldn't fill the Rx I wanted anyway, so that was a waste, and then I spent 40 minutes sitting in the airport waiting for parents. I could have had a whole extra hour of practice!
After all was said and done, and I got my parents home and fed and all that, I got to the school just before midnight. I practiced until 2 am. I should have stayed later, but my friend who I was driving home needed to go home and sleep. I should also do that, cause I do have to wake up tomorrow.
Quick summary of tomorrow - rehearsal and meeting at school, rehearsal with little singer, festival class for saxophone in evening, practicing til late at night. I miss the earlier part of this year when tuesdays were my day to sleep late in the afternoon, then wake up and still have the most productive day of practicing of the whole week.
Anyway, I should be able to bring back the productivity tomorrow. Some time in the afternoon, I need to practice and buff up the sax piece, and then the evening will be my own practicing. Tomorrow needs to be a working on Bach day. Today was Beethoven and yesterday was Liszt. I'm being quite productive, BUT I should really be working on each piece every day.
Memory is coming along on all of them. Liszt is closest... only a bit more to go. It's fitting into my memory quite comfortably. Beethoven... the first needs more repetition and I really need to work on the third. The other movements are there, it's just a matter of pushing the tempo. Bach... eep, this is far to similar to the condition it was in last lesson. The very last page is not memorized, nor is the Sarabande. Add to that the fact that I haven't played the first movement in anything but the small sections I've divided it into. I need to get used to playing it as a whole single movement. Odd that after last weeks lesson, I was in disagrrement with David about this being the worrysome piece, but now I'm seeing his point... Oh well, Tomorrow I will solve all of those problems.. and more... yes, thats what will happen!

Musical theater day was a little much today, not that I completely dislike it, but I just wasn't in a very musical theater headspace today.
I came home and was super productive, I cleaned the kitchen which had become quite grodey since a certain sister and brother in law came in town... (and yes, i know you are probably reading this!!!), tisk tisk.
I also changed some light bulbs which I had just been living without for the past 2 weeks.
Then I went outside and attempted to use the snowblower.... it took a while to figure out how to start it and then the general controls, but I managed! Anyway, even the power of such a mechanical shitbox couldn't handle some of the snow that I had let build up over the past week or so. I really don't think I was using it right because it still involved a large amount of effort on my part, I thought I was just supposed to press a button and then all the snow would disappear.
Actually, I make it sound like I'm stupider than I really am(not to lessen my stupidity).
I only realized at the very end that you could and should use both the garbler-ma-jiggy train as well as the drive train... I had been running the garbler-ma-jiggy and actually pushing the snowblower-thus creating much more work for myself.

Anyway, I have a headache now from the smell of gas that is lingering around. Tonight is practicing, but I can't decide if I should go to the school or not. The Gills are out and about, but I'm not sure how late in the evening, but I probably won't be willing to go out to the school if I wait late enough to have been somewhat productive and then get interrupted when they get back.. so I've just decided that I will go to the school.

And we're off!

Long Day

Worked 9-5, as per usual. Came home for supper with Sister and Brother in law, went to friend's recital, practiced for a short while, went to social as designated driver, came home.

I had brought my Liszt with me to the recital in case I had some extra time, which I did. Not much, but I managed to get at least half an hour of work done... from this time, I secured the third page into the memory. The first say five pages of the piece don't require a lot of technical practice/repetition, so they don't stick in the memory as well as the other sections that I had to play a hundred times just to get them to half tempo.... Anyway, this was some frustrating work to reinforce the mental and physical organization of the section into tangibility. I know I will have to do similar work again next time I go to it, but it won't be nearly as frustrating.
Socializing tonight was fun, but I felt guilty, and thus from now on... no more social life whatsoever. I have a good idea of the immense amount of work I have to still do, so all of my spare time will be spent practicing. This is the kind of dedication that only the inspiration of being so close to the end of a degree can provide!
Exciting news is that my jury will consist of my ensemble piece from new music ensemble.... meaning no new music to learn for my jury... which was a frightening prospect for the few weeks after my recital. The ensemble is pretty kick-ass and they've agreed to do it, including the conductor! I'm excited to perform this piece in the noon hour recital on the Wednesday before my recital.
Alas, I need sleep, and there are not enough hours in the day to provide me with a full night's sleep before having to be at the ballet tomorrow for more rehearsals. Oh Shit, I also realized that I have to pick my parents up from the airport tomorrow evening.. at a time that prevents a long evening of practice.... poop. Oh well,I will make the best of my time!
good night.

I came home, I checked the mail... and there it was
U of Alberta letter... I knew it would be their decision-good or bad.
I got nervous, not wanting to open it.
It took me a while.
I went over my thoughts. UBC and McGill were my top two schools; not happy about being rejected, but U of Alberta was within the realm of possibility. A rejection from them would be a blow to the system that would make me rethink my plans for the future. In my head, I ranked U of A as fourth choice of 5... U of M being the one I really didn't want to be stuck at.... so if I got a rejection, it would basically mean, I was most likely stuck here.
I opened the letter.
My heart sunk as I read the same opening sentence as in the previous letters: "Thank you for your application ..." as I read on about the assessment panel, I looked away as I wasn't prepared to read the next line about my qualifications.

But as my eyes had moved, they passed over words like funding-packages and April.... words that gave me reason enough to pull the letter back up to my eyes.
As I continued from where I left off, I was pleased to read that they were pleased to reccommend me to the faculty of graduate studies program. I guess what this means is that if everything checks out on my paperwork, which it will, I have been accepted and I just need to wait for the official acceptance notice.

The moral of the story is:
I have somewhere to go next year. I have direction in my life. I am not stuck in the same city I have grown up in. I am happy about the present state of things and I am excited about the future.
I'm mostly happy that knowing I'm accepted somewhere, I can stop worrying, whatever news comes in the next envelope can only make things better.

Now, I go to accompany dance and then practice my ass off.
Lesson wasn't great nor terrible. He was happy enough with my Liszt, so it's just a matter of memorizing that one. The Bach, he's concerned about security of memory and stuff, but I'll keep at that.
Beethoven we didn't touch, and that's my biggest worry, so I'm gonna keep working at that one!
I'm just worried that if I play things slowly... it will eat up too much time of my recital and I want t make sure there is enough time for the dance!

Post # 402!

I always seem to miss the hundred mark by just a few...
To make it up, I have something special for you all!
I'm going to head out the door in a short bit to practice for the evening. I practiced for an hour or so this afternoon.. but even more importantly, I made this:
Keep in mind that this is only the rough copy... I have all the information and wording the way I think I want them to be...but I am definitely going to be tweaking the positions of everything and I might even experiment with some text colour... crazy, I know!

I don't think I'm going to put effort into even making a serious poster this year. I'm happy enough with this one... although I might hear something different from my piano teacher.
Anyway, comments and suggestions would be appreciated!

Note to self (and to whoever reads), I think that between regular work, accompanying festival, marking midterms and assignments as well as the struggle to fit practice time in... I might be doing too much to be productive enough... oopsie! Nevertheless, I continue that struggle!

Saxophone = not so much death

Our first rehearsal went super well today!
She's taking the piece a bit under the tempo indicated, which is well appreciated by me.
Our ensemble is really good.
It seems like a completely different world when I think back to first and second years, in the accompanying class; it was always a struggle to stay together with the singer/instrumentalist. I didn't know how to listen to their tempo and how they played around with the rhythm and tempo.
now that's like second nature to me. It's somewhat frustrating to think that it's something I actually tried to work on.... in the end, I remember that one day it just clicked.
anyway, now it's there and that's all I care about.
At the end of the rehearsal, it was just a consensus that we both just need to brush up our own individual parts and then when we get together again, it will be spectacular!

I came home and napped. It was wonderful!

I practiced for an hour and a half this afternoon and then there will be more this evening. As for now, I should run off and watch a lesson and then accompany someone in the festival!
Fun
Fun
Fun

My aunt left on her cruise today, oh ya, My aunt had been staying at my house for a few days. It was nice to spend some time with her... even though I was barely around the last few days...

Saxophone Music is the Death of Pianists-
this is a general rule.
It's really hard, bastards!
Generally fast and hard, and it's reductions of Orchestral accompaniments... and because the saxophone is quite the loud instrument, when its loud, it really needs to be loud...

This is me rushing to get this damned saxophone piece up to tempo for our first rehearsal tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning is that rehearsal.. and right before that is a meeting with a prof so that I can get the midterms I have to mark this week... I have a feeling I have something to do between festival classes now... Unfortunately, today was the only day I had classes two in a row such that I probably should have stayed at the church in between.
Today was mildly frustrating.. so much stuff spaced so far apart.. yet not far enough apart.... oh well.

Tomorrow will be better, after the rehearsal in the morning.. I have the whole afternoon to practice my own piano music. Evening = observing a piano lesson and accompanying.

I'm Hardcore!

I put in an 8 hour day of pianoing today.
4 hours of playing for Musical Theatre and then at least 4 hours of actual practice, maybe more.
I spent most of that time on Bach, a little working on a saxophone piece I'm accompanying. Except for the opening movement and the last 2 movements which I didn't get to today, I'd say the rest is pretty much ready to perform. Up to tempo and memorized. The first movement is over half memorized and almost up to tempo. I made some pretty substantial strides in that one tonight.
I swore a lot tonight. The people practicing around me were actually scared because I was so vehement in my angry swearing... I think I need some Valium to induce chilling out...
Tomorrow, the craziness starts.. for example tomorrow here's the schedule:
10-12 am accompanying a visiting Dance Choreographer... probably a modern class, but I don't really know what to expect.
12:30-1pm quick rehearsal for singer I'm accompanying at....
1:30 pm I'm not sure which song.
3pm accompanying a different singer at the same location, French song
5-6:30 pm Ballet class.
Evening - I need to find the motivation to practice. I slacked enough this weekend already, I can't afford to take any evenings off.
Luckily, even though the day is pretty full, the middle stuff doesn't really involve a lot of playing.. the individual songs are only 5 minutes...actually less. it's just a pain that I have to make the whole time available.. because I don't know where in the timeframe they actually perform.
The dance related stuff.. ya, I'll play for the entire time... so I guess I will have about 4 hours of playing in total for the whole day anyway...

My goal for this week... to not get stressed beyond reason.

I had plans to have been super productive on the practicing front this weekend, but once again.. things got in the way. Friday I got a little done, and tonight I practiced about an hour between dinner and a movie. I was productive during the time I spent.. So far Beethoven is in far better shape. So much more work to do...
I could have stayed up later on friday to practice more, but I needed the sleep- and i'm glad I did.. Saturday didn't plod on like it sometimes does. And saturdays are difficult.... I play for 6 hours of the day.. it's hard to stay motivated to play more... PLUS I don't want to overdo things and cause injury. Everything in moderation.. even hardcore practicing.
I went for Sushi with Heather and Gareth tonight. I was adventurous and tried some new things.... mostly they were pretty damned good.. but the last one was too adventurous for me... Squid.... it smelled bad.. so I was off to a bad start.. and then the texture... far too much chewing involved. but it wasn't terrible.. just a little queasy felt my stomach.
Anyway, tomorrow is another wonderful afternoon of musical theater and then I'm going to practice my ass off in the evening. I will most likely take all my stuff when I go to the ballet and then head straight to the school for practice-o-rama thereafter. I think it's reasonable to aim for 4 hours of practice tomorrow.. that would take me to about 9 hours of piano playing tomorrow.... we'll see!

well, McGill didn't want me, I'm not surprised UBC didn't either. And theirs was one of the later applications... just over 3 weeks since their application deadline and I already know that I've been rejected.
At least that's out of the way, the two schools I really really wanted to go to have made their decisions. Now I'll just wait to hear from the other schools that I'm not as excited about.
And these two schools were consistent; they both gave the same reason for not accepting me... "because your qualifications are not competitive with other applicants".

I'll admit that I'm pissy as a result of this, but i'm not going to let it actually effect me. I am focussed on my recital right now and I'm going to practice tonight. I had a rehearsal just before this, and I have another rehearsal tonight with the singers that I am accompanying this upcoming week in the music festival.
Speaking of.. I probably won't be going to many classes this next week.. Not that I have many to begin with.. but just another excuse to not go... as if I need one.

Right now I wish I had a fair but of sustainable disposable income.
Approximately $800 plus $375 per month onwards....
I have never wanted an insulin pump, it's a tube that sticks inside you to deliver insulin from this box thing that you attach to your belt or something... it's always seemed so yucky to be attached to something like that. To use it, you still have to carry a tester around with you, seems like too much technology to have me.
Anyway, I've come across something I want, but I can't have a) because it's not available in Canada yet and b) it's too much damned money
the OmniPod system. The only thing actually on your body is the pod thingy, which has the insulin in it. The other part is a handheld PDA thing from which you control the pod. Anyway, being sans tube is really what I find attractive about the system. I know now that if I was going to change from Multiple Daily Injections, it would be to this system, or the others like it which I hope will soon follow and then be available to me.

yep, lesson today was pretty bad.. mixture of not having practiced the days before and not sleeping the night before. I really have to change the morning lessons, they're not good for anyone... I'm not just using that as a random excuse.. it's a really good excuse. I just don't function in the morning.
The good side is that the disheartening aspects of my lesson actually inspired/convinced me to practice on the day of my lesson. I do want to be prepared and I'm going to work very hard from here on in. it's going to be difficult next week with all the extra accompanying.. as well I will have a fair bit of marking to do for a midterm and some theory assignments too I'm sure. Nevertheless, I don't have any assignments of my own to worry about before my recital.. Dare I say it's all practical stuff for the next little while.
Tonight I practiced Beethoven. I reacquainted myself with the first movement to a degree that it actually sounds like I've played it before.... The march is getting closer.. I pushed the whole thing forward a good 10 metronome points just tonight alone.. it's at a hundred now(more or less) and I'd be thrilled to get it to a solid 140... to say nothing of the160 wanted by the recording I have.... it's memorized too! but the trio is not so much.. and I'll push that tempo too...
I got to the final movement later int he evening.. it's getting closer to a reasonable tempo. Anyway, I'm happy with the work and progress I made tonight, and that's what I'm aiming for each time I sit down to practice from here on in.

I got to listen to one of my school mates play her piano pieces tonight as a run through for a competition tomorrow, I couldn't really express to her how wonderful it sounded and how much she has grown as a musician even from the last time I heard her perform. So many of the people in her year are amazing musicians! I'm very excited to hear their recitals the week before mine!

ok, assignment done
I made it funny... as in unprofessional... but in a cutesy... and I covered all the important stuff,, just phrased in an interesting way.
whatever, I'm making it sound far worse than it actually is.

I practiced a little too.. ish maybe 45 minutes.. now I have decided to go out with a friend in place of a good night's sleep. anyway, I'll practice a few minutes more while waiting

i already know tomorrow's lesson will not be reassuring.. just over 2 weeks before I need to be prepared (as in the two week before rule) THATS SCARRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm hating this assignment.
I can't tell whether I'm hating it because it is a ridiculous assignment and we haven't actually been taught the pedagogical skills that we are being called upon to know and use for the assignment...
or
whether it's because this is my only academic course this term, and it is really the only thing right now preventing me from practicing and being very focussed on my recital.

It is both.
mostly the first one out of spite and malice

Speaking of things that take away focus from my recital:
Music Festival starts next week.
I have nowhere near as much business as last year, BUT it still looks as busy on my schedule.. well not really, but ya. I would love to just only have one focus to worry about.. my oh my that would be wonderful.. but apparently that never happens... ever!
Somehow I wish I had more festival accompanying to do for more money, but I really shouldn't and I won't.
but yes, I need to get on learning that rep.. most of it is simple, but there is a sax class I'm accompanying for, and saxophone repertoire is always insane!
For now, I should be done this project in under half an hour, then I will be able to reasonably get in about an hour and a bit of practice for my lesson tomorrow while leaving time to get a good night's sleep!

yuck, I started an assignment due thursday today... I should have started earlier, but then it just would have taken up three nights of my life instead of 2...
It's a stupid assignment that just takes up far too much time...
taking away far too much time from practicing..I did a bit of that today, but not enough.., and I wont do enough tomorrow either... but it's been a while since I had a lesson, so who knows what the verdict will be on.
Holy shit, I just looked at a calendar and my recital is coming up VZERY SOON! agrhgrh!
anyway, no stress. I'll do this assignment and then I'll be back on track in no time... . yes, thats what will happen.

Oy,
reading week is coming to an end quite quickly.. and I barely practiced...
I was in toronto this weekend for a Diabetes Youth Advocacy Convention, I got to TO a few hours early, so I wandered and found a practice room at U of T for all of 58 minutes of practicing ish. I was actually quite productive, only working on the most difficult sections. Luckily, the difficult passages are hard enough that I have to watch my hands rather than the sheet music.. so they're already memorized ish.
Anyway, the conference:
In reaction to the UN passing a resolution on Diabetes (recogognizing that access to supplies for diabetes should be considered a basic human right) the CDA is supporting a movement of Diabetes advocacy. We had a great day today gathering together and, in the end, identifying the 3 key difficulties and issues for canadian youth living with diabetics.
The issues are:

Funding - currently diabetic supplies are not regulated in how they are funded in different provinces. While manitoba covers the basics and then some, some provinces like Sask and NewFoundland don't cover them at all, leaving many diabetics with thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket expense just to live.

Access - Access to the basic supplies, endocrinologists and networking and social resources is also widely variable among provinces. One of the advocates lives in Regina, and she has to travel all the way to Edmonton just to see a Diabetic Specialist that is willing to treat a patient on an insulin pump.

and the one I feel the most strongly about:
Education - From every level! There is so much information out there currently about diabetes, yet the majority of the population remains ignorant as to the requirements, needs and problems faced by the youth of Canada with diabetes today.

With the United Nations recognizing these key areas as basic human rights, Canada needs to step up and be the leader in health that it traditionally has been in regards to diabetes.
Anyway, I've been filled with inspiring talk all day by motivational speakers, but yaI just wanted to say some stuff there...

My sleep this afternoon was acceptable, though not long enough.
I woke up and then went to accompany a singer's lesson with an absolutely delightful teacher with the most beautifully kind and gentle dog ever.
After that, I ate fast food out of desperation and lack of time - realizing I hadn't eaten since 9pm the night before. It left me feeling a little gross, but oh well.
Then it was to the concert hall. I played piano with the improvised electronic improvisation ensemble from school. It was very very successful. Then we got to watch the new music festival concert. I rather enjoyed the piece that was played at the concert, but I was bored and slightly nauseated by the inane chatter/discussion that was made part of the show.
I came home and watched Heather's wedding on the internet, the video turned out quite well. Then I've been practicing Bach. Memory is coming along...

Tomorrow I have to meet with the Theory prof about the midterm. I actually have it marked already. I made use of the waiting and downtime on my travels... I had almost finished marking it just on the way to Vegas. I finished it up during my layover in Edmonton.
Also on the list of things to do tomorrow are having lunch with a friend,and more piano practicing.
As for tonight, I'm going to get a head start on sleeping. If I can get a good 9 hours, I should be caught up for tomorrow.

JUST, got home.
Well over 24 hours since sleeping, so it will be a short update.
Long stories short... I wasted good luck in Winnipeg, therefore I'm poor again.
Wedding was marvelous and spending time with sister and brother-in-law was even better.
Overall, great time, Fi and I climbed a mountain yesterday...well 2/3rds up. Flights on the way back were looooong. and the 1am-6am layover was baaaaaaad, except for the other person in the same situation. Neither of us could sleep so we talked and passed the time away.
Today I have to get around to doing stuff.... I really need to sleep.. but I have to be somewhere in less than the 8 hours that i want to sleep.
Now I will sleep for a few hours and then go and do stuff, and then sleep tonight! then I will be all caught up and feel better tomorrow...
so yes, great trip! glad to be home, albeit somewhat sleep deprived!

"and we're goin to the chapel and we're.. gonna get ma-a-a-ried..."
well, not the royal we, but we as the Park family are marrying the Gill family on Sunday afternoon.
I'm quite excited. And the surprise that I have for them that I've worked very hard at keeping secret... well it's going to be just perfect! uh oh, I may have said too much. ANYWAY....
If any of you out there have nothing better to do on sunday afternoon and feel like being voyeurs... go here:
Treasure Island Live Weddings
and you can watch the wedding as it happens, or anytime after.
Wedding time is 2:30 their time, so 4:30 Sunday afternoon.
If that link doesn't work, just go to Treasure Island dot com and find the live weddings link.
I'm excited for every aspect of this weekend; the wedding, the drinking and general celebrations, the getting out of cold-ass Winnipeg, going to the desert, seeing a Cirque du Soleil show, winning a lot of money, losing a lot of money, sitting at a blackjack table for hours getting free liquor.. being together with so much family under such happy circumstances, meeting the rest of Gareth's family, possibly going to a medieval times type dinner.. meaning I will get to reenact the "silence of the lambs" scene from CableGuy.
So ya, I work tomorrow morning a 9, and then at noon, I rush to the airport. moral of the story is that I'm signing off of Winnipeg now, and getting some shut-eye!
I'll be sure to update you all when I'm back from the excitement!

great news,
I went to casino tonight to practice for Vegas... I hope I didn't waste my good luck tonight... but ya, I 'm up 250$, which is not bad at all for only going with 40$.
I started practicing what I call additive gambling... every time I won, I added another chip to my bet. At one point my betting pile was up to 9 (5 dollar chips) and I doubled down... and won! once you lose, you start back down at one chip again.. or more if you feel lucky...
anyway,i had a lot of fun with Gareth tonight
I saw the bastard old man at the casino again... but he didn't come near!

Updates on the earlier day:
Cookie piece - this went quite well. It is possible to sing!! There's always the possibility that you will write a piece for choir that just isn't possible, but ya - the choir seemed to be ok with it. Yes there are certainly challenges, but it is a great feeling to know that something you wrote will actually come into fruition.

Recording - the session was quick, done in half an hour. The runthroughs got progressively better and I'm quite happy with the final copy that I cut and pasted together. I'm certain that it will be received very well!

So ya, basically I got the things I needed to do done today. Tomorrow there are things to do too of course. My hand is feeling better, so tomorrow, depending on how I feel after afternoon rehearsals, I just might actually do some practicing before I throw the next few days out the practice-opportunity window...
Oh ya, comments on lesson on tues. David reminded me of how to practice... not in terms of the physicality, but rather, the mental organization... As I had done last year... he pointed out that I needn't actually practice running through the pieces.. or even movements... rather there are specific small sections/cells that contain the technical problems. Overall , my Bach sounds good, but those tiny sections get in the way of the rest of it sounding perfect. This doesnt apply to memory work or speeding pieces up...but it will save me a lot of time on some of the pieces.
Thinking about it.. this week isn't a total loss. I will be able to practice wed thurs, sat and sun nights.. pending some things.. it's felt odd not having marking or composing to do the last few days... but ya, marking will be back soon, and I also have some assignments coming up for my academic course.
ANyway, enough jibber jabber
gnite

It felt good to do basically nothing today. I didn't go to school cause I only had one non-credit class. I subbed for a ballet class this evening, but since I'm having some pinky pain in my left hand, I decided that I would not play today unless absolutely necessary. I also had no homework or marking that was at all urgent. Also, my soon to be brother in law came in town tonight
The wedding is so soon!
Anyway, tomorrow is a busy and full day! thank gosh I don'thave a lesson early in themorning, or I woul dbe tuckered by the end of the day!
After recording my other choral piece tomorrow, I still have to edit it and make it sound extra good and make a cd version of it!
Tomorrow is going to also give me some honest direct feedback about my cookie piece... I'm interested to see how difficult it is to actually sing. Also, I want to see/hear people's reactions to how ridiculous it is... I must admitt that I'm quite intimidated to be in the choir that is singing my piece. Nevertheless, I have no problem giving complete control of the piece to the director, that way I will see how well I did on the composition end; preparing and communicating my ideas and concepts for the performers.

Last night my friend Diane and I had a party...
well not a party..
we marked theory assignments at the school on the couches until 2:30 am!
Not so much fun... and it was pressing because theory midterms are on friday, so they needed to get back to students today if they were going to learn anything from the countless mistakes that they make!
I made it to a flute recital last night of one of my friends last night, wonderful!
Anyway, It's almost reading week.. which doesn't mean relaxing, but excitement...
Tomorrow is a busy busy and important day!
No Piano Lesson due to teacher's other obligations
Piano Ped-I'm teaching an inclass student
Cantata- First rehearsal of "Baking with Momma"
AfterCantata - Recording the other choral piece

that reminds me of things I have to do today, I need to:
Burn a midi copy of the cookie song to help with learning
print off copies of the other choral song with the piano part written in.
Practice/look at the piece I'm teaching tomorrow

Happiness is not having to be at school at 9am tomorrow

And so it begins...

I woulnd't say that I'm suprised, but I'm still somewhat dissapointed; I am officially not good enough for the MMus program in composition at McGill.
I love how they barely even put any effort into sugar coating it, by telling me that "[my] qualifications were not at a level comparable with other applicants."
I can't tell whether that means that my portfolio submissions were riteously crappy compared to what they normally see, or if they weren't even willing to look at my application since I don't have a BMus in composition.
In conclusion, I will spend the rest of the time between now and next rejection letter waffling between those two possibilities.
Let's take a look at my success rate thus far:
I have submitted applications to 5 schools and a SSHRC scholarship.
I have received rejection letters from 2 of those.
Of responses, I have a 100% rejection rate,
Overall, 29% rejection rate.

To continue with the generally negative tone of this post. I'll fill you in on my relation to McGill. about 5 years ago, when I first decided I wanted to study music in university, I decided that I was going to take a year to prepare myself and apply at McGill. My teacher at the time told me that I shold always aim for the brass rings, so I set McGill as my brass rings. I think that's the reason I applied for composition there this time around. To be honest, I didnt' know much about their programming. The first time around, I was refused entry into their performance program, but accepted into their other piano program, but I couldn't justify paying more and moving away to get a second rate degree, so I convinced myself to stay at home and live for free while getting (what I considered to be) a third rate degree.
As it stands, McGill will remain to be those brass rings that i will never grab hold of.
I see the similarities here with the other situation... once again I am underprepared for a degree program, and I will most likely have to make a similar choice between different programs that aren't what i am aiming for....
Regardless, I am going to choose to be optimistic, as I still have 4 more rejection letters to come in the mail.. which are hopefully worded nicer!

I was always planning on practicing tonight, but after looking at my schedule today, I realized that since my lesson this thursday is cancelled for teaxcher's rehearsals.. I shall be practicing with renewed vigour tonight... in preparation for a lesson... TOMORROW!
off we go!

Great weekend.
Workalicious!
Ballet, regular Saturday, PLUS rehearsals for 4 hours today for the Dance Festival Musical Theatre entries.
Marking- I totally got caught up with the marking for Theory.. only thing was that it took up my Friday and Saturday nights... nevertheless, I'm proud of that accomplishments.
Because of marking, i was not so hot on the practicing, BUT tonight I got some good work done. I fixed and sped up some of the Bach that had been unattended lately. I even got a few of the dance movements memorized...
I shan't speak too soon, but I have a feeling I will even feel prepared enough at the end of this week to not feel super guilty about not practicing all reading week. In terms of tempos, the Bach is pretty damn close...
I took the cookie piece in to the printers today to get the copies made, but I didn't have enough time to wait around, so I'll have to pick it up tomorrow. I also finished notating the piano part for the other choral piece, so in terms of everything composition related, I'm finished!
For the rest of the year, for composition, I'm working on an orchestral piece, but at a slow pace. I put restrictions on myself... basically it's not allowed to be concept driven. Only musical material; harmony and melody and form. Everything else I've written, those things have been just a function of the concept...in this piece, I guess the concept is to make just absolute music. The assingment from my teacher for the next couple of weeks is just to think about and sketch out some ideas of any of those musical ideas. mostly think about what harmonic language I want to use.
Basically, all I have to do this week is practice my recital rep.

Holy Shit, I fucking hate the process of printing out my compositions!
and all I'm doing is printing out 2 copies... from these two, I will make the copies tomorrow... one of them I'll get a few copies made and then have them all bound. From the other, I will have the 25 copies for the choir printed and then hole punched.
But this printer is frikin taking forever.. im going to be stuck here at the computer for at least half an hour more! bah!
nevertheless, I am being productive, working on the piano part for the other choral composition.

Good news, I did manage to find a coupon for 10 bucks off on the printing job that I need to get done tomorrow! That actually helps a lot.... and it's 10 bucks off when you spend at least 20... so that's a potential of 50 % savings. This job will cost me more than that anyway, so i will be saving money on it, which is always a good thing.
Oh yay, the printing is now halfway finished... BAODIWDHKS

It finally happened.
I'm surprised it took this long...
It is nearing the end of my 5th year of university, and only now have I started to drink coffee.
I'm not really drinking coffee persay, but since Heather and I bought my parents the magic coffee/hot beverage system, I've tried the various things it makes...
For the longest time, my sources of caffeine have only been diet coke, and tea.
I've tried the coffee that the machine makes, and I can't handle just straight up coffee... and I can't stand the way adding sugar or cream makes tea taste, so I don't like it in coffee either. However, this machine makes a nice cappucino, and when I add a tablespoon of hot chocolate mix, it actually tastes really good.
In all honesty,. I think that will be the extent to which I will drink coffee... just at home from the magic machine... as I can't afford to be spending 2 bucks for a cup of coffee at one of those expensive coffee houses. I've always been a cheapass in terms of drinks.. as in I prefer just water, as it doesn't cost anything. otherwise I drink whatever I can bring.(good ol diet coke... travels well in a backpack).

Last night, I spent my entire friday night alone at a restaurant marking papers... I got 4 hours of work done!
Today went by much more quickly than the average saturday, until I had to do all my photocopying for my substitutes for the next week. So complicated.... there's 4 different people, maybe 5 covering my 7 classes total between the 2 saturdays. In some cases, I only had to refer the sub to a specific book of ballet syllabus music, others I had to write out the counts and styles of the exercises, for another I had to photocopy all of the music that I have been using for the person who is covering that class.
So much effort, but it was worth it. All the classes are covered now, so I don't have to worry about it anymore, I can just go to Vegas and Toronto without a care in the world.
Tomorrow is going to be a long one too... I have ballet/musical theatre again all afternoon and then a performance in the evening that I have to go to the univeristy for, right after finishing downtown. As of now, I'm planning on doing some practicing after that, but we'll see how that pans out.
Tonight... who knows... probably a mix of marking and practicing. I should also finish writing the piano part for my new choral piece., that needs to be recorded and thus finished by thursday.

Today, the librarian at school gave me the best present that anyone could ever give me:
Bubblewrap!
And its the good kind, with medium to large sized bubbles that make a nice noise!
It's sucha joyful thing, and there's nothing like the satisfaction that you feel having popped the last bubble!
That was a very pleasant aspect of my day. The chamber rehearsal I had was very good. The piece goes SO fast, so there's lots of room for improvement there, but ya, it's fun and a very good ensemble.
Only two assignments to mark for Theory and then I'm completely caught up!
That means, I'll actually have time to practice this weekend.
Also, concert for Cantata concert on sunday.
I have to edit my choral piece and then get 25 copies made.... eeek!

Finally, I actually had a full length lesson today. well, just 4 minutes short...
After Liszt, teacher ran to bathroom, and I noticed it had already been an hour and a half! I played through the whole thing for him and he was quite happy. The fast bits need more speed and confidence/accuracy, but he was very glad to hear me play that way.
I also played the final movement of the Beethoven and he was satisfied with it, though it always needs more speed.
Quote of the day/lesson "This is good Michael, now I can see more than a glimmer of hope for this recital". There's something sweet about his sarcasm.

I got ahold of and talked with all the members of my recital panel. I explained in more detail what will be happening with the improvised dance element. One was worried abut my repertoire balance, but I explained that it was balanced in my jury and New Music Ensemble. All of them are excited about the dance element in my recital, which is nice and reassuring.

now that the pieces in my recital are getting up there in tempos, it's time to start forcingt he memory into place. The Liszt is well on it's way, I was barely looking at the page today, but still, it is completely different when you know there is no page at all to look at. Bach won't be too bad, it's a lot of little movements. even the big fugue will make sense, but ya, that will be more complicated.
Uh oh Beethoven first movement... where have you been hiding... I certianly haven't been seeking.... I really need to kick it back into shape and memorize it. I thinkt he mach is already there, just making sure it'sreliable.... the third movement will take some work to get it in memory, and the fourth... hmm. right now, the non fugal bits are sitting comfortably, I think they'll fall in place, but the fugal bits might be a challange.

enough babbling about my recital and the specifics...blah blah blah

Bad things from today:
Getting distracted by yet another recital tonight...
therfore not practicing much tonight either.
Also, no theory marking whatsoever tonight...
For tomorrow's lesson, I just ahve to trust the good work I did during the week will still be apparent.

Now on to another thing that distracted me for a while tonight... I should have left home earlier...
Who knows what time of year it is....
That's right.. it's getting close enough to recital to be thinking of advertising.
I think I've narrowed it down to 2 options.
1)colour and very funny.
2)Black and white, so it offers cheaper option...
I'm a little partial to number 2 because there's more room for me to put stuff and text on... but yes, please let me knwo what you all think
This is Number one This is Number 2










anyway, I'm excited to do the photoshopping all by myself. I've become quite the expert... haha!

Happy Day

good things from today:
UBC-confirmation of portfolio receipt!
Comp Teacher - liked my piece and complimented
Choir Director- really liked my piece and as a result, it will be performed at the year end concert of said choir!
I actually got a bit of practicing done at the school between the many things today.

I really did try to be productive tonight... goal was to go to school and practice for 2 hours, then mark for a few hours.
I got to the school and was convinced to go to recital.. I'm glad I did, it was great and wonderful, But i wasn't even able to do any marking during the recital. A mixture of her singing being distracting in the best of ways, and not enough light.
Anyway, the recital took the best of 2 hours, and then I tried to practice - alas, I had forgotten my metronome... I didn't realize how dependant I've become on it.. Anyway, I used the opportunity to work on Liszt in the areas that shouldn't be metronomical, and the slow areas that I can alredy play at tempo.
I borrowed one from someone else, but it wasn't digital, so the shifts in tempo were awkward... and she had to leave before I had made produictive use of it anyway. Therefore, only 9 beats of speeding up on one page in all the Beethoven.
Add to this that I have more marking to do tomorrow for thursday, which interferes with my need to practice lots for my lesson on thursday, adn I think I have an assignment to prepare for in Pedagogy.
oh well, tomorrow I am showing my choral piece to both my regular teacher who hasn't actually seen the final product... or anything really close. Also, I'm showing it to the choir director of the choir I sing in, to get feedback from him about the piece, as well as to see if he'll let our choir sing it. It will be a decision as to a) whether the difficulties of the piece are managable for a chior that sings only an hour and a half a week and 2) whether the piece has enough artistic merit to be worthwhile. (don't you just love how positive I am about my own composition?!?)

Oh ya, and I had wanted to have that wedding song written to hand out to the choristers on thursday... uh oh... not goign to happen with all the other shit I need to get done.
I'll work a bit on that tonight, but I should sleep relatively soon... gah!
I actually almost believed that once Grad school stuff was done, I'd have some life back,m adn be slightly more relaxed... BOO!

Today I'm handing in the CV and transcript that will complete my U of M application...but more importantly, it will mean that I am officially done with Grad Applications!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW! I am so happy.
I will still send out a few emails to check that things were received, but now I'm in the last stage o grad applications... the waiting.
For now, I am patient... let's hope that lasts.
Marking is taking up time already, so I hope I didn't take on more than I should have with the recital prep and all that.
Nevertheless, practicing is going well, the Liszt isn't as far off as I had thought. Also, the Bach is coming along quite nicely. I might actually have a recital ready sometime before the actual recital date!

I officially started being a TA/Marker today. I marked my first assignment... it took a few to get me back into the swing of Theory 1. Now, I remember the rules and how they apply, and they actually make more sense to me now that I have a different perspective. It does take up a fair bit of time, but it pays well, so it's worth it.
Come to think of it, I have a fair bit of random things that I'm doing for money this term... also taking up lots of time...
TA for Twentieth Century
TA for Theory 1
Accompanist for Dance Festival Musical Theatre for RWB (60 hours ish between now and April)
I assume I'll also have a little bit of accompanying for Music Festival. Definately nowhere near last year... obviously. Both because a) one of my teachers stopped teaching, therefore her students most likely won't be calling me. Also, 2) I'm not planning on trying to solicit as much accompanying work this year.
I do, however need to start promoting myself for the summer... I have some obligations that already take me into the summer, so rather than have exotic plans for far off work like last year, I'm only going to aim to work in the city, but to get as much work as possible.
Closer to the time, I'll either get a part time job for when I am not working music stuff, or if I have enough money coming in, I will spend all the rest of my time composing.
Tonight I'm off to a concert of my Piano teacher and then practicing!

Happiness!

UBC application - officially done!
I got it bound and mailed rather quickly!

All that remains in this unfortunate grad school application portion on my life is the U of M application. I need to do up a CV and statement of goals, which I already have somewhat written. I also have the extra copy of the choral piece bound, so if my teacher is back in town, I will show him all four pieces and he can tell me which ones I should include or exclude.

Tonight, I am going to practice, and I don't even need to worry about getting home with enough time to compose without falling asleep!
At the same time, I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night, so I might have to take a nap before... or I will be excessively tired tonight...
Ya, I'm thinking the napping might be a good idea, yes, definately, I love napping.

Yes, cell phone was indeed in the back of the car.

In other news, I came home and finished my piece last night and finished printing it. I'm so releived and excited to send it away now!

Ooooh, look who finished his choral piece!!!!
It was me... before going out,.,,
but i didn't write my program notes or print out the piece... so guess who is now writing program noteas and printing out the piece with a slight, and waning wine buzz.
It was an absolutely delightful evening with 6 bottles of wine and a bottle of port for about 6-8 people! also, so many kinds of cheese!!!
anyway, I can't lose focus, I need to get this done quickly, as I have to work at FUCKING (AM TOMMORROW!!!!!
yuck!

Ahhh, where's my cell phone...
I'm pretty sure it fell out of my jacket which I threw in the back of the car, but my parents are out with the car... and the phone is on silent I think.
ANyway, I really hope it's there.
If anyone is at the school or planning on going there.. could you check out room 310 for me, I had a rehearsal, thats the only other possible place.. unless the library, but ya, I doubt it.
so ya, we had a half hour rehearsal for an ensemble piece, I really like the piece, very minimalist. It's super fast and involves a lot of energy and endurance. It's also good to be in an ensemble again, it takes a special kind of skill to make music in an organized way with other musicians.
back to this piece. all the other paperwork is done, so it's just this piece on the to-do list!

That's awesome, not only did it fix it for that one.. but all my other posts have their times adjusted too! yay!
now, back to work Mikey

I just switched my time zone setting to central standard... so i think this should be properly timed!!! yay!

Firday is off to a promissing start.
I accompanied a singing exam today at 9am. That was unfortunate timing, but all went well.
AND it gave me an early start.... which I ended up trading in for a short nap later in the morning.
I have a rehearsal at the university at 2:30, then I come home to finish my piece/portfolio. If I could get the piece done before Have to leave, I could bind it at the school, but I don't want to rush unnecessarily.
Things are really coming together now. I'm working on some finer details., and the lats 2 cadences are set and I'm happy with them. Basically the most important thing to do yet, is decide and finish the intro section and cadence. If I get that done, then the piece is in acceptable shape to send in.... but I still have more I want to add in, to have more layers in the piece.
I am going to a student composers wine and cheese tonight... kinda nerdy, but it will be delightful.
Also, it gives me a reasonable, but specific deadline to work with. If I'm drinking wine tonight, I don't want to wait til afterwards to finish up my piece...that could be unfortunate. Also, finishing the piece before I go out for the evening will mean that I can really enjoy my evening, and the rest of the weekend!
yippee!

ANGER

syllabication makes me angry.
do you know the wierd al song, "everything you know is wrong"?
thats how I feel
syllabication is the way we divide words up into syl-la-bles.
In my piece... the text was wridden with su-gar, coo-kies, mo-mma and many mnay many other words..... ALL OF THEM WERE WRONG
i wear about 90% wrongness factor here
the correct versions are
sug-ar, coo-ies, mom-ma, !!!!
I meant to get a lot done tonight, but I just spent the last hour and a half fixing all of those texts... and I couldnt just copy and paste, no no... I had to select and retype them all... the equivalent of renaming a file in windows..

Anyway, this issue was brought up during my composition lesson today. I really wish I had known how to do this properly int he first place, it would have saved me hours!
anyway, now I know,ma nd I'm well versed in the the rules of syllabication... generally LOOK IN THE FUCKING DICTIONARY.... every single word is syllabified there for us.... gahg!


comp lesson/look over my piece was good. I got some good ideas of things I can do long term with the piece, and some with what I can do in the next day. He thought the piece was quite good, he just suggests a little more subtlely... great.. cause thats the kind of thing I can fix up in a night...
but ya, there were good details he pointed out that I can work on, that will help make it appear to be more subtle (sub-tle, for those wondering).
I have no class tomorrow, so tomorrow is offical get the UBC application ready to mail day! I have a statement of goals to write, but that will be a lot of cut and paste work from the other things I've written this year about similar topics. I think that's about it for what I still need to do besides this piece... so ya,I have to finish putting the fin-ish-ing touch-es on this piece. I basically have all day to do that... I will be sending the application in the mail saturday during my lunch break. I will use the binding machine at the ballet to get it nicely in one piece, and then all is done for UBC. I still have to hand in the U of M one.. that requires writing a CV and a statement of goals or whatnot...
I would feel a lot more comfortable if I could mail the UBC one tomorrow,but I'm being realistic... although saturday is the absolute latest... way to go Mr. Pro-cras-ti-na-tion.
but ya, back to the work at hand.

yuck,
why on earth is it so gosh-dang early this morning?!?
The bus does not a happy Michael make.

My jaw is sore.
I had been doing so well with not building up tension.. but I guess there are limits.

Practicing tonight went SO well. I cannot even really describe it. I guess the plan is to play the second and fourth movements of Beethoven as well as just the echo... these are the biggest improvements. The Beethoven is finally at the point where they are fast enough to judge the style and musical elements... It's so sad that the final movement is still only at 2/3rds tempo, and it's super fast!

Now, I have to get to work on the composition...
Lofty goal of the night is to fix and be happy with the three major cadences in the piece; each of which involve the text:Chocolate chip cookie
It's frustrating that I have a fairly specific concept of what sound I want.. but I'm lacking the ability to find what that sound is... it doesn't really make sense...

Ok,
So today, I had planned on going to school for the first time this week.. I went there and I even practiced for an hour and a bit.. but then I didn't go to class.. I was convinced to go to a performance that a friend was doing.
It was delightful... and the excessive number of old folks reminded me of working at the Westhaven store. Fond memories!
It was good though, and I ended up getting a ride home, and getting home even before the class I ended up skipping would have finished. Practicing-good, supporting a friend-good... we'll ignore the class part...

Just before 5pm (mail collection time), I sent my application to Western... I went over all of the required things for the application and I made certain that they were all contained.. then I sent it!!!!
YAY!
I'm going to send an email, because they didn't ask for a statement of goals or intents or anything like that, and most places do... If they do want one, I still have time, if not... even better!
Since the U of M one, i can hand in in person, I have lots more time.. it's due in exactly one week, less an hour or two.
UBC is the big one now.. I NEED to have it in the mail on saturday... I have a lesson on the choral piece with my last year's composition teacher (Cause this year's is out of town) tomorrow afternoon. I can still get a lot more done tonight for that, but I also have to practice because...
PIANO LESSON TOMORROW!
they just never stop!
I do feel optimistic about it though. I have come a fair way in the Beethoven, and I have a practice progress sheet to show him... even if it is depressing how far away from tempo I still am.
ANyway, off to practice tonight!

well, it's not even 1 am, and I'm ready for bed.
How did I do on productivity tonight?
in term sof the opening- got it slightly more notated... I picked a melodic line for the second half of the poem... now it's just picking the harmony notes.
I fixed some note choices in the first half. I'm officially happy with the mode/tonality of the piece as a whole! yay!
I didn't fix the cadence.. but I realized that it happens thrice in the piece... so when I have one of those chosen.. I will relate the three
I integrated a lot more events into the baking section, there's a lot of layers going on in there, so I'm not sure to what extent I want a lot of melodic activity happening in the soprano... but ya, a little bit once I have those cadences worked out and the exact melodic material finalized...
The ending.. in terms of a transition, I'm happy with the abrupt ending and shift back into the opening texture. rather than add things to make it smoother, I redecided that I will encorporate that melodic material near the end of the baking section - as a result, the shift won't be so dramatic.
The text is finalized.. I worked the original text around a little at the ending so that it ties the piece together in a similar style to the opening!
Stunning end... you bet.. the final cadence is super fun.. I ask for an excessively high note from the sopranos... but it's in brackets.. the actual note they they will probably sing is only slightly ridiculously high...

I'll never understand why the times on these posts are always 2 hours behind...
current time is actually 11:33.. not whatever the post time says....
geez

yippee,
diet coke number 3 since I wrote that first post... probably less than an hour./.. maybe only half an hour...
anyway, I will be up late, if anyone is readig this on tuesday night, give my cell phone a call, a distraction would be nice...
whoooooooooooooosh!

I think I'm having writer's block, but I'm forcing myself to write down whatever comes out, no matter how crappy.....
does that still count?
Actually, i don't think it's crappy. I'm delusionally excited to hear how this piece turns out!
I'm also excited that I only have to print out and bind one copy of this piece and then send it away. I will however do two, so I have a copy to show to the choir teacher.
anyway, back to work!

Also, who the fuck writes a song about baking chocolate chip cookies?!?
I'm sitting back and reading the text, and realizing that I'm a freakin' lunatic!

I think I'm not going to hold anything back.. once I've hopped on the crazy train, there's not jumping off.. unless I want to break the majority of the bones in my body

also, I hadn't drank anything but water and tea the last almost week now... and then I had hot chocolate, and then I rediscovered diet coke a half an hour ago... and I like it...oh my gosh.. I have so much diet coke drinking to catch up on...
maybe it will help me to finish this crack-baby of a song...

ok did anyone see the audition show for American Idol... I saw a few minutes of it and they were in the Twin Cities, and one girl actually was telling the camera people that she was a crack-baby!! I coulnd't believe it.. just because your momma was a crack-whore, doesn't mean we should listen to you sing.... My momma drank scotch every day when she was pregnant... does that mean that I should be a highland dancer?!?!? NO!!!!
(note to readers... my mother didn't acutally drink during pregnancy... fetal alcohol syndrome is nothing to joke about.... crack babies are)

ARGHGHHHH!!!!
Why isn't this choral piece fucking done already!?!
Lofty goal of the evening is to just finish it in one big swoop tonight. The list of things to do:
-finish writing out the opening intro section
-Work out the transition from the intro into the main ingredients section
-fix up the note choices in the opening section
-fix the cadence between the mixing and baking sections
-Integrate the melodic aspects and the soprano line into the baking section...
-perfect the transition from the baking section back into the opening texture...
-oh ya.. I need text to bring the piece to a stunning close...

BOOOOO!!!!!!!!

WOW!
YAY!
I woke up this morning, and there were boxes all over the living room!
The Christmas shit is finally coming down!!
I guess my incessant bitching as of late has finally convinced them!
Regardless of what inspired this change, I am happy to see it going away.

I'm excited to be awake and ready to be productive today!
It actually seemed early when I got up at 10:30 today, oh well.

I'm sorta feeling better, the sinus congestion is tolerable/going away, however the cold has gone down into my chest... uh oh. This is ususally how it goes, then I'll get bronchitis...
Anyway, let's keep our fingers crossed.. but as long as it's not a sinus thing, I can be relatively comfortable in my head, which is where it matters most for me.

I made a chart finally yesterday of performance tempos and current tempos... it was kinda really depressing.. I'm averaging about 65% progress... and I'm supposed to be at 100 by the end of this month... oopsie. Anyway, at least now, I have a visual that will help me to prioritize my practice time!

also,
why are there still chirstmas lights on my house, and decorations all over the place, and a fricking christmas tree still decorated in my living room?!?!
Serieusement, quoi le fuck!?
At the latest, decorations of the christmas season should be taken down quickly following Ukrainian Christmas, but we're not fricking Ukrainian!
As our choir would sing...
"do breem vay cheer, take down the fucking tree"
[ I was trying to think of those lyrics.. but all that was coming to me for a good minute was "Christmas eh neun chuk bok eul"]
Anyway, I did go out for a while tonight, enough to start getting some good ideas flowing, but the Perkins I went to closed at 11... BITCHES!
Anyway, I have the tonality and stuff like that completely finished for the complete baking section of the piece. Now, I just need to choose tones and note motives for the first half and then slap on an ending.
All in all, it's been a fairly productive day. Tomorrow, I don't think I'll be going to comp seminar, as I have no other classes. I will use my time at home to both work on this piece and do some more practicing.
Hmm, we'll see what time I'm up tomorrow and how I feel though... I could go for seeing the recital tomorrow... two of my piano compatriots are playing. The benefits would be getting a needed recital credit, as well as then being able to use an hour of my practice room time and then going to comp seminar.... but as usual, the problem is that I have to leave comp seminar early anyway to go to work downtown....
Unless I wake up on my own tomorrow ridiculously early, I'll stick with the previously mentioned plan of attack.
Enough break from working for now, I should take some insulin and then get back to working out this composition shit,WOOT!

Progress Update!

I did it!
I finished learning the last 25 bars of the Beethoven after supper!
And the slowest section of the Beethoven is only half tempo!

What it means: I can play every single note of my recital now!
Now, I just need to play them faster and better!

So, I forgot that today was Sunday.
Not a big deal, except for the fact that binding places are closed after... well, now. I didn't get around to doing it this afternoon. However, I've been practicing and I have the second movement of Beethoven in quite decent shape. It's about three-quarters tempo, but I can play it at tempo without completely falling apart. This means that things are quite reasonably withing grasp.
I'm currently finishing those last little bits of the final movement that are unlearned. That is a definate goal that has to be accomplished today. Other than that, with piano, it's all about repetition and pushing the numbers up.
I've also successfully ignored my choral piece so far all day. I'm feeling a bit better so I think it might be for the best if I got myself out of the house this evening and worked on it somewhere else. I do have the formal decisions made, and now I just need to make those choices on tonal issues as well as decide on how the hell to end it! gah! I can also take some of the paperwork with me for the other grad applications.

hmm, not as much done last night as I wanted, but ya enough to be respectable.
I'm fearing that, once again, this is going to be a weekend of not practicing until sunday afternoon...
Tonight, as I said, is going to be portfolios and composition, but we'll see how productive I am with those.
I bought some cold and sinus meds this afternoon after work, I'm feeling them start to kick in.... if only I had taken them during the day...
OH! lordy! this was a bad bad day. I really just wanted to crawl into a ball and die. Add to my health misery, during the last 2 classes, the teacher was quite miserable to the children. They deserved it, but it really didn't make me feel excited to stick out the rest of the day. Anyway, now that I have the drugs in my system, I can get the work done I need and feel better!
I got the binding done for some of the pieces. They look good, AND it was free!(saved me about 10 bucks by doing it myself!) but it did take me at least 15-20 minutes...
That meant I had a shortened lunch today, but that was fine, I still had time to eat and check my blogs. I've really been getting into diabetic blogs lately, I'm not sure if it's going to be a permanant thing, but it's helping me stick to my improved control efforts.
Also, looking at the records I've kept over this last week, they're pretty reassuring as well!
Now, it's dinner time, and then printing and portfolioing and then composing and maybe even practicing!!! HIGH HOPES!

Why is my printer a bastard... if he were nice, he would at least finish printing the scores for my portfolio before running out of ink.
I was all organized and I started to print out the ensemble piece scores this evening. I got through the first few pages, but ya, a lot of them will have that tacky lightening of the text thing that happens when your printer is running out of ink...why can't it just give out at one point, rather than starting out fine and then turning to faded grey on each of the last 12 pages I printed?!?
Anyway, no fear, tomorrow I will get a new cartridge. Tomorrow after work, I will put the new cartridge in and finish printing. On Sunday, I will do many things including:
Practicing
Take the ensemble scores to be bound at Staples or something
Finish all the remaining paperwork for the Western, and U of M applications.

The result of this productivity will be wonderful! I will be able to mail the Western application on Monday, or Sunday if possible and the U of M one will just need me to physically take it to the school office. I will have a few short days more to finish everything for the UBC one, including this bastard choral piece.

Update, I got a fair bit done on the piece tonight. It's coming together structurally, now I need to make a final decision as to how I want to end the piece. It's already on page 12, so in short... an abrupt ending! Oh ya, and a decision on tonality or what modality I want to use... that would be nice too...

Ugh, I wish I wasn't tired. It's been a short day, and I didn't wake up terribly early.. I feel guilty already thinking that it's getting close to bedtime and it's only midnight. At the same time, a full day at the ballet can feel like the longest thing ever when I'm not feeling 100%. If I were tired to boot, things just wouldn't work, and I surely wouldn't be productive when I got home afterwards.

grumble grumble grumble

I hate being sick. FUCK
my nose burns from kleenex overuse.SHIT
I'm stuffed up more than a redneck hooker at the family fun fair.
COngestion makes Michael AnGRY!
At least my parents are going to a hockey game tonight, I will have the house to myself and I hope to finish my choral piece... which I had intended on doing earlier...
Tomorrow, I'm going to do my own binding for the pieces I have printed out already. That will save me a bit of money, but the Ensemble piece for the remaining 3 portfolios.. thats still gonna cost me about 25 bucks. Then theres the Xpress post forUBC and Western... another 10 bucks each.
I think once all is said and done, I'm gonna add up all the costs and see how much grad applications actually cost me. I'm afraid to think of it at the moment. So I won't.
It hurts my head to think.
Tonight is going to hurt when I have to finish composing... it will hurt my head.
Ouch!

mmm, good day.
Piano Lesson- good, teacher was very pleasant and matter of fact. He wasn't pressing the idea that I should be more prepared now... good thing, cause it would be hell if both of us were stressing over that... Nevertheless, the moral is that there is room for much improvement on the Bach.

Classes were classes, meh.
Choir- entire tenor section was sick, bass section sounded as if they had tonsilitis, pneumonia, and Ghonnasyphylherpoles AT THE SAME TIME! No offence to those who may be reading this...
in other words, I am officially sick.. but battling it. I was in no condition to have patience for choral experience today.

Accompanying was good. The classes were a little unorganized with student meetings and whatnot, so the hour classes were closer to 45 minute classes.. oh well. I got a really good compliment. The substitute teacher for the modern class: she had subbed once earlier in the year when I was still sorting out what and how to play for modern class. Anyway, her comment to me was "when did you get so good at playing for modern?" Apparently, she noticed quite an improvement. She was also in the company classes I played for last week.
I'm excited for the regular teacher to come backa nd see if she notices a difference. She hasn't been there to teach the modern class in over a month.

I LOVE MY DANCER!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRREAT first rehearsal! It was the usual, exciting, inspiring and cathardic experience that comes with great improv. Her comment was that she started out purposefully restrained as she didn't know what to expect from me.. or whatnot, but then as we got involved in the improv,she just let herself go and left it at that. We did an opening free improvand then some structured exercises to address the ideas/strengths/weaknesses/general things that we wanted to further explore. It was great, we were throwing compliments back and forth at one another. I adore her movement style, and her initial reaction after the first improv was something like I was a beautiful player.
Needless, I feel super confident with my choice of dancer and ya, ahhh. Happiness.

I'm taking a practice break, perhaps maybe even calling it quits for the evening. I jumped back in on practicing Liszt after quite a bit of a hiatus, problem is that my muscles were not prepared... now my right shoulder is not happy with me. I'm icing it and making sure to relax it, but ya, silly arm!
It's seems silly to stop, because my parents went out so I could have the evening to practice, with the house to myself, but I shan't do something that would be more damaging than good. Anyway, it was a fairly good day for Liszt, I reacquainted myself with some bits, and I figured out one little bar that I was just about to give up on. There's a long way to go on that bastard piece yet... quite yet...
My justification is that it is the last piece of my recital.. so I have more time to prepare it than the other pieces.... yes that's it... we'll see how David feels about that.Hahaha.
Composition lesson went well, he was happy with what I had done, and he agrees that I need some different colour/not choices. The main focus is the rhythm, BUT I need to figure out what 'sound' I'm going for. right now, it's far to diatonic/unadventurous. Not that I'm doing it solely for the sake of adventure, rather sicne it's too diatonic, everything blends together too easily; I want that blend to be achieved by the rhythmic design of the piece, not as a direct result of the chordal/harmonic language. Anyway, at the moment, I just want to get the formal structure all in place, after thats done, I can change the notes and all that stuff after the fact. I'm getting to the point that I just need something that I can send off with my portfolio, regardless of how satisfied I am with it. I want to have reached that stage by the beginning of next week, as in Monday. I want to have it mailed by thursday or Friday at the absolute latest... OMG
a)I'm almost finished!!! exciement
b)It's almost time, this deadline is approaching like a bat outta hell!!! Fear.
Yep, only one more week!!!Fear and Excitement.

Also, I think I might vaguely be getting sick ish. I haven't been able to stay hydrated for a few days, and I can pre-feel the signs of illness... to combat, I took a lot of Vitamin C caplets...!

so, as evident in my last post... i've been a little stressed lately.
I have been doing better than other years, that's for sure.
anyway, i think the reason that I appear less stressed is that I've been bottling it or whatnot.. now, I'm aware that the stress is still there, so I can maybe deal with it better. Anyway, the double major thingy has been driving me a little bonkers... I really want to do really well at both composition and piano, but I've not been able to give either the proper attention. I'm not just saying that because I don't have twice the time available... rather, I know what I could do to balance the workload, and I haven't been doing it.
Moral is that I know myself well enough, and i know that once these applications are out of the way, I will be much more relaxed even though the rectial will be much more pressing as of February. I am quite fond of the concept of Recital vs. everything else... but currently, Recital vs Composition vs. everything else... wellthe thing to ignore isn't so obvious...so I end up in a rut.

On a positive note, tomorrow is my composition lesson. I took a fresh look at part of the piece tonight, and I made a lot of progress... enough to say that a whole section of the piece is ready, save a few alterations that I know I will end up making. Now, I'm working on getting that section notated on the computer, then at least I will have something quite definate to take to my lesson tomorrow. Oh ya, something I forgot to think about... my comp teacher is going to France next weekend, and he won't be back until after my submission will be due.... and I sure as hell don't have a complete piece to show him... BUT we will have a lot of the concepts and design issues to talk about tomorrow, so we can address those. After that point, I can take the finished or near-finished piece to one of the other composition teachers at the school

So yes, I'll leave you now, so that I can get some more work done tonight.
Goodnight.

I can't remember if I gave closure to my stress-ramblings up there, but yes, I am feeling much better at this time. I had a completely psychopathic conversation with myself on the way to accompany this evening, and we.. I mean I got some things sorted out.

I now hate my tuesdays!
Now that my parents are retired, they are at the house all the time. It feels like a weekend all the time, but in the bad way.
Tuesday was always my day to have the house to myself and I could be super productive without any distraction from outside sources. I absolutely cannot wait until I move out.
The thing I hate the most in the world is a radio playing talk radio when noone is in the room.
For years, my dad would leave CJOB on in the kitchen after he'd leave for work,and I'd angrily turn it off when I woke up. Now he leaves it on while he wanders around the house or out fo the house... GAHGHAGHAVJHAGHIYBDSKJLNAM!!!!!! Mumbly fuck!
It's SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS!!!!!!!!
I also dislike when the tv is on and noone is watching it, but this i'm not so fucking passionate about.
It's background noise, it's fucking fucky. I hate it. I have to put up with it in public, but in a home, I think there should be some reprise from that neverending squaking shit talking motherfucking cunt ass shit fuck noise going on. Now I even drive with the radio off.
ANyway, I need to go all the way downtown to accompany one singer for half an hour. What a waste of gas, but I need the money, and the girl needs someone to accompany her, so I'll suck it up.

So the appointments today went well enough...
Nurse Educator -
Bad start, she didn't lecture me, she just disapproved of a bunch of stuff right off the hop:
-I didn't keep a log book- this is a big no-no, as there's no way to see patters in my control... blah blah blah...
- next, she didn't even respond to the joke I had prepared.
[They always ask about injection sites, and which you are using. my response was that I usually take them in my arm, sometimes my stomach, and if it's not socialy awkward, I like to take it in the bum!]
NOTHING!!! How do you not laugh, or at least smirk when someone makes a comment like that... anyway, I'll try it again in May when I have my next doctor's appointment.
-She hardcore disapproved of both my use of syringes (implying that everything can and should be done with the pen technologies) as well as my use of normal length needles. She explained that even morbidly obese people can use short needles without having any effect on how the insulin is absorbed. She proceeded to look at me like a retarded donkey when I wasn't immediately convinced.
On the positive, I learned that needles shouldn't hurt and some new techniques on giving injections more painlessly. Apparently, I've been shooting into blood vessels which slows downt he absorption and causes bleeding and bruises.

Dietician - This was the one where I was expecting to get the lecture, but nope. She was super nice and friendly and completely non-judgemental. Basically all she had to say was to eat homemade food more often and to be more active. Rather than lecturing me about these, she gave me a multitude of excuses for why they're difficult... anyway, that was not so effective on her part, but I will try to make said improvements nevertheless.

All in all, the moral of the day is that I need to start keeping a logbook of sugars and carbs. Done, I started today, and I will continue forever.

The educator and I also talked a bit about using an insulin pump. Keeping in mind that it's not a financial possibility at this point, she was optimistic that I can probably do better using the MDI(multiple daily injections) approach than most, so I should stick with it and just refine some things. Done, Look at me, I'm refining!